LITTLE OTTO

ONE OF MY SWEET READERS ASKED ME TO SHARE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT LITTLE OTTO. FIRST OF ALL, WE CALLED HIM LITTLE OTTO, BECAUSE HE WAS NAMED AFTER HIS GREAT-GRANDFATHER WHO WAS ALIVE WHEN OTTO WAS BORN. IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG, SOON, LITTLE OTTO WAS BIGGER THAN BIG OTTO, BUT WE KEPT THE NAME THE SAME ANYWAY. AS YOU MAY KNOW, LITTLE OTTO WAS OUR FOURTH CHILD BORN UNDER SOME VERY DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS WAS CHRONICLED IN AN EARLIER POST, BUT IF YOU NEED TO, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL FIND IT AND LET YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IT WAS. HE WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL BOY, AND HAD AN ATTITUDE DIFFERENT FROM MOST CHILDREN. HE WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL, AND FOR SOME REASON, MADE SURE EVERY DAY THAT HE LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME. EVEN AS A LITTLE BOY, HE WOULD PICK FLOWERS AND BRING THEM HOME, MAKE LITTLE CARDS AND POEMS FOR ME, AND MOST TOUCHING, SAVE THE LAST BITE OF EACH CANDY BAR FOR ME. HE WORSHIPPED HIS BROTHER AARON, AND THE TWO OF THEM WERE HARDLY EVER APART. HE DID WELL IN SCHOOL, HOWEVER, HE WAS DISLEXIC AND WE DID NOT KNOW IT. IF HE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY, HE WOULDKEEP IT TO HIMSELF, AS HE DID NOT WANT TO WORRY ME. I REALLY HATE THAT, BECAUSE, LOOKING BACK, I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT HE DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HELP HIM WITH. IN THE THIRD GRADE, HE HAD A TEACHER THAT FOR SOME REASON, DID NOT LIKE HIM. YOU KNOW, WHEN KIDS COME HOME AND SAY THAT THEIR TEACHERS DON'T LIKE THEM, PERHAPS YOU THINK THAT THE CHILD IS EXAGGERATING HIS FEELINGS. BUT IN THIS CASE, TO MY SHAME, IT TOOK ME SEVERAL MONTHS TO REALIZE THAT HIS TEACHER TRULY DID NOT LIKE HIM. SHE SINGLED HIM OUT FOR ANY LITTLE INFRACTION, AND MADE SCHOOL HELL FOR HIM. I WENT TO A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE AND GOT THE FEELING THAT SHE HAD BAD FEELINGS TOWARD HIM, AND BECAME CONCERNED. I KEPT A CLOSER EYE ON THE SITUATION, BUT WHEN ONE OF LITTLE OTTO'S FRIENDS TOLD ME HOW THAT TEACHER WAS ABUSING HIM, I REALIZED THAT THE SITUATION WAS WORSE THAN I HAD KNOWN. OF COURSE I WENT TO HER AND TOLD HER TO LAY OFF HIM, AND EVEN TRIED TO GET HIS CLASS CHANGED, BUT THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT. FINALLY, AFTER SCHOOL IN THE PARKING LOT, I CORNERED HER AND TOLD HER IF HEARD ONE MORE TIME THAT SHE HAD BEEN PICKING ON HIM, SHE WAS GOING TO DEAL WITH ME, ONE ON ONE. (THAT WOULD BE MY ONE FIST ON HER ONE FACE). THE YEAR CAME TO A CLOSE WITH OTTO SAYING HE HATED SCHOOL. THE NEXT YEAR, HE HAD A TEACHER THAT IMMEDIATLY SAW THAT HE HAD A PROBLEM. SHE JUMPED ON IT AND TOLD US TO TEST HIM FOR DYSLEXIA. WE FOUND HE WAS DYSLEXIC AND WENT FROM THERE. HE BEGAN THERAPY AND HE BEGAN TO BLOOM IN SCHOOL AND HIS GRADES SKYROCKETED. HE LOVED THAT TEACHER, AND SHE MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN HIS LIFE. I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL TO HER FOR WHAT SHE DID FOR HIM. THAT SUMMER, HE BEGAN TO CHANGE FROM A LITTLE BOY INTO A YOUNG MAN. HE LOVED CHURCH, BOYSCOUTS AND ALL OF THE