THE FIRST YEAR ON SUNNY DRIVE

SUNNY DRIVE. THAT WAS THE NAME OF OUR STREET. I FELT IT WAS APPROPRIATE, AS THINGS WERE LOOKING UP- WE THOUGHT. FIRST OF ALL, THE HOUSE HAD A WATER WELL, NOT CITY WATER. THE WELL WAS ONLY 60 FEET IN THE GROUND AND THE WATER HAD A SUSPICIOUS SMELL TO IT. THERE WERE LITTLE THINGS FLOATING AROUND WHEN YOU LOOKED CLOSELY- I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT THEY COULD HAVE BEEN. WE ALSO HAD A SEPTIC TANK INSTEAD OF CITY SEWAGE. THAT WAS A NIGHTMARE AT TIMES. WHEN WE LOOKED AT THE HOUSE TO BUY IT, THE WATER WAS FROZEN IN THE TOILET- BUT HEY, IT WAS WINTER, IT'S SUPPOSED TO FREEZE, RIGHT? THERE WAS NO CENTRAL AIR, BUT A HUGE DINOSAUR WINDOW UNIT THAT ACTUALLY COOLED THE WHOLE HOUSE. IN THE ATTIC, THERE WAS AN ATTIC FAN TO DRAW COOL AIR THROUGH THE HOUSE, BUT WHEN TURNED ON SOUNDED LIKE THE CENTRAL PACIFIC RAILROAD WAS COMING ANY MINUTE. NONE OF THIS MATTERED TO US, WE WERE OUT IN THE COUNTRY AND HAD LOTS OF ROOM FOR THE CHILDREN AND SUZY TO RUN, A GARDEN AND EVEN SOME ANIMALS. WE GOT SOME CHICKENS RIGHT AWAY. CLOSE BY, THERE WAS AN EGG FARM, AND THEY WOULD SELL THE POOR OLD CHICKENS THAT WERE IN MOLT, (NOT LAYING FOR A WHILE) FOR 10.00 A DOZEN. WHAT A BARGAIN! 12 CHICKENS FOR 10.00 DOLLARS! THE POOR THINGS HAD NEVER EVER TOUCHED THE GROUND, BUT HAD BEEN RAISED FOR EGG PRODUCTION AND IN A CAGE THEIR WHOLE LIVES. WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT AND TOOK THEM HOME TO THEIR NEW "CHICKEN VILLA" THAT WE HAD LOVINGLY CREATED FOR THEM. LOVELY ROOSTS TO SLEEP IN, SHINING NEW FEEDERS, CRYSTAL CLEAR WATERERS, EVERYTHING THAT A CHICKEN COULD EVER WANT. A CHICKEN THAT HAD NOT BEEN RAISED FOR EGG PRODUCTION THAT IS. AS SOON AS WE PUT THEM ON THE GROUND, THEY JUST COLLAPSED WHERE THEY WERE. THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MOVE AROUND, THEY HAD BEEN IN A TINY CAGE ALL OF THEIR LIVES. WHY IS IT THAT YOUR BEST IDEAS ONLY SEEM GOOD TO YOU- NOT TO THE IDEA OF THE INTENDED? WHO EVER HEARD OF A CHICKEN THAT COULD NOT WALK? MARTIN TOLD ME WE COULD ALWAYS STEW THEM- AND THE GIRLS BEGAN SCREAMING THAT HE WASN'T GOING TO COOK THEIR CHICKENS! I FELT SO SORRY FOR THEM THAT I JUST PUT THE FEED AND WATER IN FRONT OF THEM AND WALKED OFF. THE NEXT MORNING, THEY WERE WALKING AROUND! AND AFTER THAT, THEY LEARNED TO ROOST AND EVERYTHING. WE WERE SO TICKLED FOR THEM- FINALLY AFTER ABOUT 6 WEEKS, THEY BEGAN TO LAY EGGS. WE FELT LIKE CHICKEN BENEFACTORS. THEN, ONE DAY, COMING HOME, ON THE EAST SIDE OF HOUSTON, WE NOTICED A SEMI-TRUCK WITH THE BACK DOOR OPEN, AND THERE WERE CHICKENS RUNNING ALL OVER THE STREET. SEEMS THAT THERE WAS A CHICKEN PROCESSING PLANT AND SOMEHOW THE CHICKENS HAD ESCAPED BEFORE THEY COULD GET THEM INSIDE. MARTIN PULLED OVER, AND WITHOUT A WORD, BEGAN TO CHASE AND CAPTURE CHICKENS AS FAST AS HE