GOIN' TO FIND MY MAN!

A MONTH PASSED BY DURING WHICH MARTIN ENDURED BASIC TRAINING. I, OF COURSE, WAS A WRECK, WORRYING AND WAITING FOR THE TIME TO COME WHEN I COULD GO AND SEE HIM. FINALLY, FAMILY DAY CAME. I DECIDED THAT I WAS GOING TO SEE HIM, AND THAT WAS THAT. I SEWED A NEW WARDROBE, (WELL, REALLY JUST SOME A COUPLE OF PANTS AND TOPS) AND GOT ON THE BUS FOR LOUISVILLE. THEN A BUS TRANSFER TO FORT KNOX. I WAS SO EXCITED, I WAS GOING TO SEE MY HONEY AGAIN. I HAD TO GO TO THE OFFICE AND SIGN IN, AND WAIT SOME MORE. THEN, BEHIND ME I HEARD, "HEY BABY! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE!" I WHIPPED AROUND AND ALMOST FAINTED. THERE BEFORE ME STOOD A 6 FT 5 INCH BALD SKELETON! I WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE JIMENY CRICKET HAPPENED TO YOU?!!!" THE ONLY THING THAT HAD NOT CHANGED WAS THOSE BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES, AND THEY WERE SHINING WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS. HE TRIED TO KISS ME HELLO, AND I SWEAR ALL I COULD FEEL WERE RIB BONES. "OH,MY GOSH, HONEY," I SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE SO THIN. AND WHERE IS YOUR HAIR?" HE TOLD ME THAT THEY ONLY HAD A FEW MINUTES TO EAT WHEN IT WAS MEAL TIME, AND MOST OF THE TIME HE WOULD JUST GRAB A BOILED EGG AND RUN WITH IT. NOW, IF YOU THINK I AM KIDDING, THIS POOR BOY ONLY WEIGHED 170 POUNDS AT THIS TIME. (HE WEIGHS 270 NOW). I FELT LIKE AN ABSOLUTE PORKER NEXT TO HIM. HE BEGAN TELLING ME HOW HORRIBLE BASIC WAS AND HOW MISERABLE HE WAS. REALIZING THAT HE NEEDED SOME REASSURANCE OVER THE SHOCK OF HIS APPEARANCE, I GOT A GRIP AND BEGAN TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH I HAD MISSED HIM AND HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM. WE WENT TO THE LUNCH THAT THEY HAD SET OUT FOR THE FAMILIES. I ACTUALL GOT A PIECE OF PIE??? I THINK, BUT ACTUALLY IT WAS GREEN JELLO WITH COTTAGE CHEESE IN IT. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT ELSE THERE WAS, I WAS HYPNOTIZED BY THE COTTAGE GREEN JELLO PIE. AFTER THE MEAL, WE WENT FOR A WALK. WE HAD A ROMANTIC AFTERNOON, SITTING UNDER A TREE, LEANING ON THE TRUNK. WHEN IT WAS TIME TO GO, HE WAS ABLE TO FIND A RESERVATION IN THE "ARMY INN" MEANING A TENT THAT WAS SET UP FOR THE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE SPENDING THE WEEKEND. WE WERE STROLLING TO THE "COZY QUARTERS" WHEN HE SAID, "HEY HONEY, YOU HAVE A STRING HANGING HERE". HE THEN PULLED SAID STRING, AND I FELT A FUNNY FEELING. LIKE SOMETHING RUNNING UP THE CENTER OF MY BACKSIDE. IT WAS A FUNNY FEELING ALRIGHT, THE ENTIRE SEAM OF MY PANTS CAME OUT WITH THAT HANGING THREAD! SUDDENLY, I FELT COOL AIR WHERE ONE SHOULD NOT FEEL COOL AIR UNLESS THEY ARE SWIMMING OR SOMETHING. MARTIN STARTED HOOTING AND LAUGHING, AND SAID, "HEY BABE, I GUESS YOU MADE THOSE PANTS DIDN'T YOU?" I SAID, "SHUT UP AND WALK BEHIND ME! OR GIVE ME YOUR SHIRT, ANYTHING, JUST SHUT UP!" FIRST, I WAS FUMING, THEN IT HIT ME AS TO HOW FUNNY THE MOMENT WAS. I STARTED LAUGHING, I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AS ANYONE FROM THE 70'S KNOWS, THOSE PANTS WERE TIGHT TO BEGIN WITH AND I DID NOT HAVE A PRAYER OF HOLDING THEM TOGETHER. WE FINALLY GOT TO THE TENT, AND THERE WAS AN ARMY COT FOR US TO SLEEP ON. (ARE YOU KIDDING?) YUP,ONE PILLOW AND A SINGLE ARMY COT. I GUESS THE ARMY WAS NOT CONDUCTIVE TO ROMANCE. FUNNY THING IS THOUGH, WE BOTH FIT! (I COULDN'T GET HALF OF ME ON AN ARMY COT NOW). WE FELL ASLEEP, WHISPERING SWEET NOTHINGS AND HAVING LITTLE SMOOCHIES. ABOUT 2 AM, I AWOKE WITH A STRANGE FEELING ON MY BACK. AT FIRST, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THE ROUGH ARMY BLANKET HAD RUBBED MY BACK KIND OF SORE, BUT, I COULDN'T GET COMFORTABLE AND SO I HAD TO WAKE MARTIN UP. HE SAT UP, LOOKED AT MY BACK, (LOWER BACK OF COURSE, WE WORE SUPER LOW HIP HUGGERS IN THOSE DAYS) AND WHISTLED. "GOSH BABE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR BACK? IT LOOKS ALL RED AND BLISTERED". LOOKING CLOSER, HE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, I'D SWEAR THAT YOU HAD A BAD CASE OF POISON IVY!" SURE ENOUGH, THE NEXT MORNING WE WALKED BACK TO THE ROMANCE TREE THAT WE HAD SAT UNDER ALL AFTERNOON AND SAW THAT IT WAS COVERED WITH A HUGE AMOUNT OF POISON IVY VINES! THIS RASH WAS ALL OVER THE LOWER PART OF MY BACK AND WAS SPREADING QUICKLY TO MY NETHER REGIONS. SO MUCH FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND. I COULDN'T EVEN BUTTON MY PANTS THAT WERE NOT SPLIT, BECAUSE IT WOULD CAUSE INTENSE ITCHING ON MY BACK. I WAS MISERABLE, AND HAD TO WEAR AN ARMY SHIRT THAT WAS LONG ENOUGH TO COVER THE REGION. SO, SATURDAY BEGAN. (I FORGOT TO TELL YOU IT WAS A THREE DAY WEEKEND). BESIDES MY HORRIBLY ITCHING BACK, MY POOR HEART WAS BREAKING BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I ONLY HAD ONE MORE DAY WITH MARTIN. THEN, OUT OF THE BLUE, I GOT A BRILLIANT IDEA! (REMEMBER, IT IS ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE, AND GUARANTEE THAT MOST OF MY IDEAS WERE NOT SO BRILLIANT). ANYWAY, I GOT THE IDEA THAT IF I COULD GET A JOB, I COULD STAY IN LOUISVILLE AND SEE MARTIN ON THE WEEKENDS! SO, LONG STORY SHORT, I WAS ABLE TO FIND A JOB AS A NANNY THAT VERY DAY. ON SUNDAY, MARTIN RODE WITH ME TO LOUISVILLE TO MY NEW JOB. I DID NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE, BUT AGAIN, I HAD MORE LUCK THAN SENSE, AND I TOOK THE JOB. AFTER MEETING THE FAMILY, MARTIN FELT THAT I WOULD BE OKAY, AND IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO GO BACK. HE HAD TO TAKE THE BUS TO FT KNOX, AND I STOOD WEEPING AS HE BOARDED THE BUS. I TRIED TO BE BRAVE, BUT I WAS YOUNG AND IN LOVE AND I DID WHAT ANY OTHER YOUNG AND IN LOVE GIRL WOULD DO. I JUMPED ON THE BUMPER AND DECIDED THAT I WOULD RIDE BACK WITH HIM. SO THERE I WAS, ON THE BUMPER OF A MOVING BUS, POUNDING ON THE BACK WINDOW TO GET MARTIN'S ATTENTION. OF COURSE, IT ALSO GOT THE DRIVER'S ATTENTION AS WELL. THE BUS CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT, THE DRIVER STOMPED AROUND TO THE BACK OF THE BUS AND SAID, "GET THE JIMENY CRICKET OFF THE BUMPER LADY!" BY NOW, PEOPLE HAD GATHERED, AND I BEGAN TO REALIZE HOW SILLY I WAS TO HAVE JUMPED ON THE BUMPER OF A MOVING BUS. MARTIN CAME AROUND AND SAID, "SWEETIE, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND JUMPING ON BUS BUMPERS. I WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEKEND. THAT IS ONLY 5 DAYS AWAY. NOW, I LOVE YOU. GET A GRIP!" SO, WITH TEARS STREAMING, I WATCHED MY LOVING HUSBAND RIDE AWAY ON THAT BUS. I HAD A WHOLE WEEK TO WAIT, BUT MOST OF THAT WEEK WENT QUICKLY AS I TENDED THE CHILDREN OF THAT FAMILY, AND SCRATCHED MY BACK. THE FAMILY WAS VERY NICE, ALTHOUGH I SOON REALIZED THAT THE MAMA WAS A STRIPPER AND I WAS NOT SURE WHAT DADDY DID, HE JUST CAME AND WENT AT ODD HOURS. NEVER THE LESS, I WAS HAPPY, AND NEAR MY HONEY. I WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW. LOVE, NANASEE