Catching up!

First of all, let me catch up on some of the recent happenings. Martin continues to be ill, but is trying so hard to live life to the fullest in spite of it. It breaks my heart to see him cough so hard, to be bent over double trying to catch his breath. At night he wakes in a panic thinking he is going to smother. On those nights, I wake too, and sit and talk with him and try to calm him down. Sometimes I rub his feet, get him some water and tell him funny stories. We always pray together. Sometimes I just listen to him as he pours out his fears for the future. I just want to snatch him up and remind him that in spite of difficulties in the past, we have always had a wonderful life and that is not going to change now! He is so frightened, but in spite of that, he puts on a brave demeanor for the family and especially the grandchildren. I am the only one that is allowed to see into his heart, to feel his anguish. He is afraid that he will let me down. He is so worried about his grandchildren, that maybe he won't be able to be the PaPa that they know and love. For 39 years, I have had the privilege of looking into his grass-green eyes, most of the time seeing humor, sometimes anger and frustration, on two occasions the unconquerable grief, but never this kind of fear. Those green eyes that I love so much are touched with thoughts of defeat. I will not let defeat overcome my Honeybun, I will stand strong and be the reason that he will once again have mostly humor shining from those beloved eyes.
Martin wants to return to his job. At this time, we are having difficulty getting them to accomodate him so that he can return. The college should clean up the mold that is the problem. It is making him sick when he is at work. I will not give up on this either. He has been an exemplary instructor for almost 19 years, and the students are constantly asking when he will return. He deserves to be able to return to what he loves, and that is teaching automotive instruction to young people that want to be in his class. Right now, he is finally on summer break, but that will end in August, and hopefully be then, the college will have made some accomodations so that he can return to his job. Then again, there is me. As a friend of mine who has worked for the college for over 25 years said to me, "They don't know who they are dealing with, do they?" My answer to that is, "No, they don't". I am certainly not going to roll over and let them take something precious from my Honeybun. Besides, I enjoy knowing that there will once again be a paycheck coming in!
Another reason that I have been lax in writing, is that I had a mini-stroke 2 weeks ago. At this time, we still do not know why, but tests are pending. It happened while Martin and I were reading our scriptures. I had been having a headache for four days prior, and the evening before when I went to walmart to get some jewlery supplies I had difficulty seeing the tiny items in the packages. My vision was out of kilter, but I thought that it was because of my new glasses, (I have had them for 6 weeks, and this was the first time I had difficulty seeing). I didn't think a thing about it, but was more frustrated that I couldn't clearly see the items I needed. Well, while reading aloud, it became harder to see the letters, and my face on the left started to feel heavy and kind of numb. Then the feeling went to my shoulder, and down my left arm. I thought that it was something that would pass, but Martin remarked that my left side of my face looked funny. I asked him for some water, but could not swallow and the water ran out of my mouth. Martin called 911 and when they got to me, I was immediatly told that I was having a stroke. I wanted to argue with them, but my words were slurred. After about 40 minutes, the symptoms began to receed. At the hospital,they rushed me through tests and blood work, and found that my heart was fine. The final diagnosis was a Temporary Ischemic Attack, or a mini-stroke. I stayed one day in the hospital, where I was treated like a queen, and came home with orders to rest for two weeks. I received some lovely flowers and lots of love from so many. The only thing left of my very scary adventure is that my left arm is weak and still has an ache to it and embarrassingly, I have a little problem with drooling. (I bought some pretty hankies for that).
I am better able to type now, so hopefully, I will not be so remiss at writing.
Learning to become an Ant has been the most enlightening experience of my whole life. Everything has changed, but I swear, to the better. I will relate more of that to you in my next blog. I love writing, it is so helpful to me, just as when Bobbie Jo was so sick, and gives me an outlet for my thoughts. Thanks for sharing that with me. Love, Nanasee