INCREDIBLY CORAGEOUS BOBBIE JO

TODAY, DAD AND I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL KNOWING THAT WE COULD GET DEVASTATING NEWS. WE DID. THE DOCTOR TOLD US THAT BOBBIE JO IS IN END STAGE DISEASE, AND FROM NOW ON ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN. HE TOLD HER YESTERDAY ABOUT ANOTHER TYPE OF CHEMO SHE COULD TRY, AND WARNED HER THAT IT COULD BE FATAL. SPECIFICALLY, IT WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY BE A RESPERATORY CRISIS THT WOULD REQUIRE A VENTELATOR AND CPR. HE WAS VERY PLAIN SAYING SHE COULD NOT SURVIVE SUCH MEASURES. PERHAPS THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN, BUT THE GREAT ODDS ARE THAT AN INFECTION OF SOME KIND WOULD OCCUR- A LIFE THREATENING INFECTION. THE UPSIDE OF THE CHEMO,IS THAT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE THE METHOD BY WHICH WE COULD SOMEHOW START GETTING CONTROL OF THE DISEASE. THIS IS A SMALL CHANCE, BUT A CHANCE NEVER THE LESS. THE OTHER OPTION IS TO COME HOME AND SPEND THE REST OF HER TIME WITH HER FAMILY, ESPECIALLY JARED AND MARTIN. SHE CAN NOT LIVE LONG AT ALL WITHOUT THE MEDICAL SUPPORT SHE IS RECEIVING EACH DAY, MEANING BLOOD, PLATELETS, ANTIBIOTICS AND MANY OTHER MEDICATIONS. SOOOO- WHAT TO DO? THAT IS THE QUESTION WE FACED THIS MORNING.. IT IS NO SURPRISE I AM SURE, THAT SHE SAID, "GO FOR IT!" SHE THEN LOOKED AT ME AND REMINDED ME THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WOULD DO WHAT HE WILL, AND SHE IS GOING TO GIVE HIM ALL THE HELP SHE CAN. FORGIVE ME READERS, BUT I FELT ANGRY! NO NO NO! DON'T PUT YOURSELF THROUGH TORTURE! (IF I MISSPELL SOME WORDS IT IS BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS NUMB). THE CHEMO COULD KILL YOU, ROB ME OF THE TIME I HAVE LEFT WITH YOU! BUT, OF COURSE I EXPRESSED NO SUCH THING, BUT LOOKED BACK AT HER AND TOLD HER THAT IT WAS HER DECISION, AND SHE HAD MY COMPLETE SUPPORT. I FELT DRAINED, SADDENED, DESPERATE- FRIGHTENED, ANGRY AND DISSAPOINTED. IT SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THIS. JESSICA AND DAD WERE OUT IN THE HALL AND JESSICA ASKED ME TO COME AND SPEAK TO HER. I DRAGGED MYSELF UP AND OUT THE DOOR, AND THAT IS THE LAST THING I REMEMBER. FOR SOME REASON, I PASSED OUT, SLAMMED INTO THE DOOR ON THE WAY DOWN AND CRACKED MY HEAD. ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, WHEN JESSICA WAS SPEAKING TO ME, SHE SAID MY EYES ROLLED BACK AND SHE KNEW TO REACH OUT FOR ME. BECAUSE SHE WAS SO QUICK, I DID NOT FALL AS HARD AS I COULD HAVE. I CAME AROUND, QUITE CONFUSED AND THOUGHT I HAD FALLEN ON BOBBIE JO. THE PANIC WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT THE NURSES AND STAFF, (GOSH, LOTS OF THEM), THE CHAPLAIN, A COUPLE OF ORDERLIES, THE CLEANING LADY AND MY FAMILY WERE ABLE TO REASSURE ME THAT I HAD NOT HURT ANYONE. EVENTUALLY I WAS ABLE TO GET UP AND BACK INTO THE ROOM, MY SHIRT AND HEAD WET WITH THE COLD WATER THAT MARTIN HAD SPRINKLED ON ME. I WAS SO SHAKEN- AND THEN THE HEAD NURSE SAID THAT IF I WANTED TO STAY ON THE FLOOR INSTEAD OF THE EMERGENCY ROOM, I HAD TO STAY PUT IN A WHEELCHAIR THE REST OF THE TIME I WAS THERE. THE CHAPLAIN CAME IN AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NICE TO MEET HIM, AND HE SAID I WAS TALKING TO HIM WHEN I PASSED OUT. FINALLY, I FOUND OUT THAT MY DEAR HUSBAND, WHEN SEEING ME FALL, TOLD ALL THE PANICKED PEOPLE, "AH, SHE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME. GIVE HER A FEW MINUTES AND SHE WILL COME AROUND". HE WAS QUIETLY SPONGING ME, COOL AS A CUCUMBER. I WAS ONLY OUT FOR ABOUT A MINUTE, BUT I FELT SO SILLY. OH, AS FAR A CRACKING MY HEAD, WELL, I HAD A PLASTIC HAIR CLIP HOLDING MY PONYTAIL, AND IT TOOK MOST OF THE FORCE. IT SHATTERED, BUT SAVED ME FROM SERIOUS INJURY. WHEN I GOT BACK INTO THE ROOM, MY FRIEND WHO WAS THERE SAID, "WELL IF YOU WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, NEXT TIME TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF OR SOMETHING!" SOMEONE ELSE SAID, "OR, YOU COULD BUILD A FIRE AROUND YOURSELF!" I AM GLAD TO BE SURROUNDED BY THOSE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. ALL IS WELL WITH ME- HOWEVER BOBBIE JO HAS DEVELOPED A BLOOD INFECTION AND UNTIL THAT IS RESOLVED, SHE CAN'T EVEN START THE CHEMO. WE WILL KNOW MORE TOMORROW. I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED. WITHOUT THIS BLOG, I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. TO KNOW THAT SO MANY OF YOU SHARE THEM WITH ME IS INCREDIBLY COMFORTING. THANK YOU SO MUCH- OH, AND MY SON AARON AND HIS SWEET WIFE ARE COMING IN TOMORROW NIGHT FROM EL PASO. THEY HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO PHOENIX TO LET SARAH'S DEAR MOTHER SHELLY KEEP THE CHILDREN AND THEN FLY TO HOUSTON. IT GOES TO SHOW HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BOBBIE JO AND OUR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO SO MUCH TROUBLE TO BE WITH US. I SO APPRECIATE EVERYTING. TILL TOMORROW, REMEMBER, HEAVENLY FATHER WILL DO WHAT HE WILL DO. NO DIRE PREDICTIONS WILL SWAY HIS COURSE. IF HE WANTS HER TO REMAIN, SHE WILL. IF NOT, WE MUST ACCEPT AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIS WILL. LOVE, NANASEE