Kitty Cat

We were not allowed to have pets in the children's home. One thing I really missed about living with Grandmother and Mother was that I had a cat of my own, a cat that I really loved. I fed the poor thing the cheapest cat food available but it didn't seem to mind. At night, she would curl up with me and lull me to sleep with her gentle purring. She would gently knead the covers with her sharp little claws,leaving little bits of thread standing when she was through. She was always there when I got home, and I looked so forward to her greeting me each day. We lived on the second floor of the apartment building back then, and there was a screened-in porch attached to the back of the apartment. My cat had worked a small hole in the screen near a bottom corner, and would shimmy down a drain pipe when she wanted to get out. This was perfect as I didn't have to worry about a cat pan when she wanted to relieve herself. She was a perfect pet and companion. I really missed her after I had gone into the home. One fall day after the home had moved to it's new location, I had walked to the tiny little town of Palmetto Georgia, (really just a spot on the map, not having many stores or anything). I had gone to a small convienence store and purchased a soda and some chips. I was putting off going back to the home because it was a really nice fall day and I wanted some time to myself. As I stood there just observing the street, the people and things in general, I felt something rubbing on my ankle. Looking down, I saw that it was a tiny little furry gray kitten. It wasn't a newborn kitten, but probably several weeks old. I looked around to see where it had come from, but no one was there who looked like they were missing a kitten. Kneeling, I picked the little thing up and it emitted a soft purring noise. I have never been able to neglect an animal, and this was no different. I could not have walked away and left that little thing for any reason. I rubbed it's little ears and it closed it's eyes in pleasure. It began to knead my sleeve with it's little claws and I was totally in love. Now I had a problem. I could not take it home, as I mentioned, we could not have any pets at the home. I could not leave it there, I was afraid it would get killed in the road or starve to death. As I tried to decide what to do, I went into the convienence store and got a can of tuna. I got the store owner to open it and took it outside for the little kitten. It just scarfed the tuna, making grunting noises as it ate. I knew it was hungry and that made my mind up for me. I decided to sneak the little kitten back to the home and hide it in the woods behind the cottage. I would take care of it somehow-I could not turn my back on it. I tucked that little thing under my arm and walked the long walk back to the home. When I got home, I found a box and stuffed a towel in it to make the kitten a little bed. I brought home the empty tuna can for a food dish and sneaked a small bowl from the kitchen for water. I spent the rest of the day cuddling my little kitten, but I was worried about leaving it outside for the night. Praying for it's safety, I tucked the kitten in the box, left some chicken from supper in the tuna can and filled the bowl with some water. I left a small area in the top of the box in case it needed to get out and then I went to bed. In the middle of the night, I went back outside and checked on the kitten. It was cuddled in the towel, sound asleep. The next morning, I checked on it early and found that it was comfy and covered and the chicken was gone. For the next week, I secretly took care of the little kitten. I named it Kitty, and had no idea if it was a boy or girl. I spent every moment that I could with Kitty, still having to be secretive about it's presence. Kitty was growing very fast, and I was amazed at how quickly it was gaining weight. Kitty was always so sweet and loving, and I congratulated myself on a job well done by rescuing him or her. The food I left was always eaten completly and I wondered if I was feeding Kitty enough. About a month after I had brought Kitty home, I was really surprised at how much weight he or she had put on. To tell the truth, he or she was actually getting kind of fat. Each night I put him or her in the box and made sure there was food and water, kissed Kitty and tucked the towel tight. By then, Kitty had begun to wander from the box during the night but always came running when I came out. I then realized that Kitty must have learned to hunt and perhaps that was why he or she was gaining so much weight. I thought that he or she must have been the smartest cat in the world! One day, I solved the mystery of the weight gaining kitten. Early one morning, I sneaked out the back day to go and check on Kitty. The box was empty, and so I began to look around to see where Kitty may be. I heard a quiet voice going, "Here kitty kitty" and realized someone was calling my cat. I was frightened that I had been found out and would have to get rid of Kitty. I followed the voice and to my surprise, I saw the matron very quietly calling Kitty. Kitty was going to her with no fear, and I knew the jig was up. I would lose my precious Kitty. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to let the matron know that I had been harboring Kitty for so long. I decided to watch and see what she would do when Kitty went to her. To my surprise, Kitty went right up to the matron and jumped up in her arms, allowing the matron to rub his or her ears and scratch under his or her neck. Then to my utter surprise, the matron set Kitty down, went into the kitchen and returned with a saucer of milk and some canned cat food. As Kitty feasted, the matron stood over him or her with hands on her hips and a tender look on her face. She liked Kitty! Maybe she would let me keep Kitty! Quietly, I approached the matron, but she did not see me because she was enjoying watching Kitty eat breakfast. Then she looked up and got a startled look on her face. Glancing at Kitty and then at me, she looked rather nervous. I went up to her and grinned, hoping to soften her heart when I told her that I had brought Kitty home with me more than a month earlier. Before I could say anything however, the matron smiled at me. She quietly walked over to me and asked me if I could keep a secret. I said sure, and she quietly told me that one morning, about a month before, she had come out the back door to find this darling little kitty roaming around the back steps. She knew we could not have pets, but she had been secretly feeding it ever since. She told me it lived in the woods, and no one needed to know about it. She also said that she hoped that I would not mention it to anyone as she really wanted to keep the kitty around. Talk about an answer to my prayers! For once I knew to keep my mouth shut and not admit that it was me that had brought the kitty back to the home. I just assured the matron that her secret was safe with me, not to worry. She told me I could pet the kitten anytime, and not to worry, it was friendly. (I already knew that!) I left the matron there with her new charge, but not until after I asked two questions. The first was: What had she named the kitten? She said, "Oh, I just call him Kitty". That prompted the second question: How did she know Kitty was a boy? She laughed and showed my how to tell the difference between a boy kitten and a girl. So, I resuced Kitty, not knowing if it would work out or not, and it did. Kitty would prove to be a valuable asset to our cottage in the future, but I will tell you more about that later.

That fall, I was in the ninth grade and really loving going to school. This was not because of any academic attraction, but because of an academic instructor. Coach Fenning. Let me back up just a bit. I had a literature class which at that time was focused on Greek Mythology. I love history and this was particularly interesting to me because I have a vivid imagination and had no trouble picturing the Gods stirring up trouble, couples falling hopelessly in love and Goddesses causing all kinds of grief for humans and other Gods due to female spite and jealousy. The stories were easy to memorize and relate and I was really in my element. Then, one day I walked into the classroom with my mind full of the assigned reading and ready to expound on what I had learned. I even hoped there might be a test, because I knew that I would do really great, and wanted to show off a bit. As teenaged girls do, Mindy and I walked into the class yakking and not paying much attention to our surroundings. Soon, I noticed that the other class members were not very animated and it was unusual that they were not milling around and talking as the bell had not yet rung. I began to look around and there he was. I was stunned. Standing in front of the teacher's desk, with massive forearms folded across his chest stood what must have been a Greek God come to life. I actually had to look up to get a good look at his face-and life was forever changed for me. The first thing I noticed was his intense blue eyes. They were striking, glowing, and as blue as a rare sapphire. He did not notice me because he was perusing the students in the class. I took the opportunity to really size him up. He had to be at least six and a half feet tall, with very wide shoulders, a stomach that showcased perfect abs, very narrow hips and well muscled thighs. His legs were impossibly long and encased in a pair of Levi's. He wore a polo shirt that strained across those perfect shoulders and upper arms, with the neck slightly open offering a glimpse of a dark, furred chest. His hair was as black as the wing of a blackbird, with a slight wave and came slightly down to just above the expressive black eyebrows. His nose was slightly long, his cheeks chisled and his lips full and sensuous. His chin was squared and firm and he was tanned. I felt something poking me in my arm, and realized that Mindy was trying to say something to me. She was asking why I was just standing there, looking like someone had shot me. I just kind of nodded my head in the direction of this fabulous excuse for a human being and she turned to look at him. She too, was mezmerized by his perfection. As we stood there, like so many other of the girls in the class, he turned and focused on us. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I thought he was fabulous as I had sized him up, but a direct look in my direction made me realize that I had not really discovered the enormity of his attraction. I must have been gaping at him, (oh gosh, I may even have been drooling) when he smiled in my direction. After that, I don't even remember getting to my seat. Hopefully Mindy got me there- she was always so sensible. Finally, class started. He introduced himself as Coach Fenning. The regular teacher would not be back for the rest of the year, and he was taking her place. Halleluah! I would get to look at him all year long! His voice was slightly low, very manly and very attractive. He briefly told us that we would continue our study of Greek Mythology and went to his desk to open his book. He was called Coach because he was an assistant coach of the boys football team. He also was a substitute teacher during the day, but would be the permanent replacement of the teacher who had left. He began the day by reading the current assignment to the class. I was in heaven. I could not keep my eyes off of him, could not keep my ears away from his voice. For the first time in my life, I was truly in love. (Okay, how about in a crush?) I took the time to notice that he did not wear a wedding ring, so he was probably not married. He turned to the blackboard, and I realized that I had never seen a more beautiful pair of Levi's in my life. Oh, my goodness, how could any man be so perfect? Then, it happened. Coach Fenning looked right at me and said that the former teacher had told him if he needed any help to call on me as I was the best student in the class. With a gleaming smile he told me he was happy to have someone to call on the help him through the first days of his assignment. Oh yes, I would help him! I would do anything for him! Gorgeous Coach Fenning. Let me tell you that I knew that I was going to love that class more than I ever thought I would. So, that was the day that I lost my innocent heart to a crush that would be a part of my life for several months. Coach Fenning must have know the effect he had on the girls, but he was never anything but kind and tolerent of the adoration that was a part of his daily life. He was very patient and endured the fawining glances, the smiles, giggles and sighs, and was never anything but professional in every way. I was innocent, and did not harbour a thought that was any more than enjoying the feelings of joy and happiness that hit me when I was in Coach Fennings presence. I also did not realize that all of the other girls felt the same way, truly I was not aware that anyone could love him as much as I did. I only got to see him in class, I wouldn't have had to courage to speak to him anywhere else anyway. But, each day I dressed to look nice for him, and at night I thought of him before I went to sleep. They were innocent thoughts, like walking in the park with him, sitting and listening to him read just to me, seeing him smile just for me. Sometimes I would think of him when I heard songs of young love. I would have a husband just like him someday, a perfect specimen of manhood who would have eyes only for me. Until then, I would enjoy being in the presence of Gorgeous, kind, and fabulous Coach Fenning. Whoo-hoo! I loved school!

A story full of bull

You never know from day to day what is going to happen. It was a perfectly ordinary Saturday afternoon, and I had some time on my hands. Thinking about what I would like to do, it occurred to me that it would be nice to go and see my brothers. The boys campus was on the other side of the home, about a 2 mile walk from where I lived. I didn't mind the walk, but I wanted to spend some time with them, and came up with a plan to shorten the trip. The home was built in a semi-circle arrangement, with the administration building, the church, the gymnasium and the main kitchen right in the middle. The girls cottages branched off to the right and the boys to the left. It was quite a walk if you went from point A to point B on the paved street, but if you went through the field in the back of the home, it was only about a half mile from the girls cottages to the boys cottages. I decided to cut across the fields in back of the campus, especially since it was such a pretty day, and warm for being in the fall season. Taking this route entailed jumping over some fences, mostly wire fences and crossing a field where cattle grazed. There were a few cattle, mostly cows and a couple of sedate bulls, nothing to really worry about. So, I didn't even have the cattle on my mind as I walked that day. I had school, some boys, clothes, music, you know, ordinary thoughts for a teenaged girl. ( I was also watching where I stepped). Noticing a lovely cow not too far away, I wondered if she would let me get close to her. Well, I assumed it was a cow, I mean, how do you tell the difference anyway? I slowed my walk, and gradually moved in closer to the cow who just kept on grazing and not paying me any attention. I actually walked right up to her, (like I mentioned, I thought it was a her) and when I found myself directly in front of her, reached out and patted her head. For a cow who didn't know I was there a moment before, she sure yanked her head up and gave a terrific "MOOOOO!" That scared the crap out of me. I turned and started walking away from her, but to my surprise and fright, she started following me. Just walking right behind me, every once in awhile nudging me with her nose. I began to worry that she would poke me with her horns and walked faster. So did she. I began to trot, and so did she. Then I noticed something really alarming. Some of the cows didn't have horns. Only the really big cows had horns, and there were only a couple of them. The ones with horns were much bigger than the ones without too. My cow had horns, and was quite large. I began to worry that maybe my cow was a bull. I decided to turn and face that cow/bull? or whatever it was. I got the brilliant idea to pick up a stick, really a small branch so that if I had to defend myself I would have something to drive off the animal. As I straightened up from picking up the stick, I saw that what by now I was sure was a bull had come right up behind me once again. I was very nervous, I had heard stories of bulls attacking people just for being in their territory. I decided to "take the bull by the horns" (pardon the pun) and stand my ground. With a determined voice I told that bull to shoo! He didn't shoo. Again, I spoke loudly demanding that that bull shoo! He ignored my command. He began to sniff around my face and head. He licked my ears with his huge slobbery tongue. I did notice that he had pretty brown eyes, and then I got a grip. It was time to take action. One last time I shouted at him to shoo, to go away, to git! He stayed. Taking all the courage I possessed, I raised the stick and smacked him right across the nose- I thought that would get his attention. It did. He raised his huge, horn laden head and bellowed in my face. That scared me so badly that I just turned and blindly ran as fast as I could away from that bull. He ran after me, just kind of galloping, not charging or anything. I could hear his hooves clopping on the field grass, and I knew he was not far behind. With a mind full of terror, I tried to imagine what he would do when he caught up with me. I ran faster. So did he. In the distance, I saw a tree that looked easy to climb. Funny thing, when I got to that tree, I had no trouble climbing it at all. I scooted up into the tree, climbing from branch like the most talented chimpanzee. My breath was coming in hitching gasps and I thought my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. Tears of fright were streaming down my face. Finally, when I thought I was good and safe from that bull, I wrapped my legs around a branch and got comfortable with my back against the trunk. The bull was pacing in circles around the base of the tree, butting the trunk with his head, but I was about 30 feet up so I began to feel safe. For just a moment. Now, I have never been a really lucky person, and this of course was no exception. Believe it or not, that bull finally calmed down a bit and just lay his big old self down under that tree and got comfortable. Right under the tree. So, there I was, clinging to a tree 30 feet up over a bull that was already mad at me and then decided to wait for me to come down so that he could finish me off. I wondered how long he would be there. I wondered when it was time for his dinner. Would he wander off with the rest of the herd eventually? Would anyone miss me? Shoot, would anyone even think to look for me in the field? I hadn't told anyone that I was taking a short cut, I thought perhaps it was wise not to bring it up. I had told the matron that I was going to see my brothers, so maybe if it got late she would call and see if I had made it there. That was another can of worms that I didn't want to think about. Time passed and I sat in the tree. The bull just stayed where he was, and eventually I thought I could hear him snoring. I listened to the birds singing in the distance and felt the wind as it dried the tears on my face. It was getting cooler and I wanted to go home. I didn't know what to do, so I began to pray. I prayed that the bull would get up and leave, that I could get back to the cottage without the matron finding out that I had taken a short cut and that everything would resolve itself before it got dark. I am not sure how much time passed, but about the time my backside was getting numb from resting on the rough bark of the tree, I heard a noise. It was a tractor. A farmer was driving his tractor through the field not far from where I was trapped. I started yelling at him, not caring that my yelling would wake the bull. I was glad that it was fall, because the tree didn't have many leaves and I hoped the farmer would see me. I guess my prayers were answered, because suddenly the farmer took a sharp turn and headed for the tree. With the noise from the tractor and my yelling, the bull began to stand up and circle the tree again, mooing and making lots of noise. The farmer came right up to the tree, looking confused as to what was wrong with the bull. I yelled again and he looked straight up at me. The look on his face was comical, but at the time I didn't appreciate any kind of humor. He got off the tractor and shooed the bull from under the tree. With a great shove on the rear end of that bull, the farmer got him to leave. Stupid bull just turned and walked away as if he had nothing else to do. The farmer asked me why I was in the tree, and I told him about the bull being in the field that I was crossing. He told me that he couldn't understand why the bull bothered me at all, because it was a perfectly tame bull that even a child could pet. I wondered if I should mention that I had belted the bull with a stick. I thought better of it and after climbing back down from my lofty height, stood patiently and attentively as the farmer explained the dangers of walking through a field with cattle grazing. I dutifully apologized and assured him that I would never, ever again walk anywhere near a field of cattle, grazing or not! He asked me if I wanted a ride back to the paved road of the campus, and I thankfully accepted his offer. I went straight back to the cottage about 3 hours after I had first left. I went to my room and lay on my bed, thinking about the close call I had had. I think the worst thing about the whole incident was that I couldn't tell anyone about it in case I would get in trouble. So, I had to keep the whole terrifying ordeal to myself. The farmer didn't rat me out, and I came up with a plausible excuse for not visiting my brothers after all. I felt really lucky that everything worked out, and to this day, I swear, I will not go anywhere near a bull that is loose in a field! And by the way, I am still trying to figure out why I got the idea to belt that bull on his nose. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but looking back I guess I was either really brave or really stupid. All in all, it was a "mooving" experience!

The Group at the Home

The summer was over and it had been just a bit over a year since I had come to the Children's Home. I had changed so very much! When I arrived at the home, I was a terrified, saddened, dissapointed and frightened young girl. Through the year, I had opened my mind to joys and treasures that I did not know I could be a part of. I had learned to overcome fear, learned to trust, learned to be a friend and to have a friend, learned compassion, love, kindness and so much more. In one year, I learned to be a gracious person, laying aside jealousy, anger, frustration and a lack of self-worth. Now, don't for a moment believe that I had found all the answers, certainly I had only scratched the surface of a life worth living and believing in. Truthfully, there would be other obstacles that I would meet in the future, some so devastating that I would embrace the thought that life was not worth living, but for the present time, I was enjoying being Joselli. Being Joselli meant that I knew that there was safety if I relied on myself only. I could not place my trust in anyone, because that meant getting hurt, but on the other hand, I knew that being trustworthy brought many rewards. This is where I found my joy. Being trustworthy gave me freedoms that other kids did not have. I could pretty much do what I wanted, as the matron knew that she could trust me. I accepted something else that gave me peace. I had decided that Mother had done the best she could for us, and leaving us in the home was a decision that she made with the best of intentions. I could not fault her for this, she loved us and had found a way to make sure we would be provided for. In a way, it was the ultimate sacrifice, being apart from her children for their own good. Okay, at least it was an excuse that I could live with, and that took the blame from my shoulders. I no longer felt it was my fault that we were in the home. Then, there was my father. He wrote to tell me that he was getting released from prison, and that he would come and see us when he could. I had no concept of exactly when that would be, I only knew that one day I would see him again. That was a closet full of memories and anxieties that I would have to deal with eventually. To narrow all of this down, I had come to a point in my life that classified difficulties in the order by which I could deal with them. By neatly placing my skeletons in mental cubicles and locking them away, I opened up my life so that I could enjoy the things that were available to me and using them, could become a young lady full of joy and peace. So, the school year started. Each morning, we were up with the alarm, cleaned our rooms and made our beds, got dressed and went to the dining room. Nothing had changed here. But after breakfast, instead of walking through the little town of Hapeville Georgia, we would walk the long walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus. This was a time to talk and visit with each other. We would see the boys too, and looked forward to being with them. The boys that were our age, were the usual teenaged boys. Of course, they came from difficult backgrounds such as the girls had, but since we were all in the same boat, we took comfort in the familiarity. There were a few couples, but for the most part, we were all a group and enjoyed being so. The trip back into Hapeville from Palmetto was about 40 miles. This gave us plenty of time to talk and visit, and we really enjoyed the bus ride each morning. This group was our family. We watched out for each other at school, and took up for each other when there was a difficulty. When I say difficulty, I mean things not out of the ordinary, but things that were hurtful to a member of the group individually. One time, as I went to sign my name on the sheet in the cafeteria so that I could get my lunch, someone loudly remarked that I was signing the "Orphan List". They went on to ridicule the kids from the home, saying that we were poor and nothing more than a bunch of orphans. Other kids took up the cause, and began to remark that we had ratty clothes and that nobody wanted us. That was why we were in the home. In the midst of all of this, one of the larger boys from the home stepped up to the instigator, pulled back a ham of a fist and punched that kid right in the mouth. The kid flew backwards, slammed into a table, toppled the table and fell face down on the floor. Without looking at the damage, the boy from the home challenged anyone else who may have something to say about us. No one did. When a teacher came running over to see what happened, none of us would admit what we had seen. The other kids were afraid to say anything, and so nothing more was done about the incident. There was no more said about the "Orphan list" from anyone. It felt so good to be a part of something, and I truly began to love our group. It wasn't long after school started that I got the idea to get the group together for a dance in the gym at the home. I first asked Mrs. Thompson, and then she suggested that I ask the administrator for permission. The first opportunity, I asked the administrator and he thought it was a good idea. He told me to take care of all the details, and it was fine with him. I was so excited! We had not had a dance before, and I knew it would be great fun. I roped Mindy into helping me, and some of the other girls as well. We planned food, music and decorations. For the next few weeks, I was busy baking and freezing cookies and getting the last details done. Then, one saturday night in the early fall, the dance was held. All that day, the girls had been getting ready, rolling their hair, ironing clothes and putting on makeup. We decorated with balloons, streamers and tablecloths, and one of the houseparents found an old mirror ball to hang from the ceiling. I was so excited and happy, I had the idea from the start and now the whole thing was coming together. At six P.M., the doors were opened and the older kids from the home streamed into to gym. Exclaiming at the decor, groups were formed and the dance began. Some of the couples paired off, but most of us hung together in our group. The music was lively, some from the Beatles, some from Elvis and so forth. Punch and cookies were consumed in a constant stream, and fortunately I had baked enough to keep replenishing the dishes. There were chips, popcorn, my famous brownies and even a large bowl of hard candy. I was surprised and happy when some of the boys asked me to dance. When one dance was over, another boy asked me for the next one. It never occurred to me that this was due to anything more than friendship. I had no designs that any of them took me seriously, and that was fine with me. In spite of the time with Henry, I didn't have the confidence anyway to have a one-on-one relationship with any of them. The music played on, the dancing continued and then someone got the idea to play a game. It was called choo-choo. Here's how it went. A boy or girl would start by choosing a partner of the opposite sex and "choo-choo" like a train into the other room. Then, they would come back out, and the person on the end of the train would chose someone else of the opposite sex. The train would go back into the other room and come back out to choose someone else. We all waited with anticipation to be chosen, because we didn't know what was going on in the other room. Finally, I was chosen. I put my arms around the waist of the boy who had chosen me, and we "choo-chooed" into the other room. Then, to my surprise, the first boy turned around and lightly kissed the girl behind him, she kissed the boy behind her and so on until it came to be my turn. I was terrified. What if I messed up? What if I slobbered on the boy? What if? What if? Then, seening that it was my turn, I pursed my lips, closed my eyes and leaned in for my kiss. But, I didn't get a kiss, but a smack on the cheek! I squealed in surprise and everyone laughed good naturedly. That was the joke of the game, to make you think you had to kiss someone, and then wait for them to get ready and lightly smack them instead. It was really funny, and I was glad when it was my turn to choose someone. I too, delivered a smack, but only after I did actually lightly kiss the boy that had chosen me. Everyone thought the game was great fun, and we talked about it for days to come. Before we knew it, the party had to come to a close. We wanted to stay on dancing and such, but I knew that we had to prove our trust, and so I insisted that we clean up and get back to the cottages by the appointed time. That night, I reveled in the wonderful time I had had at the dance. I got so many compliments and over and over was asked to do it again soon. I went to bed, hugging my stuffed pig and thanked Heavenly Father for the wonderful time we had all had. I looked forward to the bright future of fun and companionship that I felt was a part of living in the home.

Summer's End

I had such a wonderful week at the beach! I think it truly rates up there with Moondoggie and Gidget- almost to the expectation of my imagination. I was a bit upset over Henry and his quick departure, but the time I spent with him was proof positive that such things do happen. I would have lots of great things to tell Mindy and the other girls, and for once would be able to relate things that I had only heard them talk about. The day that Henry left, two things happened. First, Karen got caught in her bikini. I didn't rat her out, as fate would have it, her mother was just strolling along the water's edge and enjoying the day when she noticed a group of boys surrounding a young girl. It was apparent that the girl had pretty much nothing on, and Karen's mother felt a bit scandalized that any mother would allow her daughter to go out in public like that. Then, the unimaginable happened. A young man, eager to join the throng, ran up to Karen and called her by her name. When she heard the name "Karen", Karen's mother naturally looked to see if it was her daughter that the young man was addressing. To her shock and dismay, and then incredible anger, Karen's mother saw that it was her own chaste and innocent daughter that was surrounded by boys and practically naked! With a justified exclamation, Karen's mother stomped up to the group, picked up a beach towel and threw it over Karen's body. Then, with righteous indignation, she turned and blasted those boys, sending them sucrrying away in record time. Finally, she turned to Karen and for the next ten minutes, carped about trashy behavior behind Karen as they were going back to the hotel. Of course Karen was mortified, especially since her worst nightmare had come true. I was no where around, as I had gone with some girls I had met during the week. When I looked to see where Karen was, I noticed the absence of the boys and that Karen's spot on the beach was vacant. I was confused, but was enlightened when one of the girls told me that Karen's mother had come down and blasted Karen all the way back to the hotel. I began to worry that Karen's mother would blame me somehow for Karen's behavior, and wondered if I should go back to the hotel and face the music. I took my time, but finally, went back to the hotel room to find Karen weeping, her face red and eyes puffy. As soon as I walked in the room, Karen attacked me saying that it was all my fault that she had gotten caught. She claimed that if I had kept watch out like I should have, I could have warned her before her mother saw her. Before I could even respond to those rediculous accusations, Karen's mother came into the room and shaking a self-righteous finger in Karen's face, told her that it was her own fault that she was in trouble, parading around like a naked hussy for all the world to see. Why couldn't she be a nice girl like me, and keep her body covered so that people would not think their family was trash! By now I was in tears, and hated the contention going on. Karen's mother looked kindly at me and told me not to cry, I had done nothing wrong, indeed, I had shown Karen a good example. She then told Karen that she was confined to the hotel room for the rest of the day, and she was going to take me shopping at the little souvenier shops. I told her that I thought I should stay with Karen, but she insisted that I go with her. With a backward glance in Karen's direction, I followed Karen's mother out the door, down the hall and into the warm, sunny day. I tried to apologize for anything I might have done to upset her, and once again, she assurred me that it was Karen that had upset her, not me. I tried to enjoy my time with Karen's mother, but I felt so awkward about the whole situation. After awhile, I began to calm down and really began to have some fun. Then, the second thing happened that I will remember about that day. As we entered one of the souvenier shops, I was drawn once again to the preserved alligators that lined a whole shelf. Some of them had their mouths open showing thier sharp little teeth, and some of them had closed mouths. All of them had little black beady eyes and thick, dried alligator skins with differents pattens. Some were really large and others very small. The one thing they had in common was that I wanted one so very badly. I didn't have enough money to buy one, and so as in most cases of something I wanted, I just decided to enjoy looking at them while I could. I picked up one little alligator, about nine inches long and began to run my forefinger over it's rough exterior. I was enchanted by the tiny little claws and the alligator grin of it's little face. I felt sorry that someone had killed this little baby alligator just to make a souvenier out of him. While I was engrossed with these thoughts, Karen's mother came over to stand next to me. She asked me if I liked that little alligator, and I told her that I did. I admitted that I would love to have it for a memory of my wonderful vacation, and to my amazement, she told the clerk to wrap it up for me! She was buying that alligator for me! I could take it home, and just like I imagined, put it on the windowsill and remember the wonderful week I had spent in Florida. When the clerk handed me the wrapped package that held my little alligator, I hugged Karen's mother, thanking her for everything- the week in Florida, the fun I had been having, and most especially the little alligator. I don't remember much about the rest of the week, but Karen and her mother resolved their issues, I spent all the time I could on the beach, and when it was time to return, I carefully packed my alligator to take home with me. When we returned to the home, it was as if a magical time had come to an end and things would be returning to normal. Mindy was so surprised that I was so tan, and she said that I looked great! I basked in the limelight as I related my week in the sun, along with tales of Henry and everything we did together. The summer was coming to a quick end, and soon, school would be starting again. I didn't know it then but I would find that it would be an interesting and wonderful year.

