WHEN I WROTE ABOUT MY MOTHER, I MENTIONED THAT MARTIN AND I WENT TO VISIT HER ON OCCASION IN THE LAST FEW YEARS THAT SHE WAS ALIVE. SHE LIVED IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NEW MEXICO, IN A TOWN CALLED RUIDOSO. HER HOME WAS SITUATED UP ON A MOUNTAIN IN A LOVELY NEIGHBORHOOD, WHERE MANY ONLY CAME FOR VACATION AND A FEW OTHERS LIVED YEAR ROUND. WE ENJOYED BEING THERE WITH HER, AND I FEEL THAT I ESTABLISHED SOMETHING OF A CLOSENESS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS. SHE HAD HUMMINGBIRDS AROUND IN HUMMINGBIRD SEASON, WITH COLORS OF RUBY, COBALT BLUE, BOTTLE GREEN, BRIGHT YELLOW AND PURPLE FLASHING AS THEY DARTED IN AND OUT TO GET NECTAR FROM THE FLOWERS THAT GREW ALONG AND UP THE PORCH. THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL, BUT TINY, ALMOST LIKE LARGE BEES. I DEVELOPED A TRUE LOVE FOR THESE LOVELY CREATURES, AND THEY HAD NO FEAR, JUST BOLDLY BUZZED IN AND OUT FOR THEIR DINNER. IT WAS COOL UP ON THE MOUNTAIN, AND SO NICE TO SIT OUT IN THE MORNING AND WATCH THE SUN COME BLAZING UP OVER THE TOP OF THE PEAKS. WE WOULD HAVE BREAKFAST OUT ON THE PORCH, WITH THE HUMMINGBIRDS AND TALK ABOUT THE TIMES THAT WE REMEMBERED TOGETHER. THERE WAS NEVER A MENTION OF THE CHILDREN'S HOME. IT WAS LIKE A HUGE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM,BUT I DIDN'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER. I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN WHAT WE HAD BEGUN TO BUILD BETWEEN US. SO, OUR CONVERSATIONS WERE ABOUT CHILDHOOD BEFORE THE "HOME". SHE WOULD OFTEN TELL ME OF THE HALLOWEEN THAT I DRUG MY CANDY BAG ALONG THE SIDEWALK AND MADE A HOLE THAT THE CANDY KEPT FALLING OUT THROUGH. SHE WOULD MENTION MANY TIMES ABOUT HOW IT WAS 114 DEGREES IN ST. LOUIS THE DAY I WAS BORN, AND HOW PEOPLE DROPPED DEAD OF THE HEAT. THERE WAS NO AIRCONDITIONING IN THE HOSPITAL, SO MY GRANDFATHER BROUGHT A LARGE FAN INTO HER ROOM TO KEEP US COOL. SHE LIKED TO REMIND ME THAT I WAS BORN WITHIN THE SHADOW OF THE ST. LOUIS ARCH, THE "GATEWAY TO THE WEST". SHE WOULD TELL ME HOW I WAS BORN ON AN ELEVATOR BECAUSE SHE DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE MATERNITY WARD IN TIME. SHE REPEATED HERSELF OFTEN, BECAUSE I GUESS IF YOU ONLY RELATE THE EVENTS IN THE FIRST TWELVE YEARS OF LIFE, YOU RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY. THESE WERE TIMES WE VISITED IN THE SUMMER. WHEN WE VISITED IN THE WINTER, WE HAD OTHER OF THE SAME EVENTS. FOR INSTANCE, WE WOULD GO ON OCCASION TO HAVE THANKSGIVING WITH HER. EACH MORNING, MOTHER AND I WOULD SIT OUT ON THE PORCH, AND WATCH THE SUN COME UP OVER THE MOUNTAINS, JUST LIKE IN THE SUMMER. THE DIFFERENCE WAS THAT THERE WAS SNOW ON THE GROUND, AND INSTEAD OF HUMMINGBIRDS, THERE WERE HUGE RAVENS GIVING US A SHOW. MOTHER HAD SPOILED THOSE RAVENS, AS SHE WOULD PUT BREAD AND SCRAPS OUT EVERY MORNING FOR THEM. IF SHE DID NOT HAVE THE FOOD OUT ON TIME, THE RAVENS WOULD FLY BY THE WINDOWS AND PORCH MAKING LOTS OF NOISE TO REMIND HER. WHEN I WOULD GO OUT TO PUT THE BREAD ON THE GROUND, THE RAVENS WOULD STAY A DISTANCE AWAY UNTIL I GOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE, AND THEN AT LEAST 20 OF THEM WOULD COME TO EAT. THEY WERE SO BLACK AGAINST THE SNOW, REALLY LOVELY. WE WOULD ALWAYS GO TO A PLACE CALLED "THE INN OF THE MOUNTAIN GODS" FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER. THEY ALWAYS HAD A FABULOUS BUFFET. IN ADDITION TO THE TRADITIONAL MEAT OFFERINGS, THEY WOULD ALSO HAVE ROASTED BUFFALO, DUCK, RABBIT, AND OTHER EXOTIC MEATS. THEY HAD A HUGE SALAD BAR WITH ALL KINDS OF VEGETABLES, BUT ALSO COLD SEAFOOD INCLUDING SMOKED SALMON. I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT THE MENU, BUT I MENTION THE SALMON SPECIFICALLY FOR A REASON. WITH ALL THAT FABULOUS FARE TO CHOOSE FROM, MY MOTHER WOULD ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT, EAT ONLY A PLATE OF SMOKED SALMON! SHE JUST LOVED IT. SHE WAS VERY WELL-TO-DO, AND COULD HAVE SALMON ANYTIME SHE WANTED, BUT SHE WAITED FOR THIS BUFFET TO REALLY ENJOY HERSELF. NOW, WHEN YOU GOT TO THE BUFFET, THE LINE WAS REALLY LONG. THE PRICE FOR DINNER BACK THEN WAS ABOUT 40.00, BUT STILL, IT WAS VERY CROWDED. MY MOTHER WAS REALLY SOMETHING, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF WAITING IN LINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, SHE WOULD JUST WALK UP TO THE DOOR, SWEEP HERSELF INSIDE AND SIT DOWN AT THE TABLE OF HER CHOICE! TALK ABOUT LINE-JUMPING! NO ONE EVER SAID ANYTHING TO HER AT ALL! SO, HERE WAS THIS ELEGANT ELDERLY LADY, JUST BUSTING THROUGH THE DOOR AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE, AND DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT. OF COURSE I COULD NOT LET HER IN BY HERSELF, SO I WENT IN RIGHT BEHIND HER DRAGGING MARTIN WITH ME. I EXPECTED SOMEONE TO THROW US OUT, BUT IT WAS AS IF QUEEN MARY HERSELF HAD JUMPED THE LINE. NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. THAT DOESN'T MEAN TAHT THE OTHER DINERS APPRECIATED THIS- I GOT PLENTY OF "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" LOOKS FROM THEM. I ONCE BROUGHT THIS UP TO MOTHER, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT THOSE PEOPLE WOULD NOT DARE SAY ANYTHING TO HER, AFTER ALL, NO ONE EVER HAD. SO, ON IT WOULD GO, MOTHER NEVER HURRYING, BECAUSE, SHE NEVER HAD TO STAND IN LINE. NO MATTER WHAT SEASON IT WAS WHEN WE VISITED, WE ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING THE BEAR CARVER. HE WAS A MAN WHO CARVED WOODEN BEARS FROM TREE LIMBS OR TRUNKS USING A CHAIN SAW. FOR ALL THE YEARS THAT MOTHER AND BOB LIVED ON THE MOUNTAIN, BOB WOULD NEVER BUY HER A CARVED BEAR. HE THOUGHT SOMEONE WOULD JUST COME ALONG AND STEAL IT FROM THE YARD. WHEN BOB DIED, MARTIN TOOK ME UP THERE TO HELP MOTHER WITH THE ARRAINGEMENTS, WE VISITED THE BEAR CARVER. THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD VISITED HIM, AND I WAS EXCITED, BECAUSE MARTIN HAD PROMISED ME A BEAR. WE FOUND THE PERFECT ONE, MADE OF JUNIPER WOOD. IT WAS LOVELY, NOT TOO BIG, AND AFFORDABLE WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE, I EXCITEDLY TOLD MOTHER TO COME AND SEE WHAT MARTIN HAD BOUGHT. SHE LOOKED INTO THE TRUNK, AND EXCLAIMED, "OH, YOU SWEET THING! YOU BOUGHT ME A BEAR! A LOVELY BEAR! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" WHAT COULD I DO? DISSAPOINT AN OLD LADY WHO HAD JUST LOST HER HUSBAND? NOT TO MENTION, WE HAD PAID 150.00 FOR "HER"BEAR! SO, SHE PUT HIM ON THE FIREPLACE HEARTH FOR ALL TO SEE. I HAD TO SEE IT TOO, ALL NIGHT, GROUSING TO MYSELF THAT I HAD LOST MY BEAR. MARTIN KEPT SAYING THINGS LIKE "WELL YOU "BARELY" GOT ONE" OR, "I CAN'T "BEAR" TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS". WELL, I WAS OUT A BEAR, AND WOULD HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT TIME TO GET ONE, AS WE COULDN'T AFFORD TO TRY TO BUY ANOTHER FOR THAT TRIP. ON THE WAY OUT OF TOWN AT THEN END OF THE TRIP, WE STOPPED BACK BY THE CARVER TO TELL HIM WHAT HAD HAPPENED. HE WAS TOUCHED THAT WE HAD "GIVEN" THE BEAR TO MOTHER AND MADE US A SPECIAL OFFER. HE HAD ANOTHER BEAR, THAT WAS KIND OF LARGE, AND WOULD SELL IT TO US FOR THE SAME PRICE AS THE FIRST ONE. IT SHOULD HAVE SOLD FOR 400.00, BUT WE COULD HAVE IT FOR 150.00. LET ME TELL YOU THAT THIS THING STOOD FOUR FEET TALL AND WAS SO HEAVY! MARTIN ALMOST BROKE HIS BACK TRYING TO GET IT INTO THE TRUNK OF THE RENTAL CAR, BUT WE COULD NOT PASS UP SUCH A BARGAIN. IF WE DROVE STRAIGHT HOME, THE WHOLE 1200 MILES AND DID NOT STOP FOR A HOTEL OR A SIT DOWN DINNER, WE COULD SWING IT. ONCE HE GOT THE BEAR INTO THE TRUNK, THE CAR WAS SAGGING IN THE BACK, BUT I HAD MY BEAR, AND I WAS NOT LETTING THIS ONE GET AWAY! OVER THE NEXT FEW VISITS, WE VISITED THE CARVER EACH TIME. ONCE, HE CARVED US A PELICAN, AND IT SITS IN OUR FRONT YARD. ANOTHER TIME, A HUGE CACTUS, AND ANOTHER TIME A PAIR OF BEARS, A CHUBBY ONE AND A TALL ONE, BOTH ON THE SAME TRUNK. I AM SAD TO SAY THAT SOMEONE STOLE THAT ONE AS SOON AS WE PUT IT OUT IN THE FRONT YARD. WHEN MOTHER DIED, I TOOK THE FIRST BEAR HOME WITH ME. HE REMINDS ME OF THAT TIME I WAS WITH HER, AND HE IS SPECIAL. YES, THOSE TRIPS TO NEW MEXICO MEANT SO MUCH TO ME, BUT MOSTLY THEY GAVE ME MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER. I AM SO GLAD FOR THAT. LOVE, NANASEE