LITTLE OTTO

ONE OF MY SWEET READERS ASKED ME TO SHARE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT LITTLE OTTO. FIRST OF ALL, WE CALLED HIM LITTLE OTTO, BECAUSE HE WAS NAMED AFTER HIS GREAT-GRANDFATHER WHO WAS ALIVE WHEN OTTO WAS BORN. IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG, SOON, LITTLE OTTO WAS BIGGER THAN BIG OTTO, BUT WE KEPT THE NAME THE SAME ANYWAY. AS YOU MAY KNOW, LITTLE OTTO WAS OUR FOURTH CHILD BORN UNDER SOME VERY DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS WAS CHRONICLED IN AN EARLIER POST, BUT IF YOU NEED TO, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL FIND IT AND LET YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IT WAS. HE WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL BOY, AND HAD AN ATTITUDE DIFFERENT FROM MOST CHILDREN. HE WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL, AND FOR SOME REASON, MADE SURE EVERY DAY THAT HE LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME. EVEN AS A LITTLE BOY, HE WOULD PICK FLOWERS AND BRING THEM HOME, MAKE LITTLE CARDS AND POEMS FOR ME, AND MOST TOUCHING, SAVE THE LAST BITE OF EACH CANDY BAR FOR ME. HE WORSHIPPED HIS BROTHER AARON, AND THE TWO OF THEM WERE HARDLY EVER APART. HE DID WELL IN SCHOOL, HOWEVER, HE WAS DISLEXIC AND WE DID NOT KNOW IT. IF HE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY, HE WOULDKEEP IT TO HIMSELF, AS HE DID NOT WANT TO WORRY ME. I REALLY HATE THAT, BECAUSE, LOOKING BACK, I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT HE DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HELP HIM WITH. IN THE THIRD GRADE, HE HAD A TEACHER THAT FOR SOME REASON, DID NOT LIKE HIM. YOU KNOW, WHEN KIDS COME HOME AND SAY THAT THEIR TEACHERS DON'T LIKE THEM, PERHAPS YOU THINK THAT THE CHILD IS EXAGGERATING HIS FEELINGS. BUT IN THIS CASE, TO MY SHAME, IT TOOK ME SEVERAL MONTHS TO REALIZE THAT HIS TEACHER TRULY DID NOT LIKE HIM. SHE SINGLED HIM OUT FOR ANY LITTLE INFRACTION, AND MADE SCHOOL HELL FOR HIM. I WENT TO A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE AND GOT THE FEELING THAT SHE HAD BAD FEELINGS TOWARD HIM, AND BECAME CONCERNED. I KEPT A CLOSER EYE ON THE SITUATION, BUT WHEN ONE OF LITTLE OTTO'S FRIENDS TOLD ME HOW THAT TEACHER WAS ABUSING HIM, I REALIZED THAT THE SITUATION WAS WORSE THAN I HAD KNOWN. OF COURSE I WENT TO HER AND TOLD HER TO LAY OFF HIM, AND EVEN TRIED TO GET HIS CLASS CHANGED, BUT THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT. FINALLY, AFTER SCHOOL IN THE PARKING LOT, I CORNERED HER AND TOLD HER IF HEARD ONE MORE TIME THAT SHE HAD BEEN PICKING ON HIM, SHE WAS GOING TO DEAL WITH ME, ONE ON ONE. (THAT WOULD BE MY ONE FIST ON HER ONE FACE). THE YEAR CAME TO A CLOSE WITH OTTO SAYING HE HATED SCHOOL. THE NEXT YEAR, HE HAD A TEACHER THAT IMMEDIATLY SAW THAT HE HAD A PROBLEM. SHE JUMPED ON IT AND TOLD US TO TEST HIM FOR DYSLEXIA. WE FOUND HE WAS DYSLEXIC AND WENT FROM THERE. HE BEGAN THERAPY AND HE BEGAN TO BLOOM IN SCHOOL AND HIS GRADES SKYROCKETED. HE LOVED THAT TEACHER, AND SHE MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN HIS LIFE. I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL TO HER FOR WHAT SHE DID FOR HIM. THAT SUMMER, HE BEGAN TO CHANGE FROM A LITTLE BOY INTO A YOUNG MAN. HE LOVED CHURCH, BOYSCOUTS AND ALL OF THE ANIMALS. HE HAD A GROUP OF FRIENDS AT CHURCH THAT HE HAD GROWN UP WITH AND THRIVED SOCIALLY. HE LOVED MUSIC, AND WOULD DANCE AROUND AND DIDN'T CARE WHO WAS WATCHING. IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS HAPPY ATTITUDE THAT WHEN HE SEEMED DEPRESSED, I BECAME WORRIED ABOUT HIM. I TOOK HIM TO THE SIDE THAT DAY, AND ASKED HIM WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. HE TOLD ME HE COULD NOT TELL ME. I TOLD HIM TO TRUST ME AND LET ME HELP HIM. FINALLY HE TOLD ME THAT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS FROM CHURCH HAD STOLEN SOME ACTION FIGURES AND HAD GIVEN HIM A COUPLE. THEY WERE SOME HE HAD WANTED BUT WE DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY. HIS CONCERN WAS, THAT SINCE HE KNEW THEY WERE STOLEN, HE COULD NOT KEEP THEM, BUT RETURNING THEM WOULD BE TO ADMIT THAT HE KNEW THEY WERE STOLEN AND HE WOULD GET INTO TROUBLE. I TOLD HIM TO PUT ON HIS SHOES AND I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE STORE MANAGER. I ASSURED HIM HE WOULD NOT GET INTO TROUBLE. SO OFF WE WENT. WE ASKED TO SEE THE STORE MANAGER IN HIS OFFICE. LITTLE OTTO WAS SO NERVOUS. I TOLD HIM TO TELL THE MANAGER ABOUT THE TOYS AND OTTO SAID, "SIR, I KNOW THAT THESE TOYS HAVE BEEN STOLEN. MY FRIEND GAVE THEM TO ME, AND I KNOW IT IS NOT RIGHT TO KEEP THEM, SO I HAVE BROUGHT THEM BACK. I DID NOT STEAL THEM, BUT I CAN'T KEEP THEM. I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU MY FRIEND'S NAME AND GET HIM INTO TROUBLE." THE STORE MANAGER LOOKED AT LITTLE OTTO FOR A MINUTE, AND THEN, GOT ON HIS KNEE IN FRONT OF HIM. HE TOOK OTTO'S HAND AND SHOOK IT, AND THEN SAID, (WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE) "SON, I AM IN THE PRESENCE OF SOMETHING RARE AND PRECIOUS. I AM IN THE PRESENCE OF AN HONEST MAN. ONE DAY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A VERY SUCCESSFUL MAN BECAUSE YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL BOY". OTTO TOLD HIM THANK YOU AND WE LEFT. THAT WAS ONE EXPERIENCE THAT REALLY SHAPED LITTLE OTTO'S LIFE. AFTER THAT HE WAS MORE KIND AND GIVING. IT WAS AS IF A WALL HAD BEEN REMOVED FROM HIS WAY. HE SHARED HIS LUNCH WITH FRIENDS THAT HAD NO FOOD. HE GAVE THE TOYS HE NO LONGER WANTED TO OTHER CHILDREN. WHEN HOLIDAYS CAME AROUND, HE PLANNED IN ADVANCE FOR THE FAMILY TO REALLY ENJOY THEM. IN SEPTEMBER, HE WOULD GO AROUND AND ASK THE NEIGHBORS IF HE COULD RAKE THEIR LEAVES SO THAT HE COULD STUFF PUMPKIN BAGS TO DECORATE THE YARD WITH FOR HALLOWEEN. THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS, VALENTINES DAY, EASTER, MOTHER AND FATHER'S DAY, HE CELEBRATED THEM ALL WITH JOY AND GUSTO. HE CONTINUED THINKING ABOUT THE MEXICAN CHILDREN DOWN THE ROAD. HE WAS CAREFREE AND LAUGHED. HE EXCELLED IN SCOUTING AND LOVED TO EARN HIS BADGES. THE MOST FUN WAS WHEN DAD TOOK TIME TO GO AND CAMP WITH OTTO AND AARON. HE WAS WITH HIS BROTHER AARON ANYTIME HE COULD BE. AS HE BECAME A BIT OLDER, HE BEGAN TO QUESTION MANY THINGS. BUT THE QUESTION HE HAD THE MOST WAS, "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN TO EACH OTHER?" JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL WAS MORE DIFFICULT FOR HIM AS HE SAW THE WAY THE KIDS TREATED EACH OTHER AND IT DISTURBED HIM. HE WAS HAPPY WITH HIS GROUP OF FRIENDS, AND AVOIDED OTHER KIDS WHO WERE INTO OTHER PROBLEMS. ONE MORNING, AS WE WERE GOING TO SCHOOL, (I TAUGHT SCHOOL AT THE SAME SCHOOL HE AND AARON ATTENDED) HE TOUCHED MY ARM AND SAID, "MAMA, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL? EVERYONE IS SO MESSED UP. THEY DON'T CARE FOR ANYTHING. I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT HERE." ONCE AGAIN I SAW THE SADNESS THAT WAS LYING UNDERNEATH MY SWEET OTTO'S HEART. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM, AND HAD HIS FRIENDS OVER MORE. THE SUMMER HE TURNED 13, I GOT A SUMMER JOB WITH THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. HE AND BECKY WENT WITH ME EVERY DAY AND WE WORKED WITH THE UNDERPRIVELEGED CHILDREN. WE FED THEM, DID CRAFTS AND HAD STORY TIME AND MUSIC. I SAVED EVERY DIME I MADE, BECAUSE I WANTED TO BUY THE KIDS SCHOOL CLOTHES WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT IT, AND TO ALLOW THEM TO HAVE THEIR OWN MONEY TO SHOP. WE SO ENJOYED THAT SUMMER, AND SOON IT WOULD BE TIME FOR SCHOOL ONCE AGAIN. WE WENT TO THE MALL TO BUY SCHOOL CLOTHES, AND LITTLE OTTO SEEMED REALLY SAD ABOUT SOMETHING. I TOOK HIM TO THE SIDE, AND GOT HIM TO TELL ME WHAT WAS TROUBLING HIM. HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T WANT DADDY TO GET MAD AT ME