Dream date

Morning could not come too soon for me! I awoke early, but I had to wait for Karen to be up and about, as her Mom would not let us go to the beach alone. She was afraid that some unscrupulous stranger would take advantage of us, we being such lovely innocents and all-(Boy did she not know her daughter!) I was very hungry as well, and decided to go to breakfast and let Karen sleep in for awhile. I thought that she would be awake when I got back, and we could go to the beach. I gobbled some eggs and a sweet roll, and when I got back from breakfast, Karen was still sleeping. I gently poked at her exposed foot, trying to get her to wake up. She just yanked her foot under the cover, and I stood there trying to hold my patience. Next, I tickled her arm, but she just rolled over. I whispered her name, but no response. I was getting impatient, I knew that Henry was waiting for me! Finally, I called her name rather loudly, and she shifted a bit. "whadaya want?" she mumbled. I told her to come on and get up, I wanted to go to the beach, but she said she didn't feel well. I asked her again, more earnestly, and she just rolled back over and pulled the covers over her head. I was getting desperate. I yanked the bedspread off of her and told her to get up. I wanted to be there with Henry, and she wasn't going to stop me! With a few unlady-like words, Karen glared at me, telling me that she had no reason to go to the beach, after all, I was the one with a boyfriend, not her! Quickly, I came up with a lie. I told her that Henry was bringing one of his friends to meet her and we would hang out together. That piqued her interest. I handed her one of her most scanty bikinis and told her that no one could resist her in something like that. By now, she was smiling, and had a crafty look on her face. Because she was dragging her feet, I began to throw towels, the bikini, sun tan lotion and t-shirts into our beach bag. Once again, I pressed her to hurry, and at last, after donning the ugly, one-piece swim suits that her mother insisted we wear, we finally found our way down the back stairs and on to the beach. We had not gone far, when I heard my name called. Looking back, I saw Karen's mom calling and motioning for us to return. Going back to her, I listened in horror as she told us that she wanted to spend the day at the beach with us. She thought it would be fun for just us girls to hang out together. She said we could build sand castles, lay in the sun, eat hot dogs and snow cones and suggested that Karen and I introduce her to out little friends. I saw my highly anticipated day shatter right before my eyes. Both Karen and I had a problem with her mom's plans for the day. In no way was Karen going to be seen on the beach in such an ugly swim suit, and I knew that I could not hang out with Henry if Karen's mom was there. Just as I thought I was going to break down and cry, something wonderful happened. I guess the summer beach fairy was looking after me, because right then, Karen's dad came down the stairs dressed in bermuda shorts, boat shoes, a t-shirt and had a camera slung about his neck. With a booming, cheerful greeting, he told us that he was going sight-seeing and invited us to join him. Karen quickly spoke up and told her dad that she thought it would be a good idea if just he and her mom went together and let us just spend the day at the beach. She added that they did not ever have much time to be alone, and, waggling her eyebrows in a suggestive manner, said that it would be romantic for them to spend the day together. (She had such a silver tongue!). Her mom looked at her dad and smiling, said that it sounded good to her. She insisted that she didn't want to leave us all alone like that, but we assured her that we would have fun and not to worry. In no time at all, Karen's parents were gone to their sight-seeing, and we were on our way to the beach once again. As soon as we were out of sight of her parents, Karen pulled her genie act and snaked into the tiny bikini that we had smuggled from the hotel. I was amazed at the fact that such a small amount of fabric could even cover the vital parts of Karen's body. Next to her physical perfection, I felt like a whale, but then I remembered that Henry was waiting for me and he had said that he liked me just the way I was. As I ran along the expanse of the white sands of the beach looking for Henry, once again I was amazed that I had been given the opportunity of having a vacation such as this. Karen had found her usual gaggle of admirers (I guess she had forgotten about my little white lie) and I went, as usual by myself to see what the day would bring. Before long, I heard my name called. It was Henry! He was running along the beach, calling and waving to me. The dream continued. There was actually a boy that wanted to be with me! As we met by the water's edge, Henry told me that he had the day planned for us. After spending some time with our friends, he wanted to go to the shops and look around. After that, we could get some lunch, and then he had a surprise for me. I was so excited, and I thought if only Mindy could see me now! The morning passed quickly, and soon we were on our way to the little shops that lined the main street where the beach began. Once again, I was enchanted by all the souveniers available. The tiny preserved alligators stared at us as we passed by, and I thought again how much I wished I could take one home with me. Carved coconut monkeys grinned at me in passing, as if they knew that I was having a special time. In one shop, Henry picked up a large conch shell and put it to his ear. His face lit up with a huge smile, and he told me that he could hear the sea. I asked if that was all he could hear, and he said no, that he could also hear the shell telling him that I was special to him. I blushed radiantly, no boy had ever spoken to me like that before! We left the shop and strolled past other shops, most of them offering the same souveniers. As we came to one shop however, I noticed that they were advertising salt-water taffy. I told Henry that I had never had salt-water taffy, and he suggested that we go in and try some. Inside the store was a counter lined with striped taffy candy in several colors and sizes. Off to the side of the counter was a machine that was "pulling" taffy, or in other words, stretching long ropes of candy over and over. It was amazing to see the candy lighten up in color and it was stretched. Most of the colors were pastel pinks, greens, blues and yellow with stripes of white running through them. Some of it was chocolate, vanilla or strawberry, and were in solid colors. After the taffy was stretched, it was rolled into long snake shapes and cut into small, round pieces. Then, a worker would wrap each piece by hand and throw it into a bin of the same color. From each bin, the candy was packed into lovely foil boxes to be sold. There were free samples of the taffy, and I eagerly chose a pink piece. Popping it into my mouth, I was surprised at the sticky sweetness of the taffy. Noting my surprised look, Henry asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I thought that since it was salt-water taffy, it should have had a salty taste. The clerk heard me and explained that it was only called salt-water taffy because it was usually sold only at the beach. I loved the sweet, vanilla taste of the taffy, and found myself pulling it from my teeth with my tongue as I tried to eat it. Before long, the taffy had dissolved, and I wished that I had another piece. Before I could say anything, Henry pulled out some change and had the clerk fill a small bag with pieces of taffy of each color. Smiling, he handed me the bag and told me to enjoy myself. All I could think was that I would never eat all of that precious candy, because Henry had bought it for me and I wanted to keep some to remember him by. Soon after we left the taffy store, Henry led me to a small cafe where we had corn dogs and cokes for lunch. I felt like the heroine in a romantic movie as I enjoyed each moment in Henry's company. He was so sweet to me, and I never wanted the day to end. After lunch, I found that the surprise that Henry had for me was to rent a bicycle built for two. We rode all over the shopping area with the wind blowing in our faces and the sun beating down on us. It was magical. Finally, we turned the bike back in and went back to the beach. Sitting at the water's edge, we sat in companionable silence while I thought of the wonderful day. Dusk was falling and the night beach goers were coming out. Campfires were being lit and the smell of roasting marshmallows and hot dogs permeated the air. The wave gently rolled in and out and the smell of salt caressed the breeze. Stars began to blink in the dusky sky. How could anything be any better? Henry and I talked of nothing in particular, but we held hands. Then, I knew it was time to go in, and as much as I would have spent the whole night sitting on the beach and talking to Henry, I also knew that it could not be. So, I stood up and told Henry that I had to go and find Karen and go on back to the hotel. Henry took my hand and looked into my eyes, and I knew that the time had come for a kiss from him. But as everything else in my life, the magic had to come to an end. As we stood face to face, Henry quietly told me that he and his family were returning home the next day. It took a moment for that information to register, and then I asked him why he had waited until the last minute to tell me that he was leaving the next day. He told me that he did not want to spoil our last day together. I asked him if he would write to me, and he told me no, he didn't think that we could sustain a long-distance relationship like that. Giving me a hug, he told me he enjoyed our time together and he would never forget me. And, just like that, the dream was over. I could not believe that I had only known him for two wonderful days! It seemed much longer. I found Karen and she changed back into her "proper" swimsuit. Together we walked back to the hotel, and noticing that I was quiet, she let me be alone with my thoughts. I don't know what I thought would come of the magical days on the Florida beach with Henry, but I knew I would always remember the farm boy that made me feel so special.

Still on Vacation

It was the second day in Florida. I had a sunburn. I didn't think I would burn, I only wanted to tan, but I guess it is easier to burn at the beach. It wasn't a bad sunburn, just enough to make me realize I had one each time I moved my arms, legs, feet, hands, smiled, blinked or moved in anyway. I didn't consider it a problem, I had too much to do. Karen had amassed quite a following and I hung out with her just to enjoy the view. So many young, buff bodies; tall, short, blonde, dark, red headed, blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, freckles, you know, all the good stuff. Something wonderful happened to me that week, I became noticed. Some of the less shallow boys actually talked to me and spent time with me. I discovered volleyball, frisbee, wave diving and so much more as I spent that week at the beach. There were other girls that were ordinary, friendly girls and together we formed a group with some of the other young men. I had so much fun, just being me and not worrying about trying to impress anyone. All day we talked and walked along the beach, played vollyball and romped in and out of the water. In the evenings, we sat around beach campfires, roasting marshmallows and telling stories. I hated to have to go in, as I wanted to stay all night with my friends. Karen and I shared a secret; she was not the little angel her parents thought she was. I didn't care. That was her business. As long as no one asked, I wouldn't rat her out. Besides, I had my group and she had hers. One evening, Karen and her family took me out to dinner and a walk through town. The air had cooled but the humidity was still up. My hair was sticking to my neck and my toes were sweating in my sandals as we walked in and out of the shops. I soon forgot my discomfort as I was surrounded by lovely treasures from the sea. There were so many beautiful shells, and items made of shells. In one shop, skirts and tops of tropical beauty were on display. Teeny little bikinis beamed in bright colors and beach wraps were displayed next to them. In every shop there were little alligators that had been preserved and were in various poses. Their mouths were always open to display sharp little teeth, and they had little glass eyes. Sometimes they were just alligator heads, and sometimes they were whole alligators. I wanted an alligator. I could just see the kids at the home as they admired my alligator. I would put it on the windowsill next to my bed and pretend it was a pet. But, those alligators were expensive and I knew that I would not be able to have one. I decided that one day I would have a preserved alligator, and that made me feel better. I wanted to buy souveniers for my brothers, Mindy, Mrs. Thompson and even the matron. Fortunately, There were plenty of affordable items for me to buy, and I carefully chose something for everyone on my list. Shell necklaces, shark teeth, bracelets, so many things. And, when I wasn't shopping, I was down at the beach. On the third day I got up early once again and hurried down to the water. I loved the early morning sunrise, the waves undulating in and out, the crabs scurrying everywhere and the smell of the ocean. That morning, I just sat and experienced the beach and the water. As the tide came in, the water covered me just a tiny bit deeper each time the waves rushed in. I knew that I would have to go back to the home in just a few days, and I just wanted to make memories. Then, I heard a slight splash as a young man plopped down next to me. He was cute. He had red hair, freckles and was ordinarily just right. He looked at me and grinned. He told me that he hoped I would be there and wanted to spend the day with me. I was surprised, I didn't think any of the boys had really even noticed me for myself. I did interact with other boys as they talked to the group I hung out with, but this was different. His name was Henry and he was from Ohio. He and his family were on vacation for the week just like me. They would be going home on Sunday, and I would be going back on Saturday. We talked and talked. After a while, Henry told me he was hungry and was going for a hotdog. He asked me what I wanted, but I felt shy and didn't want to eat in front of him. He brought me a hotdog and a soda anyway, telling me that he liked to see a girl eat, especially one like me who was strong and healthy. Henry told me that the girls at home were more like me and he didn't care for girls who were skinny. I didn't know how to take that, but the look on his face was one of admiration, not censure. The day wore on, and we joined out group for beach games. Henry stayed close to me. Some of the other girls openly admired him behind his back, and when we were alone begged for details. Did he kiss me? How did I meet him? Did he have a brother? Laughing, I told them that we were just friends, but inside I hoped that he would want to keep in touch with me after that magical week came to an end. That night, as the campfire burned in the dark, Henry sat next to me on a beach blanket. I was so happy, I was one of the fortunate ones who actually had a boy to claim me. He roasted a marshmallow for me and took it off the coathanger so I would not burn my fingers. Leaning in closer, he blew on the crispy, melted blob and then placed it in my mouth. Looking into my eyes, he licked the sweetness from his fingers. I stuttered, "I love marshmallows!" and he said he did too. As the other couples paired off, Henry gave me a meaningful look. I knew that he wanted to go for a walk and be alone, and I was nervous. I had never been alone with a boy before, but I didn't want to seem childish, so placing my hand in his, I stood up. While we held hands, we walked along the water's edge. The night was magical to me. The hotel lights gleamed into the night and music played from radios on the sand. The wind caressed my face and the night seemed to belong to only us. Could this be happening to me? I couldn't believe it, but indeed I truly was walking along the water with a boy that was cute and liked me. Henry did not try to kiss me. I would have died if he had, I would have had a heart attack. We just walked and talked and eventually went back to the group at the fire. It was late, and I had to go in, but Karen was still out and I knew that as long as she was there, I could be too. Finally, we had to go in. All the way back to the hotel, my heart skipped to the beat of "Henry, Henry". Karen wanted to know all the details. How did I find a boyfriend? As she asked the usual other questions, I realized that she had not paired up with anyone so far that week. I couln't understand that at all. Lots of boys were trying to get her attention and she was always surrounded by them. I gathered my courage and asked her why she hadn't chosen one of them. She told me that boys never seemed to want to get serious with her and worse, girls were jealous of her. I had my own opinion as to why that could be true, but I just sympathized with her and told her about Henry. Karen told me that she thought I was lucky to have found someone like him. In my mind, I thought she was lucky to be so beautiful. Before we got back to the hotel, Karen had slipped back into her one-piece swim suit and back into her "good girl" role for her parents. I thought it would be hard to keep up with the deception and again resolved that I would not to rat her out. Time would tell, and anyway, being at the beach was a life away from the normal. As I got ready for bed, I was already looking forward to seeing Henry the next day. As I said my prayers, I thanked Heavenly Father for getting to meet Henry. What a wonderful gift it was, to be able to be one of the "lucky girls" that had found a boyfriend. Sleep finally claimed me as I imagined all the fun the next day would bring.

The Beach

I could hardly wait for the next morning. I was kept awake by imagining the summer week on the beach that lay before me. My mind was filled with thoughts of Gidget and Moondoggie and Frankie and Annette. Yes, I could hardly wait for the morning to come.
Morning did come, and after a quick breakfast, Karen and I headed straight to the beach. Karen was the teen girl in the family that had brought me to the beach for a week's vacation. She was tall and dark, with a great figure. Her stomach was flat and her hips narrow. She was blessed with quite a chest and her full, long dark hair reached to her waist. To top it off, she had the cutest dimples, and a dusting of freckles on her nose and cheeks. She and I both had on a one-piece swim suit, and that was because her mother insisted and because that was all I had brought with me. I didn't care, I just wanted to be on the beach, in the water and boy watching. As we ran along the sand, I could hear the waves lapping and once again, the scent of the ocean assaulted my senses. Everywhere I looked, couples walked hand in hand, children played on the beach, parents sunned themselves in close proximity to thier children and even a few dogs ran in and out of the waves. Buffed young men batted volley balls while toned young women admired them. Most of the girls were wearing bikinis, some of them very brief. Other girls were dressed like me and some of them were quite chubby. For a moment, I lost my confidence as I considered that perhaps I looked like them. Looking down at my almost flat stomach and large but firm thighs I decided that I was who I was and couldn't change anything right then. I did wish that my breasts were bigger, but that was something I just wasn't graced with. I asked Karen what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to sun for awhile. She asked me if I could be trusted. I said of course I could, why did she want to know? With a grin, she reached into her beach bag and pulled out a large beach towel. She gave me the towel and told me to unfold it and hold it up in front of her. I did as she asked, and she once again reached into her beach bag. Curious, I peeked to see what she was holding, and all I could see was a couple of colorful fabric scraps. Why, that was the tiniest bikini I had ever seen! Laughing at the expression on my face, Karen snaked out of her one piece and into that bikini. She changed right there on the beach, but she was so fast, she was covered before I could even gasp. There she stood, her magnificent chest barely covered and her bottom snugly but scantily gracing what should have fit a four-year-old. Her belly button was even cute, and she was really something. Lastly, she pulled out a large t-shirt and tossed it down on the towel. She explained that in the unlikely event that her parents came down to the beach, she could quickly cover up. Lying back on the towel, she looked like a water nymph, and to give the best effect possible, she spread her long thick hair out around her. Well, now I really began to feel like a dowd. But there were unexpected benefits to having Karen exposed. Before long, some young men began to gravitate over to us. The Karen I had met on the trip down to Florida dissappeared, and a sultry, exotic and very attractive man magnet appeared. Suddenly I knew how it must have felt to be in the presence of Scarlette O'Hara at the bar-b-que. Never having been in such a situation, I was content to sit and watch her work the crowd. There were at least six boys to begin with and she introduced me to them. They gave me a perfunctory hello, but for the most part I was just a decoration in the Karen show. After a while of watching those boys preen and pose for her, I decided to walk down to the water and look for shells. Karen didn't even know I had gone. My cheerfulness returned quickly as I walked in the waves. Tiny little shells were everywhere, and I thought that maybe I could find a large seashell to take back to Mindy. I guess it didn't occur to me that there would be no large shells with all of the tourists. Many of them were looking for shells too. Finally, I just sat down on the water's edge and let the waves lap over me. I didn't know what to expect on this first time ever at the ocean's edge, but I was surprised at the different things going on all at once. There was brown seaweed floating over and under the water, and touching it, I found that it felt like weeds on the land. The sand quickly got into my swimsuit and began to itch in the most embarrassing places. The waves actually lifted me as they came up on shore, and tiny little crabs scurried out of the way as they avoided me. There were sea birds diving and screeching, dipping up and down on black tipped wings that were pointed at the end. Once in awhile, one of them would successfully snatch something from the water, while others continued to try to find their breakfast. The wind was soothing and warm, scented with the smells of the ocean, something fishy, sun tanning lotion and concession food from the vendors on the beach. Before we had left the hotel room, Karen's mother gave us some money in case we needed it. Now I knew why. I became curious as to the offerings of the vendors, and walked away from the water to the concession stands. There was the usual tourist fare, offering cold drinks, snow cones, hot dogs and french fries and corn dogs. A community ketchup bottle had drips of ketchup running from the mouth of the bottle, and some of it was drying in the warm air. There were several kinds of chips and candy bars kept in the freezer. Finally, I saw the ice cream stand that already had a line of swimmers waiting for a cold treat. The trash cans were open and when people were not near them, birds would swoop down hoping for a treasure. There were signs everywhere telling tourists not to feed the birds, and I soon realized that if the birds were enticed with food, they would poop everywhere as they tried to get to it. Looking beyond the concession stands, I saw a line of souvenier shops. These shops lined a street at the beginning of the beach and I felt a little thrill of excitement at the thought of walking through to see what they offered. Looking back at the beach, I saw that Karen was surrounded by even more boys and decided that she would not want to be disturbed. I wished Mindy was with me, she would have had so much fun in the shops. I decided to find her a little souvenier if I could. Before long, I found myself in a tourist's wonderland. There were so many different items, it would take all day to see everything. I decided to just visit the first store on the strand and see if Karen would like to go with me later to see the others. The first store was completly open to the front, with souveniers hanging to entice passerbys. There were flip-flop sandals in all colors, colorful Hawiian leis, t-shirts and beach bags. Further in the shop I saw the entire back wall covered with shelves holding seashells of all sizes. Some of them were huge, but looking at the prices, I knew that I would not be able to get one of them. Next to the seashells were displays of items made from seashells. There were tiny little glass bottles with seashells in them. Some of the bottles had tiny shark's teeth. There were seashell animal creations, starfish of all sizes and necklaces with shell pendants. I saw bracelets and rings too, and hoped I could get something like that for Mindy. Yes, there were so many things to see, but I was just hypnotized by the carved coconut shells. There before my eyes were coconut shells carved into monkeys. Really, they were very ugly, but to my young eyes, they were wonderful. Some of them had hair, some were large and some were small, but all of them were fabulous. Somehow, I would take a carved coconut monkey home with me. I didn't know it then, but there were other wonderful souveniers to see in other shops. The monkeys were great, but not as great as some of the other things that I would see in the days that followed.

The end of Summer

Well, the summer of that year was coming to an end, and I was looking forward to returning to highschool. I was going to be in the 9th grade, and was excited about returning to my friends in Hapeville. I was not as heavy as I was when I went into the home, and with all the experiences and things that had shaped me over that last year, I was more confident. One thing was to happen though, that brought a wonderful end to the summer.
Just about half way through August, the matron called me in and told me that a family wanted to take me on vacation with them. They were going to Florida for a week and wanted one of the kids from the home to go along with their family. I was going to get to spend a whole week at the beach! I had never been to the beach before, and I was so excited. Before I knew it, the weekend had come and I was on my way with a sweet family that had two teenagers, a boy and a girl. The girl was my age, and she was very nice. We drove the long trip to Florida on a hot Saturday morning, traveling south through Georgia, along a country highway. Each side of the highway was dotted with farms, with grass growing verdant and green. Some of that intense green was due to sweet potato plants that covered miles of farmland. Elsewhere fat cattle roamed slowly looking for shade, and long rows of plowed earth erupted with cotton plants. It looked like it had snowed. Fat cotton bolls fluffed out and reached for the sun in a never ending landscape that held the history of Georgia agriculture. You could almost see black slaves bending over long, heavy sacks, hand picking the cotton and filling the bags. But, that cotton was destined to be harvested by modern machinery, and hand picked cotton was thankfully relegated to the imagination. There were huge peanut fields too, with large green leaves blocking out the earth, and chubby peanuts growing underground. The father of the family pulled over to the side of the road by a peanut farm, and pulled up a peanut plant. The peanuts were growing on the roots, and that plant had about ten large peanut pods connected to it. He asked me if I had ever tasted a fresh peanut, and I said no. He pulled the shell from a peanut, and the nuts buried inside fell into his hand. There was about six nuts to each pod, and they were pink and moist, and nothing like I had ever seen. I had only had roasted peanuts, and was pleasantly surprised when I bit down into a fresh peanut. It was slightly sweet and not crunchy at all, but soft and rubbery. I really liked the taste, and asked for some more, but the father told me that if you are not used to fresh peanuts, you could get tummy trouble if you ate too many. Soon after we stopped at the peanut farm, we had a picnic for lunch and went on our way. We finally crossed the Florida state border, and there was a large cement marker welcoming everyone to Florida. The son in the family took an opportunity to play a prank on me. He told me that Florida was full of alligators and he had seen a dead alligator along the side of the road. He said there were so many alligators, and that cars and trucks ran over them all the time. I was looking from side to side, and front and back trying to find an alligator, when he poked me and told me to look. He pointed out what I was sure was a huge dead alligator, and I squealed with delight to see my first wild alligator, never mind that it was road kill. I scrambled for my camera to get a photo souvenier, and realized that everyone was chuckling. With suspicion, I asked what was so funny! The mother of the family kindly told me that there was no dead alligator on the side of the road, but only a tire tread that had come off a semi-truck. Sure enough, that is exactly what it was! We all had a good laugh, and the father assured me that if I watched out carefully, I could very well see a live alligator. The day wore on as we traveled to our destination. It was Panama City Florida. It was getting dark as we arrived, but since the hotel was right on the beach, I begged for a moment to run to the water. I had never seen the ocean before, and the mother told her children and me to go ahead and see the beach. With gratitude, I sprang from the car and ran across the sand, the water's edge being my destination. Several things will forever be in my mind about that moment in my life. First,the scent of the ocean surrounded me. It was fresh and fishy at the same time. The waves made slight roaring sounds and the creamy swells climbed over and over onto the beach. The breeze was warm and ruffled my hair. I wanted to get my feet into that water and then I realized how hard it is to run in sand. That was a surprise. The soft grains worked against my feet and made it difficult to get good traction. The more I tried to run, the more sand got in my shoes. Finally, I just took my shoes and socks off and carried them. Now, I felt the heat from the day in the sand. How warm the sand was, and how it molded to my feet. Soon, I had reached the edge of the water. It was a magic moment as the first waves gently lapped over my feet and receeded. It seemed that the water was a living thing. In spite of the heat of the evening, the water was cool and soothing. I thought how nice it would be just to sit right down and let the water flow over my whole body. I couldn't have done that because I still had my clothes on and didn't want to get them wet. While experiencing my first moment at the beach, I realized that many people were swimming even though it was getting dark. Looking around, I saw that there were no little children, but lots of teenagers and young adults. Everywhere couples were paired together, holding hands, walking along the waves or romancing on beach blankets. Squeals and laughter came from those who were splashing in the deeper water, and there were even a few campfires. Oh, I could imagine myself as one of those who were having so much fun! I could not have known the wonderful week that awaited me. I have much to tell you.

A New Move

It seemed that summer was just full of surprises. First my trip to the peach farm, then the explosion and then my risque venture into a minor attempt at exhibition. But nothing compared with the news that awaited all of us as July came to an end. One evening at dinner, the matron announced that the campus was moving. The whole campus! For some time the sponsors of the home had been building a brand new campus about 40 miles south of Atlanta and we were due to move around the first week in August. After that, all we could do was scramble around and get our things together. Within no time, it seemed that our whole world was turned upside down. It only took a few days, but with lots of organization and work, each cottage was emptied and we moved to a lovely new campus in the country. What a difference! The whole compound was located in the middle of acres and acres of farmland with cows, horses and crops surrounding the land the campus was built on. Close by, there was a small town named Palmetto, and it only had a few stores. I thought that Hapeville was small, but it was a bustling town compared to this one. The girl's campus was built in a cul de sac two miles from the boys campus. In the middle of the campus was a pool, a huge gymnasium, the main offices and several buildings that housed campus officials, including a social worker. We even had a church building right on campus! The new cottages were two storied, with sleeping rooms and the visiting room on the top floor. Really, this was the main floor, as the cottages were built on hillsides and the basement only appeared from behind the cottage. On the bottom floor was the kitchen, laundry, game room and the matron's rooms. Upstairs, or on the mail floor, were our rooms where we shared four girls to a room and a bath with the other room next to us. We had air conditioning! And color TV. It was the first time in my life I had had either air conditioning or color tv. The kitchen was a stainless steel wonder and there was a drain in the floor so that all we had to do was scrub the floor and rinse it with a hose. No more back breaking mopping, rinsing and changing the water several times. The refrigerator was huge, and held much more than the other one. We also had a large freezer, and food could be delivered once a week instead of everyday. Everything smelled new and wonderful. How I loved the game room. It had sofas lining the wall with fat cushions that we sat on when we wanted to watch tv on the floor. Instead of the vinyl floor of the old home, these cottages were carpeted. There were bright lamps that gave a welcome when you walked into a room. Everything was new and exciting, but many changes had been made. The first thing I realized was that I had left the birds back at the other campus. Since this new campus was out in the country, there were so many birds that it was hard to distinguish the ones close by. And, since we had air conditioning, I couldn't leave the window open to hear them. There would be no more walks into the lovely town of Hapeville. No more opportunity to peer into the jewlery store window display on my way to school, nor to walk through the pharmacy. No more soda fountain treats, no more time at the feed store. No, we were out in the country, with lovely acres surrounding us, but nothing that was familiar. Everything was modern and new, but nothing was comforting. It would take time. We still attended the high school in Hapeville, as there was no high school close by. We would walk the mile to the entrance of the campus and ride 40 miles into Hapeville each way. We walked that mile each way rain or shine, hot or cold. Since Mindy and I walked together, it didn't seem so long. All along the route to Hapeville each day, we counted many cows and passed farmhouses. Since we had to ride so far, we usually didn't get home until it began to be dark. It was all so different. We had only been on the new campus for two weeks and not yet started back to school, when it was time to celebrate the annual homecoming picnic. People came from all over who had been residents or workers in the years past. The home sponsored a huge picnic, with an abundance of food, and a tour of the new campus. I couldn't believe that some of those old people that visited had been kids at one time in the home. The day was a hot Sunday in August, and after attending a capacity filled airconditioned Sunday service, we all filed out to begin the picnic. Each of the older kids had been assigned as campus tour guides. We were not allowed to change from our Sunday clothes, and as hot as it was, I was pretty miserable. I wore the girdle and stockings and dress blouse and skirt. My bra pinched as well and I could feel sweat trickling down my spine as I smiled answered questions to those I had been assigned to give a tour. I was hungry as well, and looked forward to tucking into the picnic treats that loaded the tables inside the new gym. Finally I found time to get a plate of food and sit down. I was especially glad to sit at last as my back and stomach had been cramping and that just added to the difficulty that I was having. I was a real trooper at smiling in spite of feeling bad, and that day was no different. Smiling and laughing, greeting visitors and calling to friends, the afternoon wore on. Finally, I had to go to the bathroom, and giving an excuse, I slipped into one of the girls rooms at the gymnasium. The bathroom stalls were roomy and new. I remember thinking that it was really nice to have such nice bathrooms, and once in a stall, I went to work peeling off the girdle and my panties so that I could relieve myself. The reason that I so clearly remember something so mundane as a trip to the girls room is because on that day, at that time, once I was seated, I received the shock of my life. Mother nature had finally come to visit. There, right before my eyes, was the proof that I was finally a woman! Secretly, I had worried that something was terribly wrong with me because I had turned fourteen and not started my cycles. I couldn't talk to anyone, not even Mindy. I was so afraid that I was different from the other girls, and just kept it to myself. But no, at last, I was just like everyone else. I wanted to shout it to anyone who would listen, but that would not have been the thing to do, and then I realized that since I never told anyone that I had not had cycles, I could not tell them now that I did. Now would have been a good time to have a mother to turn to. I was pretty naive, and did not figure out that since I had never asked for sanitary products, the matron and Mrs. Thompson knew I had not needed them. This was getting more and more difficult. Well, I decided to just go and tell Mrs. Thompson everything and be done with it. She was so sweet, and gave me the needed supplies. I was so happy, I felt so special. I was a woman at last! A woman with female trouble from the start. I would soon find that being a woman was no fun, and in my case, just plain miserable. Along with miserable cramps, I got crabby. I cried for no reason, and got a small case of acne. What the heck? Where was the wonder of womanhood? Not with me, that's for sure. And the bad thing was, it happened each month! I think I recall that the school nurse told us in the "special meeting for girls" that we would be only slightly inconvienced each month. She lied. I was beginning to see that the future could hold some challenges! It was shortly after moving to the new campus that something else wonderful happened. I began to correspond with my father. I had written to my grandmother who is his mother and she gave me his address. He was still in prison, but I could write to him and he wrote back. We began to get to know each other again. I tried to forget my fears of him, and learn to know the man that was in my life at that time. What I didn't know was that he would soon be released. He had a new life ahead of him, and for a while, that life did not include me. It was not that he didn't want me, he just had to start over. We wrote and I looked for his letters. I wished that he was free to come and get me. Someday, I knew he would drive up to the cottage and be with me on visiting day. It seems that young, teenaged girls can have quite an imagination. These things did happen for me but not for a very long time. Meanwhile, my naturally positive spirit took over and I did my best to enjoy each day of my life. The move to the new campus brought change and new experience. Many of those experiences would prove to be such that would mold me into the person I would become.

