AN OVERSIGHT

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR ME TO MENTION THAT OUR FAMILY WOULD NOT HAVE EVEN KNOWN THAT THE BLOOD CENTER WANTED TO USE US IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR MY DAUGHTER BECKY. SHE ORGANIZED A BLOOD DRIVE AT HER JOB, AND WAS IN TOUCH WITH THE DIRECTOR. AFTER DISCUSSING BOBBIE JO, THE DIRECTOR WAS VERY INTERESTED AND ASKED IF SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY WOULD WRITE ABOUT BOBBIE JO. IF THEY LIKED THE STORY, THEY WOULD CONSIDER USING US IN THE 2010 COMMIT FOR LIFE CAMPAIGN. SO, BECKY TOLD ME TO DO MY BEST, AND SUBMIT IT AND I DID. THANK GOODNESS THEY DID LIKE IT, AND WE ARE GOING TO BE IN THE CAMPAIGN. SO, CUDOS TO BECKY!
ONE OF THE MOST SPECIAL TIMES IN MY LIFE WAS WHEN I WAS PUBLISHED BY OUR CHURCH MAGAZINE, THE ENSIGN. AFTER MY SON OTTO DIED, I WAS SO BEREFT AS, SINCE HE HAD BEEN KILLED SUDDENLY, I FELT THAT I HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF I COULD JUST SEE HIM ONE MORE TIME, I COULD TELL HIM THAT I LOVED HIM AND MAYBE I WOULD FEEL BETTER. MONTHS WENT BY, AND STILL I PRAYED EACH NIGHT THAT SOMEHOW I COULD GET IN TOUCH WITH OTTO. I SUPPOSED THAT I THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD COME TO ME IN A DREAM OR SOMETHING, ISN'T IT JUST HUMAN NATURE TO ORDER THE GOOD LORD TO DO SOMETHING LIKE DEMAND A VISIT FROM A LOST LOVED ONE? BUT, THE DREAM OR VISIT NEVER OCCURRED. ONE DAY I WAS VISITING A FRIEND WHO HAD ALSO HAD A SON KILLED. HER SON HAD BEEN GONE FOR MANY YEARS, AND I ASKED IF SHE HAD EVER SEEN HIM OR VISITED HIM IN A DREAM. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD SEEN HIM SEVERAL TIMES, BUT HE NEVER LOOKED AT HER, AND SHE KNEW THAT IF HE MADE DIRECT CONTACT WITH HER IT WOULD BE TO CALL HER TO COME HOME WITH HIM. SHE WARNED ME, "YOU MAY SPEAK TO OTTO SOMETIME, BUT PERHAPS HE TOO, WILL BE CALLING YOU TO COME HOME WITH HIM." I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS OVER AND OVER. THAT CERTAINLY WAS NOT THE RESULT I WAS LOOKING FOR! THAT NIGHT I WAS READING MY SCRIPTURES, AND WAS READING ABOUT THE WIFE OF JOSEPH SMITH. HER NAME WAS EMMA. SHE WAS A GOOD AND FAITHFUL WOMAN, BUT SHE WAS UPSET THAT SOME SPIRITUAL THINGS HAD NOT BEEN REVEALED TO HER. THIS INCIDENT WAS RECORDED IN ONE OF OUR BOOKS OF SCRIPTURE NAMED THE "DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS" WHICH I DO BELIEVE AND CONSIDER TRUE SCRIPTURE AND REVELATION FROM THE LORD. A PASSAGE LEAPT OUT TO ME, STUNNING ME WITH ITS RELIVANCE. THE LORD TOLD EMMA NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE THINGS WHICH SHE HAD NOT SEEN, FOR HE WOULD SHOW THEM TO HER IN HIS OWN DUE TIME. THIS STRUCK MY HEART SO DEEPLY- I SHOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT SEEING OR TALKING TO OTTO ON MY TERMS, BUT TO TRUST THAT I WOULD SEE AND TALK TO HIM ONE DAY- BUT ON THE LORD'S TERMS, NOT MINE. I SUDDENLY FELT GREAT PEACE; I KNEW THAT OTTO LIVED IN HEAVEN, HE WAS NOT GONE FOREVER AND ONE DAY WE WOULD BE TOGETHER AGAIN. IF IT TOOK MY LEAVING THE EARTH TO SEE HIM, THEN I WOULD BE HAPPY TO WAIT UNTIL THEN. AFTER THIS EXPERIENCE, I STOPPED BEGGING FOR CONTACT WITH OTTO. I HAD PEACE. THEN, ONE NIGHT NOT EVEN A WEEK LATER, I DREAMED THAT SOMEONE WAS AT THE DOOR. I ANSWERED THE DOOR, AND TO MY SHOCK AND JOY, THERE STOOD MY DEAR SON OTTO. IN THE DREAM, WE FELL INTO EACH OTHERS ARMS, WITH SO MUCH JOY. I CLEARLY REMEMBER MY HEART POUNDING WITH EMOTION AS I HELD MY SON. THEN, I BEGAN TO ASK QUESTIONS. WHAT WAS HEAVEN LIKE? WHAT DID HE DO IN HEAVEN? WHO WAS WITH HIM? ON AND ON. THE FUNNY THING IS, I DON'T REMEMBER THE ANSWERS. I AWOKE WITH SUCH JOY AND TEARS ON MY FACE. I TOLD MARTIN ABOUT THE DREAM, AND HE WAS HAPPY FOR ME. THE NEXT NIGHT AND THE NEXT FOR ABOUT A WEEK, I DREAMED OF OTTO. HE WAS HAPPY, I KNOW THAT, AND HE WANTED ME TO KNOW THAT HE WAS OKAY. THEN, THE LAST DREAM I HAD OF HIM CAME TO AN END, AND I KNEW THAT I WOULD NOT SEE HIM FOR QUITE AWHILE. AS HE WENT TO THE DOOR, HE TOOK ME IN HIS ARMS AND KISSED MY CHEEK. HE THEN TENDERLY WHISPERED IN MY EAR, "MAMA, PLEASE REMEMBER, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SPIRIT OF GOD WITH YOU, I CAN'T BE HERE EITHER. DON'T FORGET MAMA, I LOVE YOU". AND, HE WAS GONE. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THOSE PRECIOUS WORDS OF FAREWELL, NOT GOODBYE, BECAUSE HE IS WITH ME OFTEN ALTHOUGH I DO NOT SEE HIM.
I WROTE OF THIS EXPERIENCE AND THE MAGAZINE PUBLISHED MY STORY. IT WAS SO SPECIAL TO ME TO BE ABLE TO SHARE WITH OTHERS ON SUCH A LARGE SCALE. I LOVE TO WRITE, AND WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO WRITE IN SUCH A MANNER THAT OTHERS MAY BE COMFORTED IN SOME WAY.
YES, I HAVE BEEN FACED WITH CRIPPLING GRIEF OVER THE DEATHS OF TWO OF MY CHILDREN. WITH EACH PASSING, I THOUGHT THAT I WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE THE CHALLENGE, BUT THE HUMAN MIND IS A FUNNY THING. THE GRIEF DOES NOT GO AWAY, YOU JUST RECOGNIZE IT AND DEAL WITH IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. I DON'T THINK THERE IS ENOUGH STRENGT TO DEAL WITH THE CHALLENGE OUTRIGHT. THEN, WHEN YOU THINK THAT YOU CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER BREATH, WHEN YOUR HEART LITERALLY HURTS YOU, SOMETHING SWEET AND PRECIOUS TAKES PLACE TO REMIND YOU OF THE TREMENDOUS BLESSING OF LIFE. SOMETIMES IT IS JUST TO WATCH A BASEBALL GAME AND SEE THE JOY OF A LITTLE BOY GETTING TO FIRST BASE. SOMETIMES, IT IS THE LOOK ON A CHILD'S FACE AS THEY SLURP INTO A SNO-CONE. SOMETIMES, IT IS THE FEELING OF PEACE AND FULLMENT WHEN YOU PRAY, BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR GRIEF. IT COULD BE THE VOICE OF A FRIEND ON THE PHONE, A KISS FROM YOUR PUPPY, A FLOWER IN THE YARD. HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS THAT WE FACE GRIEF EACH DAY, AND YET, HE MAKES SURE THAT WE ARE SURROUNDED WITH THE REMINDERS THAT LIFE IS SWEET AND PRECIOUS. I AM CERTAINLY GLAD FOR THAT. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE