WHAT A CRAB-APPLE!

LETS SEE. IN THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS, WE HAVE HAD A FEW BUMPS IN THE ROAD. FIRST OF ALL, TWO DAYS AGO, BECKY WAS WASHING CLOTHES IN MY NEW WASHING MACHINE, AND IT CAUGHT ON FIRE. GOOD THING WE WERE HOME, WOULDN'T THAT BE WONDERFUL TO LOSE THE HOUSE TO FIRE AFTER WE WORKED AND WAITED ALMOST A YEAR TO GET BACK IN AFTER THE HURRICANE? THE REPAIR MAN CAME OUT AND IT WILL BE A WEEK BEFORE THE PART CAN BE PUT IN. IT WAS THE MAIN CONTROL BOARD THAT CAUGHT FIRE, SO THEY HAVE TO REPLACE IT. THANK GOODNESS FOR WARRANTIES. THEN, THE CATFISH GOT PAPA. HE IS A BIT CRABBY, BUT THEN I DON'T EXPECT ANY LESS; AFTER ALL HE IS A MAN. IT SEEMS THE KINDER I TRY TO BE, THE CRABBIER HE GETS. I THINK FROM NOW ON, UNTIL HE IS FEELING BETTER, I WILL JUST THROW THE FRESHLY POPPED BAG OF HOT, AROMATIC POPCORN TO HIM, INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO HIM COMPLAIN THAT "IT TOOK LONG ENOUGH" AND "I CAN'T EAT POPCORN WITHOUT AN ICY COKE YOU KNOW!" OH YES, THIS MORNING WHEN I ASKED WHAT I COULD FIX FOR HIS BREAKFAST, HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T KNOW. SO I SUGGESTED EGGS, SAUSAGE, TOAST AND GRITS. HE SAID, "NO, JUST GET ME SOME CEREAL." I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED FROSTED RICE KRISPIES OR CORN POPS AND HE TOLD ME THE RICE KRISPIES. I MADE A NICE BOWL OF CEREAL, BROUGHT COLD ORANGE JUICE AND SERVED IT TO HIM IN THE BEDROOM WHILE HE SAT IN HIS RECLINER WATCHING A HOUSE RENOVATION SHOW. I GAVE HIM HIS PILLS AND FED HIS DOG. THEN, I WENT AND TOOK THE DISHES BACK INTO THE KITCHEN AND MADE SURE HE HAD ENOUGH TO DRINK WHILE HE WATCHED TV. I HAD TO COOK FOR ROCKY, (HE IS OUR DOG ON A VERY SPECIAL DIET, AND SO I STARTED A BIG POT WITH GROUND CHICKEN, YOGURT, CARROTS, GARLIC, EGGS, BONE POWDER, COD LIVER OIL AND BREWERS YEAST. PEE-YEW! AREN'T I A GOOD WIFE? IS THERE ANY MORE I COULD DO FOR HIM? SO, WHEN OUR FRIEND RUSTY ASKED HOW HE WAS DOING, HE SNAPPED, "ALL I GOT FOR BREAKFAST WAS A LOUSY BOWL OF COLD CEREAL!" DID HE MENTION THAT I OFFERED TO MAKE HIS FAVORITE BREAKFAST? COOK FOR HIS DOG? WAIT ON HIM? NO, HE DID NOT! SO I SWEETLY SAID, "MARTIN, YOU GOT MORE THAN COLD CEREAL THIS MORNING, YOU GOT YOUR PILLS TOO!" AND I LEFT IT AT THAT. IT WON'T LAST LONG, THIS CRABBY INVALID MOOD OF HIS. LATER TODAY, WE WENT TO SAM'S CLUB TO HELP OUR FRIEND RUSTY GET SOME SHELVING THAT IS RATHER HEAVY. MARTIN WENT WITH US, AND REFUSED TO RIDE IN A CART. HE LEFT HIS CRUTCHES AT HOME. JUST LIKE A MAN! I HAD AN ALTERNATE REASON FOR GOING WITH THEM TO SAM'S, I FOUND A LOVELY SIDEBOARD TO MATCH MY NEW DINING ROOM SET AND I WANTED TO GET IT. MARTIN CRABBED AND CRABBED, AND REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS, AND I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH. I JUST LEFT HIM STANDING THERE IN FRONT OF THE FURNITURE AISLE- I WAS AFRAID I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING UGLY TO HIM. SO, OFF I WENT TO FIND SOME RAISIN BREAD, AND JUST TAKE THE TOUR OF SAM'S. THE NEXT THING I NOTICE, IS MARTIN WHEELING THE SIDEBOARD DOWN THE AISLE LOOKING FOR ME. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK, SO I KEPT MY THOUGHTS TO MYSELF. IT TURNS OUT THAT WHILE MARTIN WAS STANDING NEXT TO THE SIDEBOARD WHILE I WALKED OFF, A LADY ASKED HIM IF HE WAS GOING TO BUY IT. SHE WENT ON AND TOLD HIM THAT SHE WANTED IT, BECAUSE SHE HAD SEEN THE SAME ONE AT ANOTHER FURNITURE STORE AND I COST 1500.00. THIS ONE ONLY COST 489.00 AND SHE WAS CHAMPING AT THE BIT TO GET IT AWAY FROM MARTIN. HE TOLD HER THAT HE WAS BUYING IT FOR ME, AND THEN HE LOADED IT UP TO CART IT OFF. WELL ALL I CAN SAY IS, GOD BLESS THAT POOR WOMAN. MARTIN CANNOT RESIST A BARGAIN ANYMORE THAN I CAN- AND IF THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET HIM TO SEE IT MY WAY, THEN GOOD! THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT THE SIDEBOARD IS HEAVY! MARTIN AND RUSTY WERE GRUNTING LIKE HOGS TRYING TO GET IT INTO THE HOUSE- AND ALL THE WHILE MARTIN WAS CARPING ABOUT HOW HE WAS HURT BY A CATFISH, AND LOOK AT HIM WRESTLING WITH A HEAVY PIECE OF FURNITURE. I ALMOST TOLD HIM WHERE HE COULD PUT THAT HEAVY PIECE OF FURNITURE, BUT IT LOOKS MUCH NICER WHERE I PUT IT! (I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HAD MORE FUN SHOVING IT WHERE I WANTED TO TELL HIM TO SHOVE IT THOUGH). SO, THE DAY IS AT AN END, MARTIN IS SLOWLY RECOVERING FROM THE CATFISH, I CANNOT DO THE LAUNDRY, BUT I WILL BE ABLE TO IN A WEEK, AND I DO HAVE A REALLY LOVELY SIDEBOARD TO GRACE MY DINING ROOM AND SHOW OFF THE NEW CHINA. I GUESS THINGS ARE NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL! I AM GOING TO BE EXTRA NICE TO CRABBY, EVEN IF HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT. AFTER ALL, HOW OFTEN DOES A MAN SPEAR HIMSELF WITH A HUGE CATFISH? MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE