A VIEW OF THE OTHER SIDE

SO, I HAVE GONE TO THE DOCTOR NUMEROUS TIMES FOR UNCONTROLLED COUGHING AND SHORTNESS OF BREATH. FINALLY, I AM SENT FOR AN X-RAY, AND WHEN I GET HOME, THE PHONE IS RINGING. IT WAS THE DOCTOR, AND HE ASKED ME TO GO THE NEXT DAY FOR A CAT SCAN. I ASKED WHY, AND HE SAID HE WOULD FEEL BETTER IF I DID. SO, THE NEXT DAY, I WENT FOR A CAT SCAN. I WAS NOT HOME VERY LONG AFTER WHEN AGAIN THE PHONE RANG AND IT WAS THE DOCTOR. HE SUGGESTS THAT I GO AND SEE A SURGEON. NOW, I AM ALARMED, AND ASK WHAT WAS GOING ON, AND WAS TOLD, "THEY MAY HAVE FOUND A LITTLE SOMETHING IN YOUR CHEST. THE SURGEON WILL TELL YOU MORE". THE DOCTOR DIDN'T SOUND TOO UPSET, AND SO, NEITHER WAS I.I HAD AN APPOINTMENT ON AUGUST 28TH TO SEE THE SURGEON, AND OF COURSE I HAD IT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND THAT SOMETHING COULD BE WRONG, BUT AGAIN, I WAS NOT WORRIED. ON TUESDAY, AUGUST 27, MY BROTHER-IN-LAW DIED SUDDENLY. THAT WAS PARAMOUNT IN MY MIND, AND THE SURGEONS APPOINTMENT TOOK A BACK SEAT. WE HAD MY SISTER-IN-LAW COME TO STAY WITH US SO SHE WOULD NOT BE ALONE, AND ON THURSDAY, SHE, MARTIN AND I WENT TO THE SURGEON. I WAS USHERED INTO HIS OFFICE, AND MY FIRST IMPRESSION WAS, SEEING HIS WALLS COVERED WITH DIPLOMAS, THAT I WAS IN GOOD HANDS, NO MATTER WHAT I WOULD FIND OUT. HE CAME IN, AN OLDER MAN, AND SAT DOWN AT HIS DESK, CROSSED HIS HANDS AND LOOKED DIRECTLY AT ME. "ARE YOU MRS. SEE?" HE ASKED. I SAID YES, AND HE JUST CONTINUED TO STUDY ME FOR A MOMENT. THEN HE SAID, "HOW DID YOU FIND THIS THING?" "WHAT THING?" I ASKED IN CONFUSION. "DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU?" HE ASKED KINDLY. "WELL, NO, NO ONE HAS TOLD ME ANYTHING" I SAID. HE LEANED FORWARD AND SAID, "LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. YOU ARE VERY ILL. I AM SURPRISED THAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED THIS LONG, AND BELIEVE ME, YOU HAVE NO TIME LEFT. YOUR CHEST IN COMPLETLY INVOLVED WITH A HUGE TUMOR, ON YOUR HEART, LUNGS AND TRACHEA. IT IS CRUSHING YOUR AIRWAY, AND YOUR HEART. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE HAD NO SYMPTOMS. AGAIN, HOW DID YOU FIND THIS THING?" I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY DIFFICULTY BREATHING AND COUGHING. I FORGOT ABOUT THE LUMP IN MY NECK. I TOLD HIM OF MY WEIGHT LOSS, AND WONDERED WHY I WAS FEELING SO BAD WHEN I SHOULD BE FULL OF ENERGY. LISTENING TO HIM, I FELT NOTHING, JUST HEARD THE WORDS. WHAT WAS HE TELLING ME? SHOULD I BE SCARED? I ASKED HIM WHAT WE COULD DO TO FIX IT. HE TOLD ME THAT HE COULD TRY TO REMOVE SOME OF THE TUMOR TO GIVE ME MORE TIME, BUT UNLESS IT WAS NOT CANCER, THERE WAS REALLY NOTHING TO DO. WAIT A MINUTE- WHAT DID HE MEAN? I LOOKED AT MARTIN, AND TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE. WHY WAS HE UPSET? WHAT WAS GOING ON? WHY COULDN'T I UNDERSTAND THE DOCTOR? I CLARIFIED THAT HE WANTED TO REMOVE SOME OF THE TUMOR, AND THAT DIDN'T SOUND SO BAD. I ASKED HIM HOW HE WOULD DO IT. "FIRST OF ALL" HE SAID, "WE HAVE TO FIND OUT IF IT IS MALIGNANT. WE WILL GO IN THROUGH YOUR THROAT AND TAKE A SMALL SAMPLE WHILE YOU ARE ON THE OPERATING TABLE. THEN, ONLY IF IT IS NOT MALIGNANT, WILL WE CONTINUE TO TRY TO REMOVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO GIVE YOU MORE TIME. WE WILL SAW THROUGH YOUR RIBS, OPEN YOUR CHEST, EXPOSE YOUR HEART AND LUNGS AND SEE WHAT WILL BE THE BEST WAY TO PROCEED." WELL, OKAY, I GUESS THAT SOUNDS LOGICAL. "SO, OKAY, WHEN DO WE START?" I WAS TOLD THE SURGERY WOULD BE THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY. STILL, I WAS NOT ALARMED, ACTUALLY, I STILL HAVE NOT REALIZED THAT I AM IN TROUBLE. AS THE DOCTOR WAS LEAVING THE ROOM, I SAID, "EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT COULD CAUSE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?" HE KINDLY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "WHAT CAUSES CANCER? I WISH I KNEW, BECAUSE I WOULD BE THE WEALTHIEST MAN IN THE WORLD!" I LOOKED AT MARTIN, LAUGHED AND SAID, "HE SAID CANCER! ISN'T THAT FUNNY?" IN CONFUSION, MARTIN HELD ME AND ASKED IF I WAS ALRIGHT. HE ASKED IF I HAD UNDERSTOOD THE DOCTOR. I SAID SURE, BUT I WAS HUNGRY. (I WAS OBLIVIOUS I GUESS, OR IN SHOCK). I ASKED, "WHAT DO I TELL THE CHILDREN?" THE DOCTOR TOLD ME TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH AND PUT MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER IMMEDIATELY. I STILL DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE TRUTH WAS, OR WHY I HAD TO PUT MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER. I JUST DIDN'T GET IT. WE LEFT AND WENT TO OUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT WITH MARTIN'S SISTER. AS I SAT THERE EATING, SUDDENLY I FELT A SHOCK GO THROUGH ME AND FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE DOCTOR WAS TALKING ABOUT. I FELL FACE DOWN IN MY PLATE. MARTIN GRABBED MY HAIR AND PULLED ME UP AND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG. "WELL, HELL, I THINK I AM IN TROUBLE!" I SAID. HE REPLIED, "WELL, I THINK SO TOO! ARE YOU JUST NOW GETTING IT?" YES, I GOT IT. I HAD PROBABLY UNCURABLE CANCER, AND THEY WANTED TO SPLIT MY RIBS AND CARVE IT OUT IF POSSIBLE. THEN, I WAS TOLD TO GO HOME AND PUT MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER, AND TELL THE KIDS THE TRUTH. TELL THEM I WAS DYING, AND THERE WAS REALLY NOTHING THEY COULD DO. EVEN IF I GOT SOME MORE TIME, THEY COULDNT FIX ME. I WAS ONLY 42! THE DOCTOR HAD ALSO TOLD ME NOT TO RETURN TO WORK, AND REALLY NOT TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL. SO, I CALLED MY SERGEANT AND TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN I WOULD BE RETUNING TO WORK. THAT AFTERNOON, I JUST SAT ON MY BED AND THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING. I CALLED THE BISHOP FOR A BLESSING, AND THAT NIGHT HE CAME OVER WITH MY HOME TEACHERS. (FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW, A HOME TEACHER IS A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH THAT IS ASSIGNED TO CHECK ON YOUR FAMILY EACH MONTH.) THE BISHOP ARRIVED WITH MY HOME TEACHER, AND WE SAT IN THE LIVING ROOM. I TOLD THEM IN MORE DETAIL WHAT WAS GOING ON, AND WAS GIVEN A BLESSING WITH A FEW DROPS OF OIL ON MY HEAD. THE BISHOP AND MY HOME TEACHER PLACED THEIR HANDS ON MY HEAD AND BEGAN WITH THE BLESSING. I WAS TOLD THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WAS WATCHING OVER ME. THAT I HAD BEEN GIVEN MANY BLESSINGS AND THAT HEAVENLY FATHER KNEW OF MY EFFORTS TO SERVE HIM. BECAUSE OF MY WILLINGNESS TO SERVE, AND BECAUSE OF MY EFFORTS TO LIVE A RIGHTEOUS LIFE, I WOULD BE WELCOMED INTO THE PRESENCE OF HEAVENLY FATHER. NOW, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMFORTED BY THESE WORDS, BUT TRULY, THE THOUGHT THAT RAN THROUGH MY MIND WAS, "CRAP, I AM GOING TO DIE FOR SURE!" THE BISHOP WENT ON TO SAY, "SISTER SEE, I---, YOU--- WILL--- AND HESITATED FOR OTHER WORDS. FINALLY, HE SAID THAT HEAVENLY FATHER'S WILL WOULD COME TO PASS AND TO PUT MY FAITH IN HIM. WE SPOKE FOR A WHILE AFTER THAT, AND WHEN THEY GOT UP TO LEAVE, I THANKED THE BISHOP, AND GAVE MY HOME TEACHER A HUG. "DARREL" I SAID, "I DON'T THINK THIS SOUNDS GOOD AT ALL!" HE HAD TEARS IN HIS EYES, AND SAID, "NO SISTER SEE, NEITHER DO I. BUT PUT YOUR FAITH IN FATHER AND WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS". I PRAYED THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT FOR COURAGE. MARTIN HELD ME AND WEPT FOR HOURS. I WAS FRIGHTENED, AND FELT THAT I WAS IN THE "TWILIGHT ZONE". COULD I REALLY DIE? WHO WOULD RAISE MY CHILDREN, (EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH GROWN). WHO WOULD TAKE CARE OF MARTIN? THE NEXT MORNING FOUND ME IN MARTIN'S ARMS, WHERE I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP. HE TOOK ME TO BREAKFAST, AND WHEN THE JUKEBOX CAME ON, HE TOOK ME IN HIS ARMS AND WE DANCED IN THE RESTAURANT. HIS VOICE TREMBLED AS HE SAID"THERE IS SO MUCH I WANT TO DO WITH YOU, AND NOW IT SEEMS THAT MAYBE WE HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME". THE CUSTOMERS STARED AT US, BUT WE DIDN'T CARE. IT WAS A MAGICAL MOMENT. SO MANY THOUGHTS WERE RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND, SO MANY MEMORIES. SO MUCH SADNESS AT THE THOUGHT THAT MY TIME COULD BE SO SHORT. BUT, AS THE DAY PASSED, I PRAYED AND PRAYED. AND TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF AN EXPERIENCE THAT FOREVER CHANGED WHO JOSELLI SEE WAS. TILL THEN, LOVE, NANASEE