COLOR AND CLARITY

IT WAS THE EVENING OF THE END OF THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. I SAT ON MY BED BESIDE THE OPEN WINDOW, LISTENING TO THE BIRDS AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE EVENTS OF THE WEEK. I TRIED TO SORT OUT THE MYRIAD OF FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES I HAD BEEN THROUGH, AND ACTUALLY FOUND THAT PERHAPS IT HAD BEEN A GOOD WEEK AFTER ALL. I HAD COME TO THE REALITY THAT I WAS INDEED A YOUNG LADY, AND NO LONGER A CHILD. I WAS AFRAID TO FACE THE WORLD AS A YOUNG LADY, IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST STAY INNOCENT AND BEND WITH THE WIND INSTEAD OF FACING CHALLENGES STRAIGHT ON. I ESPECIALLY THOUGHT ABOUT CLARICE AND FOUND MYSELF WONDERING HOW SOMEONE SO LOVELY COULD ALSO BE SO KIND. I HAD NOT EQUATED THE TWO BEFORE, KINDNESS AND BEAUTY. IN MY YOUNG LIFE, KINDNESS WAS BEAUTY. PHYSICAL BEAUTY SEEMED TO ACCOMPANY SELFISHNESS. MOST OF THE PRETTY POPULAR GIRLS I HAD KNOWN BEFORE, AND CERTAINLY SOME OF THEM I KNEW NOW, DID NOT SEEM TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. I KNEW HOW TO BE KIND, BUT HAD NO CONCEPT OF HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I HAD FELT BEAUTIFUL ON OCCASION, BUT DID NOT FEEL BEAUTIFUL AT ALL AS A WHOLE. I WANTED TO FIT IN AT SCHOOL. I WANTED TO BE ONE OF THE GIRLS THAT EVERYONE ADMIRED. IN REALITY, I KNEW THAT THESE THINGS WOULD BE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME, AS I HAD NO CONCEPT AS TO WHAT TO DO TO BE ADMIRED AND POPULAR. THE BIRDS SEEMED TO BE CHIRPING TO COMFORT ME, AND I OPENED MY WINDOW JUST A BIT MORE. AS MY HAND GRIPPED THE SILL OF THE WINDOW, THE FAMILIAR GLEAM OF MY LITTLE RING CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. THEN, I REMEMBERED. I HAD SOME MAKE-UP IN MY SECRET DRAWER. THE BEAUTICIAN HAD GIVEN ME SOME FOR HELPING HER IN THE SHOP. I WALKED TO THE DRESSER, PULLED OUT THE TOP DRAWER, REACHED BEHIND THE PANTIES AND SOCKS AND FELT THE LITTLE BAG THAT CONTAINED MY MAKE-UP. I PULLED OUT THE LITTLE BAG, HUGGED IT CLOSE AND WENT BACK TO MY BED. SITTING CROSS LEGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED AND FEELING THE PATTERN OF THE SPREAD ON MY LEGS AS THEY PRESSED DOWN ON THE COVER, I OPENED THE LITTLE PAPER BAG,AND DUMPED MY TREASURE IN FRONT OF ME. THE LIPSTICK WAS IN A PLASTIC PINK HOLDER WITH A THIN BAND OF GOLD SEPARATING THE TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. I TOOK THE TOP OFF, AND CAREFULLY TWISTED THE BOTTON TO PUSH THE LIPSTICK UP JUST A BIT. ONE SIDE OF THE CYLINDER OF LIPSTICK HAD BEEN SHAVED OFF FLAT AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT IT WAS TO MAKE APPLICATION OF THE LIPSTICK EASIER. THE COLOR WAS SHELL PINK AND GLISTENED WITH TINY PEARLESCENT SPARKLES. THAT LIPSTICK WAS ENCHANTING. I CAREFULLY TWISTED THE CYLINDER IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND THE TUBE WENT BACK DOWN. CAPPING THE TOP CLOSED AND SETTING THE LIPSTICK ASIDE, I PICKED UP THE EYESHADOW COMPACT. OPENING IT WITH A SNAP, I SAW THAT IT WAS SMALL, WITH FOUR COLORS AND A TINY LITTLE BRUSH FOR APPLICATION. THE COLORS WERE BLUE, GREEN, BROWN AND BEIGE. SOMEHOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MIX TO COLORS TO ENHANCE YOUR EYES, BUT THAT WAS GREEK TO ME! THE COMPACT HAD A SMALL MIRROR INSIDE THE TOP AND THE WHOLE COMPACT WAS DARK GREEN. CLOSING IT AGAIN, I SET IT BESIDE THE LIPSTICK. NEXT IN THE PILE WAS ANOTHER COMPACT, LARGER AND WAS MADE BY COVER GIRL. IT WAS DARK BROWN WITH GOLD LETTERS AND WHEN I OPENED IT, I SAW THAT INSIDE THERE WAS TIGHTLY PACKED FACE POWDER AND A ROUND PUFFY APPLICATOR WITH A SATIN TOP. AGAIN THERE WAS A MIRROR IN THE TOP OF THE COMPACT. THE FACE POWDER WAS A VERY LIGHT BEIGE COLOR, AND I EXPERIMENTED BY RUBBING THE APPLICATOR INTO