MY KID WOULD NEVER DO THAT!

MY KID WOULD NEVER DO THAT! THOSE ARE WORDS SPOKEN AND THEN LATER REGRETTED BECAUSE THEY PROVE THAT WE ARE HUMAN AND THAT OUR KIDS WILL DO ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY IF THEY THINK THAT WE CAN BE THE BUTT OF RIDICULE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DID! I WILL SOON BE 55, AND IN THOSE ALMOST 55 YEARS, I HAVE DEFINETLY LEARNED SOMETHING. MY KID OR GRANDKID WILL DEFINETLY DO "THAT". DON'T EVER THINK THAT YOUR WELL -BROUGHT -UP CHILD WILL NOT EMBARRASS YOU IN THE MOST PROFOUND WAYS. AFTER ALL, YOU HAVE TAUGHT THEM CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ASSURANCE, AND MOST OF ALL THEY KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, YOU WILL STILL LOVE THEM. THIS IS THE RECIPE FOR EXPLORATION AND SELF-DESCOVERY. AND, WHILE I WOULD NOT DENY MY CHILD OR GRANDCHILD THE OPPRORTUNITY TO USE THEIR FREE AGENCY IN MAKING DECISIONS, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF I DIDN'T KNOW SO STRONGLY THAT THEY ARE JUST LIKE ME AND PAPA WHEN TROUBLE HAS RESULTED. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES.
WHEN JESSICA WAS TWELVE YEARS OLD, WE HAD 3 CARS. ONE FOR ME, ONE FOR DAD AND ONE IN THE DRIVEWAY THAT WAS ABOUT 20 YEARS OLD AND MARTIN WAS GOING TO RESTORE. THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE CAR, BUT IT NEEDED A PAINT JOB AND SOME OTHER MINOR THINGS DONE. IT WAS A RENAULT THAT HAD A PUSH BUTTON TRANSMISSION AND WAS QUITE COOL FOR IT'S DAY. NOW, SINCE JESSICA WAS TWELVE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO GET HERSELF TO THE SCHOOL BUS AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO KEEP TABS ON HER. AFTER ALL, HADN'T I TAUGHT HER TO BE RESPONSIBLE? SO, I HAD NO IDEA OF THE TROUBLE BREWING. ONE FRIDAY, I GOT A CALL FROM THE SCHOOL WERE BOBBIE JO WAS ATTENDING, SAYING THAT BOBBIE JO WAS VERY UPSET AND I SHOULD COME RIGHT AWAY. I DID, AND FOUND TO MY AMAZEMENT AND DISGUST THAT JESSICA HAD BEEN UP TO SOMETHING BEYOND MY IMAGINATION. IT SEEMS, THAT AFTER DAD AND I LEFT FOR WORK, JESSICA WAS TAKING THE KEYS TO THE THE THIRD CAR AND PICKING UP HER FRIENDS FOR SCHOOL. SHE WAS ONLY TWELVE YEARS OLD!!!! SHE PICKED UP 4 OTHER STUDENTS AND PARKED THE CAR IN THE PARKING LOT WITH THE TEACHERS, AND AFTER SCHOOL JUST GOT BACK IN AND DROVE HOME, WHILE DROPPING OFF HER FRIENDS! NONE OF THE STAFF EVEN KNEW THAT SHE WAS DRIVING! BOBBIE JO FINALLY GOT SO WORRIED THAT JESSICA WOULD HAVE AN ACCIDENT, SHE TOLD HER SCHOOL COUNSELOR AND THE COUNSELOR TOLD ME. TO MY KNOWLEGE, JESSICA ONLY TOOK OUT A MAILBOX OR TWO IN THE WEEK SHE WAS DRIVING, BUT THANK GOD THAT SHE WASN'T KILLED, AS THE TRIP TO SCHOOL WENT DOWN A MAJOR HIGHWAY! I JUST LET DAD HANDLE IT, AS I WAS AFRAID I WOULD KILL HER OR SOMETHING.
