A LITTLE FLOWER

THIS MORNING, I WOKE UP WITH A SWEET FEELING, AND HAD TO THINK WHAT CAUSED IT. THEN, SEARCHING MY HEART, I SAW IN MY MIND, A TINY LITTLE FLOWER TRYING TO PEEK OUT OF THE WRECKAGE THAT IS PILED UP REPRESENTING GRIEF AND ANGER. THERE SHE WAS, A LITTLE CORAL COLORED FLOWER, SAYING "HEY, LOOK DOWN HERE! I AM BLOOMING WHERE I AM PLANTED!" GRIEF AND PAIN COULD NOT KEEP HER FROM BREAKING THROUGH AND BLOOMING. FUNNY TOO, WHERE SHE POKED UP HER LITTLE HEAD, EVERYTHING WAS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL WHERE SHE WAS, AND IT MADE ME FEEL SO SWEET. SHE REPRESENTS THE EFFORT AND RESULT OF THE EFFORT I AM TRYING TO MAKE- TO BE POSITIVE AND STRONG. MY SWEET FRIEND AND CHURCH SISTER CALLED TONIGHT, AND WANTED ME TO GO VISITING TEACHING WITH HER. (THIS IS A SPECIAL THING WE MORMON LADIES DO TO VISIT OUR SISTERS AND SEE TO THEIR WELFARE) ANYWAY, I WAS CRYING WHEN SHE CALLED, GRIEF LADY HAD A GRIP ON ME) AND COULD NOT EVEN TALK TO HER. I FEEL BAD ABOUT LETTING HER DOWN, BUT I JUST COULD NOT GO, NOT TO MENTION TALK TO HER. I HOPE TO DO BETTER IN THE NEAR FUTURE, AFTER THE BEST THING TO DO TO HELP YOURSELF FEEL BETTER IS TO DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. (I HOPE I DIDN'T LET LITTLE FLOWER DOWN, SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO GO). I DIDN'T CRY FOR LONG, IT IS JUST THAT FOR ONE MOMENT, I FELT THE ABSENT OF BOBBIE JO SO STRONGLY. I FOUND SOMETHING OUT ABOUT HER TODAY, AND I AM AMAZED AT HER COURAGE. SHE DID KNOW THAT SHE WAS GOING TO DIE, ( SHE CLAIMED UP UNTIL THE MOMENT THAT SHE CLOSED HER EYES THAT SHE WOULD MAKE IT) BUT SHE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT DAD AND I BEING UPSET, SHE KEPT HER ATTITUDE ONE OF BEING POSITIVE THAT SHE WOULD SURVIVE. THERE SHE WAS, IN THE THROES OF A HORRIBLE AFFLICTION, IN PAIN AND BLINDED AND ALL SHE COULD THINK OF WAS HER FAMILY AND TRYING TO SOFTEN THE BLOW OF HER LOSS. I HOPE I CAN DO HONOR TO HER SACRIFICE. SHE DID NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HER ILLNESS OR HER PAIN, JUST KEPT DOING EVERYTHING SHE COULD TO MAKE US FEEL THAT SHE WOULD SURVIVE. SO, I AM NOT GOING TO DWELL ON HER SUFFERING, BUT ON HER COURAGE. WHAT A LADY! I AM SO PROUD THAT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT IF I FIND MYSELF IN SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES, (GOD FORBID) THAT I CAN DISPLAY THE SAME GRACE AND COURAGE THAT SHE DID.
NOW, BACK TO THE LOVE STORY! A WEEK AFTER OUR DATE AT SURFSIDE, CAME EASTER. NOW, I HAD HAD A WEEK TO THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR MARTIN, AND EACH DAY, THEY BECAME STRONGER AND I BECAME MORE AFRAID THAT HE WOULD NOT FEEL THE SAME. BRIGHT AND EARLY ON EASTER SUNDAY, MARTIN PICKED ME UP FOR CHURCH. HE LOOKED SO EXCITED, AND I WONDERED WHAT WAS UP WITH HIM. WHEN WE ARRIVED AT CHURCH, HE GRINNED AT ME AND GAVE ME A LITTLE GIFT. I OPENED IT TO FIND A GOLD AND DIAMOND CROSS PENDANT. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I WAS OVERWHELMED, AND THANKED HIM PROFUSELY. IT WAS JUST LIKE HIM TO MAKE A HOLIDAY SPECIAL. WE WENT IN AND SAT IN ONE OF THE PEWS, AND HELD HANDS. SUDDENLY A HUGE PANIC CAME OVER ME, AND I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO SUFFOCATE! I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I FELT THAT WAY, BUT I HAD TO GET UP AND LEAVE THE SANCTUARY. I BLINDLY DASHED OUT OF THE ROOM, AND FOUND A STAIRWELL WITH A DOOR. I WENT INTO THE STAIRWELL AND CLOSED THE DOOR. I BEGAN TO PRAY. PRAY FOR CALM, PRAY TO FIND OUT WHY I WAS SO UPSET. THEN, AS MY PRAYERS PROGRESSED, I BEGAN TO VOICE MY FEARS. "HEAVENLY FATHER, I LOVE MARTIN SO MUCH, AND I AM SO AFRAID HE WON'T LOVE ME THE SAME WAY. AFTER ALL, WHAT DO I HAVE TO OFFER HIM? HE DESERVES A WOMAN WHO WILL HELP HIM FULFILL HIS DESTINY- HELP HIM BECOME THE MAN HE DESERVES TO BE. I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE HIM, I AM POOR, AND FOOLISH- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO BE THE KIND OF WOMAN HE DESERVES." THEN THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME, "HEANVENLY FATHER, IF YOU WILL FIND HIM A WOMAN WHO WILL BE A GOOD WIFE TO HIM, LOVE HIM, MAKE HIM FEEL SPECIAL AND GIVE HIM A FAMILY, IF YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME, THEN I WILL BECOME A NUN!" NOW, THAT SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD BARGAIN TO ME, SO, I JUST SAT THERE AND THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I HAD SAID. SUDDENLY, CLEAR AS A BELL, THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME, "THAT IS WHY I SENT HIM TO YOU. YOU ARE THAT WOMAN". OH, NO! I WAS NOT THAT WOMAN. MY TEARS FLOWED COPIOUSLY- AND I SAID OUT LOUD, "NO LORD, NOT ME. I CANNOT DO IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW, AND EVEN IF I DID, I DON'T DESERVE HIM. HE IS TOO GOOD FOR ME". SWEETLY, QUIETLY AND LOVINGLY, THE THOUGHT CAME "YES DAUGHTER, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU WILL DO IT AND YOU DESERVE TO DO IT. YOU ARE THE WOMAN FOR HIM AND HE DESERVES YOU. YOU WILL GIVE HIM JOY AND EVERY WISH HE HAS EVER HAD FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM. LOVE HIM WELL, AND TOGETHER YOU WILL ACHIEVE THINGS BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION". I WAS SO SURPRISED! THE MESSAGE WAS SO CLEAR! HE WAS MINE! ALL MINE! WHOOPEE! OH, WAIT, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY! OH HECK, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? HOW AM I GOING TO BREAK THIS TO HIM? AGAIN, THE COMFORTING THOUGHTS FLOWED, "DON'T WORRY, ALL WILL BE WELL". SO, I CALMED DOWN, DRIED MY TEARS, AND TRIED TO CALM MY RACING HEART OF JOY. I COULDN'T DO IT, SO I JUST SKIPPED BACK TO THE SANCTUARY- PLOPPED DOWN NEXT TO HIM AND BEAMED AT HIM. HE WAS WORRIED BECAUSE I HAD BEEN GONE SO LONG, BUT I JUST SQUEEZED HIS HAND AND GRINNED. AND GRINNED AND GRINNED. PROBABLY GIGGLED TOO. HE LOOKED SO CONFUSED AND EVEN SNIFFED MY BREATH!(JUST KIDDING). WELL I HAD INSIDE INFORMATION- AND ALL I HAD TO DO NOW WAS TO FIND A WAY TO BREAK IT TO HIM! MORE TOMORROW ON HOW I DID THAT! LOVE, NANASEE