For some reason, I remembered something about the little cat that I had found in town after the Children's home had relocated. I do remember telling you about the small town, and how there was nothing there, just a few stores, but there was a grocery store and that is what I was thinking about. That led to another thought, and so here it is. I was not allowed to keep the little cat in the house, but the matron was sneaking food and milk to it and probably sneaking it into her room at night. I didn't worry about him, but I did spend all the time I could with him. At the new home, the cottages were built on hills, and so the front of the cottage looked one story, but the back was two story. The bottom floor held the kitchen, dining room, TV room and laundry. The back door was a set of french doors with many panes of glass. This was wonderful for a view, as you could see the woods behind the cottage and all the greenery. When the birds were there, they emitted a chorus of birdsong that just entranced me from the cottage to sit on a rock out back to enjoy the concert. I have always loved birds, and especially trying to spot the songster-so sitting out back was great fun to me. I remember one day, the greenery of the woods enticing me to come into the fresh air. I went through the glass doors and walked to my favorite seating place, looking down and seeing a tiny scorpion making his way across the dirt toward the rock I was sitting on. He couldn't have hurt anyone, but my very vivid imagination took flight and I began to see myself in the desert with a huge threatening, vicious scorpion making every effort to spear me. The quiet cool of the outdoors became an oven, and the greenery gave way to sand and a brown landscape. I was a bedouin, wrapped in white, traveling on a camel with the rest of the caravan. (as I said, I had quite an imagination). While my mind was at work, a desert panther came to my rescue and killed the scorpion- well, okay, it was the little cat and he was playing with the tiny little scorpion near my feet. I was glad to see him, and reached down to pick him up for a cuddle. He meowed, and I thought that he might be hungry. Seriously, he was getting kind of fat, no telling what the matron was feeding him, but in spite of that, I carried him into the cottage and into the kitchen. I held him in the crook of my left arm, and opened the fridge with my right. Taking stock of the contents, I saw a small container of chicken livers. I knew he would love that so I took the livers and the cat and sat back down on my rock out back. I set the cat down at my feet, and opened the container of livers. Kitty immediatly perked up and began to meow vigorously. I took a small piece of liver and held it in front of kitty, imagining that he must think that I was the best kitty owner in the world. Before I knew it, kitty jumped forward to snatch the liver, chomped down on the piece in my hand, and a very sharp kitty tooth went right in my finger. I jumped back and dropped the liver, and kitty went on eating, quite forgetting all about me. A tiny drop of blood welled from the tiny hole left by the sharp little tooth. Believe it or not, I was crushed with hurt that kitty had bitten me. Why did he bite me? Wasn't I good to him? Didn't I pet him, play with him and make sure that matron kept him warm? The act of biting me represented to me that kitty didn't love me at all. He was just another in a long list of those I loved who didn't care for me in return. I began to cry, feeling all the feelings of desolation, abandonment and resentment building faster than a fire in a wood house. The waves of pain coursed over my heart, and things I thought I had forgotten, (and indeed should have been able to forget) crashed through my mind, making me gasp with emotional pain. I began to feel a darkness surround me- where once the day was green and pleasant, now it was ruined. Damn Cat. But then, I remembered the day at the edge of the swimming pool, when I thought I no longer cared to live. As soon as that thought came to me, so did the feelings of light and love that were so strong there as well. I felt something brush against my leg, and looked down to see the furry bundle that was kitty, looking up at me and meowing softly. Immediatly, the dark feelings left me, the world became green again and the birds seemed to renew their efforts to entertain me. I knew that kitty did not mean to bite me, he just mistook my finger for the liver. Then I began to wonder. Did the others who had hurt me really mean to? Did I take their actions as malicious? Or, did they love me enough to think that perhaps I would understand their actions, and not be hurt by them? I would love to say that I had an epiphany that day, that a tiny cat bite changed my way of thinking about hurt and disolusionment, but in truth I could forgive a mistake by a tiny, furry friend where I could not find it in my heart to understand the other hard times in my life. Understanding and forgiving are two different things. But, where I could not find understanding, I found guidance. Once again, I felt the love of my Heavenly Father surrounding me as I struggled to understand what my life had become, and once again, I was reminded that I was young and had my whole life in front of me. The promise came to me again, that I would have blessings far beyond my comprehension, and to keep a positive heart. Kitty was still rubbing and meowing for some more liver- and so with great love and compassion, I took another piece from the container. This time though, I made sure my finger was out of the way. After all, I didn't want a repeat of the first time, even though I learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes when loved ones hurt you, they don't mean to, they just don't realize your finger is in the way. Love, nanasee