RIPTIDE

YOU HAVE HEARD OF A RIPTIDE, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE TIDE JUST PICKS YOU UP AND SLINGS YOU OUT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN WHERE HELP IS ALMOST NON-EXISTANT? A RIPTIDE HIT ME SQUARE IN THE FACE IN THE FORM OF THE US GOVERNMENT. IN THE LAST POST, I TOLD YOU THAT I HAD "STUPIDLY" APPLIED FOR FOOD STAMPS WHEN MARTIN LOST HIS JOB. THIS IS AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION, BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE CHURCH FOR HELP, THE ABUNDANT HELP THAT AWAITS THOSE WHO ARE FAITHFUL. BUT NO, I WAS TOO PROUD, AND DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW WE WERE IN SUCH DIRE STRAITS. AFTER HE HAD FOUND EMPLOYMENT AT A LOCAL MECHANICS SHOP, I HAD INFORMED THE FOODSTAMP OFFICE THAT MARTIN HAD FOUND EMPLOYMENT AND THAT I WAS NOT WORKING SO THAT THEY COULD ADJUST OUR ALLOTMENT IF THERE WOULD BE ANY AT ALL AFTER OUR INCREASED INCOME. THE CHECKS CONTINUED TO COME, SO I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT, FIGURING THAT THEY WOULD SEND THE CORRECT AMOUNT. I GOT THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE IN JANUARY (AFTER MARTIN HAD LOST HIS JOB THE PREVIOUS AUGUST). I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE FOOD STAMP OFFICE SAYING THAT I WAS BEING INVESTIGATED FOR FOOD STAMP FRAUD. I WAS NOT IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND ANYWAY, AS WE WERE CONTINUING TO BATTLE WITH THE POST OFFICE OVER MARTIN'S UNFAIR FIRING, FINDING VERY LITTLE HELP AND REALLY, LOSING MORE GROUND THAN WE WERE GAINING. I FELT DISCOURAGED ABOUT ALL OF THAT, AND THEN, THE LETTER. I WAS TOLD THAT THERE WOULD BE A HEARING AND THE DATE TO REPORT. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A TREMENDOUS FEAR OF AUTHORITY, AND NEVER, EVER GOT INTO ANY KIND OF TROUBLE IN MY LIFE. UPON READING THE LETTER, I BECAME PHYSICALLY ILL. I BEGAN TO CRY, SHAKE, BECAME NAUSEOUS, AND ALMOST COLLAPSED. WHY WERE THEY INVESTIGATING ME? I HAD BEEN HONEST, AND DECLARED EVERY PENNY. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. I CALLED THEM, AND GOT THE RUN-AROUND, TELLING ME TO JUST COME TO THE HEARING, THAT'S ALL THEY COULD SAY. I WAS TERRIFIED. I REALLY HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, AND REALLY WAS TRAUMATIZED BY THE FACT THAT I COULD BE IN SOME KIND OF TROUBLE. I HAD TO WAIT TWO WEEKS TO GO TO THE HEARING. IT WAS COLD AND DRIZZLING THAT DAY, AND I WALKED INTO THE BUILDING WITH DREAD. I WAS SHOWN INTO AN OFFICE, WHERE A LADY INFORMED ME THAT SHE WAS THE INVESTIGATING OFFICER AND PUT SOME HANDCUFFS ON HER DESK. I LOOKED AT THOSE HANDCUFFS IN TERROR. MY MOUTH WAS DRY AND MY HEART SLAMMED PAINFULLY IN MY CHEST. WHAT WAS GOING ON? FINALLY, I ASKED HER WHY THEY WERE INVESTIGATING ME. SHE SAID THEY HAD PROOF POSITIVE THAT I HAD DEFRAUDED THE GOVERNMENT. I TOLD HER I DIDN'T KNOW HOW, I HAD DECLARED EVERYTHING. I TOLD HER THAT I HAD TOLD THEM TO STOP SENDING THE FOOD STAMPS AS MARTIN WAS EMPLOYED, BUT THEY HAD CONTINUED TO COME IN THE MAIL ANYWAY. I HAD KEPT EACH CHECK AND NOT CASHED IT, BUT I HAD NOT BROUGHT THEM WITH ME. SHE STOOD UP AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS HER FIRST CASE, AND SHE WAS GOING TO BE SURE THAT I WAS HIT WITH EVERYTHING THEY HAD, BECAUSE SHE WASN'T GOING TO ALLOW ME TO LIE MY WAY OUT OF IT. I LOOKED AT HER FOR A MOMENT, SAW A GUNG-HO GREENHORN, AND REALIZED THAT SHE WANTED TO MAKE HER FIRST CASE MEMORABLE. I KNEW I HAD TO TRED CAREFULLY, BUT I CALMLY TOLD HER ONCE AGAIN THAT I HAD NOTIFIED THE GOVERNMENT OF MARTIN'S INCOME, THAT I WASN'T WORKING, BUT THAT THEY HAD CONTINUED TO SEND THE CHECKS ANYWAY. SHE SAID TO SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE, MEANWHILE I HAD BETTER GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW BECAUSE I WASN'T GETTING AWAY WITH FRAUD. SHE SAID THERE WAS NO PROOF THAT I HAD NOTIFIED THEM, SO IT WAS THEIR WORD AGAINST MINE. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT SHE WAS A REAL IDIOT AND I KNEW THAT I COULD GET NO WHERE BY TRYING TO TALK TO HER. I ASKED HER WHAT I NEEDED TO DO NEXT AND SHE SAID THAT THERE WOULD BE AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION AND I WOULD BE RECEIVING LETTERS TO THAT EFFECT. MY FOOD STAMPS WOULD BE CUT OFF IMMEDIATLEY. I TOLD HER, "FINE, AT LEAST NOW SOMEONE WILL DO WHAT I ASKED THEM TO DO THREE MONTHS AGO!" SHE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO GO BEFORE A JUDGE TO DECIDE IF I HAD COMMITTED FRAUD, AND IF I HAD I WOULD BE SENTENCED AT THAT TIME. I HAVE TO SAY, THAT IF I EVER THOUGHT THAT I HAD ANY STRENGTH IN ME, IT MANIFESTED ITSELF RIGHT THEN. I FELT THAT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT, SO TERRIFIED OF THE OUTCOME OF ALL OF THIS, BUT I WAS CALM AND QUIETLY TOLD HER THAT I HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG AND WAS GLAD TO SEE A JUDGE, BECAUSE MAYBE A JUDGE WOULD LISTEN TO ME. "DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER COME IN HERE AND TELL US THAT?" SHE ASKED, AND I JUST TURNED AND WALKED OUT. I WAS SO ILL, AND SO FRIGHTENED, AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. HOW COULD I PROVE MY INNOCENCE? AFTER ALL, IT WAS THEIR WORD AGAINST MINE, AND EVEN THOUGH I HAD NOT CASHED THE CHECKS, IT DIDN'T SEEM TO MATTER TO THEM. THE FREEZING RAIN GREETED ME WHEN I WALKED OUT TO THE CAR, AND MIXED WITH MY TEARS. I WAS SO SCARED, MORE THAN I HAD EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. I PRAYED FOR COMFORT, AND FELT THAT IT WOULD COME OUT ALRIGHT. WHEN I GOT HOME, I COLLAPSED IN MARTIN'S ARMS AND SOBBED OUT MY FEARS. HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, IT WOULD BE OKAY. I PRAYED OFF AN ON FOR A FEW DAYS, AND COULD NOT BE COMFORTED. I AM TELLING YOU THAT IT WAS THE WORST THING I HAD EVER FACED. COULD I GO TO JAIL? WAS IT POSSIBLE? I COULD NOT EVEN COMPREHEND SUCH A THING. SOON, I GOT A LETTER TELLING WHEN AND WHERE THE COURT HEARING WOULD BE, AND WHO THE JUDGE WAS. IT WAS ANOTHER 3 MONTHS BEFORE I WAS DUE IN COURT. THEN, THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME TO WRITE A LETTER TO THE JUDGE AND EXPLAIN WHAT WAS GOING ON. I DID, AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING AND HOW THE OFFICER HAD TREATED ME. I DID NOT HEAR BACK FROM ANYONE, AND HAD TO WAIT WITH DREAD, FOR THE TIME TO PASS. FINALLY, THE DAY CAME, AND MARTIN TOOK ME TO COURT. THE COURT ROOM WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO WERE RAGGED, DOWNCAST, AND IN GENERAL LOOKED LIKE THEY HAD NOTHING TO THEIR NAME. I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! NOT ME! BUT THERE I WAS. FINALLY, THEY CALLED MY NAME. I STOOD, AND WALKED UP TO THE CENTER, AND STOOD BEFORE THE JUDGE. SHE LOOKED AT ME FOR A MOMENT, REALLY LOOKED AT ME, AND ASKED ME WHY I WAS THERE. I HAD PRAYED FOR STRENGTH TO BE CLEAR AND CONCISE, BUT MOST OF ALL THAT THE SPIRIT WOULD TELL HER THAT I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. I EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO HER AND HANDED HER THE CHECKS THAT I HAD NOT CASHED. SHE ASKED WHY I HAD NOT CASHED THEM, AND I SAID, "YOUR HONOR, I AM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR EVEN HAVING THEM. I ASKED FOR THEM TO BE STOPPED AND THEY KEPT COMING. NOW LOOK WHERE IT LED ME. WHY WOULD I CASH THEM? THE MONEY IS NOT MINE". SHE ASKED IF MY CHILDREN NEEDED THE FOOD THOSE CHECKS REPRESENTED. I TRUTHFULLY TOLD HER THAT MY CHURCH WAS HELPING US, AND NO, I DID NOT NEED TO USE THE CHECKS TO FEED MY FAMILY. SHE ACTUALLY SAID, "WELL, THAT IS A FIRST!" SHE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, AND SHE WOULD RENDER A JUDGEMENT AND I WOULD BE INFORMED BY MAIL. I WAS DISMISSED. WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK. WAS I STILL IN TROUBLE? WAS IT OVER? BUT I WALKED OUT, AND PUT IT IN GOD'S HANDS. IT TOOK ANOTHER 3 WEEKS TO GET THE LETTER THAT TOLD ME THAT IT WAS APPARENT THAT I HAD NO INTENT TO DEFRAUD THE GOVERNMENT. LET ME TELL YOU, I WAS SO RELIEVED, BUT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT IS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER FORGET, THE TERROR, THE UNCERTAINTY, THE FEAR. DURING THE TIME ALL OF THIS WAS HAPPENING, I WENT TO OUR BISHOP AND TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON. HE TOLD ME THAT WE WOULD RECEIVE HELP AND HE WISHED I HAD COME TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. BELIEVE ME, SO DO I! PRIDE GOT ME INTO A HELL OF A MESS- BUT IT WAS A LESSON WELL LEARNED.
THE GENEROSITY OF OUR CHURCH WAS OVERWHELMING. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR, WE HAVE A WONDERFUL WELFARE SYSTEM, THAT PROVIDES FOOD FOR THOSE WHO NEED TO USE THEIR MONEY FOR OTHER THINGS DURING HARD TIMES. IT IS NOT JUST A DOLE, BUT A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. IF YOU CAN, THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO BE DONE TO HELP EARN YOUR WAY. IN OUR CASE, I HAD THE CHILDREN, MARTIN AND I GO TO THE WAREHOUSE AND CLEAN AND RESTOCK THE GROCERIES AS MUCH AS WE COULD. THEY WERE SO GENEROUS WITH US, AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING. WE ACTUALLY LOOKED FORWARD TO "CHURCH STOREHOUSE" DAY. THE BOYS WOULD DON THEIR WINTER COATS AND GLOVES AND GO INTO THE HUGE FREEZER AND RESTOCK THE FROZEN GOODS. MORE THAN ONCE, I SAW A HAM OR A FROZEN CHICKEN FLY PAST IN A GAME OF "FOOTBALL RESTOCKING"! THE GIRLS AND I WOULD FILL ORDERS, STOCK SHELVES OR DUST. WE LOVED WORKING WITH THE PRODUCE, IT WAS SO FRESH AND WONDERFUL. HOW BLESSED WE WERE TO HAVE SUCH HELP, AND TO BE ABLE TO HELP A LITTLE IN RETURN. HERE IN HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PEANUT BUTTER FACTORY RUN BY THE CHURCH THAT MAKES AND SENDS PEANUT BUTTER ALL OVER THE WORLD. THE CHILDREN COULD NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE PEANUT BUTTER PRODUCTION, BUT MARTIN AND I COULD AND DID. I ENJOYED BEING THE "PEANUT PICKER" MEANING THAT THE MILLIONS OF PEANUTS THAT SHUTTLED BY ON THE WAY TO THE GRINDER HAD TO BE CHECKED AND PICKED THROUGH TO BE SURE NOTHING HAD BEEN MISSED. MARTIN AND I FLIPPED SPECKS AND BITS AT EACH OTHER AND MADE A GAME OF IT. THERE WERE OTHER STATIONS, SOME TO LABLE, SOME TO FILL THE JARS, SOME TO SET THE JARS ON THE CONVEYOR BELT, LOTS OF JOBS, AND WE GOT TO DO ALL OF THEM AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. THE ONLY ONE I PASSED BY, BUT MARTIN PARTICIPATED IN WAS CLIMBING THE STAIRS WITH THE SUGAR, AND OTHER INGREDIENTS TO BE ADDED TO THE PEANUTS BEING GROUND INTO PEANUT BUTTER. (I WAS TOO LAZY TO CARRY ALL THAT STUFF UP THOSE STAIRS OVER AND OVER). BY THE WAY, THAT IS SOME GOOD PEANUT BUTTER! I FELT SUCH PRIDE KNOWING THAT I HAD BEEN ABLE TO HELP IN SOME SMALL WAY. I LEARNED THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE LET PRIDE AFFECT MY DECISION IN ASKING FOR HELP DURING THE TIME THAT MARTIN WAS OUT OF WORK. ALTHOUGH HE HAD A JOB, IT WAS NOT REALLY ENOUGH TO GET BY ON, AND WE HAD NO INSURANCE. THE GOAL WAS TO GET HIS JOB BACK THROUGH THE COURTS, BUT THAT WOULD TAKE MANY MONTHS. DURING THAT TIME, MANY TRIALS CAME OUR WAY, SOME THAT WE WOULD NEVER HAVE EVEN IMAGINED. I WILL TELL YOU OF THEM IN THE POSTS TO COME. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE