THE HARD ROAD TO COMPASSION

DURING THE TIME THAT I WAS EXPERIENCING MANY MEDICAL DIFFICULTIES, ONE IN PARTICULAR WAS HAVING UNEXPLAINED CHEST PAIN. I HAD BEEN TO OTHER DOCTORS, AND COULD NOT FIND THE REASON EXCEPT FOR A PINCHED NERVE. FINALLY, I WAS SENT TO ANOTHER CARDIOLOGIST. HE WAS AN ASS. HE WAS UNINTERESTED, UNCARING AND UNCOMMUNICATIVE. HE DECIDED I DO A TREAD MILL STRESS TEST. OF COURSE I WAS APPREHENSIVE, AND WORRIED THAT I WOULD GET ILL WITH ALL THE ACTIVITY REQUIRED. BUT, HE INSISTED. SO, ON THE TREAD MILL I WENT AND BEGAN TO WALK. IT SPEEDED UP AND SO DID I. MY CHEST BEGAN TO HURT, I BECAME DIZZY AND FELT FAINT. THE NURSE SOUNDED WORRIED THAT MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS RISING ALARMINGLY. SHE WHISPERED SOMETHING TO THE DOCTOR, AND HE JUST SHRUGGED. SHE GESTURED AT THE BLOOD PRESSURE MONITOR, AND HE THREW UP HIS HANDS AND TOLD ME TO GET OFF THE TREAD MILL. "LAY DOWN OVER THERE!" HE SNAPPED, POINTING TO A GURNEY. I WAS SHAKING, SWEATING AND MY HEAD AND CHEST WERE POUNDING. I LAY THERE FOR SOME TIME, AND THE DOCTOR FINALLY SAID, "I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK". I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID, (SARCASTICALLY) "OH, WERE YOU TALKING TO ME? I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE SINCE THAT IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE ADDRESSED ME!" HE DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME, JUST GOT UP AND WALKED OUT. I GOT DRESSED AND WENT TO WAIT FOR MY NEXT TEST. I WAS SO UPSET, AND I FOUND SELF IN A CLOSET CRYING MY EYES OUT. I WAS TIRED OF ALL THIS. WHY COULD'NT I JUST BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? I HAD ALWAYS BEEN SO HEALTHY! NOW, MY LIFE WAS NOTHING BUT MEDICAL TESTS, SURGERY, PAIN AND UNCERTAINTY. I BECAME ANGRY AND THEN STARTED TO PRAY. "HEAVENLY FATHER, WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT? I AM A GOOD PERSON, AND I DON'T DESERVE BEING MISTREATED AND ABUSED LIKE THIS." OF COURSE THE TEARS OF PITY CONTINUED TO SPILL, AND THEN A QUIET THOUGHT ENTERED MY MIND. "I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER HOW THESE AWFUL FEELINGS FEEL. EVERYDAY, YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO IS AS DESPONDENT AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY LOVE, FAMILY LOVE, AND SPIRITUAL LOVE, YOU NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL THIS KIND OF PAIN. NOW, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE, MY CHILDREN, ARE FEELING AND CAN REACH OUT TO THEM. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE SERVING ME". I WAS SO HUMBLED. MY HEART FELT LIKE A DARKNESS HAD BEEN LIFTED. WHY, ONE OF THOSE "CHILDREN" IN PAIN MUST HAVE EVEN BEEN THE DOCTOR! WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE SO INDIFFERENT AND ABUSIVE? I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTON THE DESPAIR AND ABANDONMENT THAT I FELT THAT DAY, BUT I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE LESSON I WAS GIVEN. I AM GLAD THAT I WENT THROUGH THAT-I AM A BETTER PERSON FOR IT.
ANOTHER TIME I FOUND MYSELF GRIPING ABOUT HAVING TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. INSTEAD OF BEING GRATEFUL FOR MY HUSBAND INSISTING THAT HE PUSH ME, I COMPLAINED THAT PEOPLE WOULD STARE AND I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THAT. HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED. WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A HUGE GATHERING OF MORMON MEMBERS AT THE ASTRODOME TO WELCOME OUR PROPHET, AND ABOUT 10,000 MEMBERS WERE EXPECTED. I KNEW THAT I WOULD BE SEEING MANY FRIENDS THAT WERE NOT AWARE THAT I WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY, AND DIDN'T WANT THEM TO SEE ME IN A WHEELCHAIR. MARTIN INSISTED THAT I WOULD NOT GO UNLESS I WENT IN A WHEELCHAIR, I COULD NOT POSSIBLE MANAGE THE LONG WALK, STAIRS AND EFFORT IT WOULD TAKE TO GET TO SEATING ON MY OWN. I GRIPED, HOLLERED, YELLED AND COMPLAINED. HE WOULD NOT BUDGE. FINALLY HE TOLD ME THAT I COULD NOT GO IF I DID NOT GIVE IN, AND IF I DID NOT GO, THEN NO ONE WAS GOING. SO, I GAVE IN AND WE TOOK THE WHEELCHAIR. I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THE CHANCE TO SEE OUR DEAR PROPHET, PRESIDENT HINCKLEY, BUT FELT SO BAD THAT PEOPLE WOULD SEE ME LIKE THAT. WHEN WE ARRIVED, MARTIN PUSHED ME ACROSS THE VERY LONG PARKING LOT, TO AN ELEVATOR AND INTO THE ASTRODOME. WE WERE THEN TOLD THAT ALL PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS WOULD BE PLACED ON THE FLOOR OF THE ASTRODOME, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SPEAKERS PODIUM! MANY OTHER TRULY HANDICAPPED PEOPLE WERE THERE, THOSE WHO COULD NOT WALK, WERE PARALYZED, AND TINY INFANTS THAT WOULD HAVE TO STRUGGLE THEIR WHOLE LIVES. I REALIZED THAT MY INFIRMITY WAS TEMPORARY, AND IT WAS UP TO ME TO FIGHT TO GET STRONGER. SO MANY OF THOSE WITH ME HAD NO CHOICES. I DETERMINED THAT I WOULD DO BETTER TO BE MORE COMPASSIONATE TO THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN I, AND TO WORK HARD TO GET STRONGER SO THAT MY DEAR HUSBAND WOULD NOT HAVE ME TO ADD TO HIS BURDENS INSTEAD OF HELPING HIM. SO, I FOUND MYSELF LESS THAN 20 FEET AWAY FROM WHERE THE PROPHET WOULD ME MAKING HIS REMARKS. MY WHOLE FAMILY GOT TO GO DOWN THERE TOO, AND WE WERE SO TICKLED. AND THEN, IT HAPPENED. A GOLF CART CAME DRIVING DOWN TO WHERE WE WERE, AND THE PROPHET, HIS WIFE AND OTHER SPEAKERS WERE RIDING IN IT. AS I STOOD UP TO SEE BETTER, I REALIZED THAT I WAS RIGHT IN THE PATH OF THE GOLFCART, AND THE PROPHET PASSED RIGHT BY ME! AS HE PASSED, HE LOOKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE AND SAID, "BLESS YOU SISTER". I WAS SO STUNNED! THEN, THEY TOOK THEIR PLACES ON THE PODIUM, AND I WAS RIGHT THERE JUST UNDERNEATH THEM TO HEAR THE WONDERFUL PROGRAM. HOW BLESSED I WAS! THANK GOODNESS THAT I HAD TO HAVE A WHEELCHAIR! THANK GOODNESS THAT MARTIN IS STUBBORN! IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE THAT GAVE ME SO MUCH COURAGE TO CONTINUE, AND TO ME, IT WAS A SIGN THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WAS VERY AWARE OF MY FEELINGS. SO, YES, IT IS A HARD ROAD TO COMPASSION, BUT HOW ELSE WOULD I LEARN I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR THESE EXPERIENCES! AND FOR ALL OF YOU, MY LOVED ONES! LOVE, NANASEE