As vacations do, the Christmas vacation was speeding on it's way, with more to do than time to do it. In the middle of all of it, I had to think about spending Christmas with Mother, Grandmother and my brothers. I thought often about how it would be to have to return to the home after having spent time with my family, and I realized that once again, it would hurt to have to come back. My Grandmother had gone to visit relatives and so we had to wait to go to Mother's. I had thought that we would spend the entire Christmas vacation time from school with her, but it was not to be. We would only be there a few days before, during and after Christmas. I didn't have a lot of time to consider it though, because I had found a new hobby. I loved to bake! I had always loved to bake the occasional cake or some cookies, but now it was a whole new world. After the first disastrous try at Christmas cookies, with practice I had learned to bake from scratch, and found that I was good at it. I loved the preciseness of measuring the ingredients, the scent of baking goods and the fun of having some of the other girls in the kitchen with me. I imagined that one day I would bake for my own children. We would be all around the table, tasting the batter and after filling the pans, licking the empty bowl. I was surprised at how much these thoughts meant to me. Was it possible that I really could be a Mama one day? That was a dream that I thought would never come to be. During the week, as I stood in the kitchen one day, once again I was baking. It was becoming a great pleasure for me. I measured the cocoa into a large bowl to make brownies. I had creamed butter and sugar, added the eggs and vanilla and the flour. Now, the cocoa powder was going in and I knew that once again, I would turn out wonderful brownies. How funny that brownies were my very best achievement. The brownies that I learned to make were chewy and fudgy and had lots of pecans. It seemed that as soon as that first scent of sweet chocolate began to permeate the cottage, the girls would come into the kitchen to see what I was baking. I learned to make extra, as they brownies would always disappear quickly. Those brownies did something else for me. Because I made them often and bounteously, I became popular. Not only did the girls in the cottage love them, but my reputation spread, and soon the girl's boyfriends began to ask for them. I suppose I was a brownie doormat, but at the time that was not important to me. What was important was that more and more of the kids in the home knew who I was and I had friends. This particular batch of brownies was meant to go home with me for Christmas. I knew that they would be so nice along with the Christmas cookies and fudge that I had continued to make. I wrapped a box with Christmas paper and carefully arranged the Christmas sweets to take home with me to Mother's. I only had another day before I was to go home to Mother's, and wanted everything to be perfect. The gift of the cedar box filled with candy was beautifully wrapped along with George's gift and a bean frog that I had made for Kenny. Grandmother's and Mrs. Thompson's aprons were also wrapped as well as the gifts I had made for the girls in the cottage. Mindy's frog would be given to her when we were alone, as I wanted to share a special moment with her. Lastly, as if to mock me, the matron's gift sat on top of the little pile. It was the velvet frog that I had made, that was the first bean frog I had learned to make. Would she like it? Did it matter? Would it make a difference that I had made a gift for her? These questions haunted me each time I tried to think of the best time to give it to her. Suddenly I knew that there was no time like the present. Going to my room, I picked up the gift and walked slowly down the hall to the matron's room. My breathing was becoming shallow, and I realized how nervous I was. Why? Why was I so afraid of her? I knew she was mean and sometimes hateful, and I had seen the way she treated some of the other girls, but she and I had began to forge a friendship. Still, I was scared to knock on her door. But I did. Tap, tap, tap. I heard her rough voice call for me to come in. I opened the door and took a moment to get my bearings. There she was, at the far end of the room reclining in a chair with her feet up. The TV was on and she was watching a soap opera. Her feet were bare, (something I had never seen!) and she had a cup of coffee on the end table next to her. Her hair was out of it's net, and longer than I had realized. The paddle hung on the wall. When I greeted her, she returned the greeting with a slight look of confusion. Her bottom lip was undulating as usual, and it seemed to me that it was wetter than usual. As I hesitated telling her why I was there, her beetle brows lowered and her face took on the stormy countenance that was so familiar. I extended the wrapped gift and walked over to her chair. "Merry Christmas" I said. "I made something for you." Now, the bushy brows shot up in surprise and the wet lip stopped moving as her mouth opened slightly. "You made me a gift?" she asked, and looked suspiciously at the package. "Yes Ma'am" I replied holding the package to her. I told her I was leaving the next day to go to Mother's and wanted to give it to her before I left. She took it from my hands and turned it over and then shook it. With a little chuckle she told me that she always checked out her presents before she opened them. It was more fun that way. I was hypnotised by the fact that her usually wet, shining bottom lip was not being sucked in and out but was turned up in a smile. As I tried to get my attention back to the gift giving and away from her mouth, she took her forefinger and ripped the paper from top to bottom. A flash of vibrant green velvet fell into her lap. "Now, what is this?" she asked, "Well, look here. It's some kind of, well, I think it is a frog!" She picked up the frog, stroking the soft velvet and testing the pliability of the beans. Looking at me she asked, "Why did you think I would like a frog?" I didn't know what to say. She said, "Opal in the sewing room has one like this, and I have always loved it. I wanted one, but didn't know how to go about getting one. And now you have made one for me. I wanted a bean frog to put in the back window of my car. This one is perfect!" She held out her arms in invitation for me to go and give her a hug. Although I was nervous, I entered her embrace and to my surprise, she whispered, "Thank you. I love it." I felt like crying, tears of joy, or gratitude or something. She loved my frog! I didn't tell her it was the first one I had made, or that it was special to me. I was just so happy that she loved it. Something truly wonderful happened in that moment. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew it was significant. We visited for a while and then I noticed that she kept glancing back at the TV screen. I knew it was time for me to go. I told her goodbye, and again, Merry Christmas and walked out her door into the hall. Mindy was watching anxiously for me from the doorway of our room. "What happened? Why were you in the Matron's room? Are you in trouble? What did you do?" tumbled the questions from Mindy. I assured her that all was well, and told her of the gift. Mindy found it hard to believe that I would give the matron a gift, as she was as afraid of the matron as I was. I told Mindy that for some reason I felt it was important to give the matron a gift before I left. Even mean old dragons needed something for Christmas. Later that evening, Mindy and I exchanged our gifts. She had bought a ring for me, not an expensive one, but one to have until the day that I could "fulfill my fantasy of having all the jewelry I wanted". I thought that was so sweet of her. She and I were such good friends. She loved her frog too. I had made it of white denim with pink flowers and green leaves on it. She hugged it to her chest and thanked me for it. Then, she took it to her pillow and carefully arranged the legs of the frog so that it reclined next to where she would lay her head. As we visited that night, she stroked the frog over and over. I knew that she truly loved it and was so glad that I had learned to make bean frogs. The next day would find me on my way to Mother's for Christmas, and I knew that there would be some gifts for me, but that night, with Mindy to be with, was a special Christmas moment that would live on in my memory.