COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

I SEEM TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PART OF MY LIFE THAT PASSED SO QUICKLY, AND YET HAD SO MANY THINGS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE. BABY JARED WAS GROWING QUICKLY, AND EVERYTHING HE DID JUST DELIGHTED ALL OF US. I TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO GO AND SEE HIM, EVEN IF IT WAS QUITE A DISTANCE AWAY- SO, THE DAY THAT MARTIN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO WITH HIM TO SEE JARED AND I TOLD HIM THAT I THOUGHT NOT WAS A VERY UNUSUAL THING. I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T JUST GO WITH MARTIN, BUT I REMEMBER THINKING THAT I SHOULD GO TO THE LADIES CHURCH MEETING INSTEAD. MARTIN WAS AMAZED THAT I WOULD PASS UP AN OPPROTUNITY TO BE WITH JARED, BUT AGAIN, I FELT THAT I SHOULD DO SOMETHING ELSE. MARTIN GOT IN THE TRUCK AND LEFT, AND I GOT IN THE CAR TO GO TO THE LADIES MEETING. ABOUT A HALF HOUR LATER, MARTIN CALLED ON MY CELL PHONE, WITH PANIC IN HIS VOICE. "I JUST HAD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE" HE SAID. "I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHT." WELL FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, OF COURSE I WAS, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM ANYWAY? I ASKED HIM WHAT WAS WRONG, AND HE BEGAN TO STAMMER AS HE EXPLAINED. IT SEEMS THAT HE WAS ON THE FREEWAY BEHIND A LARGE COAST GUARD BOAT THAT WAS BEING TOWED ON A TRAILER. SUDDENLY, A SIDE WINDOW BLEW OUT OF THE BOAT, AND CAME STRAIGHT AT MARTIN'S WINDSHIELD. IT SHATTERED THE WINDSHIELD, BUT A VERY LARGE SHARD OF GLASS PIERCED THE SEAT WHERE I WOULD HAVE BEEN SITTING, AND PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED ME. HE SAID IT PIERCED THE SEAT RIGHT WHERE MY HEART WOULD HAVE BEEN. HE WAS SO THANKFUL THAT I WASN'T WITH HIM THAT TIME! (ME TOO!) THAT SORT OF BLESSING HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE, THE CRAZIEST THINGS SEEM TO HAPPEN TO ME! FOR INSTANCE, ONE NIGHT WHEN I WORKED AT THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT, MARTIN CAME TO GET ME AS USUAL. WE HAD JUST BOUGHT A NEW PICK-UP AND IT WAS ABOUT A WEEK OLD. IT WAS LATE, AND VERY DARK AND THE DOWNTOWN LIGHTS WERE NOT VERY BRIGHT. WE CAME TO A LARGE RAILROAD CROSSING THAT HAD ABOUT 6 TRACKS. THE WARNING GATES WORKED FINE, BUT THE TRACKS WERE QUITE WIDE BETWEEN THE GATES AND IF YOU WERE BETWEEN THEM WHEN THE SIGNAL WENT OFF, YOU COULD GET CAUGHT IF YOU DID NOT HURRY. WELL, THIS PARTICULAR NIGHT, WE WERE TIRED AND TRYING TO GET HOME. WHEN WE GOT TO THE TRACKS, THE BELL WENT OFF AND THE GATE STARTED COMING DOWN. MARTIN HAD TIME TO GET UNDER THE CROSSING ARMS, AND DID, BECAUSE HE DID NOT SEE A TRAIN COMING. THE TRACKS CURVED SHARPLY AROUND, AND JUST AS WE WERE CROSSING THE MIDDLE OF ALL OF THEM, I LOOKED TO THE RIGHT AND TO MY HORROR, SAW ABOUT A TRAIN BEARING RIGHT DOWN ON US. IT WAS SO CLOSE THAT I COULD COUNT THE ROWS OF CHROME ON THE FRONT OF IT. I COULDN'T EVEN SCREAM, (OR BREATH FOR THAT MATTER) AND I KNEW THAT WE WERE GOING TO BE HIT BY A TRAIN. FOR A VERY SPLIT SECOND, MARTIN AND I LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, KNOWING THAT WE WERE GOING TO BE KILLED, AND THEN MARTIN GUNNED THE TRUCK TRYING TO GET AS MUCH DISTANCE IN FRONT OF THE TRAIN AS POSSIBLE. I BRACED MYSELF FOR THE IMPACT, AT LEAST I KNEW THAT THE BED OF THE PICKUP WAS GOING TO BE HIT, BUT SOMEHOW, WITH INCHES TO SPARE, THE TRAIN MISSED US. WE BARRELLED THROUGH THE OTHER CROSSING ARMS, (WHAT I MEAN IS THAT WE WENT BETWEEN THEM) AND STOPPED ON THE OTHER SIDE. ALL I COULD DO IS BABBLE, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU" TO HEAVENLY FATHER. I ACTUALLY REMEMBER THE FEELING WHEN IT SEEMED THAT MY HEART BEGAN TO BEAT AGAIN! WE FELT REALLY STUPID, YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT AND THE PERSON WITH YOU FEELS THE SAME WAY? HOW YOU ARE EMBARRASSED TO ACKNOWLEGE IT? YOU KNOW, REALLY STUPID! GOOD LESSON THOUGH, WE HAVE NEVER RACED A CROSSING ARM AGAIN! ANOTHER TRAIN INCIDENT INVOLVED MY BEING LAZY. WHEN WE LIVED IN ABERDEEN MARYLAND, WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CAR AND WE HAD TO WALK TO TOWN. IT WAS FASTER TO GO OVER THE TRACKS IN TOWN, BUGT NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO DO SO BECAUSE THEY WERE FOR EXPRESS TRAINS AND THOSE TRAINS RACED ALONG AT ABOUT 60 MILES AN HOUR. YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH AN UNDERGROUND TUNNEL, FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER, BUT I DIDN'T LIKE GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL BECAUSE OLD NASTY BUMS WOULD LIVE DOWN THERE AND EVERYTHING SMELLED LIKE URINE. SO, LAZY GIRL THAT I AM, I TALKED MARTIN INTO WALKING OVER THE TRACKS INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL. NOW, THERE WAS A TRAIN STOPPED, AND WE HAD TO CLIMB OVER A FLAT-BED CAR TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE. MARTIN CLIMBED OVER THE FLAT-BED AND JUMPED DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE. I WAS PREGNANT AND LUMBERED UP TO THE CAR'S BED, BUT TOOK A MOMENT TO REST BEFORE JUMPING OFF ON THE OT HER SIDE. IT WAS ABOUT 5 FEET DOWN, SO I WANTED MARTIN TO HELP ME OFF. HE TOLD ME TO COME ON, AND I TOLD HIM TO WAIT A MINUTE. HE INSISTED THAT I COME ON AND HURRY, BUT I TOLD HIM TO COOL HIS HEELS. SUDDENLY, THE TRAIN LURCHED! THE TRAIN WAS MOVING! OH, CRAP! IT ONLY TOOK SECONDS FOR THOSE TRAINS TO TAKE OFF, AND THERE I WAS, ON A FLAT-BED CAR. MARTIN SCREAMED AT ME TO JUMP! JUMP? I WAS 6 MONTHS PREGNANT! BUT ANOTHER LURCH OF THE TRAIN WAS ALL THE IMPETUS I NEEDED TO SPRING INTO MARTIN'S ARMS, WHERE WE BOTH FELL IN A HEAP AT THE SIDE OF THE TRACKS. SURE ENOUGH, ZOOM! THAT TRAIN TOOK OFF AT A MIGHTY SPEED. I WOULD HAVE BEEN PLUMB IN PENSYLVANIA OR WORSE IF I HAD NOT JUMPED OFF! WE LAUGH NOW, BUT BELIEVE ME, IT WAS CLOSE! AS I THINK OF THE OUTCOME OF THESE INCIDENTS, HOW WE CAME OUT JUST FINE, I THINK OF THE PERIOD THAT I HAD GETTING OVER FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF, AS I MENTIONED IN A COUPLE OF POSTS BACK. BECAUSE OF THE TRACHEOSTOMY, I HAD LOST MY SINGING VOICE, AND I MISSED THAT, BUT I COULD LIVE WITH IT. I HAD TO SPEND QUITE A BIT OF EACH DAY CLEANING AND CARING