ANIMALS. HE HAD A GROUP OF FRIENDS AT CHURCH THAT HE HAD GROWN UP WITH AND THRIVED SOCIALLY. HE LOVED MUSIC, AND WOULD DANCE AROUND AND DIDN'T CARE WHO WAS WATCHING. IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS HAPPY ATTITUDE THAT WHEN HE SEEMED DEPRESSED, I BECAME WORRIED ABOUT HIM. I TOOK HIM TO THE SIDE THAT DAY, AND ASKED HIM WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. HE TOLD ME HE COULD NOT TELL ME. I TOLD HIM TO TRUST ME AND LET ME HELP HIM. FINALLY HE TOLD ME THAT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS FROM CHURCH HAD STOLEN SOME ACTION FIGURES AND HAD GIVEN HIM A COUPLE. THEY WERE SOME HE HAD WANTED BUT WE DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY. HIS CONCERN WAS, THAT SINCE HE KNEW THEY WERE STOLEN, HE COULD NOT KEEP THEM, BUT RETURNING THEM WOULD BE TO ADMIT THAT HE KNEW THEY WERE STOLEN AND HE WOULD GET INTO TROUBLE. I TOLD HIM TO PUT ON HIS SHOES AND I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE STORE MANAGER. I ASSURED HIM HE WOULD NOT GET INTO TROUBLE. SO OFF WE WENT. WE ASKED TO SEE THE STORE MANAGER IN HIS OFFICE. LITTLE OTTO WAS SO NERVOUS. I TOLD HIM TO TELL THE MANAGER ABOUT THE TOYS AND OTTO SAID, "SIR, I KNOW THAT THESE TOYS HAVE BEEN STOLEN. MY FRIEND GAVE THEM TO ME, AND I KNOW IT IS NOT RIGHT TO KEEP THEM, SO I HAVE BROUGHT THEM BACK. I DID NOT STEAL THEM, BUT I CAN'T KEEP THEM. I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU MY FRIEND'S NAME AND GET HIM INTO TROUBLE." THE STORE MANAGER LOOKED AT LITTLE OTTO FOR A MINUTE, AND THEN, GOT ON HIS KNEE IN FRONT OF HIM. HE TOOK OTTO'S HAND AND SHOOK IT, AND THEN SAID, (WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE) "SON, I AM IN THE PRESENCE OF SOMETHING RARE AND PRECIOUS. I AM IN THE PRESENCE OF AN HONEST MAN. ONE DAY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A VERY SUCCESSFUL MAN BECAUSE YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL BOY". OTTO TOLD HIM THANK YOU AND WE LEFT. THAT WAS ONE EXPERIENCE THAT REALLY SHAPED LITTLE OTTO'S LIFE. AFTER THAT HE WAS MORE KIND AND GIVING. IT WAS AS IF A WALL HAD BEEN REMOVED FROM HIS WAY. HE SHARED HIS LUNCH WITH FRIENDS THAT HAD NO FOOD. HE GAVE THE TOYS HE NO LONGER WANTED TO OTHER CHILDREN. WHEN HOLIDAYS CAME AROUND, HE PLANNED IN ADVANCE FOR THE FAMILY TO REALLY ENJOY THEM. IN SEPTEMBER, HE WOULD GO AROUND AND ASK THE NEIGHBORS IF HE COULD RAKE THEIR LEAVES SO THAT HE COULD STUFF PUMPKIN BAGS TO DECORATE THE YARD WITH FOR HALLOWEEN. THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS, VALENTINES DAY, EASTER, MOTHER AND FATHER'S DAY, HE CELEBRATED THEM ALL WITH JOY AND GUSTO. HE CONTINUED THINKING ABOUT THE MEXICAN CHILDREN DOWN THE ROAD. HE WAS CAREFREE AND LAUGHED. HE EXCELLED IN SCOUTING AND LOVED TO EARN HIS BADGES. THE MOST FUN WAS WHEN DAD TOOK TIME TO GO AND CAMP WITH OTTO AND AARON. HE WAS WITH HIS BROTHER AARON ANYTIME HE COULD BE. AS HE BECAME A BIT OLDER, HE BEGAN TO QUESTION MANY THINGS. BUT THE QUESTION HE HAD THE MOST WAS, "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN TO EACH OTHER?" JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL WAS MORE DIFFICULT FOR HIM AS HE SAW THE WAY THE KIDS TREATED EACH OTHER AND IT DISTURBED HIM. HE WAS HAPPY WITH HIS GROUP OF FRIENDS, AND AVOIDED OTHER KIDS WHO WERE INTO OTHER PROBLEMS. ONE MORNING, AS WE WERE GOING TO SCHOOL, (I TAUGHT SCHOOL AT THE SAME SCHOOL HE AND AARON ATTENDED) HE TOUCHED MY ARM AND SAID, "MAMA, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL? EVERYONE IS SO MESSED UP. THEY DON'T CARE FOR ANYTHING. I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT HERE." ONCE AGAIN I SAW THE SADNESS THAT WAS LYING UNDERNEATH MY SWEET OTTO'S HEART. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM, AND HAD HIS FRIENDS OVER MORE. THE SUMMER HE TURNED 13, I GOT A SUMMER JOB WITH THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. HE AND BECKY WENT WITH ME EVERY DAY AND WE WORKED WITH THE UNDERPRIVELEGED CHILDREN. WE FED THEM, DID CRAFTS AND HAD STORY TIME AND MUSIC. I SAVED EVERY DIME I MADE, BECAUSE I WANTED TO BUY THE KIDS SCHOOL CLOTHES WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT IT, AND TO ALLOW THEM TO HAVE THEIR OWN MONEY TO SHOP. WE SO ENJOYED THAT SUMMER, AND SOON IT WOULD BE TIME FOR SCHOOL ONCE AGAIN. WE WENT TO THE MALL TO BUY SCHOOL CLOTHES, AND LITTLE OTTO SEEMED REALLY SAD ABOUT SOMETHING. I TOOK HIM TO THE SIDE, AND GOT HIM TO TELL ME WHAT WAS TROUBLING HIM. HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T WANT DADDY TO GET MAD AT ME FOR SPENDING MONEY. I REMINDED HIM THAT WE HAD WORKED ALL SUMMER TO EARN THE MONEY FOR SCHOOL, AND EACH OF THEM COULD HAVE 600.00 TO SPEND OR SAVE. HE BRIGHTENED UP AND ASKED IF HE COULD SPEND SOME OF HIS MONEY ON A FRIEND OF HIS THAT HAD NO MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES. I TOLD HIM TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE THROUGH SHOPPING. I REMEMBER CLEARLY THAT DAY, AS WE SHOPPED, HAD LUNCH AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. SCHOOL STARTED AND HE WAS IN THE 8TH GRADE. HE SEEMED TO BE DOING FINE, AND I KEPT A CLOSE EYE ON HIM. HE PLAYED FOOTBALL, (BECAUSE AARON DID) AND EXCELLED IN HIS CLASSES. ONE DAY, HE TOLD ME HE NEEDED MONEY FOR THE BOOK FAIR. FOR SOME REASON, I GAVE HIM TWENTY DOLLARS AND TOLD HIM TO BRING THE CHANGE. LATER, HE BROUGHT ME SOME CHANGE, AND A POSTER FOR MY CLASS ROOM. I WAS TEACHING ADAPTIVE BEHAVIOUR AT THE TIME, AND SOME OF THE STUDENTS WERE REALLY ROUGH. ONE OF THEM WAS A HUGE BOY, KIND OF SLOW, BUT HE LOVED OTTO. OTTO WAS HIS HERO, AS OTTO WOULD STUDY WITH HIM AND HELP HIM WITH HIS WORK. IN RETURN, HE WAS OTTO'S BODY GUARD- AND NO ONE WOULD DARE TO MESS WITH OTTO AS LONG AS HE WAS THERE. THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS, AND OTTO HAD BOUGHT A BOOK FOR HIM AT THE BOOK FAIR. THE DAY WENT ON, IT WAS A FRIDAY, AND WE WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND. WE WENT HOME AND I BOUGHT DINNER SOMEWHERE, I GUESS IT WAS PAYDAY. I FLOPPED IN MY BED AND DECIDED TO WATCH TV AND TAKE IT EASY. AFTER A WHILE, LITTLE OTTO CAME IN AND ASKED IF I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE VIDEO STORE TO RENT SOME GAMES. I TOLD HIM I WOULD, IN JUST A MINUTE. "OKAY MOM", HE SAID, "I AM GOING TO PLAY SOME BASKETBALL WITH THE GUYS". THE BASKETBALL GOAL WAS IN THE FRONT YARD ON THE EDGE OF THE STREET. IN A FEW MINUTES, I HEARD SOMEONE SCREAMING OUTSIDE AND WENT TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. OUR NEIGHBOR, (WHO WAS ALWAYS DRUNK) WAS SITTING IN THE DITCH, SCREAMING AND YELLING FOR HELP. I RAN OUT TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED, AND I SAW THAT HE WAS HOLDING SOMETHING IN HIS LAP. FOR A SECOND, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS, AND THEN, TO MY HORROR, I REALIZED THAT HE WAS HOLDING LITTLE OTTO. THERE WAS ANOTHER BOY LAYING IN THE STREET, AND CONFUSION EVERYWHERE. I BEGAN TO SCREAM OTTO'S NAME, AND THEN MARTIN'S NAME. BECKY WAS RUNNING TO GET HER DAD, SHE HAD BEEN THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN THE NEIGHBOR STARTED SCREAMING. OTTO WAS LIFELESS. I KEPT YELLING, "WHAT HAPPENED?" AND TRIED TO TAKE HIM FROM MY NEIGHBOR. OTTO WAS QUITE TALL, AND I WOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM FROM MY NEIGHBOR, BUT MARTIN GOT THERE AND TOLD ME NOT TO TOUCH HIM. HE DID NOT MOVE, JUST LAY THERE IN THE DITCH. THE BASKETBALL GOAL HAD BEEN TORN OFF AT THE BASE OF THE POLE AND WAS LYING SOME DISTANCE AWAY. SOMEONE CALLED 911, AND MARTIN STARTED CPR. THE BOY IN THE STREET STARTED CALLING FOR HELP, HE HAD REGAINED CONCIOUSNESS. THE AMBULANCE DID NOT COME FOR THE LONGEST TIME, (IT WAS ONLY MINUTES, BUT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER) AND MY NIGHTMARE CONTINUED. THE NEIGHBOR SAID THAT A WHITE TRUCK HAD PLOWED INTO THE BOYS, AND OTTO PUSHED HIS FRIEND OUT OF THE WAY AND TOOK A DIRECT HIT FROM THE VEHICLE. HIS BODY HIT THE BASKETBALL GOAL AND THAT IS WHY THE POST WAS TORN OFF. THE TRUCK NEVER STOPPED, JUST TOOK OFF. I LOOKED UP AND SAW A WHITE TRUCK COMING BACK DOWN THE STREET, AND JUMPED IN FRONT OF IT. WHEN THE MAN SLAMMED ON HIS BRAKES, I YANKED THE DOOR OPEN, PULLED THE MAN OUT AND BEGAN TO SCREAM AT HIM THAT HE HAD KILLED MY BABY! I SHOOK HIM LIKE A RAG DOLL, AND SOMEONE PULLED ME OFF OF HIM. IT WASN'T THE ONE WHO HIT OTTO, BUT HE SAID HE KNEW WHO HAD. BY THEN THE POLICE WERE THERE AND RESTRAINED ME. THEY TOOK OTTO TO THE HOSPITAL AND AN HOUR LATER, PRONOUNCED HIM DEAD. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY DESPAIR, MY GUILT. MY BABY WAS DEAD, AND IT WAS MY FAULT. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN UP AND TAKEN HIM TO THE VIDEO STORE WHEN HE ASKED. I KNOW NOW THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTTO'S DEATH, BUT IT TOOK YEARS TO UNDERSTAND THAT. THE OTHER BOY HAD AN INJURED KNEE FROM LANDING IN THE STREET. 4 DAYS LATER WE FOUND THE MAN WHO KILLED OTTO, AND SINCE THEY COULD NOT FIND HIM THAT NIGHT, THEY COULD NOT CHARGE HIM WITH INTOXICATED MANSLAUGHTER. HE DID NOT STAND TRIAL AS HE ADMITTED THAT HE HAD HIT THE BOYS. HE WAS A TERRIBLE PERSON, AND SHOWED NO REMORSE AT ALL. HE WAS GIVEN A SENTENCE OF 10 YEARS IN PRISON, FIVE YEARS FOR EACH CHILD HE HAD HIT. THAT MAN TOOK SO MUCH FROM ALL OF US. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIE OF GRIEF, I CRIED UNTIL MY EYES LEAKED EVEN IF I WAS NOT CRYING. MARTIN ALMOST DIED, I THOUGHT HE WOULD COMMIT SUICIDE TO MAKE SURE THAT OTTO WOULD NOT BE ALONE IN HEAVEN. IT AFFECTED ALL OF THE FAMILY, AND FOR SOME IT WOULD TAKE YEARS TO GET BETTER. SOMEHOW, I BECAME A BETTER PERSON THROUGH ALL OF IT. LATER, I WILL TELL YOU MORE ABOUT LITTLE OTTO, BUT I HOPE THROUGH THIS POSTING YOU WILL HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHO HE WAS AND WHAT HE MEANS TO ME. MORE LATER, LOVE, NANASEE