THE POWDER AND TOUCHING IT TO MY CHEEK. IT CONTRASTED WITH THE BROWN OF MY SUMMER SKIN AND I QUICKLY WIPED IT OFF. CLOSING THE FACE POWDER, I PICKED UP THE LAST COMPACT, SQUARE IN SHAPE AND AGAIN MADE BY COVER GIRL. WHEN I OPENED IT, I SAW A ROSEY COLORED PRESSED POWDER AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME THERE WAS A SMALL BRUSH WITH VERY SOFT BROWN BRISTLES AND A LITTLE SQUARE HANDLE. I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO DO WITH IT, SO I CLOSED THE COMPACT AND REACHED FOR A CHUBBY CYLINDER, GREEN IN COLOR THAT HAD TWO PARTS LIKE THE LIPSTICK. I TWISTED IT OPEN AND FOUND THAT THE TOP HAD A SMALL STICK WITH TINY BRISTLES CURVED AROUND IT, AND THE BRISTLES WERE COVERED IN A DARK BROWN GOO. A LIP ON THE BOTTOM PART OF THE CYLINDAR CAUGHT MOST OF THE GOO AND KEPT THE STICK AND BRISTLES FROM BEING SLOPPY. I KNEW THAT THIS MUST BE MASCARA, BUT HAD NO CLUE AS TO HOW TO APPLY IT, SO I JUST CLOSED THE PACKAGE.
I KNEW THAT MAKE-UP MUST BE THE KEY TO BEING BEAUTIFUL. ALL THE GIRLS WORE IT, AND MOTHER HAD DRAWERS FULL. SHE HAD POWDER, EYESHADOW, LIQUID MAKEUP, ROUGE, LIPSTICK, MASCARA, EYEBROW PENCILS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT I COULD NOT EVEN DESCRIBE. SHE HAD ROLLERS, HAIRSPRAY, HAIR PIECES, PINS, AND OTHER HAIR ACCOUTRAMENTS. PERFUMES, SCENTS AND SPRITZ'S. RAZORS, BLEACHING CREME, WAXES AND DEODORANTS EACH MORNING, SHE WOULD CAREFULLY APPLY HER MAKE-UP AND DO HER HAIR SO THAT SHE CHANGED FROM A TIRED, FRUMPY HEDGEHOG LOOKING APPARITION TO A LOVELY, PERFECTLY COIFED GODDESS. YOU WOULD THINK THAT AFTER SEEING THIS TRANSFORMATION FOR SO MANY YEARS, I WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EXPERT ON TRANSFORMING MYSELF. BUT, I WASN'T. SO, THERE I SAT CROSS LEGGED ON THE BED, MY TREASURE PILED NEATLY IN FRONT OF ME, AND DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START. I WAS SO INGROSSED IN THIS PROBLEM, THAT I DIDN'T HEAR PATTY COME IN. "WHERE'D YOU GIT THAT STUFF?!" SHE SQUEALED. JUMPING IN FRIGHT, I SCATTERED THE LITTLE COMPACTS AND CYLINDERS ALL OVER THE BED AND ONTO THE FLOOR. I TOLD HER THAT I HAD EARNED THEM FROM THE BEAUTICIAN. SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHY I HAD NOT USED MY MAKE-UP, AND FOR A MOMENT, I WAS FROZEN WITH INDECISION. SHOULD I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW? WOULD SHE MAKE FUN OF ME? AGAIN, SHE ASKED ME WHY I HAD NOT USED IT. I SWALLOWED AND TURNED TO HER. QUIETLY, I ADMITTED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO APPLY IT, AND WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD LOOK SILLY IF I DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WEEP, AS I STOOD THERE WAITING FOR HER TO REACT. SHE GRINNED AT ME AND SAID, "WELL, I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO. WAIT HERE!" SHE DASHED OUT THE ROOM, AND I GATHERED THE SCATTERED CONTAINERS. I SAT BACK DOWN ON MY BED, AND HOPED THE LITTLE MIRRORS HAD NOT BROKEN FROM THE FALL. BEFORE LONG, PATTY RETURNED AND TO MY HORROR, SHE HAD BROUGHT FRANKIE WITH HER. TIME SEEMED TO STOP FOR ME. WHY WAS FRANKIE WITH HER? FRANKIE DIDN'T LIKE ME, AND I WAS AFRAID OF HER. SHE BARELY REACHED MY CHIN, BUT SHE WAS SO INTIMIDATING BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUDE AND HER BIG BREASTS. SHE ALWAYS WORE HEAVY MAKE-UP, WITH DARK MASCARA'D EYELASHES, RED LIPSTICK AND LOTS OF POWDER. HER LONG BROWN HAIR SWAYED BACK AND FORTH AND HER BREASTS BOUNCED AS SHE CROSSED THE ROOM TO STAND BEFORE ME. MY STOMACH BEGAN TO HURT, AND MY BREATHING WAS DIFFICULT. I WAITED FOR HER TO SAY SOMETHING. I THOUGHT PERHAPS SHE WAS GOING TO TRY TO TAKE MY MAKE-UP FROM ME, AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO STOP HER. I COULD NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE, SO I KEPT MY HEAD DOWN.
FRANKIE SAT DOWN ON MY BED. PATTY SAID, "JODIE, FRANKIE IS THE BEST ONE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DO MAKE-UP. SHE'S GOOD AT HAIR TOO! SHE'LL SHOW YOU JUST WHAT TO DO!" WHAT? FRANKIE WOULD HELP ME? WHY? SHE NEVER SHOWED AN INTEREST IN ME BEFORE. I LOOKED AT HER, AND TO MY SURPRISE, SHE SMILED AND SAID, "SAY, I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A NICE GIRL. YOU NEVER GET INTO ANYONE'S BUSINESS OR CAUSE TROUBLE. YOU SEEM TO HAVE HAD A HARD TIME, BUT MOST OF THE GIRLS HERE ARE ALRIGHT." I SPOKE QUIETLY; "I SORT OF THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME. YOU SEEM TO BE HARD TO GET TO KNOW. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE HAPPY IF I STAYED OUT OF YOUR WAY."
"YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE THESE NOSEY GIRLS WHO ACT LIKE YOUR FRIEND AND THEN STAB YOU IN THE BACK. IT IS EASIER TO JUST KEEP THOSE AROUND ME THAT I CAN TRUST" SHE SAID. THEN, I UNDERSTOOD THAT SHE WAS TELLING ME THAT SHE FELT THAT WE COULD BE FRIENDS. I BRIGHTENED UP, AND SMILED TELLING HER THAT I HAD THIS MAKE-UP BUT DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT. SHE SCOOTED CLOSER TO ME AND BEGAN TO EXPLAIN WHAT EVERYTHING WAS FOR, AND THEN BEGAN TO DEMONSTRATE THE PROPER WAY TO APPLY IT. I NOTICED THAT HER MAKE-UP WAS APPLIED DIFFERENTLY AND ASKED HER ABOUT IT. SHE TOLD ME THAT HER STYLE WAS DIFFERENT THAN MINE, AND EVERYONE HAD TO FIND THE RIGHT WAY FOR THEM. THE BRUSHES TICKLED, AND THE LIPSTICK WAS SLICK. I KEPT BLINKING WHEN SHE APPLIED MASCARA, BUT SHE SAID I WOULD GET USED TO IT. WHEN WE WERE THROUGH, SHE TOLD ME THAT ANYTIME I WANTED TO WATCH TV WITH HER AND THE "OTHER GIRLS"(MEANING THOSE THAT STAYED CLOSE TO HER) JUST COME ON IN AND JOIN THEM. ANOTHER BIG SMILE, AND SHE LEFT.
"BOY, YOU JUST MADE POINTS!" EXCLAIMED PATTY. "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RUN WITH FRANKIE! BUT WATCH OUT, THAT MATRON THINKS THAT FRANKIE'S CROWD IS TROUBLE, AND LOOKS FOR ANY EXCUSE TO GET DIRT ON THEM!" I WAS STILL STUNNED AT WHAT HAD HAPPENED. FRANKIE WAS NICE! PATTY THOUGHT I WAS A PART OF FRANKIES CROWD? I STILL COULDN'T RECONCILE THE FRANKIE THAT HAD BEEN NICE TO ME WITH THE ONE WHO WAS SO INTIMIDATING. ALSO, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE MATRON'S "SIGHTS" IN ANY WAY AT ALL. BUT, FRANKIE HAD BEEN GOOD TO ME, SO I FIGURED THAT I WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN THE TIME CAME. AS I CONSIDERED THE AMAZING LAST HALF HOUR, I WALKED OVER TO THE MIRROR. TO MY DELIGHT, THE MAKE-UP THAT FRANKIE HAD DONE FOR ME WAS SO NICE. IT WAS LIGHT AND MADE ME LOOK MORE MATURE. I HOPED THAT I COULD REPLICATE IT IN THE MORNING-I WANTED TO GO TO SCHOOL NEXT WEEK WITH A NEW LOOK. RIGHT THEN, I VOWED THAT I WOULD STOP BEING SO TIMID, AND TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY CAME TO ME. IF I NEEDED HELP, I WOULD JUST ASK PATTY OR FRANKIE. WITH A MUCH LIGHTER HEART, I WALKED TO THE DRESSER, AND CAREFULLY ARRANGED THE MAKE-UP ON TOP OF THE DRESSER SCARF. I WOULD KEEP IT OUT TO LOOK AT AND REMEMBER THAT IT MEANT MORE THAN JUST COLOR; IT HAD GIVEN ME A NEW FRIEND.