FOR THE TRACH, AND WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A NURSE COME IN, BUT I HAD TRAINING AND COULD DO IT MYSELF. I COUGHED ALL THE TIME AND STILL DO. I CHOKE EASILY AND THERE ARE THINGS I MISS EATING LIKE POPCORN AND NUTS AND YUMMY THINGS LIKE THAT. SEVERAL TIMES, I CHOKED UNTIL I PASSED OUT, BUT CAME AROUND AGAIN EACH TIME ONLY TO FIND THAT I HAD GOTTEN FOOD IN MY LUNGS AND WOUND UP WITH BRONCHITIS OR PNUMONIA. THESE THINGS BOTHERED ME, BUT IT WAS ABOUT 6 MONTHS AFTER GETTING THE TRACH THAT I SAT UP AND REALIZED THE REAL TRAGEDY OF HAVING ONE. I COULD NEVER SWIM AGAIN! I SO LOVE TO SWIM, AND EVEN AS HEAVY AS I WAS, I COULD SWIM VERY WELL. I LOVED TO GO TO THE OCEAN AND SWIM OUT AND BACK, I LOVED DOING LAPS IN A POOL, ANY EXCUSE TO GET INTO THE WATER, (SORT OF LIKE A SEA ELEPHANT) AND I WAS THERE. SO, WHEN IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT I COULD NEVER SWIM AGAIN, I BROKE DOWN AND BAWLED LIKE A BABY. MARTIN JUST HANDED ME A KLEENEX, (WE HAD BOXES ALL OVER THE HOUSE) AND SUGGESTED THAT WE GO AND HAVE LUNCH SOMEWHERE. SO, ME AND MY PITY PARTY AND MARTIN WENT TO A LOCAL RESTAURANT AND SAT IN THE BACK WHERE I COULD SNIFF AND CARRY ON. IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT MARTIN MUST BE GETTING TIRED OF ALL THE "POOR ME" BUSINESS, BUT I STARTED IN ANYWAY, LISTING MY "DIFFICULTIES" AND FEELING SORELY PUT UPON BECAUSE I HAD SO MANY "PROBLEMS". AFTER ALL, I HAD A HOLE IN MY NECK, WAS FAT, COULD NOT WALK VERY WELL, COULD NOT TALK VERY WELL, AND WORSE OF ALL, COULD NEVER SWIM AGAIN. WELL READERS, LET ME TELL YOU, IF YOU CANNOT PULL YOURSELF UP OUT OF A PITY HOLE, THE GOOD LORD WILL YANK YOU UP HIMSELF! AS I SAT THERE IN MY SELF-RIGHTEOUS PITY, I LOOKED UP AND FELT PULLED TO A MAN SITTING AT THE DINNER COUNTER. I COULD ONLY SEE HIS BACK, BUT HE WAS VERY THIN, AND HE HAD LONGER HAIR. AS I LOOKED AT HIS BACK, HE SUDDENLY TURNED AROUND, AND SEEING ME LOOKING AT HIM, LOOKED RIGHT BACK AT ME. IT WAS A LIFE CHANGING MOMENT, FOR THERE, LOOKING BACK AT ME WAS A CARICATURE OF A HUMAN. HE HAD BEEN BURNED, AND HIS FACE WAS ALL BUT GONE. HE HAD NO NOSE OR LIPS AND HIS EYES COULD BARELY OPEN FOR SCAR TISSUE. HIS FACE WAS A MASS OF HORRIBLE SCARS, AND HE WAS WEARING A WIG. I THEN NOTICED THAT HE HAD A METAL HAND. I DID MY BEST TO HIDE MY SHOCK, BUT I AM SURE THIS MAN IS USED TO LOOKS OF SHOCK OR REVULSION. I AM SURE IT ONLY LASTED A SECOND OR TWO, BUT THIS MOMENT CHANGED MY LIFE. EVERYTHING STOPPED FOR ME, AND IN MY MIND, I KNEW THAT HEAVENLY FATHER HAD MADE SURE THAT I WOULD HAVE CONTACT WITH THIS POOR MAN. I AM NOT SURE IF HE WAS A "POOR MAN" AS HE WAS OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THAT, TALKING TO PEOPLE AND LIVING HIS LIFE. HOW HE OVERCAME THE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE THAT SCARRED HIM, I DON'T KNOW. BUT I DO KNOW THAT MY SHAME WAS SO INTENSE THAT I WOULD RATHER HAVE TAKEN A BEATING THAN TO HAVE TO LOOK INSIDE AND SEE THE "BABY" THAT I HAD BECOME. I SMILED AT THAT MAN, WE DID NOT TALK, BUT HE TRIED TO SMILE BACK, AND TURNED BACK TO THE COUNTER. WHAT COURAGE HE HAD TO GO ON AND LIVE HIS LIFE. NOW, I APOLOGIZED TO MARTIN FOR CARRYING ON AND ON, AND RESOLVED NEVER TO DO SO AGAIN. AND, I TOLD HIM, "IF I DO, I HOPE SOMETHING ELSE COMES ALONG TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE!" SO, FOR THE NEXT YEAR, I WAS HAPPIER, MORE CONFIDENT AND MORE GRATEFUL THAN EVER BEFORE. JARED WAS GROWING UP, JESSICA AND AARON ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN, AND THE NEW MILLINIUM HAD JUST COME. WE WERE DOING WELL, AND REALLY ENJOYING LIFE, ESPECIALLY AS I HAD "GROWN UP" AND ACCEPTED MY CHALLENGES. THEN, ONE DAY NEAR CHRISTMAS, I WAS TRYING TO MAIL PACKAGES OFF TO SOMEONE, AND HAD HAD A REALLY TRYING DAY. IT WAS COLD, I WAS COUGHING AND HAD A COLD. IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE NOTING WAS GOING RIGHT, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, WHEN I WENT TO MAIL MY PACKAGES, I DROPPED THEM AND ONE RIPPED OPEN. I SWORE, AND STEPPED BACK FROM THE COUNTER TO PICK THEM UP. I WAS THINKING THAT JUST ONCE, JUST ONCE, SOMETHING COULD GO RIGHT! GIVE ME A BREAK, BUT WHY DID EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME?!!! IN THE PROCESS OF STEPPING BACK AND MENTALLY GROUSING, I STEPPED ON SOMEONE'S FOOT BEHIND ME AND REACHED AROUND TO GRAB THEM AND TRY TO KEEP FROM DOING MORE HARM. MY HAND CLAMPED AROUND A METAL PROTHESIS FOR AN ARM, AND I TURNED AND WAS EYE TO EYE WITH THE MAN WHO HAD BEEN BURNED. AS WE MADE EYE CONTACT, MY SHOCK MUST HAVE BEEN EVIDENT, BECAUSE I COULD SEE THE HURT IN HIS EYES WHEN HE SAW MY EXPRESSION. I QUICKLY GATHERED MYSELF TOGETHER AND SAID, "WELL, HELLO AGAIN! I HOPE I DID NOT BREAK YOUR FOOT! I AM SO CLUMSY- PLEASE EXCUSE ME!" HE BRIEFLY NODDED BUT STILL DID NOT LOOK AT ME. I TURNED FULLY TO FACE HIM, AND SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE ME CAME TO THE SURFACE. I DIDN'T THINK IF IT WERE CORRECT OR NOT, I HAD TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM. FORTUNATELY WE WERE THE ONLY TWO CUSTOMERS THERE, AND SO I QUIETLY SAID, "I WANT TO THANK YOU." HE LOOKED SURPRISED. I WENT ON, "I SO ADMIRE YOUR COURAGE, FACING LIFE IN SPITE OF YOUR OBVIOUS TRIALS, HOW BRAVE YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO QUIT BEING A BABY OVER MY LITTLE TRIALS, AND THAT CHANGED ME FOR THE BETTER. AFTER SEEING YOU IN THE RESTAURANT ONE DAY, I FELT BLESSED TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE YOUR EXAMPLE OF LOVING LIFE. PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU IN ANY WAY, IT WAS NOT MY INTENT. I TRULY WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR." HE MUMBLED, "I REMEMBER SEEING YOU, YOU LOOKED SO SAD". I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS, BUT HE CHANGED THAT. WE PARTED WAYS, AND HAVE MET ON OCCASION SINCE THEN. HIS SCARS HAVE NOT FADED, BUT I DON'T SEE THEM. MY MENTAL SCARS HAVE FADED, AND I DON'T SEE THEM EITHER. I HAVE MANY BLESSINGS TO COUNT, NOT BEING IMPALED BY A SHARD OF GLASS, NOT GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN, NOT BEING TAKEN TO PENNSYLVANIA, BUT MOST OF ALL, NOT WALLOWING IN PITY OVER SOMETHING AS REDICULOUS AS FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE