CHICKEN RUN

AS YOU KNOW, I LOVED HAVING OUR CHICKENS. THEY WERE SWEET LITTLE BIRDS, AND AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, THEY WERE COMFORTING TO ME WHEN I WAS SAD. I LOVED FEEDING THEM, THEY WOULD GATHER ABOUT PECKING THE GRAIN WHEN I TOSSED IT TO THEM. I WAS ALWAYS SO EXCITED WHEN THEY WOULD HATCH OUT LITTLE CHICKS TOO. THIS MAY SEEM RATHER FANCIFUL BUT THEY WERE SPECIAL TO ME AND I LOVED THEM.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A PARTICULAR CHICKEN INCIDENT. TO START OFF WITH, MARTIN HAD TO GO TO CLASSES IN OKLAHOMA ON OCCASION FOR THE POST OFFICE WHEN HE WORKED THERE. ONE SUMMER, I DECIDED THAT I WOULD SURPRISE BOTH HIM AND THE CHILDREN AND TAKE THEM UP TO SEE HIM. THE TRIP WAS UNEVENTFUL, DADDY WAS SURPRISED AND WE ALL HAD FUN. THEN WE CROSSED THE STATE TO GO AND SEE MY GRANDMOTHER AND MY STEPMOTHER. AT THAT TIME, MY STEP MOTHER JOIDA, HAD A LITTLE FARM OF HER OWN. SHE HAD CHICKENS, A HORSE OR TWO, A MULE, AND OTHER LITTLE ANIMALS. THERE WAS A FISH POND THAT SHE LET THE KIDS FISH FROM. IT WAS A WONDERFUL VACATION WITH HER, SHE IS ALWAYS SO GOOD TO US. WHEN IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE, I ASKED HER IF I COULD HAVE A FEW CHICKENS TO TAKE HOME TO ADD TO MY FLOCK. SHE SAID YES, AND EVEN GAVE US A TURKEY AND A FEW GUINEAS. (OTHER BARN YARD BIRDS). ALL IN ALL, WE HAD 16 BIRDS OF SOME KIND, PACKED INTO WIRE CAGES AND STUFFED INTO THE BACK OF OUR OLD SUBURBAN FOR THE 8 HOUR TRIP HOME TO HOUSTON. THERE WAS NO AIRCONDITIONING IN THE TRUCK, SO, WE HAD THE WINDOWS DOWN AND KIDS STUFFED WHERE EVER I COULD FIND A PLACE. WE HAD A LOVING GOODBYE, ARMED WITH A PICNIC THAT JOIDA HAD MADE AND ESPECIALLY A LARGE TEXAS SHEET CAKE, (CHOCOLATE, PECANS, YUMMY, OH MY!) IT WAS THE MONTH OF AUGUST, AND VERY HOT. WE BEGAN THE TRIP HOME WITH CHEERFUL ANTICIPATION OF GOING HOME, SINGING AND ENJOYING THE TRIP FOR A SHORT TIME, AND THEN, LITTLE OTTO TOLD ME THAT THE CHICKENS WERE BEGINNING TO FART. "OTTO! IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK?!!!!" I ASKED HIM. "WELL, IT IS IF THE CHICKENS ARE FARTING" HE SAID. "YEAH MOM, THESE CHICKENS ARE REALLY BEGINNING TO STINK IT UP BACK HERE!" SAID AARON. WELL, WHAT COULD I DO? FARTING CHICKENS. WHO KNEW THAT CHICKENS FARTED ANYWAY. SO, WE BARRELED ALONG THE INDIAN TURNPIKE, AND HAD CARS PASSING US AND MAKING UGLY FACES. I GUESS THOSE CHICKENS WERE STINKING UP MORE THAN THE TRUCK. WITH A MYRIAD OF COMPLAINTS AS TO THE GASTRIC DIFFICULTIES OF THE BIRDS IN TOW, WE CONTINUED THROUGH OKLAHOMA AND INTO TEXAS. BY THE TIME WE GOT TO DALLAS, THE CHICKENS SETTLED DOWN, AND PRETTY MUCH QUIT FARTING. (MAYBE THEY RAN OUT OF GAS). WE HAD A POTTY BREAK AND STARTED FOR HOUSTON. ONLY 4 HOURS AWAY, THANK GOODNESS. ALL ALONG THE TRIP, THE KIDS WERE SNACKING ON JOIDA'S FEAST THAT SHE HAD SENT. THERE WAS FRUIT, CAKE AND OH,LOOK, FRIED CHICKEN. WELL, THE BOYS GOT THE BIG IDEA TO SEE IF THE CHICKENS WOULD EAT FRIED CHICKEN, AND WITHOUT TELLING ME, THEY BEGAN TO FEED THE FRIED CHICKEN TO THEM. THE BOYS WERE HYSTERICAL WITH LAUGHTER, AS THE CHICKENS GOBBLED UP EVERYTHING THE BOYS GAVE THEM, SAYING THAT THEY BET THOSE CHICKENS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING, EATING THEIR RELATIVES! "BOYS! QUIT FEEDING THOSE BIRDS! DO YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM GAS AGAIN?!! I DEMANDED. WE WERE ABOUT 120 MILES FROM HOUSTON, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEARD A HISS AND LOOKED TO SEE THAT STEAM WAS POURING OUT OF THE HOOD OF THE TRUCK. NOW, THIS IS A SITUATION THAT YOU NEVER WANT TO FIND YOURSELF IN. A SUBURBAN FULL OF 5 YOUNG KIDS, 16 BIRDS OF SOME KIND, NO AIRCONDITIONING IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST, STEAM POURING OUT FROM UNDER THE HOOD, VERY LITTLE MONEY AND IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE TEXAS, 120 MILES FROM HOME WITH YOUR MECHANIC HUSBAND BACK IN OKLAHOMA AT LEAST 5 HOURS AWAY. DID I PANIC? YOU BET I DID! BUT I SAW THAT JUST UP THE RAMP OFF THE FREEWAY, WAS A SERVICE STATION, AND EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS PAST 6 PM ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, I PRAYED THAT SOMEONE COULD HELP ME. OF COURSE, THE SERVICE WAS NO LONGER IN BUSINESS. NOW WHAT? JESSICA POINTED OUT THAT ACROSS THE OVERPASS, WAS WHAT LOOKED LIKE IT COULD BE ANOTHER SERVICE STATION, AND SO I LIMPED OVER THERE. SURE ENOUGH, IT WAS AN ANCIENT SERVICE STATION, COMPLETE WITH SOME OLD MEN PLAYING CHECKERS AT ONE TABLE AND OTHERS PLAYING POKER AT ANOTHER. I TRIED THE DOOR AND IT WAS LOCKED. "WERE NOT OPEN!" SHOUTED ONE OF THE OLD MEN. I HAD HAD ENOUGH. I STARTED CRYING. THAT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ANOTHER OLD MAN COME TO THE DOOR AND ASK WHAT WAS WRONG. I TOLD HIM MY SUBURBAN WAS BROKEN DOWN, I HAD KIDS, CHICKENS AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO DO ANYTHING WITH. I BARELY HAD ENOUGH GAS TO GET HOME EVEN IF THE TRUCK WAS RUNNING. "WELL, THE TOWN'S SHUT DOWN TILL MONDAY" HE SAID, AND THEN TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS NO PLACE FOR US TO SPEND THE NIGHT. I ASKED IF I COULD CALL MARTIN LONG DISTANCE, AND HE HAD TO GO AND OKAY IT WITH THE OTHER OLD MEN. THEN I REALIZED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH MARTIN, I COULD NOT REACH HIM OVER THE WEEKEND. SHOOT. WELL, IT WAS GETTING LATER, AND I WAS GETTING DESPERATE. THANKS TO THE BOYS FEEDING THE CHICKENS THE FRIED CHICKEN, WE ONLY HAD SOME ROLLS AND CAKE LEFT FOR DINNER. WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE SUBURBAN, UNTIL I FIGURED SOMETHING OUT FOR THE NEXT DAY. WE UNLOADED THE CHICKENS, TURKEY, GUINEAS AND PUT THEM IN THE DRIVEWAY, GIVING THEM WATER AND SOME BREAD. THEN, THE CHILDREN LOOKED SO FORLORN, THE OLD MEN ASKED IF WE WANTED TO COME IN AND SIT IN THE SERVICE STATION FOR AWHILE. THERE WAS A SMALL TV, AND THE KIDS COULD WATCH THAT, THEY SAID. IT WAS A BLACK AND WHITE TV, AND THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG. THE BOYS BEGAN TO ROAM AROUND, WATCHING THE POKER GAME. BECKY WAS WATCHING THE CHECKERS, AND I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE OLDER GIRLS WERE DOING. "HEY LADY," GRIPED ONE OF THE OLD GEEZERS, "CAN YOU WATCH YER KIDS?" I GATHERED THEM UP, AND EXPLAINED THAT WE WOULD HAVE TO GO TO THE TRUCK IF WE BOTHERED THOSE OLD MEN AND THEIR GAMES. THEY SETTLED DOWN AGAIN, BUT SOON, THE BOYS WERE BACK WATCHING THE POKER GAME. SUDDENLY, BECKY CALLED OUT, "HEY, LOOK. HE'S GOT 3 ONES- (THEY WERE ACES)I BET THAT'S NOT MUCH!" THAT OLD MAN SWORE LIKE A SAILOR, THE OTHER PLAYERS TOLD BECKY THANKS FOR THE TIP, AND STILL ANOTHER OLD MAN STOOD UP IN AGITATION. "LADY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH YOUR CAR?" HE ASKED. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T KNOW, THE STEAM HAD BOILED OUT AND IT WAS OVERHEATED. HE LOOKED UNDER THE HOOD, WIGGLED SOME THINGS AND SAID "Y'ALL COME ON WITH ME, WERE ARE GOING INTO TOWN!" HE TOLD US TO GET INTO AN ANCIENT PICKUP TRUCK AND SIT TIGHT. IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME THAT WE COULD BE IN ANY DANGER, SO WE ALL GOT INTO THE BED OF THE TRUCK AND OFF WE WENT. HE DROVE ABOUT 10 MILES TO A SMALL TOWN WITH A ONE BLOCK STREET OF OLD STORES. HE PARKED IN FRONT OF AN AUTO PARTS, TOOK A KEY, OPENED THE DOOR AND WENT INSIDE. HE CAME OUT WITH A NEW ALTERNATOR AND TOOK US BACK TO THE SERVICE STATION. HE TOLD BUBBA OR SOMONE LIKE THAT TO PUT THE ALTERNATOR ON THE TRUCK, AND CALLED HIS WIFE TO BRING SOME FOOD. SHE WAS A LOVELY WOMAN, AND BROUGHT LOTS OF GOODIES TO FEED THE CHILDREN AND ME. IT TURNS OUT THAT THIS MAN WAS THE MAYOR OF THE TOWN, AND WANTED TO GET BACK TO HIS POKER GAME. THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT WAS TO GET US ON THE ROAD! SO, HE TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS, AND WISHED US WELL AND ON OUR WAY. WE LOADED UP THE CHICKENS AND BIRDS AND HEADED OFF TO HOUSTON, AFTER HUGGING THE NECKS OF OUR BENEFACTORS. WHAT A BLESSING! WE ACTUALLY MADE IT ALL THE WAY HOME WITHOUT FURTHER INCIDENT. IT WAS VERY LATE, AND WE UNLOADED THE BIRDS AND PUT THEM IN THE CHICKEN YARD TO TEND TO THEM IN THE MORNING. I WAS EXHAUSTED, AND ABOUT TO CRY WITH FATIGUE. SUDDENLY, THERE CAME A FLASH OF FUR, AND THE SAINT BERNARD (160LBS)THAT SOMEONE HAD "GIVEN" US CAME BUSTING THROUGH THE CHICKEN WIRE WHERE A HOLE WAS. ALL I COULD SEE AND HEAR WAS SHRIEKING BIRDS, BARKING, FEATHERS FLYING, A HUGE TAIL WHIPPING EVERYWHERE AND CHAOS! BEFORE I COULD GET THAT DOG OUT OF THE PEN, HE HAD EATEN 6 CHICKENS, THE TURKEY HAD FLOWN AWAY AND THE GUINEAS WERE UP IN THE TREE. THE OTHER CHICKENS WERE IN THE ROOSTS, AND IT WAS JUST CHICKEN HELL. I HAD TO TIE UP THE DOG, WHO WAS BY NOW REGURGITATING HIS NEWLY INGESTED MEAL. THEN, I HAD TO FIX THE HOLE, (MUCH LARGER NOW OF COURSE) BY PATCHING WITH MORE CHICKEN WIRE. WOULD THIS DAY NEVER END? YES, FINALLY, IT DID. THE HYSTERICAL CHILDREN WERE PUT TO BED, THE STUFFED DOG WAS STILL TIED UP AND I COLLAPSED ON THE COUCH. THE NEXT DAY WAS SUNDAY, AND I STILL HAD THAT TO THINK ABOUT. BUT, WE ONLY LOST A TURKEY AND SIX CHICKENS- AND I HAVE A MEMORY OF GASSY BIRDS, TEXAS SHEET CAKE, CANNIBALLISTIC CHICKENS, AND SOME VERY KIND OLD MEN IN A TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE TEXAS. I ALSO WAS ONCE AGAIN REMINDED THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WATCHES OVER US AND HELPS IN THE MOST UNLIKELY WAYS. ONCE AGAIN, WE HAD SURVIVED AN ADVENTURE THAT IS UNBELIVEABLE, OH BUT WAIT, SINCE IT HAPPENED TO ME, IT IS VERY BELIEVABLE! MORE LATER, LOVE, NANASEE