SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT

HELLO ALL, I AM HOME THIS MORNING AND WANTED TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS WITH YOU. FIRST OF ALL, IT IS FUNNY, I COULD NOT SLEEP IN BECAUSE TINY (THE DINOSAUR DOG) IS BARKING. HE ALWAYS BRKS, IT SOUNDS LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN COMING AT YOU, AND USUALLY I DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. HOWEVER, TODAY, I WONDER WHAT HE IS BARKING AT? AFTER CHECKING ON HIM, I SEE THAT HE IS SIMPLY ENTERTAINING HIMSELF. NOW THE REASON THAT I BRING THIS UP IS: IT OCCURS TO ME THAT BARKING WILL BE COMMONPLACE EVEN AFTER OUR BOBBIE JO IS GONE. I REALIZE THAT LIFE WILL BE THE SAME, EXCEPT THERE WILL BE A GIANT HOLE IN IT FOR US. AT THIS TIME, ALL I SEE IS A GIANT WALL IN FRONT OF ME, AND I WILL FOREVER REFER TO MY LIFE AS "BEFORE BOBBIE JO, AND AFTER BOBBIE JO" JUST THE SAME AS I DO FOR OTTO, AND THE HURRICANE. I KNOW THERE IS BEAUTY, LOVE, HAPPINESS AND JOY AFTER BOBBIE JO, I JUST CAN'T SEE IT NOW. NOW, THERE IS PAIN, HORROR, DISSAPOINTMENT, DISCOURAGEMENT, DISBELIEVE IN THE MIDST OF INCREDILBE COURAGE. THERE IS INCREDIBLE LOVE, COMMITMENT AND DETERMINATION. THERE IS QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF THE LORD'S WILL. THERE ARE ALL THE THINGS THAT MANY DON'T GET TO EXPERIENCE. I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS, AND TO A VERY INFINESTIMAL POINT DO I UNDERSTAND WHAT MARY MUST HAVE FELT, AT THE BASE OF THE CROSS, WATCHING HER DEAR SON SUFFER A DEATH THAT SHE COULD NOT CONTROL. I ONLY SAY THIS FROM A MAMA'S POINT OF VIEW, I DO NOT COMPARE MY DAUGHTERS DEATH WITH THAT OF THE SAVIOR- ONLY THAT NOW I KNOW MORE HOW PRECIOUS MARY MUST HAVE FELT TAKING PART IN HER CHILD'S DEATH. BUT IN A WAY, THIS EXPERIENCE WITH BOBBIE JO HAS UNITED MANY, AS WE REALIZE THE PRECIOUSNESS OF LIFE. I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS, AS I REALIZE HOW PETTY AND SELFISH I HAVE BEEN IN SOME AREAS OF MY LIFE. THAT IS A GREAT GIFT SHE HAS GIVEN ME. TO ALL OF YOU WHOM I HAVE TREATED BADLY, I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS. I ONLY WANT TO ENJOY EACH PERSON THAT I AM PRIVILEGED TO MEET AND KNOW, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO LOVE ME, FOR HOW LONG WILL WE HAVE EACH OTHER IN THIS LIFE? ALSO, WE SHOULD BUILD AND BOND SOLID RELATIONSHIPS HERE ON EARTH, FOR IN HEAVEN THEY ARE ETERNAL, AND WE CAN HAVE THE JOY OF NEVER SEPARATING. THERE IS NO TIME FOR HATE OR HURT. THESE ARE SOME OF THE THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND TODAY. TODAY, I GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO MEET WITH THE HOSPICE NURSES. IT IS SOMETHING I HOPED NEVER TO DO. WE WILL SEE TO HER COMFORT WHILE SHE PASSES FROM US. I OF COURSE, DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TIME SHE HAS. I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED. LOVE, NANASEE