JARED

OH, MY WHOLE WORLD SEEMED TO STOP AS I BEGAN TO KNOW MY JARED. HE WAS A LARGE BABY, AND HIS MAMA BROUGHT HIM INTO THE WORLD WITH VERY LITTLE EFFORT. HE PICKED HIS HEAD UP RIGHT AFTER HE WAS BORN, AND I WAS AMAZED. HE CRIED, AND I WAS AMAZED. WHEN HE WET HIS DIAPER, NURSED HIS MAMA, OR OPENED HIS EYES, I WAS AMAZED. I WAS SO GRATEFUL THAT I HAD SURVIVED THE ILLNESS JUST SO I COULD WITNESS HIS COMING INTO THE WORLD. THE DAY AFTER JARED WAS BORN, SISSY MET ROBBY AT THE HOSPITAL, AND ANOTHER LOVE STORY BEGAN. I WAS OUT OF NURSING SCHOOL AT THE TIME, AND COULD GO AND HELP BOBBIE JO WITH JARED, AND THAT IS ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT. JARED HELPED HIS PAPA(MARTIN) BEGIN TO LIVE AGAIN AFTER OTTO HAD BEEN KILLED SO MANY YEARS BEFORE. A LIGHT BEGAN TO SHINE IN PAPA'S EYES, AND HE KNEW JOY. WE WENT EVERY DAY TO SEE JARED, THE TRIP WAS 35 MILES ONE WAY, BUT WE DIDN'T CARE. I WAS A NANA. THIS IS A TITLE THAT I HONOR ABOVE ALL OTHERS. BEING A NANA IS EVERYTHING. I NOW HAD AN EXCUSE TO FILL THE HOUSE WITH SNACKS, CALL BOBBIE JO AS MANY TIMES AS I WANTED, AND IN GENERAL JUST BE A NANA NUESANCE. I STILL HAD THE MEDICAL PROBLEMS LOOMING OVER ME- WE MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR THE CANCER HOSPITAL CLINIC, AND HAD TO WAIT ABOUT A MONTH TO GET IN. THE DAY WE WENT TO THE CLINIC, WHICH WAS LOCATED IN THE CANCER HOSPITAL, I SAT ON THE CURB ACROSS THE STREET AND REFUSED TO GO IN. I TOLD MARTIN THAT IF I WENT IN, I WOULD NOT COME OUT. I KNEW IT. HE FINALLY TALKED ME INTO GETTING UP AND GOING INTO THE CLINIC. I HAD MY RECORDS, AND SOON I WAS TALKING TO DOCTORS, TAKING TEST AFTER TEST AND FINALLY BEING ADMITTED TO SEE IF THEY COULD PIN POINT THE PROBLEM. THEY FOUND I HAD A CONDITION CALLED CUSHINGS SYNDROME. THIS IS CAUSED BY OVERPRODUCING ADRENAL GLANDS. THE SYMPTOMS ARE DIZZYNESS, WEAKNESS, FAINTING, MUSCLE FATIGUE, HEADACHE AND A MYRIAD OF OTHER THINGS. IT IS HARD TO DIAGNOSE, BUT THEY FINALLY FOUND IT, AND IN NOVEMBER, IT WAS DECIDED TO DO SURGERY TO REMOVE THE ADRENAL GLAND THAT HAD A VERY LARGE TUMOR. THE SURGERY WAS AWFUL, AND ALTHOUGH I CONSIDER MYSELF TOUGH, I WAS A PUSS AS THE PAIN WAS UNENDURABLE. THEY HAD CUT ME FROM BACK TO FRONT, A HUGE INCISION WITH OVER 90 STAPLES. THE FIRST TIME I TRIED TO STAND UP, I PASSED OUT FROM THE PAIN. THE SECOND TIME, I MADE IT TO MY FEET, BUT COULD NOT MOVE. ON THE THIRD DAY AFTER SURGERY, A TINY LITTLE NURSE FROM THE PHILLIPINES CAME IN AND TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO HELP ME GET A SHOWER. I TOLD HER NO, I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE MY FAT BODY. SHE GENTLY SAID THAT A SHOWER WOULD HELP ME SO MUCH, AND SHE WANTED TO HELP ME. I WAS EMBARRASSED. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE TROUBLE, SO I WENT TO THE SHOWER AND SHE GOT IN WITH ME. I BEGAN TO CRY, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER TO SEE ME, AND SHE STOPPED WHAT SHE WAS DOING. SHE GENTLY REACHED UP TO TOUCH MY FACE AND SAID, "IT IS AN HONOR TO SERVE THE CHILDREN OF GOD. I DO NOT SEE YOUR BODY, ONLY YOUR SPIRIT, AND I WANT TO HELP YOU. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN GOD'S EYES AND IN MINE. PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU". I WAS SO HUMBLED. THIS TINY LITTLE WOMAN TAUGHT ME SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL AND SACRED. I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THAT, AND TRULY I BEGAN TO FEEL BETTER FROM THAT MOMENT. IT TOOK MANY WEEKS FOR ME TO FEEL BETTER AND FOR THE PAIN TO IMPROVE. I COULD NOT WALK VERY WELL, AS I WAS SO WEAK. I HAD TO USE A WHEELCHAIR, AND I WAS EMBARRASSED. I WAS ANXIOUS FOR THE TIME EACH FOUR HOURS TO TAKE THE PAIN MEDS, AND I REALIZED THAT I WAS BECOMING DEPENDENT ON THEM. THIS WORRIED ME, I HAD ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITHOUT DRUG ADDICTION. IT WAS DIFFICULT, BUT I BEGAN TO CUT BACK AND HANDLE THE PAIN IN OTHER WAYS. FINALLY, I WAS ABLE TO DO WITHOUT THEM, AND IT AMAZES ME HOW EASILY YOU CAN GET HOOKED. CHRISTMAS SEASON CAME, BUT I HAD NO INTEREST, AND DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO PUT UP A TREE. SOME DEAR FRIENDS CAME, BROUGHT A TREE AND DECORATIONS AND DECORATED THE HOUSE. IT WAS SO VERY KIND OF THEM, AND HELPED MY SPIRIT SO MUCH. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT I HAD A GREAT CHANCE THAT THE THYROID TUMOR COULD BE CANCER. I HAD TO RECOVER FROM THE ADRENAL SURGERY BEFORE I COULD UNDERGO ANOTHER SURGERY AND SO WE WAITED UNTIL JANUARY,1999. IT WAS INDEED CANCER. ACTUALLY, I HAD TWO TYPES OF CANCER IN MY THYROID, AND IT WAS VERY UNUSUAL TO DO SO. I HAD TO GO THROUGH A FORM OF CHEMO. IT WAS LIQUID RADIATION, AND I HAD TO DRINK IT AND THEN BE ISOLATED FOR THREE DAYS UNTIL THE RADIATION HAD COME DOWN TO NORMAL LEVELS. I WAS ISOLATED IN A LEAD LINED ROOM, AND NO ONE COULD COME IN UNLESS THEY WERE WEARING A SPECIAL SUIT. THEY SERVED MY FOOD THROUGH A SLOT IN THE DOOR, AND I FELT VERY STUPID BEING LOCKED UP LIKE THAT. TWO WEEKS AFTER THE SURGERY, I AWOKE WITH A TERRIBLE PAIN IN MY THROAT. IT WAS SEARING, BURNING, AND I CALLED THE DOCTOR. I WAS TOLD THAT IT WAS THE LAST OF THE THYROID TISSUE DYING FROM THE RADIATION. COULD THEY HAVE WARNED ME? I HAD A SORE THROAT FOR ABOUT A WEEK, AND THEN IT GOT BETTER. THE ONE THING THOUGH, THAT WAS REALLY HARD WAS THAT I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH AIR WHEN I BREATHED IN. I CONSTANTLY FELT THAT I WAS SMOTHERING. I TOLD MY DOCTOR, AND HE WAS NOT CONCERNED. HE SAID IT WOULD GET BETTER WHEN THE SWELLING IN MY THROAT WENT DOWN. IT DIDN'T. I WAS STILL TOO WEAK TO WALK, AND COULD NOT GET AROUND, DO THE HOUSEWORK, HELP MY FAMILY OR ANYTHING. I STILL HAD TO USE THE WHEELCHAIR. I WONDERED IF I WOULD EVERY GET BETTER. THE SPRING PASSED, AND THEN IT WAS SUMMER AND STILL I COULN'T BREATH PROPERLY. I WHEEZED CONSTANTLY, AND FELT LIGHT HEADED ALL THE TIME. I WENT FOR A CHECK-UP IN JULY, JUST AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, AND BOBBIE JO AND JARED WENT WITH ME. MY DOCTOR WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY, AND I HAD TO SEEN ANOTHER. BOBBIE JO TOLD THAT DOCTOR THAT I WAS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING AND SHE CHECKED ME. SHE BECAME VERY ALARMED AND ASKED HOW LONG THIS HAD BEEN GOING ON. I TOLD HER FOR 6 MONTHS- AND SHE TOLD ME THAT MY VOCAL CHORDS WERE NOT MOVING AND I WAS NOT GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN. MY OXYGEN LEVELS WERE QUITE LOW, AND SHE THEN TOLD ME I NEEDED A TRACHEOSTOMY. SHE EXPLAINED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE ONE FOR LIFE- AND IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO COMPREHEND. BOBBIE JO TOOK OVER AND SAID "FIX MY MAMA. I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES. SHE WILL DO WHAT YOU TELL HER." SHE THEN CALLED MARTIN AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS HAVING AN EMERGENCY TRACHEOSTOMY. THINGS WENT QUICKLY THEN, AND THE NEXT DAY, I HAD THE SURGERY. I AWOKE FROM THE SURGERY WITH A FEELING OF PANIC. I FELT THAT MY LIFE WAS NO LONGER IN MY CONTROL, BUT THERE WAS VERY LITTLE PAIN, AND MY HEAD FELT MUCH MORE CLEAR. I WAS FINALLY GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN, BUT I COULD NOT TALK. THE FUNNY THING IS, THAT WHEN I WAS IN NURSING SCHOOL, THE OTHER STUDENTS REFUSED TO CARE FOR THE PATIENTS WITH TRACHEOSTOMY'S. I DIDN'T MIND AND HAD CARED FOR A FEW. HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN THAT THIS WAS WHAT WAS IN STORE FOR ME? I REFUSED TO LET MARTIN GO HOME, I WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD SUFFOCATE IN THE NIGHT. IT WAS A WIERD FEELING KNOWING THAT I WAS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON A LITTLE TUBE FOR MY LIFE. HE STAYED WITH ME, AND THE NEXT DAY COMPANY STARTED TO ARRIVE. I REFUSED TO SEE ANYONE, I WAS ASHAMED OF THE TRACH. I COULDN'T TALK ANYWAY, SO WHAT WAS THE USE? I TURNED AWAY MY CHILDREN, BUT THEY WOULDN'T LEAVE. FINALLY, ROBBY(JESSICA'S FUTURE HUSBAND) FORCED HIS WAY IN MY ROOM TELLING ME THAT HE HAD SOME VERY IMPORTANT NEWS FOR ME. IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, AND IT WAS TRULY IMPORTANT. I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO TELL ME THAT HE AND JESSICA WERE ENGAGED, SO I LET HIM IN. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME AND TOOK MY HAND. HE LOOKED INTO MY EYES, AND THEN----- HE TOLD ME THEY WERE GOING TO BUILD A WALMART IN KEMAH! (A SMALL TOWN NEXT TO OURS). A WALMART SO CLOSE BY! HALLELUAH! AT THE TIME I HAD TO DRIVE ABOUT 11 MILES TO GO TO WALMART. WHOOPEE! HE COULD NOT HAVE TOLD ME ANYTHING ELSE TO MAKE ME SO HAPPY. FROM THERE, I BEGAN TO STOP BEING A PUSS, AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I WAS TOLD THAT I MAY NEVER TALK AGAIN. I DECIDED THAT I WOULD. I PRACTICED, AND ONE DAY SOON AFTER, I MADE A CROAKING NOISE! SOON, I WAS MAKING SOUND AND THEN WORDS. YOU COULD BARELY HEAR ME, BUT I WAS DOING IT! I HAD BEEN HOME ABOUT TWO WEEKS, AND HAD NOT LEFT THE HOUSE. I COULD NOT BEAR THE STARES AND QUESTIONS THAT I KNEW WOULD COME MY WAY. I REALLY FELT THAT LIFE WAS OVER FOR ME. THEN, A LITTLE MISSIONARY CAME TO SERVE THE AREA, A YOUNG LADY NAMED SISTER BLACKTHORN. SHE HAD CEREBAL PALSY, AND COULD BARELY SPEAK. IT WAS HARD FOR HER TO WALK, AND ONE SIDE OF HER BODY WAS VERY WEAK. BUT SHE WENT OUT EVERY DAY TO SPEAK OF THE LORD, WITH SUCH COURAGE AND DETERMINATION. I REALIZED THAT I HAD NO INFIRMITY, ACTUALLY, I WAS BEING CURED OF MINE, AND SHE HAD HERS FOR LIFE. I KNOW THAT HEAVENLY FATHER SENT HER TO ME TO MAKE ME REALIZE HOW GOOD I HAD IT. AND IT DID. FROM THAT TIME, I WAS DETERMINED THAT NOTHING WOULD STAND IN MY WAY. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU MORE. LOVE, NANASEE