THEN, ONE DAY, I GOT A CALL FROM SCHOOL IN REFERENCE TO LITTLE OTTO. IT SEEMS THAT HE HAD TAKEN SOMETHING FOR SHOW AND TELL, AND I WAS BEING SUMMONED TO COME AND PICK IT UP. WHAT COULD IT BE? SOMETHING ALIVE? I COULDN'T IMAGINE. WELL, IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE BOTTOM OF A DEER LEG THAT LITTLE OTTO, AARON AND DAD HAD SHOT WHEN THEY WERE OUT HUNTING! I DIDN'T KNOW IT BUT OTTO HAD KEPT THAT THING FROZEN IN THE CHEST FREEZER SINCE THEY HAD SHOT IT OVER TWO MONTHS BEFORE. HE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE HUNTING TRIP FOR SHOW AND TELL. SINCE THE LEG HAD THAWED OUT AT SCHOOL, I HAD NO TROUBLE FINDING THE CLASS, AS THE AROMA OF ROTTEN DEER WAS WAFTING DOWN THE HALL. SURE ENOUGH, THERE WAS THE SAWED OFF LEG OF THAT POOR DEER IN A BAGGIE ON THE TEACHERS DESK. I JUST TOOK THE STINKING THING AND THREW IT IN THE TRASH. YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD KNOW BETTER!
ONE VERY COLD MORNING IN JANUARY, DAD AND THE BOYS WERE OUT IN THE GARAGE PUTTING A MOTOR BACK TOGETHER. NOW, MARTIN ALWAYS HAD HIS TOOLS AND PARTS VERY ORGANIZED SO THAT HE WOULD BE BETTER ABLE TO GET TO THEM. THE BOYS AND MARTIN WERE BUNDLED UP AGAINST THE COLD, BUT DAD IS TALL AND HE GETS "PLUMMERS CRACK" WHEN HE BENDS OVER. AARON GOT THE IDEA TO PLAY A LITTLE TRICK ON DAD. HE WENT OVER AND PICKED UP A PUSH ROD, WHICH IS A SMALL METAL ROD ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG THAT IS AN ENGINE PART. BECAUSE IT WAS SO COLD OUTSIDE, THIS ROD WAS COLD TOO, ACTUALLY, SO COLD IT WAS STICKING TO AARON'S FINGERS WHEN HE PICKED IT UP. GRINNING AT LITTLE OTTO, AARON SNEAKED OVER TO WHERE DAD WAS BENDING OVER THE CAR, AND SHOVED THAT PUSH ROD RIGHT DOWN MARTIN'S "PLUMBERS CRACK"! THE REACTION WAS INSTANTANEOUS. MARTIN ROARED AND JUMPED UP CRACKING HIS HEAD ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR. BEFORE HE COULD EVEN LOOK AROUND, THE LITTLE BOYS WERE HIGH TAILING IT ACROSS THE YARD FASTER THAN A DOG AFTER A STEAK! MARTIN HAD A HUGE BUMP ON HIS HEAD, AND THE FRIGID PUSH ROD STUCK TO THE SKIN OF HIS TENDER AREA. HE WAS HOLDING HIS HEAD WITH ONE HAND, AND TRYING TO DISLODGE THE PUSH ROD WITH THE OTHER. I THOUGHT IT FUNNY THAT THE BOYS CAME RUSHING INTO THE HOUSE AND WITHOUT STOPPING, SAID, "MOM, WE ARE GOING TO CHRIS'S HOUSE, BYE!" WELL, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! IT WAS ONLY AFTER MARTIN CAME STOMPING INTO THE HOUSE THAT I REALIZED THAT THEY PROBABLY MADE A GOOD CHOICE!
WHEN BECKY WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL, ABOUT TWO, SHE WENT OUT TO SEE WHAT HER DADDY WAS DOING. AS USUAL, HE WAS UNDER A CAR, BUT THIS TIME THE WEATHER WAS HOT, AND HE WAS SWEATING. AFTER FINDING HIM, SHE CAME BACK IN THE HOUSE, AND AFTER A FEW MINUTES, WENT BACK OUT TO DAD, CARRYING A CUP OF WATER. "DINKIE DADDY? WANNA A DINKIE?" SHE ASKED. HE WAS SO IMPRESSED THAT SHE COULD BE SO COMPASSIONATE, AND GRATEFULLY TOOK THE DRINK, MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF HER ACCOMPLISHMENT. WHEN THE CUP WAS DRAINED, BECKY TOOK IT BACK, AND WENT BACK INTO THE HOUSE. WITHIN A FEW MINUTES, SHE CAME BACK WITH ANOTHER CUP OF WATER. "OH, THANK YOU BABY, DADDY HAS HAD ENOUGH" HE SAID, BUT DRANK THE WATER ANYWAY. I HAD NOTICED HER GOING BACK AND FORTH TO THE GARAGE, WHICH WAS OUT IN BACK OF THE YARD, AND WONDERED WHAT SHE WAS UP TO. SHE CAME IN AND SAID, "DADDY DINKIE!" I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT, SO I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT. OUT SHE WENT WITH ANOTHER CUP OF WATER. MARTIN TOLD HER HE HAD HAD ENOUGH, BUT SHE GOT UPSET, AND HE DRANK THE THIRD CUP TO MAKE HER HAPPY. WHEN SHE CAME BACK IN, I DECIDED TO SEE WHERE SHE WAS GETTING THE WATER SO EASILY. SURE ENOUGH, SHE WENT INTO THE BATHROOM, PLUNGED THE CUP INTO THE TOILET AND STARTED OUT THE DOOR AGAIN!!! OH, NO! SHE HEADED OUT TO THE GARAGE ONCE MORE, WITH A HUGE GRIN ON HER HELPFUL LITTLE FACE. "DINKIE DADDY! MORE DINKIE!" SHE SAID. DADDY SAID HE COULD NOT DRINK ANYMORE, AND WHY DIDN'T SHE GO AND GIVE THE WATER TO THE CHICKENS. THAT SENT HER OFF, AND I SAT DOWN NEXT TO HIM. "DID YOU GET ENOUGH TO DRINK?" I INNOCENTLY ASKED HIM. HE SAID YES, AND WASN'T BECKY SMART TO BE ABLE TO BRING HIM A DRINK? WASN'T SHE SWEET? SHE MUST TAKE AFTER HER MAMA! I DECIDED TO START TO WALK BACK TO THE HOUSE, BUT NOT UNTIL AFTER I CASUALLY MENTIONED OVER MY SHOULDER WHERE THE WATER HAD COME FROM. YES, THE LANGUAGE WAS COLORFUL, PUNCTUATED BY GAGGING AND SPITTING. LUCKY DADDY TO HAVE SUCH A HELPFUL LITTLE DAUGHTER!
WHEN BOBBIE JO WAS IN JR. HIGH SCHOOL, SHE WAS A BIT OF A REBEL. SHE AND I BEGAN TO HAVE THE TYPICAL TEEN-AGE DAUGHTER AND MOTHER DIFFICULTIES, BUT NOTHING TOO BAD. THEN, ONE DAY, WE HAD A BIG BLOW-UP. SHE WANTED TO GO TO THE MALL WITH HER FRIENDS, AND FELT SHE WAS TOO YOUNG. IT WAS QUITE AN ARGUMENT, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER UNTIL THE DOORBELL RANG THE NEXT DAY. I ANSWERED THE DOOR TO FIND THE MOTHER OF ONE OF BOBBIE JO'S FRIENDS STANDING THERE. SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD COME IN, AND WE SAT DOWN. SHE COMPASSIONATLY TOLD ME THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD HOW I MUST BE OVERWHELMED WITH ALL THE CHILDREN, AND SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT SOMETIMES A MOTHER COULD LOSE CONTROL WITH HER CHILDREN. I WAS TOTALLY CONFUSED. SHE CONTINUED TO TELL ME THAT BOBBIE JO HAD CONFIDED IN HER THAT I HAD BEATEN HER, MADE HER DO ALL THE WORK, WOULDN'T FEED HER ENOUGH AND THAT BOBBIE JO FELT THAT HER LIFE WAS IN DANGER. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO INVOLVE THE AUTHORITIES, AND HAD A SUGGESTION. WHY DIDN'T I ALLOW BOBBIE JO TO COME AND STAY WITH THEM FOR AWHILE? BOBBIE JO WAS SUCH A SWEET LITTLE THING, IT WAS A SHAME THAT SHE HAD TO LIVE WITH SUCH ABUSE. I ALMOST EXPLODED, BUT FOR ONCE, I KEPT MY SENSE AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE SITUATION. OF COURSE I HAD NOT BEATEN BOBBIE JO, (MAYBE THAT WAS THE PROBLEM), STARVED HER OR WORKED HER TO DEATH. SHE WANTED TO BE WITH HER FRIEND WHO'S MOTHER LET HER GO TO THE MALL, THE MOVIES AND STAY OUT LATE. THESE GIRLS WERE ONLY 12 YEARS OLD, AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE FREEDOM THIS MOTHER ALLOWED. SUDDENLY I GOT AN IDEA. I GRABBED THE MOTHER'S HAND, AND WITH "ALLIGATOR TEARS" WEPT THAT SHE WAS TOO GOOD TO COME TO MY RESCUE. OF COURSE BOBBIE JO COULD COME AND STAY WITH THEM. IT TOOK ME ALL OF 5 MINUTES TO GET BOBBIE JO SOME THINGS TOGETHER, TOSS THEM IN HER CAR, AND WAVE HER OFF. I WENT IN THE HOUSE AND CRIED MY EYES OUT. HOW COULD BOBBIE JO DO THAT TO ME? I WAS SO ANGRY! THE PLAN WAS TO GO AND GET BOBBIE JO WHEN MARTIN CAME HOME, BUT HE THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY. HE SAID TO LET BOBBIE JO SPEND THE NIGHT AND THE NEXT DAY SHE WOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY. ABOUT 9 PM THAT EVENING, THE DOORBELL RANG ONCE AGAIN. UPON ANSWERING THE DOOR, I FOUND THE MOTHER STANDING THERE (AN ANGRY LOOK ON HER FACE) WITH BOBBIE JO IN TOW. "HERE! TAKE YOUR KID BACK! SHE IS A PAIN IN THE -----!" I SWEETLY SAID, "I KNOW THAT YOU CAN BE OVERWHELMED WITH CHILDREN SOMETIMES, AND I UNDERSTAND THE STRESS YOU CAN BE UNDER AND ALL-IT COULD BE SO EASY TO LOSE CONTROL YOU KNOW" AND SHE SAID, "SHUT UP! TAKE YOUR KID!" AND STOMPED OFF THE PORCH, TO HER CAR AND SLAMMED OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY. BOBBIE JO AND I LOOKED AT EACH OTHER WITH NEW UNDERSTANDING. I WANTED TO BLAST HER FOR ALL THE MEAN THINGS SHE HAD SAID, BUT SHE WAS SO HURT THAT I COULDN'T. BOBBIE JO TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD HEARD THE WOMAN TELLING HER FRIENDS ON THE PHONE ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE A MOTHER I WAS, AND IT MADE HER ANGRY. THEN SHE REALIZED THAT SHE HAD CAUSED THIS AND WANTED TO COME HOME. ALSO, THERE WERE NO BAKED COOKIES AT THAT HOUSE, THE FRIDGE WAS EMPTY AND SUPPER WAS NON-EXISTANT. SHE AND HER FRIEND HAD TO HAVE CEREAL AND MAKE IT THEMSELVES. SHE WANTED TO COME HOME AND HAVE A HOT SUPPER AND SLEEP IN HER BED. IT WAS A MOMENT FOR BOTH OF US. SHE AND I TALKED ABOUT WHY SHE WAS SO UNHAPPY, AND WE MADE SOME DECISIONS TO IMPROVE OUR RELATIONSHIP. I WAS TERRIBLY EMBARRASSED AT WHAT BOBBIE JO HAD SAID ABOUT ME, BUT I FELT THAT MY REPUTATION WOULD STAND UP TO SCRUTINY IF IT HAD TO.
YES, DON'T EVER BE SO COCKY AS TO THINK THAT YOUR KIDS "WOULDN'T DO THAT". THEY WILL, NO MATTER WHAT! JUST REMEMBER THAT WHEN THEY DO, IT WAS YOU WHO TAUGHT THEM TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO STEP OUT-AND THAT MAKES YOU A GOOD MAMA. ALSO, REMEMBER, WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS, "YOU ARE THE MEANEST MAMA IN THE WORLD, AND I HATE YOU !" THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE IS, "THEN I AM DOING A GOOD JOB!" LOVE, NANASEE