SPRING

IT IS EARLY, AND I HAVE NOT YET GONE TO THE HOSPICE. I AM SITTING HERE WITH THE DOOR OPEN CRACK AND CAN FEEL THE WEATHER OUTSIDE. IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS 16 AND WALKING TO SCHOOL- IT WAS A WALK OF ABOUT A MILE, AND I HAD LOTS OF TIME TO THINK. ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY, I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THE FUTURE- WHAT WOULD MY LIFE BE LIKE? HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN WHAT A WONDERFUL FUTURE I WOULD HAVE? ABOUT A YEAR AFTER THIS PARTICULAR DAY, I MET MARTIN, (ON HIS BIRTHDAY) MARRIED HIM 3 MONTHS LATER, WATCHED HIM GO INTO THE ARMY (DURING VIETNAM) GIVE BIRTH TO JESSICA, FOLLOW MARTIN TO OKINAWA JAPAN, JOIN THE LDS (MORMON) CHURCH THERE, COME HOME A COUPLE OF YEARS LATER, AND GIVE BIRTH TO BOBBIE JO. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO MY LIFE ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT, BUT THERE IS TIME FOR THE REST LATER. THE THOUGHT OCCURS TO ME, ON THIS CHILLY SPRING MORNING, THAT EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE SOME REALLY HARD TIMES DURING THAT TIME SPAN, I REALLY CANNOT FEEL THE SADNESS ENOUGH TO PUT THEM INTO WORDS. FUNNY THOUGH, I CAN STILL FEEL AND REMEMBER THE WONDERFUL HAPPY EVENTS CLEARLY. I PRAY THAT IT WILL BE LIKE THAT AFTER MY GIRL HAS PASSED. LET ME REMEMBER AND FEEL THE WONDERFUL HAPPY TIMES ASSOCIATED WITH HER, AND NOT THESE GUT WRENCHING FEELINGS OF THE HORRENDOUS EXPERIENCE OF HER ILLNESS. I THANK HEAVENLY FATHER FOR THE ABILITY TO REMEMBER AND EXPERIENCE JOY THROUGH PICTURES, MEMORIES AND OTHER PEOPLES VIEW OF WHAT HAPPENED TO EACH MEMORY. ONE THING STANDS OUT IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW, IS BOBBIE JO'S WHITE BLONDE HAIR WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE. I USED TO BRAID IT EACH DAY, AND BECAUSE IT WAS SO FINE, I HAD TO REALLY GET IT TIGHT. SHE USED TO COMPLAIN "MAMA, IF YOU PULL IT ANY TIGHTER, I AM GOING TO SEE EVERYTHING SIDEWAYS!" BUT SURE ENOUGH, WHEN SHE GOT HOME, IT WAS FLYING EVERYWHERE- JUST A MEMORY I GUESS. TILL TONIGHT, LOVE, NANA