SHOPPING FOR SHOES

THE BIG DAY HAD COME. I WAS GOING TO ATLANTA TO BUY SOME NEW SHOES. I HAD A LONG NIGHT, BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE TRIP. WHEN I AWOKE, I LOOKED OUT THE OPEN WINDOW AS USUAL, AND WELCOMED THE SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRPING. THAT SOUND HAD COME TO REPRESENT CHEER TO ME, AND BEING YOUNG, I CONSIDERED THE BIRDS MY FRIENDS. IT SEEMED AS THOUGH THEY WERE WELCOMING ME EACH MORNING. OF COURSE I KEPT THESE THOUGHT TO MYSELF, AS I DIDN'T WANT THE OTHER GIRLS TO MAKE FUN OF ME. GOING TO MY DRESSER I RUMMAGED TO THE BACK OF MY "SECRET DRAWER" WHICH IN REALITY WAS ONLY MY TOP DRAWER, BUT I HAD MY TREASURES STASHED IN THE VERY BACK, WRAPPED IN SOCKS. FIRST, I TOOK OUT THE LITTLE GREEN RING AND PUT IT ON MY FINGER. THAT TOO, SEEMED TO WINK A WELCOME TO ME, AS IF IT KNEW THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A SPECIAL DAY. THEN, I CHECKED TO SEE IF THE MAKE-UP WAS STILL THERE AND UNTOUCHED. IT WAS. I WAS SO HAPPY TO HAVE THE MAKE-UP, BUT I WASN'T SURE EXACTLY HOW TO USE IT, SO UNTIL I GATHEREDTHE COURAGE TO ASK SOMEONE, I KEPT IT A SECRET. I DID BRUSH MY LIPS WITH THE LIGHTLY COLORED LIPSTICK AND USED THE DEODORANT. I THEN TOOK MY BRUSH AND FLUFFED MY LOVELY NEW HAIRSTYLE. I WISHED I HAD HAD SOME EARRINGS TO WEAR, BUT THAT WOULD HAVE TO COME IN THE FUTURE. I DRESSED IN SOME OF MY NEW CLOTHES, AND THEN FELT A BURNING SHAME. I HAD TO WEAR THE BOYS TENNIS SHOES THAT I HAD BEEN GIVEN, AND IT REALLY RUINED MY OUTFIT. HOW COULD I GO INTO A SHOE STORE WITH THOSE HIDEOUS TENNIS SHOES? I FELT LIKE CRYING. THEN A SMALL VOICE WHISPERED IN MY HEART THAT I WOULD SOON HAVE WONDERFUL NEW SHOES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS AND IT WOULD ONLY BE A SHORT TIME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO WEAR THE BOYS TENNIS SHOES. WHEN I WAS DRESSED, I WENT AND SAT DOWN ON MY BED AGAIN, WATCHING PATTY SLEEP. SHE LOOKED SO SWEET IN SLEEP, AND WAS HUGGING HER PINK BEAR. I THOUGHT THAT IF MOTHER WAS GOING TO GET ME A PRESENT FOR CHRISTMAS THAT YEAR, PERHAPS I WOULD ASK FOR A STUFFED PINK PIG. MAYBE IF I SAVED MY ALLOWANCE, I COULD BUY MY OWN STUFFED PIG. BUT, THESE WERE JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS, AND SOON THE BELL RANG FOR BREAKFAST. BY NOW, I HAD GOTTEN QUITE GOOD AT MAKING MY BED AND STRAIGHTENING THE ROOM, AND DIDN'T PANIC EACH TIME THE BELL WENT OFF. PATTY STIRRED, AND THEN LOOKED AT ME. "HOLY COW" SHE SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU ALL FIXED UP FOR?" I GRINNED AND TOLD HER THAT I WAS GOING INTO TOWN TO GET SOME NEW SHOES. "WELL, I'M SURE GLAD, YOU LOOK STUPID WEARING THOSE TENNIS SHOES." SHE REPLIED. I KNOW THAT SHE DID NOT MEAN TO INSULT ME, BUT WAS COMMISERATING WITH ME BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE ANY OTHER SHOES. WE QUICKLY DASHED ABOUT, CLEANING THE ROOM AND AFTER PATTY DRESSED, WE WENT INTO BREAKFAST. AS USUAL, WE TRIED TO GET THE CHAIRS CLOSE TO MRS. THOMPSON; WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANY WHERE NEAR THE MATRON. THEN, I NOTICED SOMETHING THAT FROZE MY HEART. THE CHART LISTED ME AS BEING ON CLEAN-UP DUTY AFTER BREAKFAST. CLEAN-UP DUTY! OH GOSH, AND I WAS ALL READY TO GO TO GET MY SHOES. I HAD MY NICEST CLOTHES ON AND DIDN'T WANT TO BE LATE TO LEAVE. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MENTION TO THE MATRON THAT I HAD TO BE READY TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY, I WAS SO AFRAID THAT SHE WOULD TELL ME I COULDN'T GO. I WANTED TO GO SO BADLY. THOSE SHOES WERE WAITING FOR ME. AS THE FOOD WAS PLACED ON THE TABLE, I FELT MY STOMACH TURNING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY BAD NERVES. DURING THE PRAYER, I TRIED TO KEEP THE TEARS FROM FORMING. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO? AFTER THE MATRON SAID "AMEN" TO THE PRAYERS, SHE LOOKED DOWN THE TABLE WHERE I WAS SITTING. "WELL, LOOK AT YOU, MISS FANCY PANTS" SHE SAID. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE ALL DRESSED UP TO GO SOMEWHERE!" MY HEART BEGAN TO THUD IN MY CHEST. I WAS GEARING UP THE COURAGE TO TELL HER ABOUT MY SPECIAL DAY, WHEN MRS. THOMPSON GENTLY TOUCHED MY HAND AND SPOKE TO THE MATRON. "YES, JODIE IS GOING SOMEWHERE TODAY. SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY." THE MATRON STOOD UP AND POINTED TO THE DUTY CHART. "SHE AIN'T GOIN NOWHERE UNTIL SHE CLEANS UP THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING! SHE SAID, WHILE GLARING AT ME. I BEGAN TO FEEL FAINT. I WAS SO SCARED OF HER. AGAIN, MRS. THOMPSON SPOKE. "JODIE IS GOING INTO TOWN TO GET SOME SHOES. IT HAS BEEN CLEARED WITH THE ADMINISTRATOR. SHE NEED TO GET GOING AS SOON AS SHE EATS. I WILL CLEAN THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING. DON'T WORRY, IT WILL GET DONE". THE MATRON GLARED AT ME AGAIN, SAYING, "WELL, IS SHE TOO GOOD TO GET SOME SHOES FROM THE CLOTHING ROOM? OH, YEAH, HER FEET ARE TOO BIG. SHE HAS TO GET SPECIAL SHOES FOR BIG FEET" AND THEN SHE SAT DOWN AND DEMANDED THAT THE BISCUITS BE PASSED TO HER. BY NOW, ALL OF THE GIRLS WERE LOOKING AT ME, SOME SMIRKING, SOME LAUGHING AND SOME, WHO HAD BECOME MY FRIENDS, LOOKING ANGRY. MRS. THOMPSON BEGAN TO MAKE SMALL TALK, AND THE GIRLS JOINED IN, BUT THE MATRON KEPT GLANCING IN MY DIRECTION. WHY WAS SHE SUCH AN OLD WITCH? WHAT DID SHE HAVE AGAINST ME? THEN, I LOOKED AT MRS. THOMPSON, AND SHE WINKED AT ME AND GAVE ME A LITTLE SMILE. "YOU BETTER HURRY, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE," SHE SAID. I GOBBLED UP THE FOOD ON MY PLATE, TOOK MY DISHES TO THE SINK, RINSED THEM AND SET THEM ASIDE. I WENT BACK TO THE DOOR AND WAVED AT MRS. THOMPSON AND RAN OUT THE BACK DOOR. I ARRIVED IN PLENTY OF TIME TO THE CLOTHING ROOM, AND THE CLOTHING MANAGER WAS WAITING FOR ME. (BY THE WAY, HER NAME WAS MRS. CLAYTON).
SHE GAVE ME A CHEERFUL "GOOD MORNING SWEETIE", AND OPENED THE CAR DOOR FOR ME. IT WAS AN OLD CAR, BUT THE INTERIOR WAS OF LEATHER AND WAS CLEAN AND POLISHED. IT SMELLED GOOD TO ME, AND I SLID IN, KEEPING MY KNEES TOGETHER AS BEST I COULD SO THAT I COULD ACT LIKE A LADY. MRS. CLAYTON COMPLIMENTED MY HAIR AND OUTFIT, AND SAID I LOOKED JUST LIKE A YOUNG LADY. SHE WAS DRESSED IN A NAVY BLUE DRESS WITH WHITE CUFFS ON THE HALF-SLEEVES AND A LACE COLLAR. THE WAIST NIPPED IN, EMPHASIZING HER WIDE HIPS. SHE HAD LARGE PEARL EARRINGS AND A STRAND OF LARGE PEARLS AROUND HER NECK. SHE HAD STYLED HER HAIR AND PLACED A NAVY PILL BOX HAT ON HER HEAD. SHE HAD ROUGED HER CHEEKS, PUT ON RED LIPSTICK AND SMELLED LIKE JASMINE. SHE LOOKED LIKE AUNT BEA ON THE "ANDY OF MAYBERRY" SHOW. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL TO ME. BEFORE WE LEFT, WE SAID A LITTLE PRAYER FOR SAFETY. I PRAYED THAT WE COULD ACTUALLY FIND SOME SHOES THAT WOULD FIT ME. THEN, WE WERE OFF. IT SEEMED THAT THE TRIP WAS REALLY SHORT, BUT THEN WE WEREN'T THAT FAR OUT OF TOWN. THE HOME WAS LOCATED IN A SMALL TOWN NAMED HAPEVILLE GEORGIA. AS MENTIONED BEFORE, IT WAS JUST OUTSIDE OF ATLANTA, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AIRPORT. YEARS BEFORE, IT WAS A DISTANCE FROM ATLANTA GEORGIA, BUT THE CITY HAD GROWN TO ALMOST INCUDE HAPEVILLE. TO MY SURPRISE, WE DROVE RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE CITY. THIS WAS MY OLD STOMPING GROUNDS, MANY TIMES I HAD TAKEN THE BUS BY MYSELF OR WITH GRANDMOTHER TO SHOP DOWNTOWN. I WAS VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE STORES AND SURROUNDING RESTAURANTS. (NOT THAT I HAD EATEN AT ANY OF THEM VERY OFTEN, BUT MANY TIME HAD WISHED I COULD). ONE PLACE IN PARTICULAR THAT CAUGHT MY EYE WAS THE WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER PLACE. HOW I LOVED WHITE CASTLES, ALL GREASY AND SLIPPERY, WITH THE GRILLED ONIONS AND SOFT, STEAMED BUNS. I GAZED LONGINGLY AT THE WHITE CASTLE PLACE WHILE MRS. CLAYTON PARKED AT A PARKING METER. SHE FISHED OUT A QUARTER AND PUT IT IN THE METER. I WISHED THAT I HAD HAD A QUARTER TO GIVE HER, I FELT BAD THAT SHE WAS GOING TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING. (OF COURSE, I DID NOT KNOW THAT THE HOME WOULD PAY HER BACK). WE THEN BEGAN TO WALK ALONG THE SIDEWALK. HOW DIFFERENT THIS TRIP TO TOWN WAS THAN WHEN I WAS LIVING AT HOME. MY WHOLE LIFE HAD CHANGED, I WONDERED IF IT SHOWED. AS WE WALKED ALONG THE WINDOWS OF THE STORES, I WAS WINDOW SHOPPING. THEN, I REALIZED THAT I WAS SEEING A GIRL I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE. SHE HAD LOVELY HAIR, WAS VERY TALL, KIND OF LARGE AND HAD A BIG SMILE. IT WAS ME. I REALIZED THAT I LIKED THAT GIRL. I REALIZED TOO, THAT I WAS MUCH TALLER THAN MRS. CLAYTON. SHE LOOKED SMALL NEXT TO ME. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD EVER NOTICED THAT I WAS SO TALL, AND NOT FAT, BUT LARGE. WHY, I WAS A BIG GIRL! IT WAS QUITE A SURPRISE TO ME, TO SEE ME AS OTHERS DID. THEN, WE WALKED INTO A SHOE STORE. MY NEWFOUND CONFIDENCE FADED AS I LOOKED AROUND, KNOWING THAT THEY WOULD HAVE NO SHOES FOR ME. A CLERK CAME UP AND WHEN TOLD THAT I NEEDED A SIZE 11 SHOE, SMILED AND ASKED ME TO HAVE A SEAT. HE BROUGHT OUT A FOOT METER, AND I WAS EMBARRASSED TO HAVE MY FEET MEASURED. HE MUST HAVE KNOWN, BECAUSE HE BEGAN TO TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE CUSTOMERS WHO CAME IN WITH REALLY BIG FEET. SOME EVEN WORE SIZES 14 OR 15. HE SAID THAT SIZE 11 WAS ALMOST NORMAL. HE SMILED AND SAID HE WOULD BE RIGHT BACK. I ALMOST FELL OFF THE CHAIR WHEN HE RETURNED WITH SEVERAL BOXES. THERE WERE LOAFERS, (LIKE THE ONES THAT MY FRIEND SUSAN WORE, AND I SO WANTED A PAIR), OXFORDS, TENNIS SHOES AND TO MY SURPRISE AND DELIGHT, PATENT LEATHER SLIP-ONS FOR CHURCH! AFTER SLIPPING ON LITTLE FOOTIE HALF-SOCKS, I TRIED ON SEVERAL PAIR, AND THEY ALL FIT. I THOUGHT I WOULD CRY FOR JOY. THEN I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION. WHICH ONES TO TAKE WITH ME? AFTER MUCH DECISION, I CHOSE A PAIR OF LOAFERS, A PAIR OF TENNIS SHOES, (FOR WOMEN), AND A PAIR OF DRESS SHOES. THE CLERK SAID IT WAS A PLEASURE TO WAIT ON ME, HANDED ME THE PACKAGES, AND OUT THE DOOR WE WENT. WE WALKED TO THE CAR AND I ASSUMED WE WERE GOING HOME, BUT MRS. CLAYTON JUST OPENED THE TRUNK AND PUT THE PACKAGES INSIDE. "BOY, I AM SO HUNGRY!" SHE SAID. "HMMM, I COULD SURE GO FOR SOME OF THOSE WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGERS!" (I REALIZE NOW, THAT SHE HAD SEEN ME STARING AT THE RESTAURANT). I WANTED TO TELL HER THAT I TOO, WANTED TO GO THERE, BUT I WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD BE RUDE. SHE ASKED IF I WANTED WHITE CASTLE, AND I CHEERFULLY AGREED. WE WALKED INTO THE HAMBURGER PLACE, AND MY SENSES WERE ASSAULTED WITH WONDERFUL SMELLS THAT BROUGHT MANY MEMORIES. WHITE CASTLE SERVES TINY HAMBURGERS THAT ARE STEAMED WITH GRILLED ONIONS AND LITTLE SOFT BUNS. THEY ARE SO GOOD, BUT VERY GREASY. I LOVED THEM. MRS. CLAYTON ORDERED A DOZEN HAMBURGERS, TWO CHOCOLATE SHAKES AND FRENCH FRIES. OH GOODNESS, I WAS IN HOG HEAVEN. WE FOUND TWO STOOLS AT THE COUNTER, OPENED OUR LITTLE HAMBURGERS, COATED THEM WITH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD, AND PUT THE TOPS BACK ON. A WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER IS ONLY ABOUT TWO BITES, BUT EVEN SO, SIX PER PERSON IS A LOT. COMBINED WITH A SHAKE AND FRIES, IT WAS QUITE A MEAL. BUT I ENJOYED EVERY BITE. MRS.CLAYTON KEPT RIGHT UP WITH ME, BITE FOR BITE. WE ATE, TALKED, ATE, LAUGHED, ATE AND ENJOYED EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. HOW SWEET AND KIND WAS MRS. CLAYTON, AND I LOVED HER AS I DID MRS. THOMPSON. THEN, IT WAS TIME TO GO. WHILE LEAVING TOWN, WE DROVE STRAIGHT PAST THE PLAYBOY CLUB WHERE MOTHER WORKED. I WANTED TO STOP AND SAY HELLO TO MOTHER, BUT I KNEW THAT WE COULD NOT. I MISSED MOTHER, AND WANTED HER TO HOLD ME, TELL ME SHE LOVED ME. I VOWED THAT NEXT TIME I SAW HER I WOULD TELL HER THAT I LOVED AND APPRECIATED HER. IT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR HER TO PUT US IN THE HOME. STRANGELY, I DID NOT MIND GOING BACK TO THE HOME. IT ALMOST FELT RIGHT. I HAD MY BED, DRESSER AND A NICE ROOMATE. I HAD THE BIRDS OUTSIDE, MY JOB IN THE SEWING ROOM AND FRIENDS. I LOVED MRS. THOMPSON AND MRS. CLAYTON. THE ONLY THINGS WAS THAT I WAS SO VERY AFRAID OF THE MATRON. I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN MOTHER WAS GOING TO TAKE US HOME, BUT FOR THE TIME BEING, I WAS FEELING SECURE. I KNEW THAT SCHOOL WAS GOING TO START SOON, AND THAT WAS A WHOLE NEW ADVENTURE AWAITING ME. I WAS GOING TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT, NO MATTER WHAT. BUT, JUST WHEN THINGS WERE BEGINNING TO MAKE SENSE, MY WORLD TILTED. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. LOVE, NANASEE