FOR SPENDING MONEY. I REMINDED HIM THAT WE HAD WORKED ALL SUMMER TO EARN THE MONEY FOR SCHOOL, AND EACH OF THEM COULD HAVE 600.00 TO SPEND OR SAVE. HE BRIGHTENED UP AND ASKED IF HE COULD SPEND SOME OF HIS MONEY ON A FRIEND OF HIS THAT HAD NO MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES. I TOLD HIM TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE THROUGH SHOPPING. I REMEMBER CLEARLY THAT DAY, AS WE SHOPPED, HAD LUNCH AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. SCHOOL STARTED AND HE WAS IN THE 8TH GRADE. HE SEEMED TO BE DOING FINE, AND I KEPT A CLOSE EYE ON HIM. HE PLAYED FOOTBALL, (BECAUSE AARON DID) AND EXCELLED IN HIS CLASSES. ONE DAY, HE TOLD ME HE NEEDED MONEY FOR THE BOOK FAIR. FOR SOME REASON, I GAVE HIM TWENTY DOLLARS AND TOLD HIM TO BRING THE CHANGE. LATER, HE BROUGHT ME SOME CHANGE, AND A POSTER FOR MY CLASS ROOM. I WAS TEACHING ADAPTIVE BEHAVIOUR AT THE TIME, AND SOME OF THE STUDENTS WERE REALLY ROUGH. ONE OF THEM WAS A HUGE BOY, KIND OF SLOW, BUT HE LOVED OTTO. OTTO WAS HIS HERO, AS OTTO WOULD STUDY WITH HIM AND HELP HIM WITH HIS WORK. IN RETURN, HE WAS OTTO'S BODY GUARD- AND NO ONE WOULD DARE TO MESS WITH OTTO AS LONG AS HE WAS THERE. THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS, AND OTTO HAD BOUGHT A BOOK FOR HIM AT THE BOOK FAIR. THE DAY WENT ON, IT WAS A FRIDAY, AND WE WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND. WE WENT HOME AND I BOUGHT DINNER SOMEWHERE, I GUESS IT WAS PAYDAY. I FLOPPED IN MY BED AND DECIDED TO WATCH TV AND TAKE IT EASY. AFTER A WHILE, LITTLE OTTO CAME IN AND ASKED IF I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE VIDEO STORE TO RENT SOME GAMES. I TOLD HIM I WOULD, IN JUST A MINUTE. "OKAY MOM", HE SAID, "I AM GOING TO PLAY SOME BASKETBALL WITH THE GUYS". THE BASKETBALL GOAL WAS IN THE FRONT YARD ON THE EDGE OF THE STREET. IN A FEW MINUTES, I HEARD SOMEONE SCREAMING OUTSIDE AND WENT TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. OUR NEIGHBOR, (WHO WAS ALWAYS DRUNK) WAS SITTING IN THE DITCH, SCREAMING AND YELLING FOR HELP. I RAN OUT TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED, AND I SAW THAT HE WAS HOLDING SOMETHING IN HIS LAP. FOR A SECOND, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS, AND THEN, TO MY HORROR, I REALIZED THAT HE WAS HOLDING LITTLE OTTO. THERE WAS ANOTHER BOY LAYING IN THE STREET, AND CONFUSION EVERYWHERE. I BEGAN TO SCREAM OTTO'S NAME, AND THEN MARTIN'S NAME. BECKY WAS RUNNING TO GET HER DAD, SHE HAD BEEN THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN THE NEIGHBOR STARTED SCREAMING. OTTO WAS LIFELESS. I KEPT YELLING, "WHAT HAPPENED?" AND TRIED TO TAKE HIM FROM MY NEIGHBOR. OTTO WAS QUITE TALL, AND I WOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM FROM MY NEIGHBOR, BUT MARTIN GOT THERE AND TOLD ME NOT TO TOUCH HIM. HE DID NOT MOVE, JUST LAY THERE IN THE DITCH. THE BASKETBALL GOAL HAD BEEN TORN OFF AT THE BASE OF THE POLE AND WAS LYING SOME DISTANCE AWAY. SOMEONE CALLED 911, AND MARTIN STARTED CPR. THE BOY IN THE STREET STARTED CALLING FOR HELP, HE HAD REGAINED CONCIOUSNESS. THE AMBULANCE DID NOT COME FOR THE LONGEST TIME, (IT WAS ONLY MINUTES, BUT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER) AND MY NIGHTMARE CONTINUED. THE NEIGHBOR SAID THAT A WHITE TRUCK HAD PLOWED INTO THE BOYS, AND OTTO PUSHED HIS FRIEND OUT OF THE WAY AND TOOK A DIRECT HIT FROM THE VEHICLE. HIS BODY HIT THE BASKETBALL GOAL AND THAT IS WHY THE POST WAS TORN OFF. THE TRUCK NEVER STOPPED, JUST TOOK OFF. I LOOKED UP AND SAW A WHITE TRUCK COMING BACK DOWN THE STREET, AND JUMPED IN FRONT OF IT. WHEN THE MAN SLAMMED ON HIS BRAKES, I YANKED THE DOOR OPEN, PULLED THE MAN OUT AND BEGAN TO SCREAM AT HIM THAT HE HAD KILLED MY BABY! I SHOOK HIM LIKE A RAG DOLL, AND SOMEONE PULLED ME OFF OF HIM. IT WASN'T THE ONE WHO HIT OTTO, BUT HE SAID HE KNEW WHO HAD. BY THEN THE POLICE WERE THERE AND RESTRAINED ME. THEY TOOK OTTO TO THE HOSPITAL AND AN HOUR LATER, PRONOUNCED HIM DEAD. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY DESPAIR, MY GUILT. MY BABY WAS DEAD, AND IT WAS MY FAULT. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN UP AND TAKEN HIM TO THE VIDEO STORE WHEN HE ASKED. I KNOW NOW THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTTO'S DEATH, BUT IT TOOK YEARS TO UNDERSTAND THAT. THE OTHER BOY HAD AN INJURED KNEE FROM LANDING IN THE STREET. 4 DAYS LATER WE FOUND THE MAN WHO KILLED OTTO, AND SINCE THEY COULD NOT FIND HIM THAT NIGHT, THEY COULD NOT CHARGE HIM WITH INTOXICATED MANSLAUGHTER. HE DID NOT STAND TRIAL AS HE ADMITTED THAT HE HAD HIT THE BOYS. HE WAS A TERRIBLE PERSON, AND SHOWED NO REMORSE AT ALL. HE WAS GIVEN A SENTENCE OF 10 YEARS IN PRISON, FIVE YEARS FOR EACH CHILD HE HAD HIT. THAT MAN TOOK SO MUCH FROM ALL OF US. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIE OF GRIEF, I CRIED UNTIL MY EYES LEAKED EVEN IF I WAS NOT CRYING. MARTIN ALMOST DIED, I THOUGHT HE WOULD COMMIT SUICIDE TO MAKE SURE THAT OTTO WOULD NOT BE ALONE IN HEAVEN. IT AFFECTED ALL OF THE FAMILY, AND FOR SOME IT WOULD TAKE YEARS TO GET BETTER. SOMEHOW, I BECAME A BETTER PERSON THROUGH ALL OF IT. LATER, I WILL TELL YOU MORE ABOUT LITTLE OTTO, BUT I HOPE THROUGH THIS POSTING YOU WILL HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHO HE WAS AND WHAT HE MEANS TO ME. MORE LATER, LOVE, NANASEE

ICE CREAM

TONIGHT WHILE AT WALMART, I REALIZED THAT I HAD NO POPSCICLES FOR MY LITTLE ONES. EACH SUMMER I MAKE SURE TO KEEP PLENTY IN THE FREEZER FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN, MY MANY OTHER LITTLE ONES, MY BIG ONE, (MARTIN) AND MY CHILDREN. SOMETIMES EVEN THE CHILDREN AT THE PARK NEXT DOOR COME AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR FOR A POPSCICLE. I GET THOSE INEXPENSIVE PUSH-UP FREEZER POPS THAT COME IN A LARGE PACKAGE FOR VERY LITTLE MONEY. THE COLORS ARE SO LOVELY, RED, GREEN, YELLOW, BLUE, ORANGE AND PURPLE. I AVOID READING THE INGREDIENTS LIST, I KNOW THAT THEY COULD NOT BE CONSIDERED "HEALTH FOOD"! BUT THAT IS ONLY IN A BIOLOGICAL SENSE. THEY CAN BE CONSIDERED "FUN FOOD" OR "FEEL BETTER FOOD" OR EVEN, "DRY YOUR TEARS" FOOD. THEY ARE GOOD FOR SO MANY THINGS. A SCRAPED KNEE NO LONGER MATTERS WHEN YOU ARE BASKING IN THE GLOW OF AN ORANGE POPSCICLE. HOMEWORK GOES SO MUCH FASTER WITH THE PROMISE OF A POPSCICLE WHEN YOU ARE DONE. EVEN BROCCOLLI TASTES BETTER IF YOUR REALIZE THAT THERE IS A POPSCICLE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU HAVE EATEN IT ALL. SO, I BOUGHT TWO LARGE PACKAGES AND PUT THEM IN THE FREEZER IN THE GARAGE. DO YOU KNOW, THAT YOU CAN BUY A WHOLE PACKAGE OF 50 POPSCICLES FOR THE SAME PRICE AS ONE FROZEN TREAT FROM THE ICE CREAM TRUCK? PROBABLY NOT AS SPECIAL, BUT CERTAINLY AVAILABLE. I HAVE MANY HAPPY ICE CREAM MEMORIES, AND ONE THAT IS SO SPECIAL THAT IT SORT OF HURTS TO SHARE IT. BUT I WILL. WHEN WE LIVED IN OUR LITTLE FARM HOUSE, THERE WAS A TRAILER PARK AT THE END OF THE STREET. THE TRAILERS WERE RENTED BY HISPANIC FAMILIES THAT HAD PROBABLY JUST COME OVER FROM MEXICO, AND THEY WERE VERY POOR. DURING THE SUMMER, THE ICE CREAM TRUCK WOULD COME EVERY DAY, AND I ALWAYS MADE SURE THAT MY CHILDREN COULD GET SOMETHING NOT TOO EXPENSIVE. I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT THEY WOULD HAVE ENJOYED SOMETHING FROM THE FREEZER, BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD BE DEPRIVING THEM IF I DENIED THEM THE "ICE CREAM TRUCK EXPERIENCE". ONE DAY, LITTLE OTTO, (ABOUT 11 AT THE TIME) MADE THE OBSERVATION THAT THE LITTLE HISPANIC CHILDREN NEVER CAME TO THE ICE CREAM TRUCK. I EXPLAINED THAT THEIR MAMAS PROBABLY DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THEM TO BUY ICE CREAM LIKE THAT. HE SAID OKAY AND JUST WENT ON. NOW I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WHEN I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING, I TOOK THE CHILDREN AND