Summer Days

For those of you who may be following my story, I have not been writing because I was so distressed over Rocky, (our german shepherd) and his getting lost. He is home now and all is fine, buy I cried myself sick while he was gone, and it really affected me. Now, back to the story.

I left you at the peach farm. I had a wonderful time there, got along so well with the family and learned so much. We swam in the creek, (in our underwear!) and I imagined that the handsome older son liked me. He was so incredible, so tall with his muscular body and golden blonde hair. I looke all I wanted behind his back, but when he talked to me, I just dissolved in fits of giggles. I was such a girl! But new feelings were blooming inside me and I didn't know how to handle them. The girls and I took long walks along country roads, and at night, we talked and giggled, and swore that when I had to go back to the home, we would write and keep in touch. I was there at the farm for two weeks and loved every moment. On the last day, the mother asked me if I would like to live with them. I answered enthusiastically that I would, but I never thought it was any more than just a question. When we got into the car to go back to the home, the girls and I cried and hugged and repeated the vow that we would keep in touch. It was a very hot day in June when I went back home and I got terribly car sick on the way. I found myself on several occasions leaning over the pavement while I retched and heaved. After a while, it was just dry heaving, but I could not seem to stop. I have always had a problem with motion sickness, and this time I was just so embarrassed because the family had been so good to me. Each time I had to get out of the car, the mother would help me by wiping my face and holding me up. I realized just how kind she was, and I thought that perhaps it would be a wonderful life to live with this family. The steamy Georgia countryside drummed by as we drove south to the home. It was so cool and refreshing in the northern part of the state, but as we continued toward Hapeville, it seemed to become more and more muggy and miserable. When we arrived at the home, the mother took my things and walked me inside the cottage. She looked around my room and admired the few things I had aquired, especially remarking on my stuffed pig that kept it's vigil on the pillow on my bed. Standing in my room, she took me in her ample arms and told me that everything would be alright. I knew I would never see her again, and I sniffed my goodbye to her. I hugged her and told her that I had really enjoyed my time with her family, and that I would miss them. Again, she embraced me and told me that Heavenly Father would provide for me. She got in the car and they drove off, while I watched until the tail light dissapeared onto the highway. I later found out that this family had offered to adopt me, but my mother would not agree. I had mixed feelings about that. I had a wonderful reunion with Mindy, she had not gone anywhere yet that summer and had been alone while I was gone. I had so much to tell her. I embellished a bit about my "relationship" with the older boy and Mindy ohhhed and ahhhed at each detail. We were so glad to be together again, and talked about our plans for the rest of the summer. One day soon after my return home, a terrible thing happened. Mindy and I were out in the yard sunning ourselves, when we heard a terrific boom and the ground shook beneath us. We jumped up in fright and ran inside to see what awful thing must have happened. It was indeed awful, but not at the home. Close by, behind the campus of the home was a nursery filled with babies and small children along with the nursery workers. A gas line had ruptured, and the building exploded with everyone inside. Within minutes, sirens were screaming to the scene and everything was in chaos. The smoke was billowing above the nearby trees and Mindy and I rushed to go and see what had happened. The trail behind the campus leading to the nursery was not very long, and it didn't take long to reach a scene that I will never forget. There before me was what was left of a large two story building, some of the walls having collapsed and the rest in flames. Firefighters were on the scene and ambulances were lining up on the street. When we were spotted by a firefighter, he told us to get on home and get out of the way. I wish I had listened to him, but I didn't and Mindy and I sneaked behind a fence that had partially collapsed. Peering over the top of what remained of the fence, I was shocked to find little bodies blackened and scattered on the ground and even body parts. There was a hand and part of a leg. I noticed little shoes too, and toys. A teddy bear was lying in a puddle and other toys were black and smoking. Parents had begun to arrive and were trying to get into the burning building for their children. One mother in particular was absolutely hysterical, screaming for her baby. There was so much screaming and it seemed that the sirens of the ambulances and the wailing of the victims seemed to blend in together. I don't know how many were killed or injured, because it didn't take long for my mind to kind of shut down from the shock. I do remember someone grabbing my shoulder and yanking me away from the fence. Once again, Mindy and I were told to go home, but my legs did not seem to want to carry me. I trembled like a leaf in a hurricane and my teeth chattered as I gasped for breath. I knew I was sobbing, and must have mirrored the terror on Mindy's face. Together we staggered away from the awful scene, crying and gagging all the way back home. What a horrible thing to have happened to those little children. It would be a long time before I could think of the incident and not become very upset. It was the talk of the home for quite some time, but I could never join in. Talking about it made it seem real all over again, and I just wanted to forget.
The summer passed on, lazy and hot. We swam in the pool, played cards and watched tv. I learned how interesting a soap opera can be. The older girls watched them every day, and I soon became interested as well. My favorite one was called "Another World". I learned to love Rachel and Russel, the main characters of the story along with Ada, Rachel's mother. I finally had something to talk about with all the girls as we compared our opinions of the cast and story of the soaps. At night, we would pop corn and visit in each other's rooms. One room in particular was Frankie's room. She was still the cottage alpha dog, and the girls migrated to her room most of the time. I ventured in one night and no one seemed to object. Soon, I was involved in the conversation and began to enjoy myself. After that, Mindy and I went often to Frankie's room to be with the older girls. It wasn't long until I understood what the interest was in Frankie's room. It was the location. Her room was situated at the far end of the cottage, away from the matron's room and facing an open field. It was the perfect place for the girls to sneak out to meet boys at night. I thought that was deliciously scandalous but of course I would never do such a thing as sneak out at night. Besides, none of the boys were interested in me. One night in particular though, changed my mind a bit. As we sat on the floor talking girl talk and gossiping, one of the girls motioned to the window and grinned. As I followed her glance, I saw a head pop up in the window. A young man had come calling, and brought several of his friends with him. We were all in our nightgowns, but even so, some of the girls went straight to the window and leaned out to talk to the boys. The nightgowns we had on were of thin lawn material and if you stood in the light you could see right through them. I could clearly see the outline of the bodies of the girls leaning out the window, and thought that they were naughty to display themselves like that. Then, I did something that surprised me and everyone else. Knowing that boys were at the window, I went and stood before the mirror, raising my arms and acting like I was stretching. Glancing in the mirror, I could see that I had gotten the attention of some of the boys, and one in particular. With a wicked grin, I made sure that I gave them a clear view of my budding womanly charms. Mindy stomped over and grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the room. With great indignity she blasted me for acting like that. I became embarrassed and told her that I didn't know what came over me. Still fussing at me, Mindy shoved me down the hall and into our darkened room, shutting the door with a slam. Continuing her harangue, she told me that if the matron had caught me, I would have really been in trouble. As though she was predicting the future, we suddenly heard the matron's strident voice and stomping feet. She slammed into Frankie's room and caught the girls with the boys outside. The paddle wailed that night. Each girl caught outside the room with the boys was paddled severly and the screams rang throughout the cottage. I was sick with anxiety. Thank God that Mindy had yanked me out of that room and back to my senses. Nothing happened to me, and I supposed it was because the matron did not catch me in the room. I vowed never again to be so stupid, certainly never to do anything beyond my character just because I wanted to belong to a group. Sometimes though, I would relive the moment that I posed for the boys and would feel a delicious naughtyness within. I guess I was growing up.

Peach Farm

The school year was coming to an end and summer was just over the horizon. That summer would prove to be very interesting and busy, more than I could have imagined. After the incident with Maggie, I enjoyed a new-found respect with the other kids and relaxed as I had not been able to before. I still had my job with the dentist, I went to the sewing room often, I did well in school and I had Mindy to share my adventures with. I should say this however, the kids from the home never did really fit in with the kids from town. Some of the older girls at the home did well socially, they were cheerleaders or excelled in sports, but for the most part, the home kids were a group of their own. We were known as "orphans" to the town kids and they did not mind reminding us often. I did not mind at all being associated with the home kids, I even had a sense of pride and commitment to being a part of the home. I realized that being in the home offered me opportunities that I would never have had before.
As soon as school was out, I was called in one day to be told that a family had asked for a child to spend two weeks with them over the summer. It was suggested that I go as I could be trusted and the home supervisors wanted to send someone that they would not have to worry about misbehaving. The family lived in far north Georgia and had a farm. I would have the opportunity to live with this family for two weeks and experience life on a peach farm. I was very excited and happily agreed to go. The family had 6 children, with a girl my age. They lived in a huge rambling farm house with only a few modern amenities, and acres and acres of peach trees. It was an area close to the smokey mountains and it was so beautiful. In spite of it being summer, the air was fresh and cool in the shade and the land so green that it almost hurt your eyes to look at it. You could smell fresh hay on the wind, hear the cows lowing as they went to and from the fields and the rush of a nearby creek. Bees droned incessantly and there were many birds. There were many chickens, and I learned the pleasure of tossing grain to watch them scramble and scratch to find their dinner. Sometimes I would sit in the chicken yard and the lovely hens would gather around my feet and quietly cluck as they milled around. The mother of the family was loving and kind. She seemed to feel sorry for me that I was in the home, and thought perhaps that I had a hard life there. I didn't disabuse her of this idea as I thought that perhaps it would give me an advantage in how she treated me. The children and I made fast friends, and really enjoyed each other's company. The oldest boy was about 16 and farm-boy rugged and handsome. I fell in love with him. He treated me like a kid. Shoot. I participated in all of the chores without being asked, especially as I loved being in the country and being on the farm. The greedy pigs would wait anxiously for their dinner, and I laughed watching them gobble and root in the scraps and grain that they were fed. The horse had such a soft mouth and deep soulful eyes. She would take fruit from my hand and her lips were almost a caress as she took each bite. I loved brushing her and talking to her. She was so gentle. The mother of the family would get up early and fix a large country breakfast. Every single day she cooked eggs, meat, grits, biscuits or toast from homemade bread and put fresh fruit on the table. There was always a pitcher of sorghum, or cane syrup and preserves on the table at all times. This was to pour over the corn bread or biscuits. The family rose early too, and ate with gusto, and without being told left the table to do the chores. I didn't know at first what the chores were, so I stayed behind and helped clean up after breakfast. It seemed as soon as the kitchen was clean, the mother would take out a large pot and start cooking something for lunch. In the south lunch is known as dinner, and dinner as I knew it was called supper. Dinner was the large meal of the day. Fried meat of some kind, fresh vegetables, bread and fresh fruit picked from the family orchard or garden graced the dinner table each day. There was always pie or cake for dessert. The leftovers were served for supper that night. Something was always simmering on the back of the stove, usually a pot of beans or a pot of homemade soup. There was no airconditioning, but up in the mountains, it was not stifling hot, really rather pleasant. Chores included tending the garden, washing clothes, cleaning the house, tending the animals, sewing and working in the orchard. It made my head spin, but everyone worked together and everything got done. The second day I was there, I got up early to the scent of a country breakfast. The other children were rustling awake and soon we were all downstairs and around the table. The mother took her place and told us that we were going to can peaches that day. I had no idea what she was talking about, and she explained that we were going to preserve the peaches in mason jars. These were fresh peaches just picked and perfect for canning. Since I had never canned anything, I didn't know what lay in store for me. After breakfast and cleaning the kitchen, we went out to the side porch and there lay before me about 10 bushels of peaches. Those peaches were lovely. Each one was round and fat, yellow in color with a pink blush and slightly furry. The mother explained that we would have to peel them or "skin them" as it was known, cut the up and put them in sterilized mason jars. Then we would pour a boiling syrup made with sugar, water and lemon juice over the peaches until the jar was full and put on a metal lid with a metal ring. The jars of peaches would then be boiled in a boiling water bath for 20 minutes, taken out and after they cooled, would be put in the cellar to be eaten in the winter. Well, that didn't sound too bad. I soon corrected my opinion a few minutes after the process of skinning the peaches commenced. To skin a peach, you plunge the whole fruit with the skin on into boiling water for 30 seconds, take it out and then plunge it into cold water. The heat from the boiling water would cause the skin to loosen. The cold water would help loosen it further and after that you could just rub the skin off with your hands, leaving the fruit whole and none of the flesh wasted. 10 bushels of peaches was a lot of skinning. Acutally, two of us would skin the peaches, two more would slice them and take out the seed, and two more would fill the mason jars with peaches and boiling syrup. Finally the mother would put the jars in a huge pot of boiling water and take them out when the time was up. It was really efficient, and the work progressed well. To my relief, we did not stay at one station the whole time but rotated. I loved the job of slicing the peaches as I would pop slice after slice of sweet peach into my mouth, while the sticky juice would dribble down my chin. Nobody minded my pilfering, there were more than enough peaches to go around. The sweet scent of the peach nectar attracted honey bees and we were forever swatting them to drive them off. During the peach processing, lunchtime arrived and we all sat down to a pot of homemade soup and bread. Then, back outside to finish the job. I was getting pretty tired of peaches when we finished. The jars were so beautiful though, looking like fat, yellow soldiers lined up on the porch in straight lines. I knew how good they would be that winter, and wished I could be there when they were opened. We had way more than 10 bushels to do, as the mother would also sell the bottled peaches, but there would also be enough for the winter for the family. When we finally all sat back on the porch, our hands sore from skinning the peaches and sticky from the juice, the oldest boy came striding up to the porch with a grin on his face. He asked if we had gotten all the peaches put up, and to our affirmative answer he leaned in close and told us that he was going swimming in the creek. He didn't have to ask if we wanted to go, we jumped up with a squeal of joy and followed him from the porch. Confused, I asked when we would get our swim suits. He laughed and told me that they didn't need swim suits, they would just jump in with their clothes on. Fine with me, and off we went.

I received quite a surprise that early spring. One day, the matron came and asked me if I would like a part-time job. Since I was only 13 at the time, I was pretty curious as to what they would offer me. It turned out to be an assistant to the dentist that came to the campus once a week. It would pay twenty five cents an hour, but that was in addition to the fifty cents a week that I was getting. In those days, a few cents went a long way, and I was happy to have the opportunity to earn a bit more change. On my first day, I was quite nervous, but the dentist was very nice and let me say, very patient. I had a lot to do, I had to keep the instruments cleaned and ready, clean and santize the chair, light, and other equipment, take and keep the inventory and actually assist the dentist during proceedures. I was a quick learner and really enjoyed my afternoons in the clinic. We treated the children on a must-needs basis, and then on an appointment basis. So many of the children had very bad teeth, and although I did not realize it at the time, the service was such a blessing to so many. Some of the children had to have braces, and I decided that I wanted braces too. I approached the dentist about it, and he laughed and told me that I had the most beautiful, straight teeth that he had seen in some time. I still wanted braces, I wanted to stand out I guess. Cursing my straight, white teeth, I was resolved that braces would elude me. I continued to work in the clinic and truly loved it.
Spring break came, and I spent the week at the home. Mindy and I spent the time together, and we watched tv with the other girls and played a lot of cards. Some days we would just lay out in the yard and try to get a tan. I got a sunburn. We would stay up late at night and talk and drink sodas that we had sneaked from the kitchen. I was fortunate to have Mindy. I got along with the other girls, but for some reason I could not forget the way I was treated when I first came to the home. I just never did trust them. As long as I didn't have to rely on any of them for anything, I was okay. We worked together, cleaning the cottage, washing, cooking and ironing, but we never did bond. I was comfortable with the situation, especially as I had Mindy for a friend, but then something happened that up-ended my security.
A new girl came to the cottage. She was gorgeous, slender, had lovely blonde hair and a bad mouth. She immediatley bonded with Frankie's group, the bunch of girls who kept to themselves. Her name was Maggie. Maggie was trouble for sure. Within days, Maggie had wormed her way into the graces of the cottage leaders, and made sure that she fully intimidated the other girls. She would get out of work by intimidating others into doing her chores, sneak into our rooms, take clothes from girls who were scared of her and her group, hit girls who would not do her bidding and in general was just a curse. Maggie got great pleasure out of ridiculing others, setting up situations where some of the girls would appear to be at fault and pointing it out to the matron. Many of the girls felt the hard hand of the matron thanks to Maggie and I hated her. She never would include me in her campaign of terror. She left me alone. I wondered why, but didn't question it as I was just relieved that she stayed out of my way. Then the unforgivable happened. She got Mindy in trouble. She went behind Mindy after Mindy had cleaned the kitchen and made it look as though Mindy had not done a good job. I could hear the matron shouting at Mindy from the kitchen and I could hear Mindy trying to explain that she had done everything. It was when I saw Maggie hiding behind a door and snickering that I knew what she had done. Fortunatly, Mindy was only required to fix the mess and the matron did not paddle her. I was furious. I cornered Maggie and told her that she had better leave Mindy alone. I asked her why she was so hateful. She laughed in my face and poked her finger into my chest. She told me to back off, or she would make my life miserable. I was afraid to confront her any further as I didn't want to get into trouble myself. I walked away. That was a big mistake. Maggie turned her campaign on me. I noticed things missing from my room, girls talking behind my back and ignoring me. Maggie got her crowd to start picking on me, and making every effort to exclude me. Soon, the other kids at the home began to treat me differently. Maggie was spreading lies about me, saying that I was talking about the other girls and making sure that they knew it. I was so hurt, and I didn't know what to do. Soon, Maggie openly began to challenge me, pushing me, hitting me and swearing at me. Of course all this happened where the matron did not hear or see it. I became very nervous and anxious. I was always on the lookout for Maggie, and my life was very unhappy. Mindy was afraid of her too, and together we just tried to stay out of Maggie's way. Then one Saturday in the late spring, Maggie cornered me in the kitchen. She began to call me horrible names and tell me of the things she was going to do to me. She said when she was through, no one would like me. She said that she was going to get Mindy too. Suddenly, it was enough. I turned on her and shoved past her and into the hall. Some of the other girls saw me shove her and began to laugh.This must have embarrassed Maggie because she followed me out of the kitchen. I didn't know she was behind me, and when I went into my room, I was startled when she stormed in. I should explain that I was twice as big as Maggie, and at least a head taller. That did not stop her though, as she stepped up to me and began to scream in my face. I yelled at her to shut up, and the next thing I knew, Maggie slapped my face with great force. My reaction was that I punched her once, causing her to fly across the room and into the hall. It turns out that she was unconcious for a moment after slamming into the hall wall and sliding to the floor. I was out of control, screaming that I could not stand it anymore, and that she would not leave me alone. I felt someone shaking me and found that Mrs. Thompson was trying to calm me. I threw my arms around her and asked her what would happen to me for hurting Maggie like that. She said, "Well, it took you long enough. We wanted to stand back and watch you, knowing that you would find the courage to take care of that little monster. Nothing will happen, you were defending yourself". I began to settle down as they carried Maggie to the infirmary. She did not return to the cottage, she was assigned to another cottage. Thank goodness, she did not terrorize those girls, actually she became rather meek. This experience escalated my reputation in the eyes of the girls and kids all over the campus. The story was told over and over until it became almost fiction, but I reveled in the attention and popularity that it brought me. Frankie's group became nicer to me and the other girls were much more friendly. Some of the boys began to ask about the incident. I was invited into other rooms at night for hot chocolate and gossip. I was popular. What a shame that it took something so extreme to gain acceptance, but that is the way of the world I guess. After that, no one ever challenged me. I loved it. Mindy and I felt safe at last.