STILL HANGING ON

TODAY,IT IS SUNDAY AGAIN. HOW WONDERFUL TO SAY "SUNDAY AGAIN" AS A COUPLE OF SUNDAYS AGO, I WAS NOT SURE HOW MANY MORE I WOULD HAVE WITH MY GIRL. SHE IS CLINGING TO LIFE- WITH A DETERMINATION THAT I COULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED SHE WAS ABLE TO. SHE HAS ALL THE SYMPTOMS OF EXTREME END STAGE DISEASE, AND I AM AFRAID NOT TO BE WITH HER. I HAVE COME HOME TONIGHT, I AM TIRED, AND THE MARTINS ARE WITH HER. SHE HELD MY HAND WITH TEMERITY, AND WE HAD A TALK. RATHER, SHE TALKED AND I LISTENED. IT IS VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND HER NOW, SO I LEANED IN CLOSE, OUR HANDS ENTWINED AND SHE SAID" MAMA, YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I NEED YOU MAMA, I CANNOT FIGHT THIS WITHOUT YOU. I HAVE DADDY TOO, BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME. I NEED MY MOM. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AND ALWAYS WILL. WE WILL SEE THE OUTCOME OF THIS TOGETHER. I WILL WALK OUT OF HERE, YOU WILL SEE. I AM NOT WORRIED THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE HERE FOR ME. YOU ALWAYS HAVE." SHE THEN TOLD ME OVER AND OVER THAT SHE LOVED ME. I WAS CALM, I DID NOT CRY, I HAD AN INNER PEACE THAT COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN HEAVEN SENT. I FELT A SENSE OF POWER, A SENSE OF DETERMINATION, AND FEELINGS OF BEING STRONG. I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD INDEED ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HER, WHY WOULD I STOP NOW? AND THEN, WE INTWINED OUR PINKY FINGERS AND "PINKY SWORE" THAT WE WOULD EVERYTHING WE COULD TO STAY CLOSE FOR NOW AND FOREVER. I RECEIVED A POWERFUL INSPIRATION WHEN SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT WALKING OUT OF THE HOSPICE, INDEED, I COULD SEE HER SPIRIT WALKING HAND IN HAND WITH OTTO, MY DECEASED SON, WITH GREAT JOY. SHE WILL WALK OUT, HER BODY WILL NOT. LIFE IS ETERNAL, FAMILIES ARE ETERNAL, THE LOVE OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS IS ETERNAL. WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE SPECK OF TIME THAT WE ARE GIVEN ON THIS EARTH. WE CLING TO LIFE, LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST, NOT REALIZING THE IMPORTANCE OF PREPARING OURSELVES FOR THE GRAND SCALE WHICH IS ETERNITY. WE AS MAMAS DO ALL WE CAN TO PREPARE OUR CHILDREN TO LEARN FOR THEMSELVES, AND THEN THEY CONTINUE. I AM PROUD OF THE CONFIDENCE THAT BOBBIE JO LEARNED UNDER MY TUTELAGE, PERHAPS SHE DID NOT MAKE PERFECT CHOICES, BUT SHE DID MAKE ALL OF HER CHOICES KNOWING SHE WAS FREE TO DO SO. THAT CONFIDENCE WILL SERVE HER NOW-AS SHE STARTS THE NEXT STAGE OF HER ETERNAL JOURNEY. I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN TRUSTED WITH HER. I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB! TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE