JUST MY LUCK!

SO, I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS MORNING DRIVEN BY CHERYL TRAHAN AND ROMI TURNER. I WENT UPSTAIRS, AND A LOVELY CNA WAS TENDING TO BOBBIE JO. IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO VISIT WITH, AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT BOBBIE JO IS STILL VERY MENTALLY LETHARGIC AND UNABLE TO RECOGNIZE ME. THE NURSE CAME IN WITH ANOTHER NURSING ASSISTANT, AND WAS CHECKING BOBBIE JO OUT- WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I BEGAN TO CHOKE. NOW, THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE MONUMENTAL CHOKING SPELLS I AM FAMOUS FOR- AND OF COURSE I SAT THERE TRYING TO BREATH, COUGHING AS HARD AS I COULD AND I JUST TINKLED ALL OVER THE PLACE. THE CHAIR, THE FLOOR AND ALL THE WAY TO MY SOCKS. THE NURSE IS SAYING, GOSH YOU SURE ARE RED- THE CNA IS POUNDING ME ON THE BACK, AND THE OTHER GUY IS LOOKING AROUND FOR THE CPR CART. I AM TRYING TO TELL THEM THAT I WILL BE FINE, AND SURE ENOUGH AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES OF LIFE ENDING CHOKING, COUGHING AND TEARS STREAMING, I WAS ABLE TO STOP. NOW, I HAVE TO CALL MARTIN TO BRING DRY CLOTHES AND HE SAID HE WAS ON HIS WAY. THOUGHTFUL WIFE THAT I AM, I TOLD HIM I WOULD WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE CURB (A LENGTHY STROLL) SO THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT WITH MD ANDERSON TRAFFIC. SO, I APOLOGIZE TO THE CNA, MOP UP THE MESS, AND KISS MY BABY GOODBYE. (SHE PUCKERED UP FOR ME). SO, I SQUISH OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, (I HAD BLACK PANTS ON SO I HOPE IT WAS NOT NOTICIBLE THAT I WAS WET) AND AM WALKING TO THE OUTSIDE CURB. I WAS ADMIRING THE FLOWERS, THE WEATHER AND STUFF AROUND ME. NEXT THING I KNOW, I CATCH MY TOE ON A CRACK THAT IS STICKING UP OUT OF THE SIDEWALK AND LITERALLY GO FLYING TO LAND ON MY FACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK AND HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE. SPLAT. LOOK LIKE A RUN-OVER FROG. I AM SO STUNNED THAT I JUST LAY THERE FOR A MOMENT. NO ONE IS HELPING ME, SO I FINALLY SIT UP. NOT MUCH DAMAGE, JUST ELBOWS AND KNEES, MY BAG IS STREWN EVERYWHERE AND MY PURSE HAS LANDED IN THE BUSHES. A SECURITY GUARD FINALLY COMES UP AND ASKS ME IF I AM ALRIGHT. I SAY YES, AND TRY TO GET UP. I CAN'T GET UP, I AM TOO WEAK. HE SAYS HE WILL HELP ME AND GIVES ME HIS HAND. NOW, THIS IS A BIG GUY SO I FEEL PRETTY SECURE IN HIS HELP. WELL, SHOOT, HE ALMOST FELL ON TOP OF ME. (I AM NOT A CUPCAKE YOU KNOW). FINALLY, I GET TO MY FEET, THANK THE MAN, GATHER MY SCATTERED STUFF, AND THERE IT IS. A BIG WET BUTT SPOT ON THE SIDEWALK. (GOSH, YOU NEVER REALIZE HOW BIG YOUR BUTT REALLY IS UNTIL YOU SEE A BIG WET BUTT SPOT ON THE SIDEWALK). I JUST TURNED AWAY, AND TRIED TO COLLECT MY DIGNITY UNTIL I CAN GET TO MARTIN AND THE TRUCK. I HEAR A SOUND SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE SOMEONE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH. BY NOW I AM IN TEARS, AND WHEN MARTIN SAW ME CRYING HE SAID, "OH NO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOBBIE JO?" I TOLD HIM THE WHOLE STORY, AND HE SAID, "WELL, AT LEAST NOTHING IS WRONG WITH BOBBIE JO". THANKS BUD. I JUST CAME ON HOME, AND FOUND A LOVELY SURPRISE. MY DEAR FRIEND KIMMY, (THAT'S WHAT I CALL HER) HAS MADE A LOVELY YUMMY CHOCOLATE DESSERT AND BROUGHT IT TO MARTIN. IT REALLY MADE UP FOR THIS MORNING'S FARCE. NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE A NAP. IT WILL BE A BETTER DAY WHEN I GET UP. LOVE, NANASEE