COULD. I GOT IN ON THE ACT, AND WE BEGAN THROWING CHICKENS INTO THE CAR ONE AFTER THE OTHER. SOON, THE CAR WAS FILLED WITH FLAPPING CHICKENS, AND WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CHICKENS DO WHEN THEY ARE NERVOUS? YOU GUESSED IT, JUST POOPED ALL OVER THE PLACE. BUT WE HAD FREE CHICKENS! ABOUT 23 FREE CHICKENS. WE JUSTIFIED OUR CHICKEN THEFT BY SAYING TO OURSELVES THAT THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN RUN OVER ANYWAY- OUR PENALTY FOR CHICKEN RESCUE WAS LOTS OF CHICKEN POOP ALL OVER THE INSIDE OF THE CAR. LOTS OF IT. TOOK FOREVER TO CLEAN IT ALL UP. BUT, THE CHICKENS WERE SAVED FROM A FRYING PAN, AND WE INCREASED THE CHICKEN POPULATION IN THE YARD. WE FOUND A TORTILLA PLANT THAT THREW AWAY CORN TORTILLAS IN BIG DUMPSTER. CHICKENS LIKE CORN, RIGHT? WHY NOT CORN TORTILLAS. IT WAS A GREAT PLAN, WITH ONLY ONE LITTLE INCIDENT. THE DUMPSTER WAS SO BIG, THAT MARTIN HAD TO CLIMB INTO IT AND THROW THE TORTILLAS OVER THE TOP- IT WAS ABOUT 8 FEET TALL. I GATHERED THE BAGS AND TOLD HIM WHEN WE HAD ENOUGH. THEN HE WOULD CLIMB OUT AND OFF WE WOULD GO. ONE DAY, HE WAS IN THE DUMPSTER, IT WAS HOT AND MUGGY AND YOU COULD REALLY SMELL THAT CORN. HE DIDN'T MIND, IT WAS FREE CHICKEN FEED-ANYWAY, AS HE CLIMBED INTO THE DUMPSTER, HE BEGAN TO THROW OUT THE TORTILLAS. SUDDENLY, I HEARD A SOUND AND LOOKED TO SEE THAT THE GARBAGE TRUCK WAS COMING. MARTIN WAS STILL INSIDE THE DUMPSTER! I BEGAN BANGING AND YELLING FOR HIM TO GET OUT, AND HE POKED HIS HEAD UP OVER THE TOP TO SEE THE GARBAGE TRUCK BEARING DOWN ON HIM. HE SCRAMBLED TO THE TOP, AND TOOK A FLYING LEAP FROM 8 FEET IN THE AIR, LANDING ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES AND BANGING HIS HEAD ON THE SIDEWALK. IT WAS ONLY THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT THE TRUCK HAD A DIFFERENT WASTE DISPOSAL COMPANY NAME THAN WAS ON THE DUMPSTER! THE GARBAGE TRUCK JUST WENT FLYING ON BY, AND I DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE SAFER FOR ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. I TOOK THE KIDS OVER ACROSS THE STREET, AS MARTIN WAS STEADILY SWEARING WITH EVERY BREATH HE TOOK. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH DADDY? WHY IS SAYING THOSE FUNNY WORDS?" ASKED BOBBIE JO "THEM AIN'T FUNNY WORDS, THEY'R BAD WORDS!" SAID JESSICA. "HE ONLY SAYS THEM MAMA MAKES HIM MAD!" "SO, HOWS ABOUT A SNOWCONE?" I CHORTLE. BY THEN, MARTIN HAD GOTTEN UP AND WAS DUSTING HIMSELF OFF. AFTER THAT, I WAS CAREFUL TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE GARBAGE TRUCKS GOING BY! WE DECIDED TO GET SOME PIGS. MARTIN'S FAMILY IS GERMAN, AND SO THEY WERE HAPPY TO HAVE A WAY TO MAKE BACON, SAUSAGE AND HAM. MARTIN LOVED CARING FOR THOSE PIGS. WE GOT TWO SOWS, AND SOON THEY WERE PRODUCING BABIES. DID YOU KNOW THAT PIGS CAN HAVE A LITTER EVERY 4-5 