PLEASE PRAY FOR BOBBIE JO

IT HAS COME TO THIS. BOBBIE JO IS VERY SICK. I HAVE NOT ELABORATED ON THE EXTENT OF HER ILLNESS, BECAUSE I WANTED TO KEEP UPBEAT AND POSITIVE. SHE IS SO STRONG, AND I AM ASHAMED THAT I AM NOT STRONGER. THIS CANCER IS A MONSTER. SHE IS NOW AT THE POINT THAT THE CHEMO TREATMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EFFECTIVE, AND SHE IS EXPERIENCING SYMPTOMS THAT INDICATE HER DISEASE IS NOT UNDER CONTROL. IT HAS BEEN 8 WEEKS SINCE SHE WAS DIAGNOSED, AND I TRULY SAW MIRACULOUS IMPROVEMENT. SUDDENLY, EVEN OVERNIGHT, SHE JUST BEGAN TO FAIL. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW DESPERATE I FEEL WATCHING MY GIRL STRUGGLE FOR HER LIFE. QUESTIONS ARISE: IS MY FAITH WEAK? AM I SELFISH TO WANT HER TO STAY HERE WITH US WHEN SHE IS SO SICK? DO I TRULY WANT HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN IF IT IS NOT MY PLAN? CAN I STAND IT IF I LOSE HER? HOW MUCH SUFFERING DOES SHE NEED TO ENDURE BEFORE I CAN SEE THAT IT IS OUT OF MY HANDS? THE QUESTIONS GO ON AND ON, ALL NIGHT CAUSING NO SLEEP. WHY DO I DOUBT? NOT THE BISHOP'S BLESSING, BUT HEAVENLY FATHER'S WILL? I THOUGHT I WAS MADE OF STURDIER STUFF THAN THIS. THE CLOSE FUTURE WILL DECIDE THE OUTCOME. I FEEL THAT I HAVE TO SPEND THAT TIME BEING STRONG AND A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALREADY BEGINNING TO GRIEVE FOR BOBBIE JO, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS STILL HERE WITH US. SINCE I AM BEING HONEST HERE, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAS GONE THROUGH. WEEKS OF WEAKNESS AND THE INABLILITY TO CARE FOR HERSELF, THE SHAME OF TOTAL DEPENDANCE ON OTHERS, THE WORRY ABOUT HER SON, THE SHOTS, TESTS, LOSS OF APPETITE, HAIR AND DIGNITY, PAIN BEYOND WHAT I CAN IMAGINE, FEAR, UNCERTAINTY AND THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF SECOND DEGREE PERIANAL BURNS DUE TO TOXINS EXPELLED FROM MEDICATION, (MEDICATOIN THAT SHE MUST CONTINUE TO TAKE, NO MATTER HOW ROUGH IT IS OR THE AMMONIA IN HER BLOOD DUE TO LIVER FAILURE WILL PERMANETLY DAMAGE HER BRAIN) MOUTH SORES, SWELLING, CRACKED SKIN, BLEEDING, NOSEBLEEDS, CRACKED LIPS,, UNENDING THIRST, NASAL FEEDINGS AND EVEN A WEEK OF ALTERED MENTALITY AND HALLUCINATIONS. NOT TO MENTION THE SEPARATION FROM HER SON. AM I SO SELFISH THAT I WANT THIS TO CONTINUE? CAN I PUT HER LIFE IN HEAVENLY FATHER'S HANDS? I PRAY THAT I CAN. I PRAY FOR UNCONDITIONAL FAITH, NOT TO KEEP HER HERE, BUT TO GIVE HER PEACE,. I HOPE THAT PEACE COMES FROM WINNING THE BATTLE WITH CANCER. I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHAT WE CONSIDER VICTORY. PLEASE PRAY FOR BOBBIE JO, BUT ESPECIALLY PRAY FOR HER MOTHER THAT WAVERS IN DETERMINATION TO BE THE KIND OF MAMA THAT CAN HOPE AND ACCEPT WHAT IS BEST FOR HER CHILD. I AM SO FRIGHTENED. LOVE, NANASEE