APPLE GREEN LEATHER

YESTERDAY, I WAS RECALLING OUR WONDERFUL VACATION, AND I HAVE LOTS MORE TO TELL YOU, BUT FIRST, LET ME TELL YOU THAT THINGS ARE BACK TO NORMAL AROUND HERE!
I SWEAR, I AM A TRAGEDY MAGNET! AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN, A SURE FIRE "OOPS", WELL, I COULD GO ON AND ON-
I AWOKE THIS MORNING WITH A SWOLLEN EYE AND LOTS OF PAIN. NOT WANTING TO BE A BABY, I TRIED TO IGNORE IT, BUT IT JUST GOT WORSE. I HAD TO GET GOING AS IT IS JAYBIRD'S BIRTHDAY TODAY, AND I WANTED BREAKFAST TO BE PERFECT FOR HIM. PEANUT WENT AND HAD THE LOCAL DONUT PLACE MAKE SPECIAL DONUTS FOR HIM, EACH ONE HAD "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" WRITTEN IN CHOCOLATE! JAYBIRD LOVES BACON, SO I COOKED LOTS OF BACON, SOME EGGS AND PLACED THE DONUTS ON HIS FAVORITE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS PLATE. THEN, I LIGHTED A TEA LIGHT CERAMIC BIRTHDAY CAKE CANDLE HOLDER AND LIT THE CANDLE. FINALLY, ICE COLD CHOCOLATE MILK WAS SERVED. IT WAS SO NICE, AND JAYBIRD REALLY LOVED IT. IT WAS DURING ALL THIS THAT I KEPT TRYING TO KEEP MY EYE OPEN AND WIPING AWAY COPIUS TEARS THAT KEPT WEEPING FROM THE SIDE OF THE EYE. WHEN I WAS CLEANING UP, I REALIZED THAT THE SWELLING WAS KEEPING ME FROM SEEING PROPERLY, AND THE PAIN WAS INCREASING. I FINALLY GAVE UP AND TOLD MARTIN TO TAKE ME TO THE EYE DOCTOR, WHERE I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A SCRATCH IN MY EYE. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MY EYE COULD HAVE GOTTEN SCRATCHED, BUT 52.00 DOLLARS LATER, HERE I AM. (THANK GOODNESS I HAVE INSURANCE, GOODNESS KNOWS WHAT IT WOULD HAVE COST!) I HAVE TO WEAR A PATCH WHILE I AM TREATING IT WITH MEDS, AND THE BLINDNESS IN MY EYE MAKES ME DIZZY. WE WENT TO A FAMILY LUNCH FOR JAYBIRD TODAY, AND PEANUT SAT ACROSS FROM ME. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE COULD NOT LOOK AT ME WITH MY EYE PATCHED. (IT IS A FLESH COLORED PATCH, BIG DEAL). I TOLD HER IF IT BOTHERED HER, JUST GET A MARKER AND DRAW AN EYE ON IT. THE LITTLE BOYS ARE TICKLED TO DEATH THAT I HAVE A PATCH, NOW I AM "PIRATE NANA". OF COURSE I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THE "ARRGHS, AND WALK THE PLANKS" ETC. SO I AM HALF BLINDLY TYPING TONIGHT, SO PLEASE PUT UP WITH ANY TYPOS. OH, IT SHOULD BE FINE IN ABOUT A WEEK.
NOW, BACK TO EL PASO. I LEFT OFF WITH GOING TO THE BASE FOR SHOPPING ON THAT MONDAY, AND WATCHING THE KIDS PLAY IN THE YARD AT NIGHT. OUR FIRST DAY WAS WONDERFUL, AND JUST AS I HAD IMAGINED.
THE SECOND DAY. I GOT UP WITH A DIGESTIONAL UPSET. I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST DID. I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO THE GIRLS, AS WE HAD PLANNED TO GO TO THE OUTLET MALL AND I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS THAT! SO, UP I GET, KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON THE OCCUPANCY OF THE BATHROOM AND GOT READY TO GO. WITH GURGLING GUTS, I FIND MY SANDALS ONLY TO ALSO REALIZE THAT MY INSTEPS ARE BLISTERED WITH ALL THE WALKING OF THE PAST FEW DAYS. WELL, I AM WOMAN, AREN'T I? A FEW BLISTERS WILL NOT DETER ME FROM MALL MANIA. I PUT ON THE SANDALS BECAUSE I CANNOT WEAR MY WALKING SHOES DUE TO AN INJURY CAUSED WHEN I STUMPED MY BIG TOE. OHHHH, POOR INSTEPS, BUT DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. I HOBBLE TO THE CAR. PRAYING THAT SARAH AND SISSY WILL PARK CLOSE TO THE MALL, I LOOK FORWARD WITH ANTICIPATION TO THE UPCOMING FUN. BY THE WAY, IT WAS OVER 100 DEGREES AGAIN, THE CAR IS AIR CONDITIONED- BUT THE MALL WAS AN OUTSIDE MALL. SARAH DROPPED ME OFF AT THE ENTRANCE AND WENT TO PARK. I HOBBLE INSIDE AND BEGAN TO WONDER IF GOING BAREFOOT WOULD BE TOO TACKY. OH NO, WHERE IS THE BATHROOM? I SAT FIGITING ON A BENCH, LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM AND THE GIRLS FOUND ME. "WHAT'S WRONG MOM?" THEY ASK. I TELL THEM THAT I NEED TO FIND A BATHROOM AND THEY POINTED OUT THE LOCATION. (IT IS CLOSE BY THANK GOODNESS). NOW I HAVE TO HOBBLE TO THE BATHROOM AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, TIME WAS OF THE ESSENCE. WHAT A RELIEF TO MAKE IT SUCCESSFULLY! WE HAD OUR CELL PHONES, SO I CALL THE GIRLS WHO HAD GONE INTO THE GAP STORE, AND EXPLAIN THAT I HAVE DECIDED TO "PEOPLE WATCH" WHILE THEY SHOP, SO THAT I CAN STAY CLOSE BY THE BATHROOM. PEOPLE WATCHING IS REALLY FUN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU NEED IT FOR AN EXCUSE TO NOT HAVE TO WALK FOR MILES FOLLOWING THE GIRLS AS THEY TRY ON OUTFIT AFTER OUTFIT. (NOTHING IN THE GAP FITS ME ANYWAY). SO, THERE I AM, SITTING ON THE BENCH, (IN THE SHADE, THANK GOODNESS) AND WATCHING SHOPPERS GO BY. TWO MORE TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM, AND I AM GETTING THE HANG OF THIS OUTLET MALL SHOPPING THING. I FINALLY CALL THE GIRLS, AND THEY TELL ME THEY ARE IN THE DRESSING ROOM, THEY DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THEY WILL BE. MY TUMMY HAS CALMED DOWN BY NOW, AND I AM GETTING BORED. REMEMBER THAT WE ARE IN EL PASO, AND CO-INCIDENTALLY MOST ALL OF THE SHOPPERS ARE HISPANIC. THEY ALL BEGAN TO BLEND IN, AND I AM LOSING INTEREST. LOOKING AROUND, I SEE A BATH AND BODY WORKS STORE. NOT TOO FAR AWAY, SO I THINK I CAN HOBBLE OVER THERE AND LOOK AROUND. JUDGING THE DISTANCE FROM THE STORE TO THE BATHROOM, I THINK I AM SAFE. I ONLY WENT IN TO BUY SOME LOTION FOR LIBBY, BUT IT IS AN OUTLET MALL, AND THEY HAD A SALE. I SNIFFED, I RUBBED, I SPRITZED AND I GAZED. SO MANY LOVELY THINGS, FOAMING HAND SOAP, (THE KIND THAT EVERYONE SAYS IS SO VERY NICE WHEN THEY WASH THEIR HANDS AT YOUR HOME-MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD HOSTESS) SCENTED LOTIONS, SCENTED BATH SOAP, SCENTED SPRITZERS, ALL IN SO MANY WONDERFUL AND LOVELY VARIETIES. NOT TO MENTION, IF YOU BUY A CERTAIN AMOUNT, THEY ARE MUCH CHEAPER. LET'S SEE. SOME FOR SISSY, SOME FOR SARAH, SOME FOR LIBBY, SOME FOR PEANUT, SOME FOR THE BATH AND KITCHEN AT HOME, AND SOME JUST BECAUSE. SLOW DOWN! BY THE TIME I LEFT THE "SALE", I HAD SPENT 62.00! I LATER FOUND OUT THAT IT SEEMS THAT ALL OF MY RECIPIENTS ALREADY HAD A LARGE SUPPLY, BECAUSE THEY TOO, GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE "SALE". ANYONE NEED SOME FRAGRANCE? FINALLY, AN HOUR LATER, THE GIRLS CALL AND SAY THEY ARE READY TO MOVE ON. YEAH, WELL I AM READY TO MOVE ON TOO, READY TO MOVE ON OUT OF THERE! IT IS VERY HOT AND GETTING TIME FOR LUNCH. I REALIZE THAT I AM FEELING SORT OF DIZZY. SHOOT, I FORGOT ABOUT MY SUGAR LEVELS, AND I MENTION THAT I THINK WE SHOULD GET SOME LUNCH. "JUST ONE MORE STORE MOM" SAY THE GIRLS. I AGREE, AND SHOP IN A FOG. ONE BENEFIT THOUGH, SINCE I AM GETTING GOOFY, I FORGOT ABOUT MY FEET FOR AWHILE. SARAH LOOKED AT ME AND MENTIONED TO SISSY THAT SINCE I WAS PALE, SWEATY AND WEAVING ON MY FEET, PERHAPS WE SHOULD GO FOR LUNCH. I MADE IT TO THE CHINESE PLACE, AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, NOTHING WAS VEGETARIAN! GO FIGURE, A NON-VEGETARIAN CHINESE PLACE? FINALLY, SISSY GOT ME A VEGGIE SUB AND ALL WAS WELL. OKAY, I HAVE HAD ABOUT ALL THE FUN I CAN STAND, WHEN THE GIRLS SAY, "LETS GO TO THE COACH OUTLET!" OH, NO! I AM LIKE A HOG IN A CORN FIELD IN THE COACH STORE. AS I TRUDGE BEHIND THEM ON THE WAY, I KEEP REPEATING, "NO PURSE FOR ME, NO PURSE FOR ME" . AS WE ARRIVE AT THE STORE, THE GIRLS RUSH IN WITH GREAT APLOMB, AND I HESITATE IN THE DOORWAY, PERUSING THE PLACE, AND FINDING WITH GREAT RELIEF THAT I SEE NOTHING TO INTEREST ME. WHEW! I FIND A COZY CHAIR, AND LET THE GIRLS GO AT IT. I AM ADMIRING ALL THE LOVELY BAGS AND WALLETS, SHOES AND OTHER ITEMS, WHEN- THE CLERK BRINGS OUT MORE INVENTORY. I TELL MYSELF NOT TO LOOK, BUT IT IS LIKE COMING UP ON A CAR WRECK, I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF. SHE PUTS OUT BROWN, RED AND NAVY BAGS, PINK AND CORAL, WHITE AND BEIGE. I AM SAFE. THEN, TO MY HORROR, THE GLEAM OF APPLE GREEN IS SHINING FROM THE BOX. APPLE GREEN LEATHER, BRASS HARDWARE AND THE SMELL OF THE HIGHEST QUALITY LEATHER. (I HAVE BEEN WANTING AND APPLE GREEN BAG FOR THE LONGEST). I AM DRAWN TO THE BAG, TELLING MYSELF THAT ONE LITTLE PEEK WOULDN'T HURT. I REACH FOR THE BAG, TELLING MYSELF THAT ONE LITTLE TOUCH WOULDN'T HURT. I HOLD THE BAG, SAYING THAT ALL I NEED TO DO IS TO HOLD IT FOR A MOMENT. I AM IN HEAVEN. I GO OVER THE EDGE AND LOOK AT THE PRICE TAG. 800.00. I DROP THAT BAG LIKE IT WAS MADE OF GLOWING HOT COALS. I AM SAFE. 800.00! GOOD GRIEF! AS I TURN AWAY WITH RELIEF, (I HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN FREED FROM THE GRIP OF APPLE GREEN LEATHER) THE SALES GIRL SAYS, "OH, YOU HAVE WONDERFUL TASTE! DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS BAG IS 70% OFF?" NOOOOOO! GET AWAY FIEND! "70% DID YOU SAY?" LET'S SEE, THAT WOULD ONLY BE 240.00. (AM I CRAZY? I COULD GO TO WALMART AND GET A BAG FOR 8 BUCKS, BUT IT WOULD NOT BE AN APPLE GREEN LEATHER COACH BAG) "TELL YOU WHAT,"SAYS THE MANAGER, "LETS MAKE IT AN EVEN 200.00, THAT BAG IS YOU!" "YES MOTHER, BUY IT!" SAYS SISSY, "YOU DESERVE IT!" THEN, THE CLENCHER, ANOTHER SHOPPER LOOKS AT MY BAG AND SAYS, "OH, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANOTHER BAG LOOK SO GOOD ON SOMEONE, THAT ONE IS MADE FOR YOU!" (SHE WAS PROBABLY PLANTED BY MANAGEMENT). WITH TREMBLING HANDS, I PULL OUT MY CHECKBOOK. WITH SWEATING FINGERS, I BEGAN TO WRITE THE CHECK, ALL THE TIME CALCULATING WHAT I COULD BE SPENDING THIS MONEY ON. THEN, FOR A MOMENT IN TIME ALL IS STOPPED. IT SUDDENLY OCCURRED TO ME THAT SINCE I DON'T GET MY NAILS DONE, OR MY HAIR, OR BUY SHOES EXCEPT FOR ONCE A YEAR, AND OTHER FRIVOLITIES, THAT 200.00 IS NOT SO BAD TO FULFILL A FANTASY! SO, I BUY THE BAG. THE BEAUTIFUL APPLE GREEN LEATHER BAG WITH THE BRASS HARDWARE. AND I SLEEP WITH IT THAT NIGHT! THIS VACATION IS REALLY SHAPING UP! TOMORROW, I WILL CONTINUE- LOVE, NANASEE