MONTHS? AND NOT JUST ONE OR TWO PIGGIES, BUT UP TO 16. LOTS OF PIGGIES, LOTS OF PIGGIE POOP. AND FEED. AND WATER. NOW, I AM NOT GERMAN, AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH PIG MANUFACTURE, BUT MARTIN DID AND I SUPPORTED HIM THE BEST I COULD. EVENTUALLY, ALL THOSE PIGGIES ENDED UP IN THE FREEZER, EITHER AT OUR HOUSE OR A RELATIVE OR NEIGHBOR. MARTIN WAS SO PROUD OF HIS SKILL AT PIGGIE PROCESSING- BUT I FOR ONE, STAYED IN THE HOUSE IF I COULD. I DID LEARN TO MAKE SAUSAGE, GRIND THE MEAT, SEASON THE MEAT AND STUFF THE SAUSAGE CASINGS. SMOKE THE SAUSAGE, WRAP THE SAUSAGE AND FREEZE THE SAUSAGE. THE FIRST YEAR WE MADE OVER 300 POUNDS OF THE STUFF. WHOOPEE. I HAVE MORE PIGGIE STORIES, BUT THEY WILL COME LATER. FINALLY, IF WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO DO WITH THREE CHILDREN, CHICKENS, PIGS AND A GARDEN, MARTIN DECIDED THAT WE HAD TO HAVE A COW. A MILK COW. TO GIVE HIM CREDIT, HE GOT UP EVERY MORNING EARLY AND MILKED THAT COW, AND MILKED HER AGAIN IN THE EVENING. I LEARNED TO MILK, BUT HE COULD SQUIRT THAT MILK LIKE A SHOTGUN, FILLING THE PAIL IN NO TIME. I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS HURTING HER, I KNOW I WAS HURTING MY HANDS! THEY STARTED CRAMPING UP BEFORE THE BUCKET WAS HALF FULL- BUT A REAL WOMAN WOULD FINISH THE JOB. WE DECIDED FOR THE SAKE OF THE COW AND MY HANDS, THAT MARTIN WOULD MILK AND I WOULD TAKE CARE OF THE MILK. I LEARNED TO MAKE BUTTER, CHEESE AND BUTTERMILK. WE HAD WAY MORE MILK THAN WE COULD USE, SO THE NEIGHBORS WOULD BUY THE REST. ONE TIME, I NOTICED THAT THE COW HAD QUIT MAKING SO MUCH CREAM. THE MILK WAS ABSOLUTELY ALMOST DEVOID OF CREAM, AND I THOUGHT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH THE COW. I WORRIED ABOUT IT AND CALLED THE VET- HE SAID TO LOOK CLOSE TO HOME TO SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. SURE ENOUGH, ONE MORNING, I HAD GOTTEN UP EARLY AND HEARD A NOISE IN THE KITCHEN. SNEAKING UP TO THE DOOR, I FOUND MY CREAM PROBLEM, IN THE FORM OF TWO LITTLE GIRLS DRINKING IT OFF THE TOP OF THE MILK! AH-HA! CAUGHT YOU! LITTLE CREAM THEIVES! I HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT WITHOUT THE CREAM, I COULD NOT MAKE BUTTER AND THE MILK WOULD TASTE THIN. THAT WORKED FOR AWHILE, BUT I HAD TO KEEP A SHARP EYE OUT-ONCE A CREAM THIEF, ALWAYS A CREAM THIEF. (I CAUGHT MARTIN A TIME OR TWO SNEAKING THE CREAM AS WELL. OKAY, MAYBE I SNITCHED SOME TOO- FRESH CREAM IS ADDICTIVE!) SO, THERE YOU HAVE IT, THE SUNNY FARM. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD 3 CHILDREN, ANIMALS AND GARDEN AND A HOUSEHOLD TO RUN. I DIDN'T MIND IT AT THE TIME AND EVEN ENJOYED IT, BUT MAN, TODAY, IT WOULD KILL ME. THE CHILDREN LEARNED A LOT THOUGH, AND STILL TALK ABOUT THE CHICKENS, PIGS AND CREAM. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE