A MIRACLE FOR MAMA

WE HAD MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOME, AND LIFE WAS CERTAINLY LOOKING UP FOR US. WE CELEBRATED THANKSGIVING THAT YEAR, AND THEN BEGAN TO DECORATE AND BAKE FOR CHRISTMAS. THERE WAS SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH TO CELEBRATE, WE COULD NOT BELIEVE OUR GOOD FORTUNE. AARON WAS A SENIOR, AND DOING WELL, AND BECKY WAS IN JR. HIGH SCHOOL, INVOLVED IN SPORTS AND EXCELLING. BOBBIE JO HAD REFUSED TO MOVE WITH US AND MOVED IN WITH OWEN. THE DRIVE TO WORK WAS A LONG ONE, BUT THAT GAVE ME "THINKING TIME" OR, TIME TO THINK OF MY LIFE. I ENJOYED THE DRIVE, AND WAS HAPPY TO DO IT. I BAKED LOTS OF GOODIES, AND SHARED THEM WITH MY WORKERS AT 911. EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT, EXCEPT I COULD NOT LOSE WEIGHT. I DIDN'T EVEN CARE IF I DID, AFTER ALL, I HAD UNIFORMS THAT FIT, (I HAD TO MAKE THE SKIRTS MYSELF) AND THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL. CHRISTMAS WAS SO NICE THAT YEAR, AND THEN CAME THE NEW YEAR. ON JANUARY 14, 1995, I AWOKE WITH THE STRONGEST FEELING THAT I WAS GOING TO MAKE A STRONG EFFORT TO START TO LOSE MY WEIGHT. I WAS CLOSE TO 450 LBS, BUT I COULD WALK AND GET AROUND, SO I DIDN'T REALLY THINK THAT IT WAS TOO IMPORTANT. BUT, I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER, I WANTED TO BE FREE OF THE RIDICULE, FREE OF THE FATIGUE AND FREE OF THE PAINS OF BEING SO HEAVY. I DIDN'T KNOW IF I COULD DO IT, BUT, THAT DAY, I TRIED. THE NEXT DAY, I STILL TRIED. AND DAY AFTER DAY I CONTINUED TO TRY, EATING A LOW FAT DIET WITH NO SUGAR. TWO WEEKS WENT BY, AND I BECAME DESPERATE FOR "NO NO" FOOD. I COULDN'T EVEN TELL IF I HAD LOST ANY WEIGHT, I COULD NOT WEIGH MYSELF ANYWHERE. I DECIDED THAT I WOULD EAT A LARGE PLATE OF BAR-B-QUED RIBS, AND THAT WOULD SATISFY ME. THAT WHOLE DAY, WAS MISERABLE. THINGS KEPT HAPPENING TO KEEP ME FROM THE BAR-B-QUE RESTAURANT. FINALLY, I WAS STARVING, AND FINALLY, I FOUND MYSELF WALKING IN THE DOOR, WITH MY FAMILY, AND DROOLING OVER THOSE FABULOUS RIBS I WAS GOING TO EAT. I WALKED UP TO THE COUNTER AND SAID, "I WANT AN ALL YOU CAN EAT RIB PLATE PLEASE!" THE GIRL SAID, "I'M SORRY MA'AM, WE ARE OUT OF RIBS, I JUST SERVED THE LAST OF THEM TO ANOTHER CUSTOMER". I STARED AT HER, FELT MY BLOOD PRESSURE ESCALATING, I BEGAN TO SHAKE, AND I PICKED UP A HANDFUL OF SILVERWEAR. SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, I SCREAMED, "WHAT?!!! NO G*&##*@## RIBS?!!ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!!!" I THREW THE SILVERWARE ACROSS THE RESTAURANT! MARTIN GRABBED ME AND GOT ME OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. I SAT ON THE FRONT STEPS OF THE RESTAURANT, AND BEGAN TO BAWL. AS I SAT THERE SOBBING, MY FAMILY SIMPLY THOUGHT I HAD LOST MY MIND. "I JUST WANTED RIBS!!!" I SOBBED. THE PAST TWO WEEKS HAD GOTTEN TO ME. BUT, THERE WERE NO RIBS, AND THAT WAS THAT. THERE HAD BEEN A HUGE FIRE THE NIGHT BEFORE AT THE STRIP MALL NEXT TO THE RESTAURANT, AND FIRE FIGHTERS WERE STILL WORKING ON THE SMOLDERING REMAINS OF THE BUILDINGS. ONE OF THEM CAME OVER, AND ASKED IF I WAS OKAY. I TOLD HIM THAT I WANTED TO THROW MYSELF UNDER A TRUCK, AND HE SAID THAT LIFE WAS TOO PRECIOUS TO THROW IT AWAY LIKE THAT. I TOLD HIM, "WELL, EVEN IF I DID THROW MYSELF UNDER A TRUCK, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T DIE, JUST BE HORRIBLY CRIPPLED AND A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY-AND I STILL WOULDN'T HAVE ANY RIBS!!!" I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT WE ENDED UP EATING THAT DAY, BUT I DO REMEMBER THINKING THAT IF I WAS AFFECTED SO BADLY BY WANTING "NO NO" FOOD, THEN I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. I DECIDED TO TRY HARDER TO LOSE WEIGHT. I DIDN'T NOTICE A GREAT DIFFERENCE RIGHT AWAY, BUT AS THE YEAR WENT ON, I MADE SIGNIFIGANT CHANGES. NO CANDY ON VALENTINES DAY. LOTS OF LOW FAT DISHES, LOTS OF VEGGIES, ONLY DIET DRINKS. AS THE YEAR PROGRESSED, WE HAD LOTS OF JOY AND LITTLE BY LITTLE, I SAW MY BODY CHANGING. CLOTHING BECAME LOOSER, I HAD MORE ENERGY. I QUIT FALLING ASLEEP ALL THE TIME. BY NOW, I HAD CHANGED MY WORKING HOURS TO 2-10 PM. MARTIN AND I COULD RIDE IN TO WORK TOGETHER, HIM DROPPING ME OFF AND PICKING ME UP AFTER HE GOT OFF. I NO LONGER HAD TO WORK ALL NIGHT. I REALLY ENJOYED MY TIME WITH HIM, AND WE ATE OUT OFTEN ON THE WAY TO WORK. I KEPT TO MY FOOD PROGRAM. ONE DAY, I GOT ON THE SCALE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE CLINIC AT THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT, AND TO MY AMAZEMENT, I WEIGHED 398 LBS. I STEPPED OFF THE SCALE, SAT ON THE FLOOR AND CRIED TEARS OF JOY. BY NOW, IT WAS APRIL, AND I HAD BEEN TRYING FOR 4 MONTHS. I CONTINUED TRYING, AND FOR SOME REASON, I HAD GREAT STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION. I CELEBRATED MY NEW NUMBERS BY TRYING TO SEE HOW FAR I COULD WALK WITHOUT BEING EXHAUSTED. I DIDN'T GET FAR, BUT I DID GET SOMEWHERE. AS THE WEEKS WENT BY, I WALKED A LITTLE FATHER ALL THE TIME. THE BAY IS 1/2 MILE FROM OUR HOUSE, AND MY GOAL WAS TO WALK THERE WITHOUT FALLING OVER. I CLEARLY REMEMBER THE DAY IN JUNE OF THAT YEAR THAT I REACHED THE BAY, WITH ENGERGY LEFT. IT WAS EARLY, AND THE SUN WAS JUST BREAKING OVER THE HORIZON, GLEAMING OFF THE WATER. IT WAS A SIGN TO ME THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WAS HELPING ME IN MY EFFORTS. AARON GRADUATED AND WE HAD A HUGE PARTY FOR HIM. SUMMER WAS UNEVENTFUL, EXCEPT FOR BOBBIE JO AND OWEN'S ENGAGEMENT. THEY PLANNED A SPRING WEDDING. I LOVED MY JOB AND MY LIFE. THAT YEAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, I DECIDED TO SEE IF I COULD WALK ON MY LUNCH BREAK INSTEAD OF HAVING DINNER. I SOON LOOKED FORWARD TO WALKING EACH DAY INSTEAD OF EATING, FEELING THAT I WAS REALLY ESCALATING MY PROGRAM. I WEIGHED MYSELF AND FOUND I WEIGHED 380 LBS. AS I WALKED EACH DAY, I HAD TO BE CAREFUL AS I WAS WALKING AROUND THE SHERRIF'S BUILDING, AND THERE WERE LOTS OF HOMELESS IN THE AREA. I DECIDED TO SEE IF I COULD WALK AROUND THE HUGE BLOCK TWICE INSTEAD OF ONCE, AND I DID. I NOTICED THAT I WAS WAVING AND SMILING TO THE HOMELESS PEOPLE EACH DAY, AND SOON, SOME OF THEM BEGAN TO WALK WITH ME. WE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER, THEY NEVER ASKED ME FOR ANYTHING, AND WERE VERY NICE TO ME. I TOOK MY UNIFORMS UP AND WEIGHED AGAIN. CLOSE TO 360. FALL WAS COMING AND I DETERMINED TO CONTINUE. ALL WINTER I TRIED AND TRIED, WALKING AND WATCHING MY DIET. COMMENTS WERE COMING DAILY AT THE CHANGE IN ME. CHRISTMAS CAME, AND THERE WAS A CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR THE SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT PERSONEL. MARTIN BOUGHT ME A LOVELY OUTFIT FOR THE PARTY AND I FOUND THAT I WEIGHED 355. IT WAS A WONDERFUL NIGHT, WE HAD SO MUCH FUN, AND I FELT BEAUTIFUL. IN JANUARY, I HAD BEEN TRYING FOR A YEAR. ON JANUARY 14, 1996 I ACTUALLY WEIGHED 349 LBS. I HAD LOST 100 POUNDS! I COULD WEIGH ON A REGULAR SCALE, AND COULD BUY CLOTHES AT THE PLUS SIZED SHOP. (BEFORE I COUNLN'T). MY SHOES WERE TOO BIG FOR ME, AND ONE SUNDAY, I SNEEZED AND MY SLIP FELL RIGHT OFF TO MY FEET. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN EMBARRASSED, BUT I WAS NOT, I LAUGHED IN DELIGHT! SPRING CAME AND THE WEDDING PLANNING WAS IN FULL SWING. THE WEDDING WAS FOR THE END OF APRIL, AND TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING, I BROKE MY RIGHT HAND. I WAS HORSING AROUND WITH AARON, AND SLAMMED MY HAND AGAINST THE DOOR, BREAKING IT IN 3 PLACES. I WASN'T DONE WITH THE BRIDESMAIDS GOWNS, BUT SOMEHOW I FINISHED THEM. A CO-WORKER GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL GOWN TO WEAR AS THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I LOOKED AT IT, AND IT SEEMED SO SMALL, BUT TO MY SURPRISE AND DELIGHT, IT WAS A PERFECT FIT. THE WEDDING WAS LOVELY, AFTERWARD WE HAD A HUGE BAR-B-QUE AND DANCE. SUMMER WAS CLOSING IN, AND THE WEIGHT WAS COMING OFF. ONE DAY, AN INSURANCE REPRRESENATIVE WAS SELLING LONG TERM DISABILITY INSURANCE AT THE JOB. IT WAS 13 DOLLARS A MONTH. I TOLD MARTIN ABOUT IT, AND HE SAID NOT TO WASTE MY MONEY, AS I WAS NEVER SICK. FOR SOME REASON, I ENROLLED ANYWAY AND HAD THE COST TAKEN OUT OF MY CHECK AUTOMATICALLY. I WAS DOWN TO 320 LBS IN JUNE, 1996. STILL WALKING, MAKING A MILE EACH DAY, AND VISITING WITH MY FRIENDS. BUT, IN EARLY JUNE, I BEGAN TO COUGH EASILY. IT DIDN'T TAKE MUCH TO MAKE ME COUGH, AND IT WAS AGGRAVATING. I WENT TO THE NURSE DOWNSTAIRS, AND FOUND MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS EXTREMELY HIGH. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, I SHOULD BE IMPROVING, NOT REGRESSING. I ALSO HAD A HUGE LUMP ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY NECK, AND WHEN I ASKED A DOCTOR ABOUT IT, HE SAID IT WAS FAT THAT HAD NOT BEEN LOST AND IT WOULD GO DOWN. I FLIPPANTLY SAID, "IT BETTER NOT BE A TUMOR!" AND FORGOT ABOUT IT. JUNE PASSED, AND THEN JULY. THE COUGH WORSENED, AND ONE DAY I PASSED OUT AT WORK. I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND WAS TOLD I HAD BRONCHITIS AND WAS PRESCRIBED ANTIBIOTICS. IT DID NOT WORK, AND I WAS GIVEN ANOTHER ROUND. AGAIN, THE COUGHING BECAME WORSE, AND WAS AFFECTING MY JOB. I CONTINUED ON, WALKING, BUT I FOUND THAT BREATHING WAS BECOMING DIFFICULT. IN AUGUST, AGAIN I WENT ON ANTIBIOTICS, AGAIN, TO NO AVAIL. BREATHING WAS HARD, AND I COULD NOT SLEEP, AS I WOULD WAKE UP CHOKING FOR AIR. MY WEIGHT HAD REACHED 305LBS. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN TICKLED, BUT I FELT VERY ILL. MY DOCTOR FINALLY TOLD ME TO GO FOR AN X-RAY. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF THE SHOCKING NEWS I RECIEVED. LOVE, NANASEE