MAMA AT THE MALL

I JUST WOKE FROM A NAP, (GOSH, I WISH I COULD SLEEP AT NIGHT LIKE THAT) AND WAS THINKING ABOUT SUMMER WHEN THE KIDS WERE LITTLE. I REMEMBER ONE HOT SUMMER DAY, I TOOK THE KIDS TO THE MALL, JUST TO HANG OUT AND MAYBE GET SOME PIZZA-YOU KNOW, "MOM, I'M BORED, WHAT CAN WE DO SORT OF THING". WE WERE WALKING THROUGH THE MALL, LOOKING AT THE SITES AND JUST DRINKING IN THE EXPERIENCE. IN THE NEAR DISTANCE, I HEARD A LITTLE CHILD JUST SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF, AND BECAME CONCERNED. I HURRIED A BIT FASTER TOWARD THE DISTURBANCE, ONLY TO FIND A MOTHER EATING AN ICE CREAM CONE AND HER LITTLE BOY SCREAMING. I'M TELLING YOU THAT LITTLE BOY WAS REALLY GOING AT IT, AND CONCERNED, I ASKED THE MOTHER IF HER LITTLE BOY WAS ALRIGHT. SHE TOLD ME HE WAS ONLY SCREAMING BECAUSE HE WANTED A BITE OF HER ICE CREAM. WELL! I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE WOULD JUST IGNORE HIM! TRYING TO CALM MY TEMPER, (AFTER ALL, MY KIDS WERE WITH ME) I ASKED HER WHY SHE WOULDN'T GIVE HIM A TASTE OF HER ICE CREAM. SHE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS DIABETIC AND SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY. AGAIN, (FORCED CALM THIS TIME) I ASKED HER WHY SHE WAS EATING IT IN FRONT OF HIM. SHE TOLD ME IN A VERY PROFANE WAY TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS. MY KIDS LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND I ACTUALLY HEARD ONE SAY, "UH-OH, STAND BACK". I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM, BUT I WALKED UP CLOSE TO HER AND, LICKING MY FINGER MAKING IT GOOD AND WET, POKED IT CLEAR UP TO THE THIRD JOINT RIGHT INTO HER ICE CREAM. "WHOOPS!" I SAID. "HOW CLUMSY OF ME!" THEN, I GAVE HER A LOOK THAT SAID, "BRING IT BABE-LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT!" SHE GAVE ME A LOOK OF INCREDUALITY, AND STOOD UP, THEN SLAMMED HER ICE CREAM INTO THE TRASH. AS SHE WALKED AWAY, I CASUALLY LICKED THE ICE CREAM FROM MY FINGER AND SMILED AT HER. I BELIEVE I HEARD ANOTHER PROFANITY FROM HER, BUT MY KIDS WERE LAUGHING SO HARD IT DIDN'T MATTER. I REALIZED AFTER THAT THAT I GUESS I COULD HAVE GOTTEN INTO SOME TROUBLE, BUT MY DEFENSE WAS GOING TO BE THAT I JUST SLIPPED AND ACCIDENTALLY POKED HER STUPID ICE CREAM. I WOULD HAVE GRACIOUSLY PURCHASED HER ANOTHER- AND I AM SURE THAT THAT ONE WOULD HAVE GONE ASTRAY AS WELL. NOTHING HAPPENED, EXCEPT I FELT BETTER FOR THE LITTLE BOY.
ANOTHER TIME, BOBBIE JO WAS WITH ME SCHOOL SHOPPING. SHE HAD EARNED SOME MONEY AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED SOME LUNCH. I JOKINGLY TOLD HER I WANTED THE BIGGEST HAMBURGER MEAL, AND SHE DIDN'T QUITE GET MY SENSE OF HUMOR. SHE WHIPPED AROUND AND BEGAN TO STALK OFF AWAY FROM ME. NOW, BOBBIE JO WAS WEARING A LITTLE SHORT SKIRT AND A RATHER TINY TOP, YOU KNOW, SUMMER CLOTHES, BUT THOSE THAT I DIDN'T EXACTLY APPROVE OF. SHE LITTLE 14 YEAR-OLD FIGURE WAS NEAR PERFECT, SHE HAD FLOWING WHITE BLONDE HAIR, BLUE EYES AND A SWITCH TO HER WALK THAT TURNED A FEW HEADS. AS SHE STALKED AWAY FROM ME, I BEGAN TO TRY TO CATCH UP TO HER TO APOLOGIZE. HER LITTLE SKIRT WAS FLIPPING BACK AND FORTH AND SHE PASSED A FOUNTAIN THAT HAD TWO VERY LARGE, WELL DRESSED YOUNG MEN SITTING ON THE EDGE, WATCHING THE MALL TRAFFIC. THESE TWO YOUNG MEN PERKED UP AS THEY SAW BOBBIE JO APPROACHING, AND WERE REALLY TAKING NOTICE OF HER. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THE IMPRESSION THAT I GOT FROM THESE GUYS WERE THAT THEY MAY HAVE BEEN PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES. BOBBIE JO PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THEY WERE OGLING HER, SHE JUST KEPT WALKING. JUST ABOUT THE TIME I GOT CLOSE TO THEM, I HEARD ONE OF THEM SAY,"MAN, I SURE WOULD LOVE SOME OF THAT SWEET STUFF!" OH, MY GOSH. I FELT LIKE SOMEONE HAD BLASTED A BOMB OFF IN MY BRAIN. WITHOUT EVEN THINKING, I STOMPED OVER TO THOSE GUYS, BUNCHED UP MY FIST AND SHOVED IT RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES. "HOW'D YOU LIKE SOME OF SWEET STUFF'S MAMA BUSTER?!!! BOY, YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE FRIGHT, SHOCK AND AMAZEMENT ON THEIR FACES. "UUUHH, I DIDN'T KNOW HER MAMA WAS HERE" STAMMERED ONE OF THEM. THE OTHER ONE WAS TRYING NOT TO GO OVER BACKWARDS INTO THE FOUNTAIN. I YELLED AT THE ONE, "WELL, HER MAMA IS RIGHT HERE, AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO CHEW AGAIN, YOU BETTER LEARN TO KEEP YOUR FILTHY MOUTHS SHUT!!!!" HE ACTUALLY SAID, "YES, MAAM. I'M SORRY." I SAID, "YOU BETTER BE BUDDY, SHE IS JAIL BAIT!" THE MALL PATRONS FOR SEVERAL FEET IN EVERY DIRECTION HAD STOPPED TO WATCH THE COMMOTION, AND OF COURSE BOBBIE JO WAS WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE WITH A MORTIFIED LOOK ON HER FACE. A SECURITY GUARD CAME OVER TO SEE IF THERE WAS TROUBLE. I ASSURED HIM THAT ALL WAS WELL, AND WITH ONE LAST, "FILTHY AN IMAL"LOOK AT THOSE GUYS, WENT ON MY WAY. I CAUGHT UP TO BOBBIE JO, AND SHE SAID, "MAMA, I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!" I LAUGHED AND TOLD HER SHE BETTER TAKE ME FROM NOW ON, SO THAT I COULD WATCH HER BACK!
ANOTHER TIME AT THE MALL AT CHRISTMAS TIME, WE HAD JUST FINISHED EATING PIZZA AS USUAL, AND IT WAS JUST MARTIN AND ME. AS WE WERE LEAVING THE FOOD COURT TO SHOP, MARTIN HAD WALKED AHEAD OF ME. I NOTICED A COMMOTION JUST TO THE RIGHT OF ME AND I SAW A WOMAN AND A MAN WAVING AND GESTURING WITH VIGOR. I REALIZED THAT THEY WERE TWO DEAF PEOPLE AND THEY WERE FIGHTING IN SIGN LANGUAGE. NOW, NORMALLY, I WOULD NOT EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO A COUPLE ARGUING, BUT I HAD NEVER SEEN AN ARGUMENT IN SIGN LANGUAGE AND OF COURSE IT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. THEY WERE REALLY GOING AT IT, AND I CALLED MARTIN (THE COUPLE COULDN'T HEAR ME) AND GOT HIS ATTENTION. HE WALKED BACK AND I SHOWED HIM THE COUPLE FIGHTING. HE LOOKED AT ME AND TOLD ME THAT IT WAS PRETTY RUDE OF ME TO EVEN MAKE A POINT OF IT, ESPECIALLY AS THEY WERE DEAF. I TOLD HIM THAT HE DID NOT HAVE TO BE SUCH A STICK-IN-THE-MUD, AND TURNED HIM SO HE COULD SEE THEM WAVING AND CARRYING ON. JUST AS HE TURNED TO SEE THEM, THE WOMAN PICKED UP A CONTAINER OF MUSTARD AND THREW IT AT THE MAN. HE NEATLY DUCKED, AND I SWEAR THAT MUSTARD HIT MARTIN IN THE CHEST AND SPLATTERED ALL OVER HIS NECK AND FACE. (WHEW, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME!) THANK GOODNESS I HAD THE FORESIGHT TO MAKE SURE HE WAS LOOKING AT THEM IN FRONT OF ME! WHEN THE WOMAN SAW THAT SHE HAD HIT MARTIN WITH THE MUSTARD, SHE TOOK OFF, WITH THE MAN FOLLOWING. I, OF COURSE, WAS SCREAMING LAUGHING- IT WAS JUST MARTIN'S LUCK TO GET PLOWED WITH MUSTARD THE ONE AND ONLY TIME IN HIS LIFE WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO BE POLITE! THE DATE SORT OF WENT DOWNHILL AFTER THAT, AT LEAST FOR HIM. I COULDN'T STOP SNICKERING- BUT THEN I NEVER CAN.
YES, I HAVE HAS SOME LITTLE INCIDENCES AT THE MALL, BUT WHAT IS EXPERIENCE FOR IF NOT TO MAKE OUR LIVES A BIT RICHER? EACH DAY IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A MEMORY- TOMORROW I WILL TELL YOU MORE! LOVE, NANASEE