Monday, September 28, 2009

Hello all-
I HAVE SUSTAINED A SEVERE INJURY TO MY LEFT HAND AND HAVE TO PECK AND TYPE TO WRITE AS I CANNOT USE MY LITTLE FINGER AT ALL. GIVE ME A FEW DAYS AND I WILL BE WRITING AGAIN. I FEEL QUITE FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW, WRITING FOR YOU IS A WONDERFUL PART OF MY DAY. I WILL TRY TO KEEP AN UPDATE, IT SHOULD'NT BE TOO LONG (I HOPE). LOVE NANASEE

Friday, September 25, 2009

Thanksgiving with my family

As the days and weeks passed, I began to relax and fit in more and more at the home. I really liked school, my friends, and the new things I was exposed to. I began to realize that I seemed to have more freedom than some of the other girls. The matron didn't really bother with me, there were other girls who gave her excuses to vent her authority. Of course I stayed out of her way, just having to sit and watch her suck on her lower lip made me feel ill, and, I wasn't about to give her any excuse to come after me. If I wanted to go somewhere on campus, I was free to go. I spent lots of time in the sewing room making little projects and replicating the apron that I was learning to make in school. Sometimes I made nightgowns for the other cottages, or little stuffed animals for the smaller girls and boys. I could visit other cottages where I had made friends that went to school with me, and go to the main kitchen if I wanted to. There, I picked up supplies for Mrs. Thompson and also chocolate chips, nuts and marshmallows to make special treats. I was allowed to go off campus on Saturdays if I wanted, and this allowed me to go to the pharmacy or jewelry store to window shop. All in all, I was enjoying my stay in the home. Mrs Thomson told me that because I could be trusted, I was given privileges that other girls did not have. Thanksgiving was soon coming and I began to look forward to having Thanksgiving dinner with mother, my brothers and grandmother. I was told that we could spend the entire Thanksgiving holiday at home, and I couldn't wait. I was going to miss Mrs. Thompson. I wanted to be there when she cooked the big dinner, but she told me that it was important that I go home with my family. The matron had a son, and she was going to be with him. (Another reason to want to stay at the home, time there without that old battle ax). On
Thanksgiving morning of that year, sure enough a taxi came to pick me up. Mother was in the taxi along with Kenny and George. I think deep inside I had doubts as to whether she would come for real. I actually felt kind of uneasy riding home, I had changed so much and didn't know what to expect when I got back to the apartment. We arrived home with mother and grandmother ran out, shouting with joy, to wrap me in her arms. I didn't realize until that moment how very much I had missed my grandmother. I was shocked to realize how short she was, I had never thought about it before. She wore a familiar scent and her precious eyes had tears in them as she held me. Her smile was something that was dear and familiar to me, oh how I loved her! How could I have been away from her for so long? How could I have buried the intense love I held for her, this woman that symbolized everything dear and precious to me? And oh, I would have to leave her again. A shaft of pain split my heart when I realized this, a rending, tearing pain. But I had become very good at shoving emotional pain away and hiding it in my mind. I would think about it later. The boys were so happy at being home, and George swore with every breath that he was not going back to the home. Kenny clung to me and grandmother, he was never far away at any time. Mother had made a wonderful dinner for us. She loved to bake a "perfect" turkey and she did this time too. It was golden brown with stuffing squeezing out onto a platter that I remembered her using each year. It was a symbol of comfort from years past. Mother had garnished the platter with little vegetables, and I don't think Martha Stewart could have done any better. Mother had also fixed mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, vegetables, bread and pumpkin pie. For a while, the home did not exist. We were back where we belonged, a family together again. I wanted to embrace this fantasy, but I knew our time was limited. Perhaps being away from mother and grandmother had made me appreciate them more. Perhaps mother would find a way to keep us home. I told myself that I would do anything to keep my family together, I would help mother and not be a burden to her. For just a moment, I dared to dream. We ate and stuffed ourselves and lay all over the apartment. A christmas movie came on the tv and we popped corn and watched the movie together. The next day was Friday, and Mother took the day off and took us downtown. Along with grandmother, we got on the bus and rode downtown enjoying the scenes of Christmas that had sprung up along the way. Kenny was so excited, he jumped up and down and pointed at everything. The beauty that is Christmas was everywhere. Mother and Grandmother smiled and laughed. George began to relax and together all of us were having a wonderful time. We walked in the cold, blustery wind to window shop at all of the stores that had display windows glowing with Christmas cheer. Automated Santas, snowmen and reindeer moved up and down and beckoned to all. The Salvation Army bell ringers were on every corner, and each time I passed one, Kenny and I dropped a penny in the bucket. Our cheeks reddened as we walked and talked and looked with wonder at a world transformed. We went into a store called Rich's, a huge store like Macy's in New York. It had the most amazing thing; a christmas train that ran on rails all around the top of the first floor! Children could ride this train for free, and the line was incredibly long. Seeing Kenny's little face, I knew that no line was too long to miss an opprotunity to ride that train, and so I stood there with him while Mother, George and Grandmother went on to "talk to Santa" about what Kenny wanted for Christmas. At the end of the train ride, Santa was waiting to see the children, and so we stood in another line. Finally it was Kenny's turn to get up on Santa's lap. With a booming voice, Santa asked Kenny what he wanted for Christmas. In a clear and confident little 6 year old voice, Kenny said, "I want to stay home with my mama and sister and brother and grandma". I don't think Santa knew what Kenny was asking for, but I did, and again the serpent of pain tried to crawl out and ruin my day. I again wondered what I could do to keep the family together. But, I shoved the emotion back inside and put on my "happy" face. Time to be sad later. When we were reunited after the train ride, Mother took us to lunch at the White Castle hamburger place. I started to tell her about going there for lunch when I got my shoes, but something inside would not let me share that with her. I didn't want reality to intrude. Later we rode the bus back home chatting about Santa and Christmas to come. On Saturday, we were all together, watching tv and just being a family, but I knew, just over the horizon that the fantasy was coming to a swift end. On Sunday, we would have to return to the home. And, indeed, Sunday afternoon found me gathering my things and getting back into a taxi to go back to the home. I never got the nerve to tell mother that I wanted us to stay together and that I would help her in any way that I could. I knew it would do no good, and I didn't want to hurt my Grandmother by letting her know how sad I was to leave her. I guess in a way, I felt like ancient Atlas, who held the world on his shoulders. I just had to be positive, I had to be brave. Kenny cried all the way back to the home and George carped on and on about how he was not going to stay there and would run away. This was making me very angry, how could George vent his feelings like that? Didn't he care about mother's feelings? Why did he want to hurt her? Why couldn't I tell her how I felt? No, not me, not good Jodie, brave Jodie. I wish I had been able to say something to express my sadness, but I knew for a surity that it would only make things worse, not for mother, but for me. It was better to just pretend that everything was okay. And then, there I was, back at the cottage. As at the first time, Mother kissed me goodbye and left me standing outside the door as the taxi drove off with Kenny and George. I waited to feel the pain, waited for the searing heat to invade my heart and mind, but, nothing. Just nothing. I turned, pasted a big smile on my face and went to find Mindy. I had bought her a little gift during the shopping trip and wanted to give it to her. I knew that she had had to stay over the weekend and spend her Thanksgiving at the home. I hoped she was not too sad. As soon as we saw each other, we squealed with joy and hugged each other. I didn't know if she wanted to know about my weekend, but of course, dear Mindy wanted me to share everything. She was so tickled that I had bought her a little gift, and together we talked until the lights went out. The Christmas season had officially begun, and both of us felt the spirit of the holidays. I went right back into the routine, and my weekend home quickly became just a happy memory. More later, Love, nanasee

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Down Home Cookin'

Coming home from school meant that we had to change our clothes and check the chore chart. There were always linens to do, floors to clean, bathrooms to scrub, vaccuming, and all sorts of domestic chores for all of us to engage in. I always loved seeing that I had kitchen duty when I got home. This meant that I got to work in the kitchen with Mrs. Thompson and I looked so forward to being with her and learning valuable skills. These valuable skills usually had something to do with food, so of course I looked forward to that.
Mrs. Thompson cooked everything from scratch. I don't think I ever saw her open a box of anything ready-made. She was an excellent cook. The thing is, I had not been raised on down home country cooking, and had to adjust my tastes accordingly. When we served supper, there was always some kind of meat, potatoes, or rice, vegetables, home made bread of some kind, dessert and always, iced tea. All of it cooked southern style. I don't recall having pasta very often if ever.The meats were chicken, fried, stewed, braised, baked, smothered or with dumplings. Pork chops were baked in the oven, pan fried, stuffed, smothered with gravy or stewed. Steak was not t-bone or like that, but cut from a huge piece of boneless beef and fried, stewed, roasted or grilled. We had hamburger in several different ways, but all of this meat was a main course. I had to learn to cook it all, and for some reason, I took to cooking like a duck to water. Depending on what kind of meat was served, we always had potatoes or rice, and usually some kind of gravy to go on top. The rice was cooked in a huge pot, but Mrs. Thompson never measured anything and just put the rice in and ran water over it until it was "just enough". I always wondered how she knew how much "just enough" was, but she would laugh and tell me that one day, I would know. (I do!) We had to peel so many potatoes, and the eyes had better be cut out too! How my hands ached from peeling those potatoes, and I would make up games to entertain myself while the long shreds of potato peelings flew into the bucket. One game was, could I peel a whole potato without breaking off the peeling? Usually not. Sometimes I would guess how many eyes each potato had, and count them as I cut them out. Once, I sat across the kitchen from the large pot that the potatoes went in and tossed them to see if I could make it. Usually not! Once those potatoes were peeled and cut into cubes, they were soaked in salted water until it was time to cook them. Then, they were rinsed, covered with fresh water, boiled until soft and mashed. The potato masher was very large, and kind of hard to handle. Knowing it would do no good to complain, I would grasp the wooden handle, plunge down over and over until they were mashed and fluffy. I then added butter, (real butter, not margarine) milk, salt and pepper and sneaked a bite. Mmmm! Home made breads were not usually yeast breads, but sometimes we were treated with it. Usually, it was corn bread or biscuits. I learned to make those too. Biscuits were made with lard, flour, salt, baking soda and buttermilk. I would measure out the flour, add the salt, soda and lard, and take two knives and cut the lard into tiny pieces into the flour. When the lard was cut into the flour just right, buttermilk was added and the whole thing mixed by hand. The lard made little lumps that gave the biscuits a flaky texture. I then rolled out the dough, cut circles with a mason jar and placed biscuits by the dozens on a buttered cookie sheet to bake to a golden brown. Corn bread was so much easier. Just mix the ingriedients, pour into a pan and bake. I liked baking biscuits more than cornbread, it took more of a challenge. Vegetables were a virtual bounty each day. Since we were supported by an organization, many of the local farmers would donate fresh produce to the home. There was fresh corn, on the ear or off, cooked in butter and salted- Heaven. Green beans, freshly snapped and cooked with bacon was a table staple, but there was lots of fresh squash, peas, beans, (butter beans, pinto, white, speckled and others) tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, sweet potatoes, okra, spinach, cabbage and so many other kinds. Most of these were cooked with bacon, or had bacon fat added for flavor. This method of vegetable preparation is a southern tradition, and it really spoiled me. At first I thought that I would not like those vegetables, but fear of the matron and curiosity drove me to try them. Even to this day, I love fresh cooked vegetables.
Desserts were a southern fantasy. Each day, Mrs. Thompson would surprise us with yet another treat that was amazing. Some days it was fruit cobbler, other days homemade cakes. Pies, cookies, brownies and homemade ice cream were the reward for a meal finished. After all, no dessert if you did not clear your plate. Mrs. Thompson taught me to make pecan pie, buttermilk cake, blackberry cobbler and so many other desserts. She taught me to measure, stir, sift, cut, roll out, dust with sugar and on and on. The one thing she was adamant about was a clean kitchen, and I was shown how to clean as I went. That is a valuable lesson that has served me well all these years.
All of this wonderful cooking certainly made living at the home bearable. But, after a while, being at the home was more than bearable, it was good. I enjoyed my time with Mrs. Thompson in the kitchen, sewing in the sewing room, being with Mindy and feeling that I truly had a place in life. One incident though, happened after church on a Sunday. We had come home from Church and were all seated at the long dining room table. The plates, silver wear, glasses and napkins seemed to welcome me as I sat down with a growling tummy. The table was laden with a large roast beef, potatoes, vegetables and biscuits. The iced tea looked cool and sweet and inviting. There was a plate of biscuits at each end of the table, and the plate at my end was right in front of my nose. Gosh, they were steaming and I could see the little flakes made from the lard. Butter was melting down from the top to make a little butter river flowing over each biscuit. The matron was praying- yes and in fine form too! All I could hear was a heavenly "yap yap yap" and the gurgle of my very hungry stomach. Those biscuits were calling my name. Oh look! Is that a flaky crumb that has fallen on the table, right in front of me? Sneaking a peek from under my lowered eyelids, I glanced at the matron at the far end of the table. I calculated the distance from my folded hands to the tantalizing crumb and wondered if I could snatch it and not get caught. To this day, I will never understand why I did it. But, I did do it. While the matron droned on and on in heavenly supplication, I reached out with only one index finger to get that crumb. But, Mindy, seeing what I was going to do tried to grab my hand back and only succeeded in bumping it just enough to jostle the biscuit on the side of the plate. To my horror, that biscuit fell off the pile and onto the table. Before I saw it, I heard the slamming of a meaty palm on the table from the far end. The matron roared, "it looks like someone is being a pig today! I haven't even said amen, and you are sneaking a biscuit! Well Missy, let's see how you like doing without that biscuit! And the rest of your dinner too! Get up and go to your room, no dinner for you!" Oh gosh, I thought I was going to throw up! My first real encounter with a raging matron- I was for sure in trouble with her! I jumped up, knocked my chair over and ran from the dining room. My worst fears had come true. The matron had an excuse to punish me. I was overwhelmed with the memory of the night she had paddled those other girls. I ran to my room and jumped on my bed. When would she come to get me? I was terrified. I cried and cried and wrang my hands. After a while, Mindy came into the room and sat down next to me. I blubbered about how I was so afraid of the matron, and Mindy told me not to worry, the matron had gone to lay down for the afternoon. It was punishment enough that I had been sent from the table, Mrs. Thompson had told her so. Then, dear sweet Mindy reached into her blouse and pulled out a biscuit that she had sneaked from the table. I hugged her and told her I loved her for that. The next thing I knew, Patty, Frankie and a few of the other girls had come into my room with some food for me to! After making sure that the matron was sound asleep, we had a little picnic on the floor of my room, (I ate, they talked) and I realized with profound gratitude that I had a real home with real friends. It was a very happy moment for me- something I never forgot. Till tomorrow, love, nanasee

Monday, September 21, 2009

Stars In My Eyes

The school year continued, improving daily. I was getting used to the routine at the home, and Mindy and I were such good friends. The walk to school was about a mile, and Mindy and I walked together every day, both to school and back. We really enjoyed the bite of the cool fall air, the sights of leaves turning and the smell of fireplaces scenting the area. The route to school took us through town. To get to town, you had to cross a railroad track and then come to the street known as Main Street. As in many small towns, Hapeville Georgia had it's shops lining Main Street. During the late '60's when I lived there, the stores were pretty much the same as they had been for decades. There was no department store, but lots of smaller stores offering individual needs. There was the pharmacy. It had a soda fountain offering ice cream, sodas, grilled sandwiches, and things like sundaes and banana splits. There was lots of kinds of penny candy as well as candy bars, nuts and chocolate by the pound. There was a long counter that ran the length of the store, and usually it was filled after school with students wanting a reward for themselves. In the pharmacy, there was an aisle with make-up, and all kinds of things that ladies wanted and needed. Face creams, hand lotions, toilet water, (I loved the one called Blue Midnight, as it was a midnight blue bottle with gold sparkles on it). There was also a scent called Gardenia, and I recognized it as one that a lot of the older ladies at the home and at church wore. Permanent waves, hair color, hair spray hair nets and deodorant, the packages marched across the shelves in a riot of color and designs. Another aisle offered medications for all kinds of everyday problems. There was ointments, creams, sprays and liquids. Rubbing alcohol, witch hazel, horse liniment, horehound cough drops, pills, seltzers, tooth gel, acne cream, Tums and Pepto Bizmol, chap stick and nose spray were a few of the remedies available. No point in going down that aisle, just boring stuff! There was an aisle for baby stuff, hosiery, lacy hankies and white gloves. At the end of this aisle was an area for costume jewelry, stationary and school supplies. On one display shelf sat boxes of Spangler chocolates. There were pecan chocolates, chocolate covered cherries and other delicacies. These chocolates came in wooden boxes that you could use for jewlery when they were empty, and they were made of cedar wood. I was planning to save enough to buy mother a box of chocolates for Christmas. All along the back of the pharmacy was the actual pharmacy where medications were dispensed. The "secret" things were there too- but we didn't dare ask about them. I think the pharmacist had been there for 50 years, he was really old, but a very nice man. The pharmacy was a fun place with something for everyone.
In Hapeville, there were other stores and shops too. There was a feed store that had hay bales in the doorway, and at this time of year the entrance was paired on each side with bales of hay, some pumpkins, dried ears of corn and other symbols of the fall. The smells coming from the door were solid and welcoming. Inside the feed store were huge bags of animal feeds of all kinds, tools and harnesses, large blocks of salt, bushels of fall apples and a few tables set with dominoes or checkers for anyone who wanted to stay awhile. Older men would compete with each other and a ring of cigar smoke surrounded the players as they chewed on cigars that were well smoked, down to a nub. Ashes from these cigars made little piles at the players feet, getting deeper as the day went on. When ladies or children were in the feedstore, there would be admonishments to the men to "watch their language". When it got cold enough, there was a space heater in the middle of the store, away from things flammable. The office had a place for veterinarian items; medications, combs, brushes and clippers. Near the back was a huge barrel filled with dried corn kernels to feed deer, and when I went in just to look around, I would plunge my hands into the corn to feel it's smoothness and volume. At any given time, the feedstore would have farmers inside, most of them wearing blue overalls and plaid flannel shirts. They wore straw hats too, most of the beige or white. Along with the feedstore was the hardware store, and the two shops were combined together with separate doors. Not much in the hardware store of interest to a young girl.
Just down the street was a clothing store, it's window displaying ladies dresses, a man's suit, little girls fancy dresses and little boy's sunday clothes. Depending on the season or holiday, that window was decorated in such a manner as to draw customers in just to look at the display.
Along Main street, there was a butcher shop. Customers, usually ladies, would go in and choose what they wanted from the meat counter. The only thing other than meats and lunchmeats in that store was seasonings for meat. The cuts of meat were beautiful, the steaks fat with marbling, the pork chops pink and lined in a stacked row, the chickens iced in a case of their own and sausages hung on broomstick-sized poles in a horizontal line behind the counter. A large tub of freshly ground beef was kept chilled in another case, and the butcher would take a scoop and weigh out the amount requested. Lunch meats had a place of their own, bologna, chopped ham, spiced minced ham, pickle loaf, hogs head cheese, and liverwurst. These lunchmeats were sliced only when the customer made an order. Next to the lunchmeats were the cheeses. Large rounds of cheddar and swiss cheeses lay up on a counter in a wooden wheel, and were cut to order as well. Loaves of American cheese stayed in the cooler, along with pepper cheese. Each order was carefully sliced, weighed and wrapped in white paper. Huge knives and cleavers were hung neatly on the wall and a giant oakwood block was centered behind the meat case. I didn't really frequent the meat store as I never bought meat. But, like a hungry cat, it was fun to look inside.
As in any small town, there was a shop to repair things, a filling station, the doctor's office and a Western Auto. Western Auto was the place to buy car parts, bicycles and wagons and offered some car repairs. The bicycles were lined up outside, (and not chained by the way) in colors of red and blue, some green and some black. You could get bicycle accessories inside too, bells, chains, tires, spoke flaps and baskets. We love to go into the Western Auto and look around. There was a bank in town, it was small and very old fashioned. I don't think I ever went inside the bank. Further down Main street was the appliance store. It really only offered small appliances, alarm clocks, electric coffee pots, can openers, toasters and such. If you wanted a washer or something large, (refrigerator, tv or dryer) you had to order it from a catalog. I don't think anyone ever bought a toaster there, as the bank gave them away for new accounts opened. There were other shops, but the one that I loved the best was the jewlery store.
On one particular morning, Mindy and I had a bit of time as we had left early. At every opportunity, I would stop and gaze in the display window of the jewelry store, and on this particular day, it was no exception. I stopped outside the window and drank in the sight of so many glowing colors and designs. I imagined each ring on my hand, or in my jewelry box, to take out and touch and caress. The colors of ruby, emerald, sapphire, amethyst, citrine, blue topaz and yellow topaz were hypnotic to me. The diamonds were not as attractive to me, but the pearls were pristine and lovely. Some of the rings were set in a solitare style, sitting proud and high above the band, simple and yet classic. Others were bands of gold, yellow and white, or studded with color. I loved all of it, but the stone that I loved more than anything was the star sapphire or star ruby. These stones were very popular in the late '60's. What they were was a round or oval shaped stone that had not been cut and polished, but smooth and cloudy. The attraction was that when light shone on the stone, a star with 6 rays would appear and dance across the stone as you moved it. The blue star sapphire was a deep midnight blue, and had a more prominent star. The star ruby was strawberry colored and did not display the star as well as the blue, but I loved it the best. There were several star ruby rings, earrings and pendants, and I could not choose one that I liked more than the others. I swore that one day I would have a star ruby, but for the time being, I could look and admire them on display. Mindy became kind of impatient with me for lingering at the jewlery store. She told me that I was wasting my time, I would never be able to afford any of those rings and I shouldn't let myself in for such dissapointment. She went on and told me that there were more important things in life, a home, food and a bed to sleep in. Jewlery was frivolent and only for those who were foolish in life. I felt so bad for Mindy. She didn't seem to have any dreams, and only lived for each day. I wanted to buy her a ring to show her that she could have something lovely, but of course I couldn't at the time. I thought about giving her my little green stone ring that I had found, but it was too precious to me, a symbol of the new life that I had been given. I vowed to myself, right then and there that one day I would have the jewlery that would make me happy, and would work to get to that point. One day, I would have rings that had meaning, a wedding ring, and maybe others that would remind me of special occasions. One day, I would walk into a jewlery store and pick out something that was special to me. I tucked away this vow, tucked it away into my mind to take out and look at on occasion. Yes, of all the stores in the little town of Hapeville Georgia, the jewlery store was my favorite. I had stars in my eyes, each time I walked past the display window. More tomorrow, love, nanasee

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mindy and Me

I could never have imagined how much my life would improve with Mindy for a friend. In so many ways, she taught me the meaning of gratitude, humility, compassion and other important characteristics. Being with and helping Mindy was such a pleasure, and for the first time in my life, I had a sister. Mindy loved me for just exactly what I was. Through her eyes, I began to see myself as a bit of a spoiled, and ungrateful child. I had come from a home with a grandmother and mother who cared for me, although sometimes I did not realize the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. Mindy came from a home where no one cared or could care for her or her siblings. In my home, I was not beaten, I had food, some clothes, and a bed . If I felt neglected, it was because my mother worked all the time, and my grandmother was ill. Yes, we were poor, but that is no shame. My grandmother was known as a good woman and honored by all who knew her, and she taught me many good qualities and skills. At night I was warm in my bed, and I even had a cat.
Mindy had none of these things. Her father was a vicious, abusive alcoholic and made life hell for her entire family. He would become drunk and enraged at the smallest slight and beat Mindy, her mother and her siblings with anything he could find. He would not work, and often the family was hungry and cold. The house was little more than a shack and the children slept on the floor, sharing blankets. Clothing and shoes were precious, and medical care non-existent. Mindy did her best to care for her siblings, but she could never do enough. She spent much time in the woods, looking for wild fruit, and trying to kill rabbits and squirrels for meat. She knew to stay out of her father's way, and quietly went about doing whatever she could for the family. Finally, one day, in an alcoholic rage, Mindy's father screamed that they would be better off dead, because the world was such an evil place. He picked up a loaded rifle and began to level it at her mother. Her mother screamed at Mindy to get out with the children. Mindy grabbed the little ones and herded the older children into the woods. Her last sight of her mother was to see her wrestling with the rifle in order to give the children more time. As Mindy ran deep into the trees, she heard the report of the rifle, and knew that her mother had lost the fight. Mindy could not go home, she did not know where her father was or what he would do. It was not until days later, after Mindy was forced to go for help, that she found out that her father had killed himself after he had shot her mother.
I was surprised that Mindy did not feel sorry for herself. Of course she missed her brothers and sisters, as they were situated in other cottages, but she had a bright outlook. Mindy felt that she and her siblings had been saved by Heavenly Father and sent to a place where they would receive blessings far greater than they had ever known. She was overwhelmed with gratitude. Seeing her positive attitude, I realized that I had been selfish and childish for not being more understanding of mother's choice to put us in the home. Perhaps I could have been more supportive, more helping, more loving to mother. It must have been so hard for her to have to support 3 children and her own mother, with no help from Dad as he was in prison. Learning to know Mindy taught me that there are certainly others who have had really serious difficulties, and I understood that my life was really no so very bad.
There were other things too. Mindy didn't mind work. I did. I was glad that we were "chore partners" meaning that we were paired up to work. She was a whirlwind at everything she did, commenting on the ease of our chores because we had things like running water, indoor bathrooms, washing machines and even dryers! She would get in the kitchen and turn out our share of the cooking with a smile on her face. Mindy loved discovering all the wonderful foods available to her that the rest of us took for granted. She loved the fresh fruits, the canned meats and the abundance of the supply. She quickly learned from Mrs. Thompson how to make biscuits, corn bread and all kinds of desserts. Mindy was a whiz in the kitchen. Me, now, that was another story. I had to cook and clean just like all the other girls, but helping with breakfast meant that I had to get up extra early. (and kind of grouchy). There were eggs to scramble, oatmeal to cook, toast to toast, bacon to broil and the table to set. Miss whirlwind, (Mindy) would hop out of bed, get dressed, make her bed and trot to the kitchen even before I had my eyes open and my feet on the floor. I knew that she would have happily done all the chores for me, but I didn't want to take advantage, and so I lumbered to the kitchen behind her. Just about everytime, she would race around to the different cooking posts mixing, stirring, shaping, and loading pans nibbling on everything as she went. Unused to having an abundance, she would eat without stopping. Usually she would give me a bright grin and yell, "C'mon slowpoke! I saved a chore for you!" and usually it was something easy like making juice or putting out jams and butter. It wasn't long before I began to realize what a gift in my life that Mindy was. We had the cleanest room, the crispest clothes, and the best made beds of any of the girls. Mindy did not mix well with the other girls, preferring to stay close to me. She would talk of her life in the woods, and I would try to hide my revulsion at the horrors she told me. Not all of it was bad though, sometime she would tell of a country christmas, spare on gifts but rich on love from her mother and siblings. She would describe birds of all colors, flowers scented and lovely, wild greens that she would pick for supper and tell of the woodland animals. She loved these things. Mindy talked of fishing, and how she excelled at the catch. She knew her mother relied on her to help, and she did the best she could. Mindy missed her mother. She grieved for the sad life that her mother had endured. She swore that she would never find herself in the same situation, and would always make sure that any man she married would respect and love her. She talked of her mother's beauty, marred by scars from beatings and wrinkles from worry. Her mother was thin, and her bones were prominent in her face, hands and feet. Mindy said that she wanted so much to have been able to spare her mother from the horror of the marriage that she was trapped in. What could I say in response to this information? My mother worked all the time? We were poor? We weren't poor in relation to what Mindy knew as poverty, actually, we were quite affluent in comparison. Could I complain that I only had one pair of shoes? Mindy usually had no shoes. Could I gripe about the excess of inexpensive meats on the table? Mindy ate squirrel that she had to kill. Could I whine about the fact that I felt neglected? Mindy was beaten with the end of a broken fishing pole, a frying pan, or a rope. I could certainly do without that kind of attention! Yes, she was a gift to me. A mirror in which I could see the attitude of pity that I carried up front. Knowing and being with Mindy taught me so much.
We enjoyed walking to school each day, having classes together, lunch together and walking home together. We shared our allowances, so that we could afford things that we could not buy by ourselves. We worked together, laughed together, cried sometimes and avoided the matron together. One thing was for sure, Mindy was just as afraid of her as I was! One late Saturday night, Mindy and I awoke to a chilling noise. One of the girls was crying and screaming, and in addition we heard the steady whack of someone being struck. Although we were very frightened, Mindy and I sneaked down the hall to see what was happening. We were not alone. Other girls were already standing outside the Matron's room, hunching over to listen through the door. The matron was paddling someone. Over and over the paddle struck, each time to a louder screech from the girl. The poor girl was begging her to quit, but to no avail. Finally, it stopped, and over the loud sobbing of the girl, we could hear the matron tell someone else to bend over the bed. Again, the whacking commenced, to silence at first and then to small gasps and moans. Frankie whispered that the matron would paddle the girl until she screamed, and would not stop until she did. Before long, the girl began to cry out loud and then to utter ragged screams each time the paddle met flesh. I was so frightened and turned and ran to my room. Mindy was close behind. We closed the door, but could still hear the poor girl screaming to the whacking of the paddle. Then, blessed silence. At least from the paddle. The two girls were crying and sobbing quietly. Listening through our closed bedroom door, we heard the matron tell them that they had better not get caught sneaking out at night again. If they did, tonight was only a sample of what they would get. Although I could not see the matron, I could imagine her sucking her bottom lip in and out as she spoke. I knew that she had enjoyed punishing those girls, and I wondered why she was allowed to work at the home. One thing was for sure, I would make sure she never got the opportunity to paddle me! In spite of the matron, Mindy and I enjoyed the blessings of the children's home. We made a pact that neither of us would do anything that would get us in trouble, and we would watch out for each other. For sure, it was a pact that we honored, and compliance to the rules of the Home brought many happy experiences. More later, love, nanasee

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Mindy

The weeks began to go by more quickly. There was so much to do with school, chores, church and my new friends. Sadly, the birds decided to fly to warmer climes, and so they left me with silence ringing throughout the tree branches. It is funny, I didn't realize right away that they were leaving little by little. It was on a Saturday morning in early October, that I went to greet them, and realized that not only were the crumbs still there, but it had been quiet for a while. I guess that goes to show that I was settling in. The fall air was crisp, as the summer air had been hot and muggy. There seems to be some kind of seasonal change in Georgia, but not as pronounced as say, the Eastern seaboard. The brisk air made it a pleasure to walk to school. Several of the girls and I walked together, chatting and just being teenagers. I realized that I was enjoying being in the home! Then one day, something happened that would add to my happiness.
I came home from school one fall day, and found that a new girl had moved into the cottage. Another girl had moved out, but no one knew exactly "why", except to say that she had moved to another campus. Rumors were rampant that she had gotten pregnant and was going to the unwed mother's campus in far north Georgia. It was never verified, but gossip is gossip, and that was the final concensus.
The new girl was very quiet. She didn't look anyone in the face, and didn't talk to anyone. For some reason, Patty had moved out of our room and the new girl had moved in. She had no clothes or possessions, and had a nervous look about her. I wondered why they had moved her in with me, I worried that maybe Patty didn't want to be my roommate any more. I didn't know what I had done to bring this about, but there was no one to ask. I would have to wait and ask Patty why later.
The new girl was a large girl. Not fat, but large. She had straight, shoulder length, plain brown hair. Her eyes were brown, and her face was round. She was large through the shoulders, chest and midrift, but her legs were slender. I found her hunched over in Patty's bed when I arrived home from school. I greeted her, and she ignored me. I thought maybe she was snotty, and immediatly began to resent that fact that I had lost Patty and now had this girl for a roommate. I studied her and realized that her shoes were raggedy, her clothes too small, and she didn't smell very nice. Her fingernails were dirty, as well as her legs and she wore no socks. She just sat there, a blank figure, miserable. Then, suddenly, I clearly understood why they had moved her in with me! She was who I had been when I came to the home! And then, I too realized that the love and compassion that Clarice had shown me would serve me well. I got up and went and sat on the bed next to her. I took her hand, and told her that I was glad that she was my new roommate. Her head did not come up, but I saw a fat tear drip from her cheek. I went and got a tissue, and handed it to her. "Hey, c'mon" I said. "This place is not so bad. There is food and clothes, and a nice bed. The girls will get to know you and they will like you. We can talk and be friends, you'll see, it's not so bad". More tears. What could I do for her? I waited for a moment, and then said a quick prayer to myself. I was prompted to ask her why she was at the home. For a quiet moment, she said nothing, and then, she raised her head. Looking directly at me, she told me that her father had killed her mother and was going to kill the rest of the family of seven children. She said that she had taken her brothers and sisters and run away to escape him. She was the oldest at 13 years old, and the baby was only a year old. They lived in the backwoods of Georgia, and they ran until they found an old barn. She hid herself and her family in the barn, and tried to find food for all of them. After about 4 days, without heat or blankets, they were all cold and very hungry and she knew she had to get help. She found a family nearby and told them that she needed help for her brothers and sisters. After telling them about her plight, the person she had told called the police. The children were taken to a nearby town, and she found out that there had been a search for them. She was told that her father had killed himself, and they had found her mother dead, but the children were missing. Since there was no one else to care for them, they had been taken in by the Home.
I was so shocked. How could she have survived all of that? How could she tell that story without screaming and going crazy? What she must have gone through! I thought I had had a rough time, but no, my life was heaven compared to this! And now, she was my roommate. I vowed to myself that I would help her, be her friend, show her the ropes. I took both of her hands, and then leaned in for a hug. She sat stiffly. Quietly, I told her that she could use anything I had, and I would help her settle in. I would be her friend, and she would not be alone. Looking at her dejected demeanor, I knew that words were cheap to her and I would have to prove it. I would.
I did. I helped her, brought her out of her shell, walked with her and talked late into the night with her. We became the closest of friends for the rest of the years I lived in the home. Her name was Mindy. She was a gift to me.

Monday, September 14, 2009

COLOR AND CLARITY

IT WAS THE EVENING OF THE END OF THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. I SAT ON MY BED BESIDE THE OPEN WINDOW, LISTENING TO THE BIRDS AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE EVENTS OF THE WEEK. I TRIED TO SORT OUT THE MYRIAD OF FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES I HAD BEEN THROUGH, AND ACTUALLY FOUND THAT PERHAPS IT HAD BEEN A GOOD WEEK AFTER ALL. I HAD COME TO THE REALITY THAT I WAS INDEED A YOUNG LADY, AND NO LONGER A CHILD. I WAS AFRAID TO FACE THE WORLD AS A YOUNG LADY, IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST STAY INNOCENT AND BEND WITH THE WIND INSTEAD OF FACING CHALLENGES STRAIGHT ON. I ESPECIALLY THOUGHT ABOUT CLARICE AND FOUND MYSELF WONDERING HOW SOMEONE SO LOVELY COULD ALSO BE SO KIND. I HAD NOT EQUATED THE TWO BEFORE, KINDNESS AND BEAUTY. IN MY YOUNG LIFE, KINDNESS WAS BEAUTY. PHYSICAL BEAUTY SEEMED TO ACCOMPANY SELFISHNESS. MOST OF THE PRETTY POPULAR GIRLS I HAD KNOWN BEFORE, AND CERTAINLY SOME OF THEM I KNEW NOW, DID NOT SEEM TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. I KNEW HOW TO BE KIND, BUT HAD NO CONCEPT OF HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I HAD FELT BEAUTIFUL ON OCCASION, BUT DID NOT FEEL BEAUTIFUL AT ALL AS A WHOLE. I WANTED TO FIT IN AT SCHOOL. I WANTED TO BE ONE OF THE GIRLS THAT EVERYONE ADMIRED. IN REALITY, I KNEW THAT THESE THINGS WOULD BE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME, AS I HAD NO CONCEPT AS TO WHAT TO DO TO BE ADMIRED AND POPULAR. THE BIRDS SEEMED TO BE CHIRPING TO COMFORT ME, AND I OPENED MY WINDOW JUST A BIT MORE. AS MY HAND GRIPPED THE SILL OF THE WINDOW, THE FAMILIAR GLEAM OF MY LITTLE RING CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. THEN, I REMEMBERED. I HAD SOME MAKE-UP IN MY SECRET DRAWER. THE BEAUTICIAN HAD GIVEN ME SOME FOR HELPING HER IN THE SHOP. I WALKED TO THE DRESSER, PULLED OUT THE TOP DRAWER, REACHED BEHIND THE PANTIES AND SOCKS AND FELT THE LITTLE BAG THAT CONTAINED MY MAKE-UP. I PULLED OUT THE LITTLE BAG, HUGGED IT CLOSE AND WENT BACK TO MY BED. SITTING CROSS LEGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED AND FEELING THE PATTERN OF THE SPREAD ON MY LEGS AS THEY PRESSED DOWN ON THE COVER, I OPENED THE LITTLE PAPER BAG,AND DUMPED MY TREASURE IN FRONT OF ME. THE LIPSTICK WAS IN A PLASTIC PINK HOLDER WITH A THIN BAND OF GOLD SEPARATING THE TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. I TOOK THE TOP OFF, AND CAREFULLY TWISTED THE BOTTON TO PUSH THE LIPSTICK UP JUST A BIT. ONE SIDE OF THE CYLINDER OF LIPSTICK HAD BEEN SHAVED OFF FLAT AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT IT WAS TO MAKE APPLICATION OF THE LIPSTICK EASIER. THE COLOR WAS SHELL PINK AND GLISTENED WITH TINY PEARLESCENT SPARKLES. THAT LIPSTICK WAS ENCHANTING. I CAREFULLY TWISTED THE CYLINDER IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND THE TUBE WENT BACK DOWN. CAPPING THE TOP CLOSED AND SETTING THE LIPSTICK ASIDE, I PICKED UP THE EYESHADOW COMPACT. OPENING IT WITH A SNAP, I SAW THAT IT WAS SMALL, WITH FOUR COLORS AND A TINY LITTLE BRUSH FOR APPLICATION. THE COLORS WERE BLUE, GREEN, BROWN AND BEIGE. SOMEHOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MIX TO COLORS TO ENHANCE YOUR EYES, BUT THAT WAS GREEK TO ME! THE COMPACT HAD A SMALL MIRROR INSIDE THE TOP AND THE WHOLE COMPACT WAS DARK GREEN. CLOSING IT AGAIN, I SET IT BESIDE THE LIPSTICK. NEXT IN THE PILE WAS ANOTHER COMPACT, LARGER AND WAS MADE BY COVER GIRL. IT WAS DARK BROWN WITH GOLD LETTERS AND WHEN I OPENED IT, I SAW THAT INSIDE THERE WAS TIGHTLY PACKED FACE POWDER AND A ROUND PUFFY APPLICATOR WITH A SATIN TOP. AGAIN THERE WAS A MIRROR IN THE TOP OF THE COMPACT. THE FACE POWDER WAS A VERY LIGHT BEIGE COLOR, AND I EXPERIMENTED BY RUBBING THE APPLICATOR INTO THE POWDER AND TOUCHING IT TO MY CHEEK. IT CONTRASTED WITH THE BROWN OF MY SUMMER SKIN AND I QUICKLY WIPED IT OFF. CLOSING THE FACE POWDER, I PICKED UP THE LAST COMPACT, SQUARE IN SHAPE AND AGAIN MADE BY COVER GIRL. WHEN I OPENED IT, I SAW A ROSEY COLORED PRESSED POWDER AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME THERE WAS A SMALL BRUSH WITH VERY SOFT BROWN BRISTLES AND A LITTLE SQUARE HANDLE. I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO DO WITH IT, SO I CLOSED THE COMPACT AND REACHED FOR A CHUBBY CYLINDER, GREEN IN COLOR THAT HAD TWO PARTS LIKE THE LIPSTICK. I TWISTED IT OPEN AND FOUND THAT THE TOP HAD A SMALL STICK WITH TINY BRISTLES CURVED AROUND IT, AND THE BRISTLES WERE COVERED IN A DARK BROWN GOO. A LIP ON THE BOTTOM PART OF THE CYLINDAR CAUGHT MOST OF THE GOO AND KEPT THE STICK AND BRISTLES FROM BEING SLOPPY. I KNEW THAT THIS MUST BE MASCARA, BUT HAD NO CLUE AS TO HOW TO APPLY IT, SO I JUST CLOSED THE PACKAGE.
I KNEW THAT MAKE-UP MUST BE THE KEY TO BEING BEAUTIFUL. ALL THE GIRLS WORE IT, AND MOTHER HAD DRAWERS FULL. SHE HAD POWDER, EYESHADOW, LIQUID MAKEUP, ROUGE, LIPSTICK, MASCARA, EYEBROW PENCILS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT I COULD NOT EVEN DESCRIBE. SHE HAD ROLLERS, HAIRSPRAY, HAIR PIECES, PINS, AND OTHER HAIR ACCOUTRAMENTS. PERFUMES, SCENTS AND SPRITZ'S. RAZORS, BLEACHING CREME, WAXES AND DEODORANTS EACH MORNING, SHE WOULD CAREFULLY APPLY HER MAKE-UP AND DO HER HAIR SO THAT SHE CHANGED FROM A TIRED, FRUMPY HEDGEHOG LOOKING APPARITION TO A LOVELY, PERFECTLY COIFED GODDESS. YOU WOULD THINK THAT AFTER SEEING THIS TRANSFORMATION FOR SO MANY YEARS, I WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EXPERT ON TRANSFORMING MYSELF. BUT, I WASN'T. SO, THERE I SAT CROSS LEGGED ON THE BED, MY TREASURE PILED NEATLY IN FRONT OF ME, AND DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START. I WAS SO INGROSSED IN THIS PROBLEM, THAT I DIDN'T HEAR PATTY COME IN. "WHERE'D YOU GIT THAT STUFF?!" SHE SQUEALED. JUMPING IN FRIGHT, I SCATTERED THE LITTLE COMPACTS AND CYLINDERS ALL OVER THE BED AND ONTO THE FLOOR. I TOLD HER THAT I HAD EARNED THEM FROM THE BEAUTICIAN. SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHY I HAD NOT USED MY MAKE-UP, AND FOR A MOMENT, I WAS FROZEN WITH INDECISION. SHOULD I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW? WOULD SHE MAKE FUN OF ME? AGAIN, SHE ASKED ME WHY I HAD NOT USED IT. I SWALLOWED AND TURNED TO HER. QUIETLY, I ADMITTED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO APPLY IT, AND WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD LOOK SILLY IF I DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WEEP, AS I STOOD THERE WAITING FOR HER TO REACT. SHE GRINNED AT ME AND SAID, "WELL, I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO. WAIT HERE!" SHE DASHED OUT THE ROOM, AND I GATHERED THE SCATTERED CONTAINERS. I SAT BACK DOWN ON MY BED, AND HOPED THE LITTLE MIRRORS HAD NOT BROKEN FROM THE FALL. BEFORE LONG, PATTY RETURNED AND TO MY HORROR, SHE HAD BROUGHT FRANKIE WITH HER. TIME SEEMED TO STOP FOR ME. WHY WAS FRANKIE WITH HER? FRANKIE DIDN'T LIKE ME, AND I WAS AFRAID OF HER. SHE BARELY REACHED MY CHIN, BUT SHE WAS SO INTIMIDATING BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUDE AND HER BIG BREASTS. SHE ALWAYS WORE HEAVY MAKE-UP, WITH DARK MASCARA'D EYELASHES, RED LIPSTICK AND LOTS OF POWDER. HER LONG BROWN HAIR SWAYED BACK AND FORTH AND HER BREASTS BOUNCED AS SHE CROSSED THE ROOM TO STAND BEFORE ME. MY STOMACH BEGAN TO HURT, AND MY BREATHING WAS DIFFICULT. I WAITED FOR HER TO SAY SOMETHING. I THOUGHT PERHAPS SHE WAS GOING TO TRY TO TAKE MY MAKE-UP FROM ME, AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO STOP HER. I COULD NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE, SO I KEPT MY HEAD DOWN.
FRANKIE SAT DOWN ON MY BED. PATTY SAID, "JODIE, FRANKIE IS THE BEST ONE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DO MAKE-UP. SHE'S GOOD AT HAIR TOO! SHE'LL SHOW YOU JUST WHAT TO DO!" WHAT? FRANKIE WOULD HELP ME? WHY? SHE NEVER SHOWED AN INTEREST IN ME BEFORE. I LOOKED AT HER, AND TO MY SURPRISE, SHE SMILED AND SAID, "SAY, I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A NICE GIRL. YOU NEVER GET INTO ANYONE'S BUSINESS OR CAUSE TROUBLE. YOU SEEM TO HAVE HAD A HARD TIME, BUT MOST OF THE GIRLS HERE ARE ALRIGHT." I SPOKE QUIETLY; "I SORT OF THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME. YOU SEEM TO BE HARD TO GET TO KNOW. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE HAPPY IF I STAYED OUT OF YOUR WAY."
"YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE THESE NOSEY GIRLS WHO ACT LIKE YOUR FRIEND AND THEN STAB YOU IN THE BACK. IT IS EASIER TO JUST KEEP THOSE AROUND ME THAT I CAN TRUST" SHE SAID. THEN, I UNDERSTOOD THAT SHE WAS TELLING ME THAT SHE FELT THAT WE COULD BE FRIENDS. I BRIGHTENED UP, AND SMILED TELLING HER THAT I HAD THIS MAKE-UP BUT DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT. SHE SCOOTED CLOSER TO ME AND BEGAN TO EXPLAIN WHAT EVERYTHING WAS FOR, AND THEN BEGAN TO DEMONSTRATE THE PROPER WAY TO APPLY IT. I NOTICED THAT HER MAKE-UP WAS APPLIED DIFFERENTLY AND ASKED HER ABOUT IT. SHE TOLD ME THAT HER STYLE WAS DIFFERENT THAN MINE, AND EVERYONE HAD TO FIND THE RIGHT WAY FOR THEM. THE BRUSHES TICKLED, AND THE LIPSTICK WAS SLICK. I KEPT BLINKING WHEN SHE APPLIED MASCARA, BUT SHE SAID I WOULD GET USED TO IT. WHEN WE WERE THROUGH, SHE TOLD ME THAT ANYTIME I WANTED TO WATCH TV WITH HER AND THE "OTHER GIRLS"(MEANING THOSE THAT STAYED CLOSE TO HER) JUST COME ON IN AND JOIN THEM. ANOTHER BIG SMILE, AND SHE LEFT.
"BOY, YOU JUST MADE POINTS!" EXCLAIMED PATTY. "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RUN WITH FRANKIE! BUT WATCH OUT, THAT MATRON THINKS THAT FRANKIE'S CROWD IS TROUBLE, AND LOOKS FOR ANY EXCUSE TO GET DIRT ON THEM!" I WAS STILL STUNNED AT WHAT HAD HAPPENED. FRANKIE WAS NICE! PATTY THOUGHT I WAS A PART OF FRANKIES CROWD? I STILL COULDN'T RECONCILE THE FRANKIE THAT HAD BEEN NICE TO ME WITH THE ONE WHO WAS SO INTIMIDATING. ALSO, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE MATRON'S "SIGHTS" IN ANY WAY AT ALL. BUT, FRANKIE HAD BEEN GOOD TO ME, SO I FIGURED THAT I WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN THE TIME CAME. AS I CONSIDERED THE AMAZING LAST HALF HOUR, I WALKED OVER TO THE MIRROR. TO MY DELIGHT, THE MAKE-UP THAT FRANKIE HAD DONE FOR ME WAS SO NICE. IT WAS LIGHT AND MADE ME LOOK MORE MATURE. I HOPED THAT I COULD REPLICATE IT IN THE MORNING-I WANTED TO GO TO SCHOOL NEXT WEEK WITH A NEW LOOK. RIGHT THEN, I VOWED THAT I WOULD STOP BEING SO TIMID, AND TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY CAME TO ME. IF I NEEDED HELP, I WOULD JUST ASK PATTY OR FRANKIE. WITH A MUCH LIGHTER HEART, I WALKED TO THE DRESSER, AND CAREFULLY ARRANGED THE MAKE-UP ON TOP OF THE DRESSER SCARF. I WOULD KEEP IT OUT TO LOOK AT AND REMEMBER THAT IT MEANT MORE THAN JUST COLOR; IT HAD GIVEN ME A NEW FRIEND.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL

OH, GOODNESS, THE BIG DAY HAD COME. I WAS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL! AND, I WAS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL FROM THE CHILDREN'S HOME. BY NOW, IT WAS APPARENT THAT MOTHER HAD MORE LONG TERM PLANS FOR US AT THE HOME, BUT I HAD NO SENSE OF HOW LONG, SO THERE WAS RATHER AN OPEN END IN MY LIFE. IT HAD BEEN ABOUT 4 WEEKS SINCE MOTHER HAD BROUGHT TO THE HOME, AND THOSE FOUR WEEKS WERE PIVOTAL FOR ME. SO MUCH HAD HAPPENED, SO MUCH GOOD, MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED. I HAD MADE FRIENDS, AND I HAD A PLACE IN THAT SMALL SOCIETY OF THE HOME. I HAD CLOTHES TO WEAR, FOOD WHENEVER I WANTED IT AND WAS LEARNING THE VALUE OF BEING COOPERATIVE AND A PART OF A GROUP. MY TINY SPACE IN THIS UNIVERSE OF LIFE WAS MY BED, DRESSER AND THE SMALL THINGS THAT WERE PRECIOUS TO ME. OF COURSE, I STILL HAD THE BIRDS TOO, AND THEY SEEMED TO BE PETS TO ME. WE COULDN'T HAVE PETS, BUT THOSE BIRDS WERE THERE EVERY DAY, AND WOULD EAT THE CRUMBS THAT I WOULD LEAVE FOR THEM UNDER THE BRANCHES OF THE HUGE TREE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. I CONSIDERED THEM MY BIRDS. LOOKING BACK, THEY WERE JUST ORDINARY SPARROWS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I NEVER DID TELL ANYONE HOW I FELT ABOUT THEM, IT WAS MY "SECRET GARDEN".
THE WEEKS WENT BY QUICKLY, AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, IT WAS TIME FOR SCHOOL TO START. MY CLOTHES WERE NOT FASHIONABLE, AND MY HAIR WAS SHORT IN THE TIME OF "HIPPIE LONG" HAIR. BUT, THESE THINGS WERE NOT OF CONCERN, I JUST WANTED TO ENJOY THIS EXCITING NEW PHASE OF MY LIFE. THE FIRST MORNING, THE BELL RANG TO CALL US TO BREAKFAST. I JUMPED UP, AND QUICKLY MADE MY BED. MY CLOTHES WERE READY, ALL HUNG OUT AND AT MY FINGERTIPS. I SHOWERED THE NIGHT BEFORE, SO THAT WASN'T A PROBLEM. THE BRAS WE HAD WERE COTTON, WITH NO STRETCH AND VERY POINTY. (MOST OF US DID NOT HAVE THE GOODS TO DO THESE BRAS ANY JUSTICE). OUR BRAS AND PANITES WERE SNOWY WHITE, (AND BOY, THEY BETTER STAY THAT WAY) AND THE SLIPS WERE FULL SLIPS. SO, WE WORE A COTTON BRA AND PANTIES, AND A FULL SLIP AND THEN A BLOUSE AND A SKIRT. SO MANY LAYERS! ALL OF US HAD TO LOOK SOMEWHAT ALIKE SO THAT WE PRESENTED UNIFORMITY FROM THE HOME, BUT THAT ONLY MADE US STAND OUT AT THE PUBLIC SCHOOL WE ATTENDED. WHEN I FINALLY DRESSED AND WENT INTO THE DINING ROOM, I SAW AN UNUSUAL RITUAL TAKING PLACE. BEFORE WE COULD TAKE OUR SEATS, THE MATRON WOULD MAKE US KNEEL BEFORE HER. NOW, THIS WAS NOT TO WORSHIP HER, ( I BET SHE WOULD HAVE LIKED US TO) BUT TO MEASURE THE LENGTH OF OUR SKIRTS. OUR SKIRTS HAD TO TOUCH THE FLOOR WHEN WE WERE KNEELING OR WE COULD NOT WEAR THEM. OF COURSE, MOST OF THE GIRLS HIKED THEIR SKIRTS UP AFTER LEAVING THE COTTAGE AND GETTING OFF CAMPUS, BUT FOR THE INSPECTION, THEY HAD BETTER PASS. ALSO, THE MATRON CHECKED TO SEE IF ALL OF OUR BUTTONS WERE BUTTONED UP TO OUR CHIN, THAT OUR SHIRTS WERE SPOTLESS AND THAT WE HAD PUT ON DEODORANT. SO, THIS IS WHAT GREETED ME THAT FIRST MORNING. GIRLS KNEELING, THEN STANDING, TURNING AROUND AND LASTLY SHOWING OFF THEIR ARMPITS. IF SOMEONE HAD ON TOO MUCH MAKE-UP, THE MATRON WOULD LICK HER FINGER AND SMEAR IT. THEN SHE WOULD MAKE THE GIRL SIT THROUGH BREAKFAST WITH SMEARED MAKE-UP, AND THE POOR GIRL WOULD HAVE TO HOPE THAT SHE HAD TIME TO REPAIR HER FACE BEFORE WE HAD TO LEAVE. THE GIRLS WERE WISE TO THIS OLD MATRON. MOST OF THEM WOULD APPEAR AT THE TABLE WITH FRESHLY SCRUBBED FACES, DEVOID OF MAKE-UP. THEN, WHEN BREAKFAST WAS OVER, THEY WOULD FIX THEIR FACES AND THEN LEAVE. THEY WERE REALLY GOOD AT APPLYING MAKE-UP QUICKLY, AND SOME OF THEM COULD DO MAKE-UP WHILE WALKING TO SCHOOL. I GUESS YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
THAT FIRST MORNING, I WALKED TO SCHOOL WITH PATTY AND SOME OF THE OTHER GIRLS. OF THE 15 IN THE COTTAGE, ONLY 7 OF US WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL AND THE REST, STILL ELEMENTARY. IN THOSE DAYS, WE DID NOT HAVE JR.HIGH. IT WAS GRADE K THROUGH 7 FOR ELEMENTARY, AND GRADE 8 THROUGH 12 FOR HIGH SCHOOL. I WAS GOING INTO THE 8TH GRADE. WE HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE SMALL TOWN OF HAPEVILLE GEORGIA TO GET TO THE SCHOOL. WE LEFT THE CAMPUS, WALKED A BIT DOWN A SIDE STREET, CROSSED SOME RAIL ROAD TRACKS AND CAME TO MAIN STREET. WE CONTINUED DOWN MAIN STREET, AND THEN TURNED ONTO A STREET WHERE THE SCHOOL WAS LOCATED AT THE DEAD END. THE SCHOOL WAS 3 STORY AND VERY OLD. THE FRONT DOOR WAS LOCATED AT THE TOP OF SOME CEMENT STAIRS, AND THE KIDS WALKING IN AND OUT, UP AND DOWN, LOOKED LIKE WORKER BEES ON A MISSION. STUDENTS WERE STANDING AROUND IN CLUSTERS, SOME OF THEM PAIRED WITH BOYS AND GIRLS, SOME JUST GIRLS, SOME SMOKING ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING, SOME PARKING CARS. IT WAS THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER AND THE WEATHER WAS STILL WARM. THE WALK HAD MADE MY FACE FLUSHED, I WAS A BIT SWEATY, AND I WISHED I LOOKED AS COOL AND CALM AS THE OTHER KIDS SEEMED TO. I DECIDED THAT I SHOULD WALK INSIDE AND LOOK FOR MY HOME ROOM. SINCE IT WAS THE FIRST DAY, QUITE A FEW OF THE STUDENTS WERE ALREADY SEATED WHEN I GOT THERE. AS I WALKED IN, HEADS TURNED TO CHECK ME OUT. THERE I STOOD, 5'10", JUST OVER 200 POUNDS, AND DRESSED LIKE ONE OF THE "ORPHANS". I HAD ON DARK RIMMED GLASSES TOO, AND RIGHT AWAY, SOMEONE WHISPERED, (LOUDLY)"OH LOOK. ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ORPHANS!" NO ONE GREETED ME, SO I JUST WALKED TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM AND TOOK A SEAT. FROM THERE I WATCHED THE "PEACOCKS" ARRIVE. GIRLS WITH BRIGHT COLORS, FASHIONABLE AT THE TIME, MINI-SKIRTS, KNEE SOCKS AND VARIED SHOE STYLES. THEIR HAIR SWUNG DOWN THEIR BACKS IN RHYTHM WITH THEIR WALK. EYE SHADOWS WERE BRIGHT WHITES AND PASTELS, AND EYELASHES WERE THICK WITH MASCARA. LIPSTICKS WERE ULTRA-SHINY CORALS, PINKS AND EVEN ALMOST WHITE. MOST OF THEM STYLED THEIR HAIR AFTER CHER, WHO WAS A FASHION ICON AT THE TIME. THIS MEANT BANGS CUT STRAIGHT ACROSS JUST BELOW THE EYEBROW, AND STRAIGHT DOWN THE BACK, AND AGAIN CUT STRAIGHT ACROSS. AS EACH GIRL OR BOY ARRIVED, THEY GLANCED MY WAY, AND THEN TOOK A SECOND LOOK. I BEGAN TO FEEL MORE AND MORE SELF-CONCIOUS. I WANTED TO GET UP AND LEAVE. CONVERSATIONS WERE FLYING AS THOSE SEPARATED BY THE SUMMER WERE REUNITED. AS I SAT THERE, FEELING SO DESPERATE, I HEARD A VOICE NEXT TO ME. ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS I HAD EVER SEEN STOOD THERE, LONG HAIR, SHORT SKIRT, PERFECT MAKEUP, SHINY LOAFERS, (WITH A PENNY IN THE SLIT AT THE TOP OF THE LOAFER) OVAL NAILS AND A SMILE FOR ME. PUTTING HER HAND OUT SHE SAID, "HELLO, YOU ARE ONE OF THE NEW KIDS AT THE HOME, AREN'T YOU? I CAN TELL, BECAUSE YOU LOOK LOST. AND OF COURSE, YOU DRESS LIKE THEM." SHE TOLD ME HER NAME AND SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME. "LISTEN, YOU WILL BE OKAY. IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I AM RIGHT HERE." SHE WAS AN ANGEL. HER NAME WAS CLARICE. MY HEART SWELLED TO BURSTING WITH GRATITUDE. I SMILED AT HER, AND SHE ASKED MY NAME. "JODIE" I SAID. AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I ADDED, "MOST OF THE KIDS CALL ME PORKY". SHE LOOKED SHOCKED. "PORKY? WHY? THAT IS NOT VERY NICE!" SHE EXCLAIMED. "OH NO" I ASSURED HER, "THEY ARE NOT BEING MEAN, I GUESS IT IS BECAUSE I REMIND THEM OF PORKY PIG!" NOW, NO ONE HAD EVER CALLED ME "PORKY". I GUESS I THOUGHT THAT IF I HAD A NICKNAME, THEN SHE WOULD THINK I WAS COOL. THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW THE LEVEL OF MY SELF-ESTEEM. SHE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD TELL THEM TO NEVER CALL ME PORKY AGAIN, IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF. YES, SHE WAS AN ANGEL. SHE SAT NEAR ME AND BY NOW, THE ROOM HAD ALL BUT FILLED UP. I GOT THE SECOND LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY. IN WALKED A TALL, BLONDE HAIRED BOY, TANNED,LOOSE LIMBED, LANKY, GRINNING, SO VERY CUTE AND INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE. HE WAS SMILING, AND HAD GORGEOUS WHITE TEETH. HE PASSED THROUGHT THE ROOM, JOKING AND FLIRTING. I RECALL THAT HE HAD ON KHAKI PANTS AND A BLUE SHIRT. HE WAS WEARING CONVERSE TENNIS SHOES AND HIS HAIR WAS CURLING AT THE BASE OF HIS HEAD. HIS EYES WERE BLUE AND CRINKLED WITH HUMOR. I THINK I FELL IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. THEN, HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO CLARICE, AND TEASED HER HAIR, RUNNING HIS FINGERS THROUGH THE END OF IT. SHE TURNED TO HIM WITH A GLOWING SMILE AND TOUCHED HIS ARM. "WILL, MEET JODIE. SHE IS NEW IN THE HOME." WILL GRUNTED SOMETHING IN MY DIRECTION, BUT HE ONLY HAD EYES FOR CLARICE. LUCKY, LUCKY CLARICE. PERFECT CLARICE. AND TO ME, SHE WAS. SHE WAS KIND, LOVELY AND MADE ME FEEL GOOD. AND, SHE OBVIOUSLY HAD WILL. THE HOME ROOM TEACHER WALKED IN AND WE ALL SETTLED DOWN. WE RECEIVED THE USUAL WELCOME BACK TO SCHOOL SPEECH, AND SINCE WE WERE 8TH GRADERS, A QUICK RUN DOWN ON WHAT TO EXPECT IN OUR NEW SCHOOL. MY HEAD WAS SOON BURSTING WITH INFORMATION ON LOCKERS, PAD LOCKS, TIME SCHEDULES, CLASSES, DRESS CODES AND SO MUCH MORE. PANIC SET IN. I COULDN'T REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW TO GET TO THOSE CLASSES, COULD I? COULD I MAKE IT IN TIME? WHAT IF I HAD TO GO THE THE BATHROOM? WHERE WERE THEY ANYWAY? BUT, WE WEREN'T EXPECTED TO GET IT ALL RIGHT AWAY, AND THE TEACHER EXPLAINED THAT HELP WOULD BE THERE IF WE NEEDED IT. MY CLASSES WERE THE USUAL ENGLISH, MATH, SOCIAL STUDIES, WITH PE, HOMEMAKING AND OF ALL THINGS, LATIN. I CAN'T RECALL WHY I CHOSE LATIN, AND TO LOOK BACK, IT WAS WASTED TIME. THE MORNING PASSED IN CONFUSION, AND SOON IT WAS TIME FOR LUNCH. WE HERDED TO THE CAFETERIA LIKE BOVINE LEMMINGS. I STOOD IN LINE AND SLOWLY MADE MY WAY TO THE FRONT. THERE WAS MYSTERY MEAT, VEGETABLES, BREAD AND MILK. I GOT A TRAY, AND THEN, IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT. AS I REACHED THE CASHIER, SHE LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN AND SAID, "ARE YOU ONE OF THE KIDS FROM THE HOME?" I SAID YES, AND SHE HANDED ME A PEN. "SIGN YOUR NAME ON THE LIST AND MOVE ALONG". IT SEEMED THAT THE WORLD HAD GROUND TO A HALT. ALL EYES WERE ON ME, AS THE OTHER STUDENTS WAITED TO PAY FOR THEIR LUNCH. SOMEONE YELLED, "HURRY UP!" I LOOKED AROUND, AND THE CASHIER SNAPPED, "COME ON, SIGN YOUR NAME! RIGHT THERE! HURRY UP!" SO, I DID, AND I KNEW THAT NOT ONLY DID EVERYONE KNOW I LIVED AT THE HOME, BUT OBVIOUSLY, I WAS AN IGNORANT "ORPHAN". ENGULFED WITH EMBARRASSMENT,I GRABBED MY TRAY, AND TRIED TO FIND A TABLE TO BE BY MYSELF. THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH FULL. FINALLY, I HAD TO ASK IF I COULD JOIN A GROUP, AND TO MY SURPRISE, THE CHEERFULLY AGREED. THIS WAS TO BE MY FIRST MEETING WITH A GROUP OF GIRLS WHO WOULD BEFRIEND ME FOR THE REST OF MY TIME AT THE SCHOOL. UPON BEING ASKED MY NAME, I BLURTED OUT, "PORKY!" AND TO THEIR SHOCKED LOOKS, ASSURRED THEM THAT MY REAL NAME WAS JODIE, AND THAT PORKY WAS A NICKNAME THAT I DID NOT ENCOURAGE. SOON, WE WERE TALKING, MOSTLY ABOUT LIFE AT THE HOME. THEY WEREN'T BEING MEAN, JUST CURIOUS. I DID NOT MIND DESCRIBING LIFE AT THE HOME AND THEY LISTENED ATTENTIVELY. ONE OF THEM TOLD ME THAT LAST YEAR, THEY HAD TRIED TO TALK TO ONE OF THE GIRLS FROM THE HOME AND SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN ANGRY. I LAUGHED AND TOLD THEM THAT I DIDN'T MIND, AND TO ASK ANYTHING. BEFORE I KNEW IT, LUNCH WAS OVER. THE DAY PASSED AND I HAD TO WALK BACK TO THE HOME. ALL IN ALL, MY FIRST DAY WASN'T SO BAD, AND ON THE WAY BACK, MY BROTHER GEORGE CAUGHT UP TO ME AND WE WERE ABLE TO BE TOGETHER. WHEN I GOT TO THE COTTAGE, I DID MY HOMEWORK, MY CHORES AND SAT ON MY BED, THINKING ABOUT THE DAY. THROUGH MY OPEN WINDOW, I HEARD THE BIRDS. I FELT LIKE THEY WERE GREETING ME, WELCOMING ME HOME. IT WAS VERY COMFORTING. I TOLD MYSELF TO REMEMBER TO GET SOME CRUMBS FOR THEM AFTER DINNER. WE HAD SUPPER, DID SOME MORE CHORES AND THEN GATHERED TO WATCH TV AND TALK ABOUT THE DAY. MRS. THOMPSON SURPRISED US WITH HOT CHOCOLATE BEFORE WE WENT TO BED, AND THEN IT WAS LIGHTS OUT. I GOT READY FOR BED, TOOK OFF MY LOVELY LITTLE GREEN RING AND HID IT IN THE DRAWER. AS I PLACED IT IN THE BACK OF THE DRAWER, MY FINGERS TOUCHED THE MAKE-UP THAT LAY HIDDEN. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT ONE DAY, I WOULD GET PATTY OR ONE OF THE GIRLS TO SHOW ME HOW TO USE IT. FOR NOW, IT WAS MY TREASURE. CROSSING THE ROOM, I LAY IN MY BED IN THE DARK AND TRACED THE OUTLINE OF THE WAFFLE WEAVE OF THE BEDSPREAD. DRAWING IN THE SCENT OF THE STARCHED AND BLEACHED LINEN, I REFLECTED ON THE DAY. THERE WAS SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO. LISTENING FOR THE BIRDS IN THE MORNING, GOING TO SCHOOL, MEETING MY NEW FRIENDS AND WATCHING FOR WILL. ALTHOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW I WAS ALIVE, HE WAS STILL GOOD TO LOOK AT. I WAS HAPPY FOR CLARICE, HE SEEMED TO LIKE HER SO MUCH. THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR ME. SHE DESERVED IT, AS SHE WAS AN ANGEL.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

HALLEUAH

THE HOME WAS SPONSORED BY THE BAPTIST CHURCH, MEANING THE ORGANIZATION TO WHICH MANY OF THE BAPTIST CHURCHES WERE A PART. OF COURSE, WE HAD TO GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY. IT WAS IMPERATIVE THAT WE WERE DRESSED OUR BEST, AND ON OUR BEST BEHAVIOR. MOST OF THE GIRLS DIDN'T LIKE GOING TO CHURCH, BUT I ALWAYS HAD, AND LOOKED FORWARD TO MEETING THE PEOPLE AT THE CHURCH WHERE WE WORSHIPPED.
ON SATURDAY WE THOROUGHLY CLEANED THE COTTAGE, MADE SURE THAT ALL THE LAUNDRY WAS DONE, CHANGED THE BEDS AND COOKED ANYTHING FOR SUNDAY THAT WAS NOT DONE LAST-MINUTE. FOR INSTANCE, A POT ROAST WOULD BE COOKED ON SATURDAY TO BE REFRIGERATED AND WARMED UP ON SUNDAY SO THAT THERE WOULD NOT BE TOO MUCH TO DO. THINGS LIKE OPENING VEGETABLES OR COOKING RICE OR POTATOES COULD BE DONE AFTER CHURCH, AS WELL AS BISCUITS OR CORNBREAD. DESSERTS WERE ALWAYS DONE ON SATURDAY AS WELL. IN THOSE DAYS, IF YOU WERE GOING TO SET YOUR HAIR, IT HAD TO BE DONE ON SATURDAY NIGHT AND YOU WOULD SLEEP IN ROLLERS. WE DIDN'T HAVE BLOW DRYERS OR HOT ROLLERS THEN. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO SLEEP IN ROLLERS AND SO I WAS HAPPY THAT MY HAIR WAS SHORT. WE HAD TO SET OUT OUR CLOTHES AND SHOES FOR CHURCH BEFORE GOING TO BED, AND EVERYTHING HAD BETTER BE IRONED AND NEAT. THE OLDER GIRLS, (WHICH, IT TURNED OUT THAT I WAS CONSIDERED TO BE ONE OF) HAD TO WEAR STOCKINGS, A GIRDLE AND A FULL SLIP UNDER THEIR SUNDAY OUTFITS. WHEN I SAY STOCKINGS, I MEAN THE KIND THAT CAME TO THE UPPER THIGH AND HOOKED ONTO THE GIRDLE TO BE HELD UP. (PANTY HOSE WERE SOMETHING ONLY THE WELL TO DO COULD AFFORD). STOCKINGS WERE GIVEN ONCE A MONTH, AND WE HAD TO REALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM. ON SUNDAY MORNING, WE WERE ALLOWED TO COME TO THE TABLE IN HOUSECOATS AND SLIPPERS, EVEN WEARING THEM WHEN YOU HAD CLEAN-UP DUTY. THE BREAKFAST TABLE WAS A PLETHORA OF CHENILLE HOUSECOATS IN EVERY PASTEL COLOR, FUZZY SLIPPERS THAT LOOKED LIKE EASTER EGGS, AND HUGE ROLLERS GRACING EVERY ONE'S HEAD THAT HAD LONG HAIR. SOME OF THE GIRLS USED ORANGE JUICE CANS FOR ROLLERS, AND WHEN THEY WERE TAKEN DOWN, THE HAIR WAS USUALLY STRAIGHT, BUT WITH LOTS OF BODY. SOME OF THE GIRLS HAD PIERCED EARS, BUT NO EARRINGS. I MADE LOTS OF BROWNIE POINTS WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT YOU COULD CUT OFF 3/4 OF A SEWING PIN, THE KIND WITH COLORFUL OR PEARL TOPS AND PUT THEM THROUGH YOUR EARS TO LOOK LIKE EARRINGS. YOU COULD KEEP THEM ON WITH A SMALL PIECE OF A PENCIL ERASER. I MADE EARRINGS FOR EVERYONE THAT WANTED THEM SINCE I HAD ACCESS TO THE SEWING PINS IN THE SEWING ROOM. I HAD "EARRINGS" IN ALL COLORS, AN ENTIRE WARDROBE OF THEM. WHEN BREAKFAST WAS OVER, IF WE HAD NO KITCHEN DUTY, WE WERE ASSIGNED A YOUNGER GIRL TO HELP HER GET READY FOR CHURCH. THIS INVOLVED GETTING THEM DRESSED AND FIXING THEIR HAIR. I LOVED TO DO THIS AS I HAD NO YOUNGER SISTER. FINALLY, WE LINED UP FOR INSPECTION, AND FILED OUT THE DOOR TO GET ON THE BUS. WE WORSHIPPED AT A LOCAL BAPTIST CHURCH, AND SINCE THE TOWN WAS SMALL, IT WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE AREA. TO THE MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH, WE WERE KNOWN AS THE "ORPHANS". WE ALL HAD TO SIT RIGHT DOWN IN THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH, RIGHT UNDER THE PULPIT IN FULL VIEW OF EVERYONE. ALL OF THE COTTAGES WENT TO CHURCH TOGETHER AND THIS WAS THE ONE DAY THAT I GOT TO SEE MY BROTHERS. IT HURT. I MISSED THEM SO MUCH, AND WORRIED SO MUCH ABOUT LITTLE KENNY. GEORGE WAS A YEAR OLDER THAN ME, AND HE TOOK CARE OF KENNY, BUT STILL I WORRIED AND GRIEVED FOR HIM. MY EMOTIONS WERE IN CHECK. IT WAS SO STRANGE THAT I FELT SO DETACHED, UNTIL I HAD TO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE SOMETHING. AS LONG AS I DIDN'T SEE KENNY, I DIDN'T HAVE MANY FEELINGS. BUT, JUST A GLIMPSE OF HIM STARTED FEELINGS OF DESPERATION AND FEAR. I HAD TO LEARN TO TAMP THEM DOWN. I TRIED ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS TO JUST SIT AND THINK ABOUT MY BROTHERS, BUT IT WAS LIKE PICKING AT A SORE- TOO MUCH, AND I WOULD BLEED PAIN FROM MY HEART. IT IS SO HARD TO WRITE ABOUT THIS, AS THE FEELINGS EVEN TODAY, ARE FRESH AND PAINFUL. ANYWAY, ON SUNDAY, I GOT TO SEE MY BROTHERS, AND LATER, WHEN SCHOOL STARTED, I GOT TO SEE THEM EACH DAY. MY BROTHERS AND I GOT TO SIT TOGETHER IN CHURCH. GEORGE HATED TO GO TO CHURCH, AND WAS TERRIBLY BORED. HE WOULD POKE AT ME AND TRY TO MAKE ME LAUGH OR DO SOMETHING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO US. I DIDN'T WANT TO ATTRACT THE MATRON IN ANY WAY, SO I TRIED TO IGNORE HIM. HE LOVED TORMENTING ME LIKE THAT. I WOULD BRING THINGS FOR KENNY, SO THAT HE COULD BE GOOD IN CHURCH. HE WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD, AND I DIDN'T WANT HIM GETTING IN TROUBLE. THE PREACHER LOVED TO PREACH. HE LOVED TO PRAY. IT WAS SO HARD TO SIT THERE AND NOT FALL ASLEEP. SOME OF THE KIDS HAD PERFECTED THE ART OF CUTTING UP WITH EACH OTHER WHILE APPEARING TO BE ENRAPTURED BY THE SERMON. I ENVIED THEM. WHEN THE PREACHER WOULD BEGAN TO PRAY, HE WOULD START EVERY SENTENCE WITH, "I PRAY LORD THAT" AND I MEAN EACH AND EVERY SENTENCE. HE COULD SPOUT AT LEAST A 15 MINUTE PRAYER, AND WE HAD TO BE VERY REVERENT ESPECIALLY THAT WE WERE JUST UNDER HIS NOSE. SO, IT WAS, "I PRAY LORD THAT YOU WILL BLESS THE CROPS, OR, I PRAY LORD THAT SISTER SMITH WILL FEEL BETTER," AND ON AND ON. ONCE, WHEN HE WAS ESPECIALLY LONG WINDED, I MUTTERED TO MYSELF, "I PRAY LORD THAT HE WOULD SHUT UP ALREADY!" AND TO MY AMAZEMENT, HE SAID, "AMEN"! ANOTHER TIME, WHEN HE WAS DRONING ON AND ON WITH A SERMON, HE STOPPED AND STARED AT ME. I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION, AND JERKED TO ATTENTION WHEN I REALIZED THAT I WAS IN HIS SIGHTS. MY HEART LEAPT INTO MY THROAT, WONDERING WHAT I HAD DONE. BUT, IT WASN'T ME HE WAS GLARING AT, BUT MY BROTHER GEORGE. GEORGE WAS MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF PICKING HIS NOSE AND LOOKING AT THE BUGGARS. HE WOULD THEN WIPE THEM ON HIS PANTS AND GO BACK FOR MORE. I KNEW, I JUST KNEW THAT HE WAS DOING IT TO AGGRAVATE THE PREACHER. I PUNCHED HIM HARD AND WHISPERED AT HIM TO STOP IT, AND HE JUST SHRUGGED AND WITH A BIG GRIN, LOOKED BACK AT THE PREACHER. I BELIEVE I HEARD THE PREACHER MUTTER SOMETHING LIKE, "LITTLE DEVIL" AND HE WENT BACK TO THE SERMON. THANK GOODNESS FOR ME THAT MRS. THOMPSON SAW THAT IT WAS GEORGE AND NOT ME THAT WAS CAUSING THE RUCKUS.
WHEN WE GOT OFF THE CHURCH BUS, WE WERE EACH GIVEN A DIME TO PUT IN THE OFFERING PLATE. I COULD FEEL THE EYES OF THE OTHER CHURCH MEMBERS WATCHING AS EACH OF US DUTIFULLY PLACED OUT DIME IN THE PLATE, ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS WONDERED IF THEY WERE MAKING SURE WE PUT THE MONEY IN AND DIDN'T TAKE IT OUT! A QUICK COUNT WAS MADE AT THE END OF EACH PASS THROUGH THE CONGREGATION, AND IF IT WAS NOT SUFFICIENT, THE PREACHER WOULD SAY, "DIG IN DEEP! WE NEED A NEW WINDOW!" OR SOME OTHER NEED. I HAVE SEEN THE PLATE GO AROUND AT LEAST 4 TIMES BEFORE HE GAVE UP. (YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE MEMBERS WOULD LEARN SOONER OR LATER!)
I WAS AN OLD HAND AT IGNORING COMMENTS AND LOOKS GIVEN IN REFERENCE TO THE FACT THAT I HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO WEAR STYLISH CLOTHING, BUT WE DID GET PLENTY OF "BEHIND OUR BACKS" CRITICISM OVER THE CLOTHING WE WORE, AND I KNEW THAT THE "ORPHANS" STOOD OUT BECAUSE WE WERE DEPENDENT ON THE BENEVOLENCE OF THE CHURCH MEMBERS. IT COULD HAVE BEEN EMBARRASSING, BUT I JUST DIDN'T CARE. LET THEM LOOK. LET THEM TALK. I MADE A VOW THAT I WOULD NEVER, EVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ANYONE OR MAKE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE, BECAUSE I KNEW TOO WELL HOW IT FELT.
FINALLY, BLISSFULLY, THE PREACHER WOUND DOWN, AND THEN, WOULD ISSUE AN INVITATION TO ANYONE WHO WANTED TO CONFESS THEIR SINS BEFORE GOD AND BECOME A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH. SO, JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO GET OUT OF THERE, THE CHOIR WOULD SING VERSE AFTER INTERMINABLE VERSE OF A HYMN INVITING THE "SINNERS" TO COME AND GIVE UP THEIR SINS. IF NO ONE CAME DOWN, THEN THEY JUST KEPT SINGING. MORE THAN ONCE I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING, JUST TO FILL THE RANKS.
FINALLY, IT WAS OVER. WE GOT BACK ON THE BUS, AND HOME TO OUR COTTAGES. WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR CLOTHES, AND GET READY FOR LUNCH. MOST OF US HAD SOMETHING TO DO TO GET LUNCH OR "DINNER" AS IT WAS CALLED, ON THE TABLE. THEN, WE ALL TOOK OUR SEATS WHILE THE MATRON SAT AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE AND REGALLY WAITED FOR EVERYONE TO BE SEATED AND THE FOOD TO BE PUT ON THE TABLE. IF I THOUGHT SHE WAS LONG WINDED PRAYING BEFORE, WELL, IT WAS MARATHON TIME AT SUNDAY DINNER. IT SEEMED THAT SHE WOULD NEVER SHUT UP, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I WAS SO HUNGRY AND THE FOOD LOOKED SO GOOD. WHILE SHE DRONED ON, YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP IN BETWEEN HER WORDS, AS THE GIRLS WERE SO QUIET. I FOUND OUT WHY, THE HARD WAY. THE FIRST SUNDAY, I WAS SITTING WITH MY HEAD DOWN, THINKING ABOUT HOW HUNGRY I WAS. THE HOT, STEAMING, FLUFFY BISCUITS WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I COULD SMELL THEM, SEE THE STEAM RISING AND THE BUTTER MELTING. THE PLATE WAS PILED HIGH, AND I SILENTLY COUNTED THEM. SUDDENLY, MY STOMACH GROWLED REALLY LOUDLY, ENOUGH SO THAT THE MATRON JERKED UP HER HEAD AND WITH PIERCING STARE, TRIED TO FIND THE CULPRIT THAT HAD THE NERVE TO HAVE THEIR GUTS GROWL IN THE MIDDLE OF HER PRAYER. I SAID A PRAYER OF MY OWN. "OH, PLEASE PLEASE GOD, LET HER THINK IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE! LET HER PASS ME BY." I KEPT MY HEAD BOWED. SOME OF THE OTHER GIRLS SNICKERED, AND SHE JUMPED ON THEM. "WHAT HAPPENS TO GIRLS WITH RUDE MANNERS!" SHE DEMANDED. WE ALL KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO GIRLS WITH RUDE MANNERS, AND THE SNICKERING STOPPED. MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED, AS SHE QUICKLY SAID, "AMEN" AND "PASS THE BISCUITS". DINNER WENT ON WITHOUT INCIDENT, AND THEN IT WAS "SUNDAY VISITING AFTERNOON". THIS WAS THE TIME WHEN FAMILIES COULD COME AND VISIT IF THEY WANTED TO. MOTHER CAME THE FIRST SUNDAY, AND I WAS SO GLAD TO SEE HER. SHE TOOK GEORGE, KENNY AND ME INTO TOWN TO GET SOME ICE CREAM. THE NEXT SUNDAY, SHE DIDN'T COME, BUT ONCE IN AWHILE SHE WAS ABLE TO. I JUST HATED SITTING THERE, WAITING FOR HER, NEVER SURE IF SHE WOULD BE THERE OR NOT. THE TROUBLE WAS, WE ALL HAD TO SIT THERE EVEN IF OUR FAMILIES WERE NOT COMING. IT MADE FOR A LONG AFTERNOON. AT SIX O'CLOCK, WE HAD TO GET BACK ON THE BUS FOR THE EVENING SERVICE. MORE PREACHING. MORE PLATE PASSING. MORE SINNER CALLING. AND FINALLY, FINALLY, THE LONG DAY WAS OVER, AND IT WAS BED TIME. I WILL SAY, THAT WE COULD HAVE SNACKS ANYTIME WE WANTED, IF WE WERE WILLING TO GET THEM AND CLEAN UP AFTERWARD. ON SUNDAY NIGHTS AFTER CHURCH, THE GIRLS AND I WOULD GET TOGETHER AND HAVE A SNACK AND TALK AND VISIT. IT WAS A GOOD TIME FOR US, AS WE WERE COMPANIONABLE. FRANKIE AND HER CROWD STAYED APART FROM US, BUT THAT WAS OKAY. WE PLAYED BOARD GAMES, (CARDS WERE A NO-NO EVEN THOUGH WE PLAYED BEHIND THE MATRON'S BACK) OR WATCHED TV OR LISTENED TO THE RADIO. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT BOYFRIENDS WERE DISCUSSED OR PROBLEMS THAT WE WERE HAVING. I REALIZED THAT I WAS BEGINNING TO FIT IN. I FELT A PART OF THE GROUP, AND IT WAS REALLY SPECIAL FOR ME. LOOKING BACK, I KNOW NOW THAT I WAS A BIT OF A DOORMAT SO THAT THEY WOULD LIKE ME, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF THE START OF HIGH SCHOOL. LOVE, NANASEE

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

SHOPPING FOR SHOES

THE BIG DAY HAD COME. I WAS GOING TO ATLANTA TO BUY SOME NEW SHOES. I HAD A LONG NIGHT, BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE TRIP. WHEN I AWOKE, I LOOKED OUT THE OPEN WINDOW AS USUAL, AND WELCOMED THE SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRPING. THAT SOUND HAD COME TO REPRESENT CHEER TO ME, AND BEING YOUNG, I CONSIDERED THE BIRDS MY FRIENDS. IT SEEMED AS THOUGH THEY WERE WELCOMING ME EACH MORNING. OF COURSE I KEPT THESE THOUGHT TO MYSELF, AS I DIDN'T WANT THE OTHER GIRLS TO MAKE FUN OF ME. GOING TO MY DRESSER I RUMMAGED TO THE BACK OF MY "SECRET DRAWER" WHICH IN REALITY WAS ONLY MY TOP DRAWER, BUT I HAD MY TREASURES STASHED IN THE VERY BACK, WRAPPED IN SOCKS. FIRST, I TOOK OUT THE LITTLE GREEN RING AND PUT IT ON MY FINGER. THAT TOO, SEEMED TO WINK A WELCOME TO ME, AS IF IT KNEW THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A SPECIAL DAY. THEN, I CHECKED TO SEE IF THE MAKE-UP WAS STILL THERE AND UNTOUCHED. IT WAS. I WAS SO HAPPY TO HAVE THE MAKE-UP, BUT I WASN'T SURE EXACTLY HOW TO USE IT, SO UNTIL I GATHEREDTHE COURAGE TO ASK SOMEONE, I KEPT IT A SECRET. I DID BRUSH MY LIPS WITH THE LIGHTLY COLORED LIPSTICK AND USED THE DEODORANT. I THEN TOOK MY BRUSH AND FLUFFED MY LOVELY NEW HAIRSTYLE. I WISHED I HAD HAD SOME EARRINGS TO WEAR, BUT THAT WOULD HAVE TO COME IN THE FUTURE. I DRESSED IN SOME OF MY NEW CLOTHES, AND THEN FELT A BURNING SHAME. I HAD TO WEAR THE BOYS TENNIS SHOES THAT I HAD BEEN GIVEN, AND IT REALLY RUINED MY OUTFIT. HOW COULD I GO INTO A SHOE STORE WITH THOSE HIDEOUS TENNIS SHOES? I FELT LIKE CRYING. THEN A SMALL VOICE WHISPERED IN MY HEART THAT I WOULD SOON HAVE WONDERFUL NEW SHOES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS AND IT WOULD ONLY BE A SHORT TIME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO WEAR THE BOYS TENNIS SHOES. WHEN I WAS DRESSED, I WENT AND SAT DOWN ON MY BED AGAIN, WATCHING PATTY SLEEP. SHE LOOKED SO SWEET IN SLEEP, AND WAS HUGGING HER PINK BEAR. I THOUGHT THAT IF MOTHER WAS GOING TO GET ME A PRESENT FOR CHRISTMAS THAT YEAR, PERHAPS I WOULD ASK FOR A STUFFED PINK PIG. MAYBE IF I SAVED MY ALLOWANCE, I COULD BUY MY OWN STUFFED PIG. BUT, THESE WERE JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS, AND SOON THE BELL RANG FOR BREAKFAST. BY NOW, I HAD GOTTEN QUITE GOOD AT MAKING MY BED AND STRAIGHTENING THE ROOM, AND DIDN'T PANIC EACH TIME THE BELL WENT OFF. PATTY STIRRED, AND THEN LOOKED AT ME. "HOLY COW" SHE SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU ALL FIXED UP FOR?" I GRINNED AND TOLD HER THAT I WAS GOING INTO TOWN TO GET SOME NEW SHOES. "WELL, I'M SURE GLAD, YOU LOOK STUPID WEARING THOSE TENNIS SHOES." SHE REPLIED. I KNOW THAT SHE DID NOT MEAN TO INSULT ME, BUT WAS COMMISERATING WITH ME BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE ANY OTHER SHOES. WE QUICKLY DASHED ABOUT, CLEANING THE ROOM AND AFTER PATTY DRESSED, WE WENT INTO BREAKFAST. AS USUAL, WE TRIED TO GET THE CHAIRS CLOSE TO MRS. THOMPSON; WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANY WHERE NEAR THE MATRON. THEN, I NOTICED SOMETHING THAT FROZE MY HEART. THE CHART LISTED ME AS BEING ON CLEAN-UP DUTY AFTER BREAKFAST. CLEAN-UP DUTY! OH GOSH, AND I WAS ALL READY TO GO TO GET MY SHOES. I HAD MY NICEST CLOTHES ON AND DIDN'T WANT TO BE LATE TO LEAVE. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MENTION TO THE MATRON THAT I HAD TO BE READY TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY, I WAS SO AFRAID THAT SHE WOULD TELL ME I COULDN'T GO. I WANTED TO GO SO BADLY. THOSE SHOES WERE WAITING FOR ME. AS THE FOOD WAS PLACED ON THE TABLE, I FELT MY STOMACH TURNING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY BAD NERVES. DURING THE PRAYER, I TRIED TO KEEP THE TEARS FROM FORMING. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO? AFTER THE MATRON SAID "AMEN" TO THE PRAYERS, SHE LOOKED DOWN THE TABLE WHERE I WAS SITTING. "WELL, LOOK AT YOU, MISS FANCY PANTS" SHE SAID. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE ALL DRESSED UP TO GO SOMEWHERE!" MY HEART BEGAN TO THUD IN MY CHEST. I WAS GEARING UP THE COURAGE TO TELL HER ABOUT MY SPECIAL DAY, WHEN MRS. THOMPSON GENTLY TOUCHED MY HAND AND SPOKE TO THE MATRON. "YES, JODIE IS GOING SOMEWHERE TODAY. SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY." THE MATRON STOOD UP AND POINTED TO THE DUTY CHART. "SHE AIN'T GOIN NOWHERE UNTIL SHE CLEANS UP THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING! SHE SAID, WHILE GLARING AT ME. I BEGAN TO FEEL FAINT. I WAS SO SCARED OF HER. AGAIN, MRS. THOMPSON SPOKE. "JODIE IS GOING INTO TOWN TO GET SOME SHOES. IT HAS BEEN CLEARED WITH THE ADMINISTRATOR. SHE NEED TO GET GOING AS SOON AS SHE EATS. I WILL CLEAN THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING. DON'T WORRY, IT WILL GET DONE". THE MATRON GLARED AT ME AGAIN, SAYING, "WELL, IS SHE TOO GOOD TO GET SOME SHOES FROM THE CLOTHING ROOM? OH, YEAH, HER FEET ARE TOO BIG. SHE HAS TO GET SPECIAL SHOES FOR BIG FEET" AND THEN SHE SAT DOWN AND DEMANDED THAT THE BISCUITS BE PASSED TO HER. BY NOW, ALL OF THE GIRLS WERE LOOKING AT ME, SOME SMIRKING, SOME LAUGHING AND SOME, WHO HAD BECOME MY FRIENDS, LOOKING ANGRY. MRS. THOMPSON BEGAN TO MAKE SMALL TALK, AND THE GIRLS JOINED IN, BUT THE MATRON KEPT GLANCING IN MY DIRECTION. WHY WAS SHE SUCH AN OLD WITCH? WHAT DID SHE HAVE AGAINST ME? THEN, I LOOKED AT MRS. THOMPSON, AND SHE WINKED AT ME AND GAVE ME A LITTLE SMILE. "YOU BETTER HURRY, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE," SHE SAID. I GOBBLED UP THE FOOD ON MY PLATE, TOOK MY DISHES TO THE SINK, RINSED THEM AND SET THEM ASIDE. I WENT BACK TO THE DOOR AND WAVED AT MRS. THOMPSON AND RAN OUT THE BACK DOOR. I ARRIVED IN PLENTY OF TIME TO THE CLOTHING ROOM, AND THE CLOTHING MANAGER WAS WAITING FOR ME. (BY THE WAY, HER NAME WAS MRS. CLAYTON).
SHE GAVE ME A CHEERFUL "GOOD MORNING SWEETIE", AND OPENED THE CAR DOOR FOR ME. IT WAS AN OLD CAR, BUT THE INTERIOR WAS OF LEATHER AND WAS CLEAN AND POLISHED. IT SMELLED GOOD TO ME, AND I SLID IN, KEEPING MY KNEES TOGETHER AS BEST I COULD SO THAT I COULD ACT LIKE A LADY. MRS. CLAYTON COMPLIMENTED MY HAIR AND OUTFIT, AND SAID I LOOKED JUST LIKE A YOUNG LADY. SHE WAS DRESSED IN A NAVY BLUE DRESS WITH WHITE CUFFS ON THE HALF-SLEEVES AND A LACE COLLAR. THE WAIST NIPPED IN, EMPHASIZING HER WIDE HIPS. SHE HAD LARGE PEARL EARRINGS AND A STRAND OF LARGE PEARLS AROUND HER NECK. SHE HAD STYLED HER HAIR AND PLACED A NAVY PILL BOX HAT ON HER HEAD. SHE HAD ROUGED HER CHEEKS, PUT ON RED LIPSTICK AND SMELLED LIKE JASMINE. SHE LOOKED LIKE AUNT BEA ON THE "ANDY OF MAYBERRY" SHOW. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL TO ME. BEFORE WE LEFT, WE SAID A LITTLE PRAYER FOR SAFETY. I PRAYED THAT WE COULD ACTUALLY FIND SOME SHOES THAT WOULD FIT ME. THEN, WE WERE OFF. IT SEEMED THAT THE TRIP WAS REALLY SHORT, BUT THEN WE WEREN'T THAT FAR OUT OF TOWN. THE HOME WAS LOCATED IN A SMALL TOWN NAMED HAPEVILLE GEORGIA. AS MENTIONED BEFORE, IT WAS JUST OUTSIDE OF ATLANTA, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AIRPORT. YEARS BEFORE, IT WAS A DISTANCE FROM ATLANTA GEORGIA, BUT THE CITY HAD GROWN TO ALMOST INCUDE HAPEVILLE. TO MY SURPRISE, WE DROVE RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE CITY. THIS WAS MY OLD STOMPING GROUNDS, MANY TIMES I HAD TAKEN THE BUS BY MYSELF OR WITH GRANDMOTHER TO SHOP DOWNTOWN. I WAS VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE STORES AND SURROUNDING RESTAURANTS. (NOT THAT I HAD EATEN AT ANY OF THEM VERY OFTEN, BUT MANY TIME HAD WISHED I COULD). ONE PLACE IN PARTICULAR THAT CAUGHT MY EYE WAS THE WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER PLACE. HOW I LOVED WHITE CASTLES, ALL GREASY AND SLIPPERY, WITH THE GRILLED ONIONS AND SOFT, STEAMED BUNS. I GAZED LONGINGLY AT THE WHITE CASTLE PLACE WHILE MRS. CLAYTON PARKED AT A PARKING METER. SHE FISHED OUT A QUARTER AND PUT IT IN THE METER. I WISHED THAT I HAD HAD A QUARTER TO GIVE HER, I FELT BAD THAT SHE WAS GOING TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING. (OF COURSE, I DID NOT KNOW THAT THE HOME WOULD PAY HER BACK). WE THEN BEGAN TO WALK ALONG THE SIDEWALK. HOW DIFFERENT THIS TRIP TO TOWN WAS THAN WHEN I WAS LIVING AT HOME. MY WHOLE LIFE HAD CHANGED, I WONDERED IF IT SHOWED. AS WE WALKED ALONG THE WINDOWS OF THE STORES, I WAS WINDOW SHOPPING. THEN, I REALIZED THAT I WAS SEEING A GIRL I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE. SHE HAD LOVELY HAIR, WAS VERY TALL, KIND OF LARGE AND HAD A BIG SMILE. IT WAS ME. I REALIZED THAT I LIKED THAT GIRL. I REALIZED TOO, THAT I WAS MUCH TALLER THAN MRS. CLAYTON. SHE LOOKED SMALL NEXT TO ME. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD EVER NOTICED THAT I WAS SO TALL, AND NOT FAT, BUT LARGE. WHY, I WAS A BIG GIRL! IT WAS QUITE A SURPRISE TO ME, TO SEE ME AS OTHERS DID. THEN, WE WALKED INTO A SHOE STORE. MY NEWFOUND CONFIDENCE FADED AS I LOOKED AROUND, KNOWING THAT THEY WOULD HAVE NO SHOES FOR ME. A CLERK CAME UP AND WHEN TOLD THAT I NEEDED A SIZE 11 SHOE, SMILED AND ASKED ME TO HAVE A SEAT. HE BROUGHT OUT A FOOT METER, AND I WAS EMBARRASSED TO HAVE MY FEET MEASURED. HE MUST HAVE KNOWN, BECAUSE HE BEGAN TO TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE CUSTOMERS WHO CAME IN WITH REALLY BIG FEET. SOME EVEN WORE SIZES 14 OR 15. HE SAID THAT SIZE 11 WAS ALMOST NORMAL. HE SMILED AND SAID HE WOULD BE RIGHT BACK. I ALMOST FELL OFF THE CHAIR WHEN HE RETURNED WITH SEVERAL BOXES. THERE WERE LOAFERS, (LIKE THE ONES THAT MY FRIEND SUSAN WORE, AND I SO WANTED A PAIR), OXFORDS, TENNIS SHOES AND TO MY SURPRISE AND DELIGHT, PATENT LEATHER SLIP-ONS FOR CHURCH! AFTER SLIPPING ON LITTLE FOOTIE HALF-SOCKS, I TRIED ON SEVERAL PAIR, AND THEY ALL FIT. I THOUGHT I WOULD CRY FOR JOY. THEN I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION. WHICH ONES TO TAKE WITH ME? AFTER MUCH DECISION, I CHOSE A PAIR OF LOAFERS, A PAIR OF TENNIS SHOES, (FOR WOMEN), AND A PAIR OF DRESS SHOES. THE CLERK SAID IT WAS A PLEASURE TO WAIT ON ME, HANDED ME THE PACKAGES, AND OUT THE DOOR WE WENT. WE WALKED TO THE CAR AND I ASSUMED WE WERE GOING HOME, BUT MRS. CLAYTON JUST OPENED THE TRUNK AND PUT THE PACKAGES INSIDE. "BOY, I AM SO HUNGRY!" SHE SAID. "HMMM, I COULD SURE GO FOR SOME OF THOSE WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGERS!" (I REALIZE NOW, THAT SHE HAD SEEN ME STARING AT THE RESTAURANT). I WANTED TO TELL HER THAT I TOO, WANTED TO GO THERE, BUT I WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD BE RUDE. SHE ASKED IF I WANTED WHITE CASTLE, AND I CHEERFULLY AGREED. WE WALKED INTO THE HAMBURGER PLACE, AND MY SENSES WERE ASSAULTED WITH WONDERFUL SMELLS THAT BROUGHT MANY MEMORIES. WHITE CASTLE SERVES TINY HAMBURGERS THAT ARE STEAMED WITH GRILLED ONIONS AND LITTLE SOFT BUNS. THEY ARE SO GOOD, BUT VERY GREASY. I LOVED THEM. MRS. CLAYTON ORDERED A DOZEN HAMBURGERS, TWO CHOCOLATE SHAKES AND FRENCH FRIES. OH GOODNESS, I WAS IN HOG HEAVEN. WE FOUND TWO STOOLS AT THE COUNTER, OPENED OUR LITTLE HAMBURGERS, COATED THEM WITH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD, AND PUT THE TOPS BACK ON. A WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER IS ONLY ABOUT TWO BITES, BUT EVEN SO, SIX PER PERSON IS A LOT. COMBINED WITH A SHAKE AND FRIES, IT WAS QUITE A MEAL. BUT I ENJOYED EVERY BITE. MRS.CLAYTON KEPT RIGHT UP WITH ME, BITE FOR BITE. WE ATE, TALKED, ATE, LAUGHED, ATE AND ENJOYED EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. HOW SWEET AND KIND WAS MRS. CLAYTON, AND I LOVED HER AS I DID MRS. THOMPSON. THEN, IT WAS TIME TO GO. WHILE LEAVING TOWN, WE DROVE STRAIGHT PAST THE PLAYBOY CLUB WHERE MOTHER WORKED. I WANTED TO STOP AND SAY HELLO TO MOTHER, BUT I KNEW THAT WE COULD NOT. I MISSED MOTHER, AND WANTED HER TO HOLD ME, TELL ME SHE LOVED ME. I VOWED THAT NEXT TIME I SAW HER I WOULD TELL HER THAT I LOVED AND APPRECIATED HER. IT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR HER TO PUT US IN THE HOME. STRANGELY, I DID NOT MIND GOING BACK TO THE HOME. IT ALMOST FELT RIGHT. I HAD MY BED, DRESSER AND A NICE ROOMATE. I HAD THE BIRDS OUTSIDE, MY JOB IN THE SEWING ROOM AND FRIENDS. I LOVED MRS. THOMPSON AND MRS. CLAYTON. THE ONLY THINGS WAS THAT I WAS SO VERY AFRAID OF THE MATRON. I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN MOTHER WAS GOING TO TAKE US HOME, BUT FOR THE TIME BEING, I WAS FEELING SECURE. I KNEW THAT SCHOOL WAS GOING TO START SOON, AND THAT WAS A WHOLE NEW ADVENTURE AWAITING ME. I WAS GOING TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT, NO MATTER WHAT. BUT, JUST WHEN THINGS WERE BEGINNING TO MAKE SENSE, MY WORLD TILTED. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. LOVE, NANASEE

Sunday, September 6, 2009

THE BEAUTY SHOP

I HAVE NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT I DID FIND SOME CLOTHING IN THE CLOTHING ROOM, BUT TO ME IT LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING AN OLD LADY WOULD WEAR. THE SWEET LADY IN THE CLOTHING ROOM TOOK A MOMENT TO SIZE ME UP. "I WOULD SAY ABOUT A 16" SHE SAID. SHE CHEERFULLY WENT THROUGH THE HANGERS AND FOLDED CLOTHING AND BROUGHT ME A SMALL PILE OF CLOTHES. "NOW, YOU GO AND TRY THOSE ON SUGAR, AND LET'S SEE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE!" I WENT TO A ROOM WITH A MIRROR, AND SAW WITH DISMAY THAT THEY SEEMED TO BE CLOTHES THAT AN OLD LADY WOULD WEAR. THE SKIRTS WERE DARK AND OF SOME KIND OF COTTON FABRIC, AND CAME TO JUST BELOW MY KNEE. THIS WAS IN THE ERA OF MINI-SKIRTS, AND THESE JUST SEEMED TOO LONG. SCHOOLS IN THAT DAY DID NOT ALLOW GIRLS TO WEAR PANTS TO SCHOOL, IT HAD TO BE A DRESS OR SKIRT. THEY WERE ACTUALLY VERY NICE SKIRTS, BUT MY YOUNG EYE COULD NOT SEE THE QUALITY. THE BLOUSES WERE OF PASTEL COLORS, AND CAME UP TO MY NECK AND DOWN TO MY ELBOWS. THEY HAD PRETTY PEARL BUTTONS AND LACE COLLARS. THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT FOR CHURCH, BUT I WASN'T GOING TO CHURCH, I WAS GOING TO HIGH-SCHOOL! I DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A CHURCH LADY. I TRIED EVERYTHING ON, AND WHEN I WENT OUT TO SHOW THEM OFF, THE CLOTHING LADY JUST BEAMED. "DON'T YOU LOOK DARLING!" SHE GUSHED. "YOU WILL BE THE BEST DRESSED YOUNG LADY IN SCHOOL!" I COULD NOT EXPRESS MY FEELINGS, AS I WOULD NOT HAVE HURT THAT DEAR WOMAN FOR ANYTHING. I THANKED HER, AND SHE SAID WE WERE NOT DONE YET. SHE HANDED ME ANOTHER PILE OF SHORTS AND TOPS, (ONLY TO PLAY IN MIND YOU) SOME PANTS AND A SWEATER, SOME GRANNY PANTIE UNDERWEAR, SOME ANKLE SOCKS (KNEE SOCKS WERE THE FASHION) AND SOME VERY POINTY COTTON BRAS. SHE WAS GRINNING AND LEANED IN CLOSE. "I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU! TOMORROW, WE GO TO ATLANTA TO GET SOME SHOES! TWO PAIR FOR SCHOOL AND A PAIR FOR CHURCH! AND THEN, WE WILL HAVE LUNCH! YOU WILL LOOK PERFECT IN YOUR NEW CLOTHES, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I HAVE MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE BEAUTICIAN FOR YOU THIS AFTERNOON. WONT' YOU LOOK SO PRETTY!" "UM, YES MA'AM" I ANSWERED. I WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE TRIP TO ATLANTA, BUT NOT SURE ABOUT THE BEAUTY SHOP. MY HAIR WAS RATHER LONG, AND I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO CUT IT. LOOKING BACK, I THINK IT WAS RATHER MOUSY AND NOT SO NEAT. ALL I DID EACH DAY WAS BRUSH IT AND GO. I SUPPOSED THAT IT WOULDN'T HURT TO HAVE A SMALL MAKE-OVER.
AFTER LUNCH, I WAS GIVEN DIRECTIONS TO THE BEAUTY SHOP. IT WAS A VERY SMALL BEAUTY SHOP WITH ONLY ONE CHAIR, ONE SINK, ONE DRYER AND ONE BEAUTICIAN. I STOOD SHYLY WHILE SHE FINISHED WITH ONE OF THE MATRONS FROM ANOTHER COTTAGE. THE BEAUTICIAN WAS YET ANOTHER OLDER LADY, A BIT STOUT WITH BIG BREASTS AND BIG HIPS. HER DRESS WAS GREY-BLUE, AND SHE WORE AN APRON THAT COVERED HER CHEST AND LACED IN THE BACK. SHE HAD STURDY LEGS AND FEET SHOD WITH YET ANOTHER PAIR OF BLACK LEATHER LACE-UP SHOES. (I WAS BEGINNING TO SEE A PATTERN HERE). SHE HAD VERY LARGE ARMS, AND BLUE HAIR. SHE WORE GLASSES AND CHATTED GAILY WITH THE OTHER MATRON. SOON, THE OTHER MATRON WAS DONE, AND LEFT THE SHOP. "WELL, COME ON IN DARLIN" SAID THE BEAUTICIAN. "THEY SAID YOU WAS MY ONE O'CLOCK. GIT ON UP HERE IN THIS CHAIR, PUT THIS BIB ON AND LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT YOU". SHE LIFTED THE LOCKS OF MY RATHER STRAW-LIKE HAIR AND TURNED ME THIS WAY AND THAT IN THE BEAUTY CHAIR. "SUGAR, YOU GOT TO GET RID OF THIS STUFF. IT IS DRY AND FEELS LIKE SOMETHING A COW WOULD EAT. AIN'T YER FAULT THOUGH, I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYONE HAS SHOWED YOU HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YER HAIR. TELL YOU WHAT, LET ME FIX IT FOR YOU AND YOU WILL LOOK GREAT". I ASKED HER IF SHE REALLY THOUGHT SHE SHOULD CUT MY HAIR. SHE EXPLAINED, "LOOK BABY, YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THEM SPLIT ENDS AND DRY HAIR. YOU WILL LOOK SO MUCH NICER WITH YOUR HAIR SHINING AND HEALTHY. I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, DON'T WORRY. NOW, HOP UP TO THE SINK AND LET'S GET STARTED!" I SAT IN THE CHAIR, AND LEANED BACK WITH THE APRON OVER MY CHEST. THE BEAUTICIAN RAN THE WATER AND WHILE SHE WAITED FOR IT TO WARM UP, BEGAN TO SET OUT SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. I JUST SAT THERE, NOT WANTING TO CAUSE TROUBLE. I DIDN'T WANT HER TO TELL THE MATRON THAT I HAD BEEN DIFFICULT, THE PICTURE OF THAT PADDLE HANGING ON THE WALL STAYED WITH ME ALL THE TIME. SHE TOLD ME TO LAY BACK, AND I DID WITH AN APRON OVER MY CHEST AND MY HAIR STREAMING INTO THE SINK. I HEARD A SQUIRTING NOISE, AND THEN A FRESH SCENT, RATHER OF FLOWERS. STRONG HANDS WERE WORKING AND MASSAGING THE SOAP INTO MY HAIR AND SCALP. HER ARMS WERE QUITE FLABBY AND THE LOOSE SKIN FLAPPED AGAINST MY EARS AND CHEEKS. SHE LEANED OVER TO GET A BETTER ANGLE AND HER EXPANSIVE BREASTS ALMOST SMOTHERED ME. THE FLAPPING CONTINUED, AND WHILE I AVOIDED SUFFOCATION, I REALIZED THAT IT WAS QUITE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE DO THIS FOR ME. SHE RINSED, AND SAID SHE WAS GOING IN FOR ANOTHER SCRUB. MORE SHAMPOO, MORE FLAPPING, MORE SUFFOCATION, MORE SCRUBBING. THEN, WHEN I THOUGHT THAT I COULD NOT SURVIVE THIS "MOTHERLY" TREATMENT, SHE RINSED AGAIN. I STARTED TO GET UP AND SHE TOLD ME TO STAY PUT, SHE WANTED TO CONDITION MY HAIR. SQUIRT, FLORAL SCENT, FLAP AND SMOTHER, SHE WAS AT IT WITH GUSTO. FINALLY, SHE PRONOUNCED ME WASHED AND CONDITIONED AND WRAPPED A TOWEL AROUND MY HAIR. "OVER TO THE CHAIR SUGAR, LETS SEE WHAT WE CAN DO WITH THIS" SHE SAID AS SHE POINTED TO MY TURBAN WRAPPED, FRESHLY SCRUBBED AND CONDITIONED HEAD. SHE GENTLY COMBED ME OUT AND STOOD BACK TO STUDY HER OPTIONS. "NOW, DON'T GET UPSET, BUT THIS IS COMING OFF" SHE SAID. "TELL YOU WHAT, JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DON'T LOOK". THIS DID NOT SOUND GOOD TO ME. AGAIN, THE PADDLE SPECTRE AROSE AND I DID NOT PROTEST. SHE SNIPPED AND CUT LONG STRANDS FROM MY HEAD. MY HAIR PILED ON THE FLOOR. I LOOKED AT IT AND REALIZED THAT IT DID NOT LOOK LIKE THE FLOWING LOCKS THAT I HAD IMAGINED, BUT A PILE OF DIRTY BLOND HAIR. "NO PEEKING NOW" SAID THE BEAUTICIAN AS SHE CIRCLED AROUND ME WITH SCISSORS AND COMB. IT SEEMED TO TAKE FOREVER, AND THEN SHE SAID, "LOOK!" I DID. I WAS STUNNED. OH MY GOODNESS, MY HAIR WAS BEAUTIFUL! IT WAS FLUFFY AND SOFT AND CARESSED MY FACE IN LOVING WAVES. THE SHINE WAS RADIANT AND I JUST LOVED IT. IT WAS QUITE SHORT, BUT REALLY ENHANCED MY FACIAL FEATURES, AND WHERE A CHILD HAD BEEN, A YOUNG LADY EMERGED. I RAN MY FINGERS THROUGH THE SILKY STRANDS AND THE LITTLE GREEN STONE OF MY RING WINKED AT ME.. I TURNED AND THREW MY ARMS AROUND THE BEAUTICIAN. "THANK YOU, OH THANK YOU! I LOVE IT, IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL, I FEEL SO BEAUTIFUL! I CRIED AS I HUGGED HER. SHE LOOKED SO TOUCHED, AND PATTED MY BACK. "SEEMS LIKE YOU BEEN SHORT ON KINDNESS" SHE SAID. THEN, SHE TOLD ME TO COME WITH HER. SHE TOOK ME TO ANOTHER ROOM AND TURNED ON THE LIGHT. IN THAT ROOM FULL OF SHELVES AND CABINETS WERE MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF MAKE-UP; POWDERED COMPACTS, LIPSTICKS, MASCARA, EYESHADOW, BLUSH, DEODORANT AND OTHER THINGS. SHE EXPLAINED THAT THE MAKE-UP WAS FOR THE GIRLS WHO WANTED TO SPEND THEIR ALLOWANCE FOR THE WEEK. "ALLOWANCE?' I QUESTIONED. "YES, ALLOWANCE. EVERY ONE GETS .50 CENTS A WEEK FOR ALLOWANCE. MOST OF THE GIRLS BUY MAKE-UP, BUT YOU CAN GET OTHER THINGS AS WELL. I TOLD HER THAT I HAD NO ALLOWANCE OR MONEY, BUT SHE WALKED ME AROUND THE ROOM AND HELD UP DIFFERENT COLORS OF MAKE-UP TO SEE WHICH ONES WOULD COMPLIMENT ME. SHE FILLED A SMALL BAG WITH ITEMS AND PUT IT IN MY HAND. "NOW, YOU GO AND SWEEP UP THE SHOP AND THIS MAKE-UP IS PAYMENT FOR YOUR WORK. THAT WAY, IF THAT MATRON OF YOURS HAS ANY QUESTIONS, TELL HER TO CALL ME!" I JUST STOOD THERE, WONDERING AT HER GENEROSITY. MORE AND MORE I UNDERSTOOD THAT THE WOMEN AT THE HOME WERE KIND AND GENEROUS, SYMPATHETIC AND READY TO MAKE OUR LIVES BETTER. ONLY ONE WOMAN SEEMED TO BE THE FLY IN THE OINTMENT, AND THAT WAS THE MATRON OF OUR COTTAGE. I NOT ONLY SWEPT, BUT CLEANED THE SINK, FOLDED THE TOWELS AND STRAIGHTED THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONERS. I HUGGED THE BEAUTICIAN ONCE AGAIN, THANKED HER, TOOK MY PRECIOUS MAKE-UP AND HEADED BACK TO THE COTTAGE. I KNEW THAT I HAD TO HIDE MY BOUNTY, SO ONCE AGAIN, I MADE A PLACE AT THE BACK OF MY DRAWER. I DIDN'T THINK MY ROOMMATE PATTY WOULD TAKE IT, IN FACT I PLANNED TO SHARE WITH HER, BUT I WASN'T SURE ABOUT SOME OF THE OTHER GIRLS. I STILL AVOIDED FRANKIE AND HER CROWD, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE A PROBLEM. SEVERAL TIMES THAT EVENING, I TOOK MY MAKE UP OUT AND HELD EACH ITEM, OPENING AND TOUCHING THE POWDER, TWIRLING THE MASCARA, GENTLY TOCHING THE LIPSTICK TO MY PURSED LIPS. I FOUND MYSELF LOOKING IN EACH MIRROR THAT I PASSED, QUITE PLEASED AT THE NEW GIRL THAT I HAD BECOME. MRS. THOMPSON PRAISED MY NEW LOOK, AND THE MATRON SAID THAT AT LEAST I HAD ENOUGH SENSE TO CUT THAT RAT'S NEST FROM MY HEAD. THE DAY ENDED WITH MY HEART FEELING HAPPY AND EXCITED ABOUT THE TRIP TO ATLANTA THE NEXT DAY. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING SHOES. LOVE, NANASEE

Saturday, September 5, 2009

THE SEWING ROOM

I WAS GOING TO WORK IN THE SEWING ROOM! I WAS SO HAPPY, I LOVED BEING AROUND THE FABRICS, THE SMELLS OF FABRIC, THE SEWING MACHINES AND THE NOTIONS. THERE WERE BUTTONS AND ZIPPERS, THREADS AND SCISSORS, AND SO MANY OTHER WONDERFUL THINGS. OFF TO THE SIDE WAS ANOTHER SMALLER ROOM WITH SEVERAL IRONS AND IRONING BOARDS. THERE WAS A HUGE CLOSET JUST FULL OF BOLTS OF FABRICS IN ALL COLORS AND PATTERNS. I WAS FASCINATED BY ALL OF THE BOLTS OF LACE. THE SEWING MACHINES WERE OF AN OLDER STYLE, AND YOU HAD TO PRESS A BAR WITH THE SIDE OF YOUR KNEE TO RUN THE MACHINE. EACH MACHINE HAD A TUFTED STOOL IN FRONT OF IT TO SIT ON. EVERYTHING WAS NEAT AND IN IT'S PLACE AND THE WHOLE ROOM WELL ORGANIZED. THE MANAGER WHO RAN THE SEWING ROOM TOLD ME TO LOOK AROUND AND FAMILIARIZE MYSELF WITH EVERYTHING. I SAW THAT THE SCISSORS WERE HUNG ON A WALL, THE OTHER NOTIONS WERE NEATLY KEPT IN BINS OR DRAWERS SO THAT THEY COULD EASILY BE FOUND AND THE FABRICS WERE STORED ACCORDING TO COLOR. I ESPECIALLY LOVED THE COTTON FABRIC THAT WAS LIGHT AND AIRY AND OF PASTEL COLORS. SOON, THE MANAGER ASKED ME WHAT I COULD DO, AND I TOLD HER THAT I COULD RUN A SEWING MACHINE AND CUT A PATTERN. I WASN'T TOO GOOD AT BUTTON HOLES OR ZIPPERS YET, BUT WANTED TO LEARN. SHE CHEERFULLY SHOWED MY WHERE MY MACHINE WAS AND I SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF IT ON AN OLD FASHIONED STOOL THAT HAD LOVELY UPHOLSTERY. I RAN MY HAND OVER THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PERUSED THE ITEMS IN THE ROOM. I FELT RIGHT AT HOME.
THE MANAGER EXPLAINED THAT WE WERE MAKING NIGHTGOWNS FOR THE GIRLS IN THE HOME. SHE SHOWED ME THE FABRIC TO BE USED, (THE LOVELY LAWN COTTON THAT I HAD SO ADMIRED) AND THE LACE FOR THE SLEEVES. SHE SAID THE COLOR DIDN'T MATTER, SO I WENT TO THE FABRIC CLOSET AND CHOSE DIFFERENT PASTELS AND LOTS OF WHITE LACE. A FEW OTHER GIRLS AND I BEGAN TO CUT THE FABRIC AND PILE UP GOWNS FOR EACH OF US TO SEW. IT SURPRISED ME AS TO HOW EASY THE WORK WAS, AND I FELT REALLY SPECIAL TO BE A PART OF IT. WE TOOK A LUNCH BREAK, AND THE SEWING ROOM MANAGER SAT DOWN TO SPEAK TO ME. SHE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT I WANTED TO DO THE BEST I COULD, AND SHARED A SECRET WITH ME. SHE SAID THAT THE KIDS THAT COULD BE TRUSTED WOULD BE GIVEN EXTRA PRIVILEGES. ONCE I HAD PROVEN THAT I WAS TRUSTWORTHY, I WOULD BE ABLE TO COME AND GO WITH MUCH MORE FREEDOM. I HAD ALREADY DECIDED TO STAY OUT OF THE MATRON'S WAY SO THAT I WOULDN'T GET INTO TROUBLE, AND THIS INFORMATION ONLY MADE ME MORE DETERMINED TO BE KNOWN AS A GOOD KID.
THE DAYS PASSED PLEASANTLY, THE GIRLS AND I CHATTING AND WORKING TOGETHER. SOON, MY SEWING BECAME VERY NEAT AND I WAS PRAISED FOR MY GOOD WORK. THE OTHER GIRLS IN THE COTTAGE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW I COULD SPEND MY LAST SUMMER DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL WORKING IN A SEWING SHOP, BUT THEY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW I ENJOYED THE FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND PRAISE THAT I WAS GIVEN. USUALLY I FINISHED MY WORK SOONER THAN THE ALLOTTED TIME AND I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK AROUND THE SHOP. THE THING I LOVED THE MOST WAS THE BINS OF BUTTONS. THERE WERE HUGE BINS OF BUTTONS OF ALL COLORS, SHAPES AND SIZES. EACH TIME AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING WAS TAKEN TO THE RAG BIN, THE BUTTONS HAD TO BE CAREFULLY REMOVED TO BE USED AGAIN. SOME OF THE BUTTONS WERE IN CIGAR BOXES, SOME IN WOODEN BOXES AND SOME IN BIG GLASS JARS. I WOULD PLUNGE MY HAND INTO THE BUTTONS AND TAKE OUT AS MANY AS I COULD HOLD, AND THEN SORT THROUGH THEM TO MATCH THEM UP IF I COULD. SOME OF THOSE BUTTONS WERE VERY OLD, AND VERY INTERESTING. THEN, ONE DAY AS I WAS RUNNING MY HANDS THROUGH WHAT LOOKED LIKE AN OLD WOODEN BOX FILLED WITH BUTTONS, SOMETHING SHINY CAUGHT MY EYE. I LET THE BUTTONS FILTER THROUGH MY FINGERS LOOKING FOR WHATEVER THE SHINY OBJECT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. TO MY SURPRISE, IT WAS A RING. THE STONE WAS NOT TOO LARGE, AND IT WAS A LIME GREEN COLOR. THE BAND WAS SILVER, BUT HAD BEEN HIDDEN AWAY FOR SO LONG THAT THE SHINE WAS DULLED. I KNEW IT WAS A VALUABLE RING, BUT WHO COULD HAVE LOST IT? WAS IT SOMEONE WHO LIKED THE BUTTONS AS MUCH AS I DID? I PLACED THE RING ON MY RIGHT RING FINGER, KNOWING THAT IT WOULDN'T FIT, AND TO MY SURPRISE, IT WAS A PERFECT FIT! MY FINGER WAS LARGE, BUT I GUESS THE PREVIOUS OWNER HAD LARGE FINGERS TOO. I MOVED MY FINGER FORWARD AND BACK REFRACTING THE LIGHT OFF OF THE GREEN STONE. FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD TELL NO ONE THAT I HAD FOUND THE RING, I WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD HAVE TO TURN IT IN. BUT THEN, I DECIDED TO TELL THE SEWING ROOM MANAGER WHERE I HAD FOUND IT. AFTER ALL, SHE SEEMED TO TRUST ME. WHEN I SHOWED IT TO HER AND EXPLAINED THAT IT HAD BEEN IN THE OLD BOX OF BUTTONS, SHE LOOKED AT IT CAREFULLY. I KNEW THEN THAT I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP IT. SHE TOOK MY HAND AND PLACED THE RING IN MY PALM. "FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSER'S WEEPERS!" SHE SAID WITH A BIG SMILE ON HER FACE. I WISHED THAT I COULD TELL THE FORMER OWNER HOW MUCH THE RING MEANT TO ME, BUT I COULDN'T SO I VOWED TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT. I WORE IT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND THAT NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO BED, I CAREFULLY HID IT IN THE BACK OF MY DRESSER DRAWER. I WAS AFRAID THAT THE MATRON WOULD TAKE IT FROM ME IF SHE SAW IT. I WORE THAT RING TO THE SEWING SHOP EACH AND EVERY DAY, AND IT WAS AS IF IT WERE A SYMBOL OF GOOD LUCK TO ME. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF THE BEAUTY SHOP AT THE HOME. LOVE, NANASEE