THE EFFORT TO GET MARTIN'S JOB BACK WAS VERY DIFFICULT. THE STRUGGLE KEPT US BUSY, AND EVER VIGILANT TO MAKE SURE THE KIDS DID NOT DO WITHOUT. WE LEARNED TO STAY HOME MORE, BAKE MORE, SEW MORE AND WORK TOGETHER SO THAT WE COULD KEEP OUR HUMOR UP. THE FIRST YEAR PASSED, WITH HAPPINESS, SADNESS, ANXIETY, WORRY AND JOY. HOLIDAYS AND BIRTHDAYS PASSED UNEVENTFULLY, AND WE CONTINUED TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY THAT MARTIN WOULD GO BACK TO WORK. HE HAD CONTINUED TO APPLY EVERYWHERE, BUT IT WAS SOON APPARENT THAT HE WAS OVEREDUCATED IN HIS FIELD AND NO ONE WANTED TO HIRE HIM, BECAUSE THEY FEARED HE WOULD TAKE THEIR JOB EVENTUALLY. HE WAS VERY DISCOURAGED. IT WAS JANUARY, 1992, WHEN I GOT A VERY STRONG IMPRESSION THAT MARTIN SHOULD UTILIZE THE HARD-EARNED EDUCATION THAT WE HAD STRUGGLED FOR OVER THE YEARS. HE HAD TWO DEGREES, ONE IN DIESEL ENGINES AND ONE IN AUTOMOTIVE. HE QUALIFIED TO BE AN INSTRUCTOR. I ENCOURAGED HIM TO PUT IN HIS APPLICATIONS AT THE VARIOUS COMMUNITY COLLEGES, BUT HE WAS VERY INTIMIDATED AND FELT THAT HE COULD NOT PRESENT HIMSELF VERY WELL. I TOLD HIM THAT EVERY TIME HE WORKED ON SOMEONE'S CAR, HE WOULD EXPLAIN THE WORK AS HE WENT AND HE WAS VERY GOOD AT IT. HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. I PUT THE APPLICATIONS IN FOR HIM, AND SOON, WE GOT A CALL FROM HOUSTON COMMUNITY COLLEGE TO COME IN AND FILL OUT A BUNCH OF PAPERWORK. WE WERE SO EXCITED, FINALLY A CHANCE TO HAVE REAL EMPLOYMENT AGAIN. HE FILLED OUT THE PAPERWORK AND THEY TOLD HIM HE WOULD COME TO AN INTERVIEW WHEN A POSITION CAME OPEN. THEY ANTICIPATED SOME RETIREMENTS VERY SOON. OH,WE WERE SO TICKLED! BUT ONE MONTH AND THEN TWO PASSED AND WE DID NOT HEAR FROM THEM. THE OTHER COLLEGES HAD NO OPENINGS, SO WE JUST HAD TO WAIT. FINALLY I CALLED AND ASKED IF THEY HAD FILLED THE JOB AT HOUSTON COMMUNITY. THEY TOLD ME NO, AND I SAID, "WELL, YOUR BEST CANDIDATE IS JUST WAITING TO START, CALL HIM IN!" EACH WEEK, I CALLED AGAIN, AND GOT THE SAME ANSWER. SPRING CAME AND THEN SUMMER. I KEPT CALLING. I TOOK THE JOB AT THE PARKS DEPARTMENT AND EARNED MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES. WE HAD A LOVELY SUMMER, OTTO, BECKY, AARON AND I, SPENDING EACH DAY TOGETHER, GOING ON FIELD TRIPS, MAKING CRAFTS AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS. HOW COULD I KNOW OF THE TRAGIC ENDING TO OUR TIME TOGETHER? SCHOOL STARTED, AND THE DAY CAME FOR US TO GO TO COURT AGAINST THE POST OFFICE. THEIR ATTORNEY CALLED AND ASKED US TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT. THE MOST WE COULD HOPE FOR WAS TO GET MARTIN'S JOB BACK AND THE DIFFERENCE IN MONEY EARNED OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS, WHICH WOULD BE ABOUT 20,000.00. WE TOLD THEM WE WOULD CALL THEM BACK. WITHIN MINUTES, THE PHONE RANG, AND IT WAS HOUSTON COMMUNITY COLLEGE CALLING TO OFFER MARTIN A JOB. WE HAD THE ANSWER TO OUR PRAYER AND SETTLED WITH THE POST OFFICE FOR THE MONEY AND TOLD THEM TO STUFF THE JOB. IT LOOKED LIKE THINGS WERE FINALLY GOING OUR WAY, BUT ON SEPTEMBER 18, 1992, OTTO WAS KILLED IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE. AS I MENTIONED EARLIER, A DRUNK DRIVER SLAMMED INTO THE KIDS PLAYING BASKETBALL IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE, AND OTTO PUSHED ONE OUT OF THE WAY AND TOOK THE HIT FULL ON. HE WAS DEAD ON THE SCENE, BUT THEY WAITED UNTIL THEY HAD GOT HIM TO THE HOSPITAL TO PRONOUNCE HIM. MY WORLD WAS TRULY SHATTERED. I WENT THROUGH THE FUNERAL SOMEHOW, (I DON'T REMEMBER), AND MARTIN FELL APART. AT THE FUNERAL HOME, HE CLIMBED INTO OTTO'S CASKET TWICE, CRYING THAT HIS BOY WASN'T GOING BY HIMSELF. I HAD TO PULL HIM OUT AND WE COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR SOBBING IN GRIEF. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHERE WAS MY SON? HE WAS ONLY 13- STILL MY BABY. I AM ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I PROBABLY NEGLECTED MY FAMILY, I WAS A ROBOT. I TRIED TO GO BACK TO WORK, (I HAD GOTTEN A JOB AT AT OTTO'S JR. HIGH SCHOOL), BUT I COULD NOT CONCENTRATE. THE COMMUNITY WAS SO GOOD TO US, AS WELL AS ESPECIALLY THE CHURCH, BUT I WAS TOO STRICKEN TO APPRECIATE IT. FINALLY, ONE DAY, I WALKED PAST OTTO'S HOME ROOM, AND SAW A GIRL SITTING IN HIS DESK. I ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND, RAN SCREAMING INTO A CLOSET AND REFUSED TO COME OUT. IT WAS TIME TO QUIT. SO I DID. MY DAYS WERE SPENT IN A FOG, CRYING AND EATING AND LAYING ABOUT ON THE FURNITURE. MY WEIGHT ESCALATED AT AN ALARMING RATE, BUT I DIDN'T CARE. I WANTED MY SON BACK. MY POOR CHILDREN HAD TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES MORE THAN THEY HAD EVER HAD TO, AND MARTIN AND I WERE ZOMBIES. THE HOLIDAYS CAME AND WENT AGAIN, I DON'T REALLY RECALL THAT PART OF MY LIFE. A NEW YEAR CAME, AND STILL I LANGUISHED IN SADNESS. SPRING WAS ON THE HORIZON, AND ONE DAY, A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS A DEPUTY FOR THE HARRIS COUNTY SHERRIF'S DEPARTMENT CAME TO SEE ME. HE WAS SHOCKED AT MY APPEARANCE AND MY PERSONALITY. I HAD GAINED WEIGHT TO ALMOST 450 LBS, AND CARED FOR NOTHING. HE BECAME ANGRY. "WHERE IS THE WOMAN THAT CAN FACE ANYTHING?!!" HE DEMANDED. "GET UP OFF THAT COUCH! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!" I GOT DRESSED AND WE WENT DOWNTOWN TO THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. HE TOOK ME TO PERSONEL, AND INTRODUCED ME TO A FRIEND OF HIS. "GIVE HER A JOB! HE SAID. HIS FRIEND WAS IN CHARGE OF HIRING 911 OPERATORS. I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID, "LOOK, IF I AM TOO FAT TO HIRE, TELL ME NOW SO THAT I DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME AND MINE!" HE SNAPPED BACK AT ME, "WELL, ARE YOU TOO FAT TO ANSWER THE PHONE?" WE STARED AT EACH OTHER, AND THEN, MY SENSE OF HUMOR OVERCAME ME. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND TOLD HIM NO, I GUESS I COULD ANSWER THE PHONE FOR A LIVING! NORMALLY IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO GET ON TO A JOB LIKE THAT, BUT I WAS HIRED RIGHT AWAY, AND I HAVE MY DEAR FRIEND TO THANK FOR IT. YOU WOULD THINK THAT AFTER LOSING MY SON IN SUCH A MANNER THAT I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO SO MANY TERRIFYING CALLS. BUT, THAT IS WHAT SAVED ME. GOING TO WORK EACH DAY AND HAVING SOMETHING TO BE BUSY FOR. THE FIRST YEAR, I WORKED AT NIGHT, 10PM TO 6AM. I HATED THE HOURS, BUT I LOVED THE JOB. I DIDN'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS, THEY WERE EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN WITH ME AS BIG AS I WAS. LOTS OF THE PEOPLE THERE TALKED ABOUT ME AND MADE FUN OF ME. MANY STARED AT ME, AND I CAN UNDERSTAND AS IT IS EXPECTED THAT YOU SHOULD MAINTAIN FITNESS TO WORK IN LAW ENFORCEMENT. I IGNORED THE SNIDE COMMENTS, BUT IT REALLY HURT. ONE DAY, I TOOK A CALL FROM SEABROOK, TX. I HAD TROUBLE FINDING THE LOCATION, AND IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT THERE WAS STILL SOME PLACES THAT WERE MORE ISOLATED. I WANTED SO BADLY TO MOVE, AS I HATED LIVING WHERE OTTO HAD DIED. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF HOW WE HAPPENED TO COME TO SEABROOK. LOVE, NANASEE