A VERY LONG DAY

YES, TODAY WAS INCREDIBLY LONG. FIRST OF ALL, I WENT TO ANDERSON EARLY THIS MORNING- TO FIND BOBBIE JO AWAKE AND WAITING FOR ME. MARTIN WAS THERE BUT SHE WANTED ME, SO I AM REALLY GLAD THAT I WENT. THEN, AFTER WEEKS OF EFFORT, I WAS ABLE TO GET THE FINAL DOCUMENT TO MAKE SURE THAT BOBBIE JO'S MEDICAL BILLS WOULD BE COVERED AT MD ANDERSON. I RAN DOWN THE CASE MANAGER, AND THOUGHT HE WOULD BE T ICKLED THAT I HAD FOUND EVERYTHING REQUIRED. TO BE EXACT, I HAD TO GET SOCIAL SECURITY RECORDS, BANK RECORDS, BIRTH CERTIFICATE, PROOF OF ADDRESS, PROOF THAT JARED WAS HER SON, PROOF THAT HE LIVED WITH HER, PROOF OF UNEMPLOYMENT, PROOF OF EMPLOYMENT AND PROOF THAT SHE WAS DIVORCED AND RECEIVED CHILD SUPPORT! ANYWAY, INSTEAD OF SEEING A TICKLED CASE MANAGER, HE JUST SAID TO ME, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO W ITH IT? YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT TO THE BUSINESS OFFICE." HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO RIP SOMEONES HEAD OFF, KICK IT DOWN THE HALL, YELL AT SOMEONE TO KICK IT BACK AND STASH IT IN THE TOILET? I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT LIKE THAT ON OCCASION. ANYWAY, OFF I TREKKED TO THE BUSINESS OFFICE. NOW, PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD TO WALK ALL THE WAY OVER THERE. IF YOU DON'T , LET ME TELL YOU IT IS THE FARTHEST POSSIBLE LOCATION FROM WHERE BOBBIE JO'S ROOM IS. I FINALLY MADE IT OVER THERE, AND IT TOOK ALL OF 5 SECONDS FOR THE WOMAN TO TAKE THE ENVELOPE AND THANK ME FOR IT. I GUESS I WANTED SOMEONE TO PAT MY HEAD AND SAY, "GOOD GIRL" OR SOMETHING! OK, NOW BACK THROUGH THE HOSPITAL. WHOA NELLY, THERE IS THE GIFT SHOP! JUST AS I GET IN, READY TO ENJOY A FEW MOMENTS OF JOY, MOTHER NATURE TOOK OVER AND I HAD TO RUN FOR THE BATHROOM. NOW, DO YOU THINK THERE IS A HANDY POTTY? OF COURSE NOT, SO NOW I AM WALKING LIKE A PENGUIN, LOOKING DESPERATELY FOR A PLACE OF RELIEF. I ASKED AN EMPLOYEE, AND THEY POINTED OUT AN EMERGENCY DOOR. (HOW APPROPRIATE). I WAS TOLD IF I WENT DOWN THE HALL, TOOK A LEFT AND ANOTHER LEFT AND THEN ANOTHER LEFT I WOULD FIND A BATHROOM BEHIND THE EMERGENCY DOOR. COME ON Y'ALL, I HAD TO GO! SO I WAITED UNTIL THE EMPLOYEE WAS OUT OF SITE, DANCING FROM FOOT TO FOOT, AND WENT THROUGH THE DOOR. I FIGURED IF THE ALARM WENT OFF, I WOULD BE SAFELY IN THE BATHROOM AND NOT FOUND OUT. TO MY SURPRISE, THERE WAS NO ALARM, I JUST WALKED ON THROUGH. THERE, A FEW FEET AWAY, WAS THE SIGN FOR THE BATHROOM. NOW, WHY DID SHE TELL ME TO TAKE A GRAND CANYON WALK TO GET TO THE POT? WHO KNOWS- ANYWAY, I GRATEFULLY OPENED THE DOOR, AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT WAS THE SMALLEST BATHROOM I HAVE EVER SEEN. NO KIDDING, I WAS SCARED TO SIT IN CASE I GOT STUCK! IMAGINE THIS, ONCE YOU SQUEEZED IN, THE WIDTH OF THE BATHROOM WAS BARELY WIDER THAN THE SINK. THE TOILET WAS SO CLOSE TO THE SINK, YOU COULD HAVE WASHED YOUR HANDS WHILE SITTING. AND THE TOILET PAPER- WELL I COULD DESCRIBE IT AS "JOHN WAYNE TOILET PAPER"- IT WAS ROUGH AND TOUGH AND DIDN'T TAKE CRAP OFF OF ANYONE! BUT, I HAD TO GO, SO I TOOK MY CHANCES. I SQUEEZED IN SIDEWAYS, CRACKED MY ELBOW ON THE WALL TRYING TO GET MY PANTS DOWN AND SCRAPED MY HINEY ON THE TOILET PAPER HOLDER. MIND YOU, I DIDN'T STAY LONG, AND JUST ABOUT THE TIME I WAS READY TO GET OUT, I HEARD SOMEONE SAY, "DID SOMEONE COME THROUGH THE EMERGENCY DOOR?" SO, NOW I HAVE TO WAIT IN THAT PORCELAIN COFFIN TILL THE COAST WAS CLEAR. BY NOW, ALL THOUGHTS OF SHOPPING ARE OUT OF MY HEAD. I AMBLED BACK TO THE ROOM, AND SAT DOWN TO WAIT FOR THE TRANSPORT FOR BOBBIE JO. IT CAME AT TWO O'CLOCK. SUDDENLY I REALIZED THAT THIS WAS IT. THE TERRIBLE MOMENT I HAD DREADED SINCE THE MOMENT THAT BOBBIE JO WAS DIAGNOSED. THERE WAS NOTHING MORE TO BE DONE FOR HER.THEY LOADED HER UP, AND OUT THE DOOR SHE WENT. I JUST ALMOST COLLAPSED. BOBBIE JO WAS ASKING FOR ME, SO I HAD TO PULL IT TOGETHER. I WALKED OUT INTO THE HALL, AND THE NURSES ARE CRYING, NOW THEY WANT TO HUG ME, AND ONE EVEN SAID, "COME BACK AND SEE US!" WEL, NO OFFENSE, I WOULD RATHER NOT! I COULD NOT WALK. I STEPPED BACK INTO THE ROOM TO GET A GRIP, AND MARTIN TOLD ME IT WOULD BE OKAY, WE HAD TO GO. I ALMOST TOLD HIM TO KNOCK THE CRAP OUT OF ME SO THAT I WOULD HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO THINK ABOUT! I WALKED ALONG BEHIND THE STRETCHER, AND FOR ONCE IN MY L IFE, I COULD NOT LOOK ANYONE IN THE FACE- I JUST COULDN'T. ALL I COULD DO WAS SOB SILENTLY INTO THE WASHCLOTH I HAD TAKEN FROM THE ROOM. BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE LOADING RAMP, THE WASHCLOTH WAS SOAKED THROUGH. I GOT INTO THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE TO RIDE WITH BOBBIE JO. IT WASN'T UNTIL I WAS IN THE BACK THAT I REMEMBERED THAT I GET CAR SICK IF I SIT RIDING BACKWARDS. SURE ENOUGH, IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG. I ASKED FOR A BARF BAG, AND THE MEDIC GOT A PANICKED LOOK WHILE TOSSING A BAG TO ME. FORTUNATELY, BY CLOSING MY EYES AND BREATHING DEEP, I MADE IT TO THE HOSPICE WITHOUT INCIDENCE. NOW, MY BOBBIE JO IS IN THE HOSPICE, WITH WONDERFUL STAFF AND ABSOLUTELY NO MEDICATION EXCEPT FOR PAIN CONTROL. HOW LONG WILL SHE HAVE? HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO HAVE HER? SHE IS SO BRAVE, SO BRAVE. SHE DOESN'T COMPLAIN, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT I LOOKED THE WORLD WAS COMING TO AN END. OH, THERE IS THAT BRIGHT MOMMIE FACE AGAIN, I KNEW I HAD IT IN ME SOMEWHERE. SO, TOMORROW, I WILL BE AT THE HOSPICE AT 5;30 SHARP. HOW LONG? HOW I WISH FOR YEARS- BUT I FEAR THAT I HAVE ONLY DAYS. LOVE, NANASEE