TOLD THEM THAT IF THEY WERE GOOD IN THE STORE THEY COULD EACH HAVE ONE ITEM OF THEIR CHOICE. USUALLY IT WAS A BOX OF SPECIAL CERIAL, SOME CANDY OR IN JESSICA'S CASE A CAN OF SPAGHETTIOS. SOON AFTER OTTO AND I HAD OUR TALK ABOUT THE HISPANIC CHILDREN, IT WAS GROCERY DAY, AND AS USUAL, EVERYONE GOT TO CHOOSE SOMETHING. OTTO CHOSE A PACKAGE OF THOSE CHEAP POPSCICLES. I THOUGHT THAT WAS SWEET OF HIM TO THINK ABOUT MY SAVING MONEY BY NOT BUYING HIM ICE CREAM OFF THE TRUCK. A FEW DAYS LATER, HE CAME TO ME AND ASKED IF I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE STORE. I DID, AND HE HAD ENOUGH CHANGE TO BUY ANOTHER PACKAGE OF POPSCICLES. I ASKED HIM HOW HE HAD EATEN ALL OF THE OTHER ONES ALREADY AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD TAKEN THEM DOWN TO THE HISPANIC TRAILER PARK AND SOLD THEM TO THE CHILDREN FOR A NICKLE EACH. I JUST STARED AT HIM AS HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY SOME MORE, AND THE CHILDREN LOVED THEM SO MUCH. HE WOULD KEEP BUYING THEM AS LONG AS HE HAD THE MONEY TO DO SO. AS I WRITE THIS, I AM CRYING. IT IS SUCH A PRECIOUS MEMORY OF HIM, HE WAS SO GIVING. HE SOLD HIS POPSCICLES EACH DAY, BUT FROM THEN ON, I LET HIM KEEP THE MONEY TO SAVE. LATER, HE BOUGHT PICKLES TOO, THOSE LARGE ONES LIKE YOU GET AT THE MOVIE. SAM'S WAREHOUSE SOLD A GALLON JAR BACK THEN FOR 1.88, AND HE WOULD BUY THEM AND SELL THEM TO THOSE CHILDREN FOR JUST ENOUGH TO BUY ANOTHER JAR. HE ADMITTED THAT SOME OF THE CHILDREN HAD NO MONEY AT ALL, AND HE JUST GAVE THEM ONE. THE WEEK AFTER OTTO HAD BEEN KILLED, I HEARD A KNOCK AT THE FRONT DOOR. I OPENED THE DOOR TO FIND A LITTLE MEXICAN GIRL STANDING THERE. SHE SAID IN BROKEN ENGLISH, "WHERE IS PICKLE BOY?" SADLY, I SHUT THE DOOR AND BROKE DOWN SOBBING. MY PICKLE BOY WAS GONE. I HAVE TO STOP THIS, I CAN'T SEE TO WRITE FOR ALL THE TEARS. LET ME GO ON TO A MORE CHEERFUL MEMORY. LATER, THE NEXT SUMMER, A WONDERFUL THING HAPPENED. WE HAD A NEW ICE CREAM TRUCK COMING AROUND, DRIVEN BY A SWEET LADY. SHE KNEW THAT THERE WERE CHILDREN THAT COULD NOT AFFORD ICE CREAM, SO SHE KEPT THOSE CHEAP POPSCICLES FOR THEM AND GAVE THEM AWAY. COINCIDENTALLY, SHE TOOK UP WHERE OTTO LEFT OFF. THEN, ONE DAY, THE TEXAS LOTTERY ANNOUNCED THAT 11 PEOPLE HAD WON A JACKPOT OF 56 MILLION DOLLARS. THAT DIDN'T MEAN MUCH TO ME, BUT THEN I LEARNED THAT THAT WONDERFUL ICE CREAM LADY WAS ONE OF THE WINNERS. I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER WINNER, SOMEONE WHO WAS ALREADY GIVING FROM HER HEART. SHE WENT ON TO BUY MORE ICE CREAM TRUCKS, AND I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE MANY WHO BENEFITTED FROM HER GOOD FORTUNE. POPCICLES AND SNOWCONES, ICE CREAM AND POPCORN. WONDERFUL MEMORY FOOD. I JUST RECALLED ONE MORE BEFORE I GO. WE HAD A GERMAN SHEPHERD NAMED RANGER FOR MANY YEARS. HE WAS HUGE AND THE SWEETEST THING. MARTIN LOVED HIM AND DID EVERYTHING WITH HIM. THAT DOG COULD DO NO WRONG IN MARTIN'S EYES. ONE DAY, WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 8 MONTHS OLD, I CAME HOME FROM WORK TO START DINNER. I HAD PUT OUT THE USUAL 5 LB PACKAGE OF MEAT TO THAW, THAT TIME PORK CHOPS. I WENT INTO THE KITCHEN AND SAW THE EMPTY PACKAGE AND PORK CHOP BONES ALL OVER THE KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM. RANGER WAS LAYING ON THE COUCH, AND GAVE ME A "DADDY WON'T LET YOU FUSS AT ME" LOOK. WHAT THE HECK, I JUST STARTED PICKING UP BONES AND TOOK THE KIDS TO MCDONALDS. THAT NIGHT WHEN MARTIN GOT HOME, I TOLD HIM WHAT RANGER HAD DONE. "OH, HE IS JUST A PUPPY" SAID MARTIN. "DON'T BE MAD AT HIM". WE THEN WENT TO GET INTO BED, AND MARTIN LAY DOWN ON HIS PILLOW. "WHAT THE ---"HE SAID. THERE, UNDER HIS PILLOW, WERE TWO PORKCHOPS THAT RANGER HAD HIDDEN TO SHARE WITH DADDY! I THINK HE HID THEM FOR MARTIN, BUT WHO KNOWS? WELL, ONE DAY, I CAME IN EARLY AND WENT IN THE BACK DOOR. I HEARD SOMEONE IN THE KITCHEN, AND PEEKED AROUND THE DOOR TO FIND----MARTIN AND RANGER HAVING ICE CREAM AT THE KITCHEN TABLE! THEY EACH SAT IN A CHAIR, AND HAD A HUGE BOWL OF ICE CREAM WITH WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE IN FRONT OF THEM. RANGER WAS JUST LICKING AWAY, AND MARTIN WAS SAYING, "THAT'S DADDY'S BOY! YOU JUST ENJOY YOURSELF!" I JUST GAVE UP AND WALKED TO MY ROOM. AFTER ALL, WHAT'S A BOWL OF ICE CREAM WHEN YOU COULD SEE SUCH JOY ON BOTH OF THEIR FACES! SO, I JUST WANTED TO WRITE SOME ICE CREAM MEMORIES, AND TO LET ALL OF MY LITTLE ONES KNOW THAT NANA HAS POPSCICLES IN THE FREEZER FOR YOU! (OH, AND YOU BIG ONES TOO!) LOVE, NANASEE

NANA'S GIRL

I HAVE A DARLING GRANDDAUGHTER, ACTUALLY TWO DARLING GRANDDAUGHTERS. ONE IS ALEXANDRA AURORA SEE AND THE OTHER IS AUDREY ELIZABETH SEE. ALI IS GOING TO BE 4 AND AUDREY IS A YEAR AND A HALF. THE LIVE IN EL PASO TEXAS WITH THEIR BROTHER BEN, MY PRECIOUS SON AARON AND MY LOVING DAUGHTER IN LAW SARAH. BEFORE I TELL YOU ABOUT THEM, LET ME PREFACE WITH THIS. I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN. I CANNOT EAT FRIED CHICKEN ANYMORE DUE TO DIGESTIONAL DIFFICULTIES, BUT I STILL LOVE IT. I BELIEVE THAT THE STOCK FOR KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN DROPPED DRASTICALLY WHEN I HAD TO QUIT EATING FRIED CHICKEN, AS WELL AS CHURCH'S CHICKEN, POPEYES CHICKEN AND HARTZ CHICKEN. I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN. HEAVEN FORBID, BUT I HAVE ACTUALLY EATEN A BUCKET OF CHICKEN BY MYSELF IN A STRESSFUL MOMENT. ACTUALLY, MY CHICKEN EATING STORIES ARE LEGEND. ONE DAY, I WAS GIVEN A SCRATCH OFF COUPON FOR KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, AND WHEN I SCRATCHED IT OFF, I WON A 20 PC BUCKET OF CHICKEN! FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, ALL I COULD TALK ABOUT WAS MY "FREE CHICKEN". YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I HAD WON THE LOTTERY.. SADLY, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. NO MORE FRIED CHICKEN FOR ME. NOW, THE REASON FOR THIS EXPLANATION IS: MY PRECIOUS GRANDDAUGHTER ALI CALLED ME THE OTHER EVENING. SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD EATEN FRIED CHICKEN AT KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN. SHE SAID IT WAS SO GOOD, SHE COULD NOT STOP EATING IT. THEN SHE TOLD ME HER TUMMY WAS GOING TO "ESPLODLE". HER MAMA EXPLAINED THAT SHE MEANT THAT IT WAS GOING TO EXPLODE. OH, HOW HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF! SHE LOVES FRIED CHICKEN TOO! THAT JUST TICKLED ME TO DEATH. IT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME THAT WE TOOK THE CHILDREN TO PANCHOS MEXICAN RESTAURANT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH PANCHOS, IT IS A VERY AFFORDABLE MEXICAN BUFFET. BACK IN THE DAY, A BUFFET WAS ALL WE COULD AFFORD TO TAKE THE KIDS TO, AND WE REALLY UTILIZED PANCHOS. CHILDREN COULD EAT ALL THEY WANTED FOR .99 CENTS. ADULTS WERE ONLY 2.99. THE BUFFET CONSISTED OF 8 KINDS OF ENCHILADAS, CHEESE STUFFED PEPPERS, TAMALES, FLAUTAS,TACOS, RICE AND BEANS, FLAT TORTILLAS WITH BEANS AND SALAD,AND LOTS OF OTHER THINGS. AND, IF YOU WANT, THEY WOULD PUT CHEESE OR GRAVY OR BOTH ON EVERYTHING. SO HALLELUAH PANCHOS! NOW, WHEN YOU SIT DOWN WITH YOUR FIRST ROUND OF ALL YOU CAN EAT, YOU SETTLE YOURSELF AND THE KIDS AND GO TO TOWN. IF YOU STILL WANT MORE, YOU RAISE THE LITTLE MEXICAN FLAG AND THE WAITRESS COMES TO SEE WHAT YOU WANT. OF COURSE WE USUALLY RAN HER RAGGED. THE GIRLS ATE AS GIRLS WILL DO, SOMETIMES A LITTLE, SOMETIMES A LOT. BUT THE BOYS- GOODNESS, I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH THOSE LITTLE BOYS ATE! IT BECAME A CONTEST AS TO SEE WHO COULD EAT THE MOST. MARTIN, THE GIRLS AND I WERE FINISHED LONG BEFORE ONE OF THEM WOULD GIVE UP-WE JUST WATCHED THEM STUFF THEMSELVES. AARON WOULD TELL US HE WANTED TO GET HIS MONEYS WORTH. (HIS MONEY?) ONE TIME, HE AND LITTLE OTTO WERE HAVING THEIR USUAL EATING CONTEST, EYEING EACH OTHER'S PLATES CAREFULLY SO THAT ONE OF THEM WOULD NOT OUTDO THE OTHER. FINALLY, (THANK GOODNESS) OTTO LEANED BACK AND SAID, "IF I EAT ONE MORE BITE, I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!" AARON TOOK ONE MORE BITE AND BEGAN TO CROW THAT HE HAD WOND THE EATING CONTEST. THE BOYS DECIDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND WHEN THEY GOT UP AND LEFT, I WENT AND GOT A BALLOON DOWN FROM THE BUNCH OF BALLOONS THAT THEY KEPT FOR THE CHILDREN. I WENT TO THE DOOR OF THE MEN'S ROOM, AND TOOK A FORK AND POPPED THAT BALLOON. I RAN BACK TO MY SEAT AND WAITED. THE BOYS CAME RUNNING OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND UP TO THE TABLE AND WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THAT LOUD POP WAS. I SAID, "OH! SOME LITTLE BOY TOOK ONE MORE BITE, AND HE EXPLODED!" THEY BEGAN TO FRANTICALLY LOOK AROUND THE RESTAURANT, AND I TOLD THEM THE WAITER HAD ALREADY CLEANED UP THE MESS. IT TOOK THEM A FEW MOMENTS TO REALIZE THAT I WAS JUST KIDDING WITH THEM. WE HAVE LOTS OF MEMORIES OF PANCHOS, AND TODAY WHEN THE GRANDCHILDREN TAKE MCDONALDS FOR GRANTED, I REMIND THEIR MAMAS THAT DINNER OUT WAS A LUXURY FOR THEM. THERE WAS ANOTHER BUFFET THAT WE COULD GO TO, IT WAS CALLED OLD DADDY GROVERS. IT WAS A COUNTRY BUFFET, WITH ALL THE COUNTRY GOODIES YOU COULD THINK OF. CHICKEN FRIED EVERYTHING, (DON'T ASK, JUST EAT), POTATOES OF ALL KINDS, VEGETABLES, (ALL OF THEM HAD BACON IN THEM), HOT ROLLS AND ALL KINDS OF DESSERTS. OLD DADDY GROVERS WAS A BIT MORE EXPENSIVE, SO WE ONLY WENT FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. THERE WERE CAKES AND PIES OF ALL KINDS, COBBLERS, ICE CREAM AND MANY OTHER THINGS. EVERY THING WAS SERVED ON A HUGE TURNTABLE, (THERE WERE THREE OF THEM) AND YOU HAD TO WAIT FOR YOUR CHOICE TO COME AROUND, AND THEN QUICKLY SERVE YOURSELF. IT WAS LOTS OF FUN AND WE LOVED IT. THE BOYS AGAIN STUFFED THEMSELVES EACH TIME AND TO THIS DAY, AARON TALKS ABOUT OLD DADDY GROVERS. ONE TIME AFTER WE GOT BACK INTO THE CAR AFTER A TRIP TO OLD DADDY GROVERS, I NOTICED THAT THEIR COAT SLEEVES AND SHIRTS LOOKED LUMPY. I SOON DISCOVERED THAT THEY HAD "FILCHED" ROLLS, CHICKEN, COOKIES AND CAKE FOR LATER. I HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT CLOTHING WAS NOT THE BEST PLACE TO HIDE FOOD. WHEN I THINK OF EATING OUT AS A CHILD, I REMEMBER THAT MY GRANDFATHER, (POP) WOULD TAKE US TO A PLACE CALLED "BIG BOYS" FOR SUNDAY DINNER. THEY SERVED THE FOOD ON PLATTERS ON YOUR TABLE, AND YOU WOULD ORDER A ROAST BEEF MEAL, OR A ROAST CHICKEN MEAL OR WHATEVER, AND THEY WOULD BRING BOWLS OF VEGETABLES, BREAD, THE MEAT AND DESSERT. THEN, YOU WOULD SERVE YOURSELF. NOW, BACK IN THE 50'S, RESTAURANTS WERE STILL SEGREGATED. THE WHITE PEOPLE ATE ON ONE SIDE AND THERE WAS A GLASS WALL AND THE BLACK PEOPLE ATE ON THE OTHER SIDE. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG, I REMEMBER SOMETHING THAT HAS SHAPED MY LIFE. IN THAT RESTAURANT ONE SUNDAY, I GOT DOWN FROM MY CHAIR AND WENT TO LOOK AT THE BLACK PEOPLE EATING ON THE OTHER SIDE. A LITTLE BOY CAME TO THE WINDOW AND SMILED AT ME. WE COULD NOT HEAR EACH OTHER BUT WE COMMUNICATED WITH A LANGUAGE THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS, WE SMILED AND LAUGHED AT EACH OTHER. WE POKED OUR FINGERS AT THE GLASS, PATTED OUR HANDS TOGETHER AND PUT OUR FORHEADS TOGETHER. FINALLY, WE KISSED EACH OTHER THROUGH THE GLASS, (I WAS ONLY 3 AT THE TIME), AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, MY DADDY WAS GRABBING ME BACK BY MY ARM AND TELLING ME TO GET AWAY FROM THAT WINDOW. THEN, AMAZINGLY, THE RESTAURANT MANAGER CAME OVER AND TOLD MY FAMILY WE WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE, AS HE DID NOT ALLOW "THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR" IN HIS RESTAURANT! MY FATHER WAS FURIOUS, AND WE LEFT. I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE WAS SO ANGRY, BUT I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THE ANGER DIRECTED AT US FOR SUCH AN INNOCENT ACT. THAT MEMORY WOULD SERVE ME WELL DURING THE 60'S WHEN RACE RIOTS WERE IN FULL SWING-IT GAVE ME A REASON NOT TO HATE. I WAS ACTUALLY ON A CITY BUS WHEN A BRICK WAS THROWN THROUGH A WINDOW, HITTING A BLACK WOMAN. ANOTHER TIME, I WENT TO SET DOWN NEXT TO MY GRANDMOTHER ON A CITY BUS, AND A VERY ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN STRUGGLED DOWN THE AISLE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO SIT. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BACK OF THE BUS, BUT THERE WERE NO SEATS THERE EITHER. SO, I GOT UP AND GAVE HER MY SEAT. THE WHITE PEOPLE GAVE ME SOME REALLY UGLY LOOKS AND I FELT IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR ME TO GO TO THE BACK OF THE BUS AWAY FROM THEM. WHEN I GOT TO THE BACK OF THE BUS, I HAD TO STAND, AND WAS TRYING TO KEEP MY BALANCE AS THE BUS TRAVELED ALONG. A LARGE BLACK WOMAN LEANED DOWN AND SAID TO ME, "WELL, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" I TOLD HER FROM THE FRONT OF THE BUS, AND SHE SAID, "NO HONEY, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM THAT YOU WOULD BE GOOD TO AN OLD BLACK LADY?" I TOLD HER THAT IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT THE OLD LADY WAS BLACK, SHE WAS JUST OLD, AND NEEDED A PLACE TO SIT. SHE HUGGED ME AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS SPECIAL. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT EITHER. WELL, I HAVE RAMBLED TODAY, JUST THOUGHTS THAT WERE ON MY MIND. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, TOMORROW I WILL GET BACK TO MY LOVE STORY. THANKS FOR READING, IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, LOVE, NANASEE

MY NANAS

I THINK THAT MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT I AM A MEMBER OF THE MORMON CHURCH. IT IS THE DEFINING FACTOR THAT HAS SHAPED AND MOLDED ME, AND I BELIEVE MADE A WHOLE OUT OF MANY FRACTURED PARTS. BECAUSE OF THE EXAMPLE OF THE LADIES AT CHURCH WHO HAVE BECOME MY FRIENDS AND MENTORS OVER THE LAST34 YEARS, I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE MYSELF AND BE GRATEFUL FOR THE CHALLENGES I HAVE BEEN GIVEN. I HAVE HAD MANY DIFFICULTIES, BUT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH EXAMPLES IN MY LIFE TO HELP ME OVERCOME THEM. MY GRANDMOTHERS ARE TWO SUCH EXAMPLES WHO LOVED ME AND MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL, BOTH OF THEM IN DIFFERENT WAYS. MY FATHER'S MOTHER IS BILLIE BROWN(WE CALL HER MOM). FORTUNATELY, I STILL HAVE HER IN MY LIFE. SHE IS A VERY GRACIOUSLY AGED 99 YEARS OLD AND SHE LOOKS TO BE IN HER 60'S. THERE IS A REASON FOR THIS, SHE HAS ALWAYS TAKEN SUCH GOOD CARE OF HERSELF AND WHEN I WAS LITTLE SHE DID HER BEST TO TEACH ME TO DO THE SAME. SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME TO KEEP LOTION ON MY HANDS AS YOU COULD TELL A LADY BY THE APPEARANCE OF HER HANDS. I REMEMBER THE SMELL OF ALMONDS AND ROSES IN JERGENS LOTION, SHE ALWAYS HAD SOME HANDY. SOMETHING THAT IS PRECIOUS TO ME ARE M&M'S. ON MOM'S COFFEE TABLE, SHE ALWAYS KEPT SOME KIND OF CANDY IN A CRYSTAL CANDY DISH FOR COMPANY. I HAVE ADOPTED THAT TRADITION, (IT GIVES ME COMFORT). USUALLY, THE CANDY WAS CHOCOLATE OF SOME KIND, AND AS A LITTLE GIRL, I ALWAYS SEEMED TO HAVE C HOCOLATE ON MY HANDS. MOM WORKED AT SEARS IN THE CANDY DEPARTMENT, AND I TRULY THOUGHT THERE WAS NO PLACE ON EARTH MORE WONDERFUL. SOMETIMES WHEN POP (MY GRANDFATHER) WOULD PICK HER UP FROM WORK,(SHE DIDN'T DRIVE, NOR DID MOST OF THE WOMEN THEN, THEIR HUSBANDS WOULD WAIT FOR THEM OUTSIDE AND SMOKE CIGARS AND VISIT) I COULD GO IN A BIT EARLY AND LOOK AT THE BINS OF CANDY AND NUTS. I COULD BARELY EVEN SEE OVER THE EDGE INSIDE THE BINS, BUT SHE WOULD LIFT ME UP AND I COULD HAVE "JUST ONE PIECE". EVEN TO THIS DAY, I MISS THE CANDY DEPARTMENT IN SEARS. ON SUNDAY, WE DRESSED FOR CHURCH, AND IN THE 50'S LADIES WORE WHITE GLOVES AS PART OF THEIR SUNDAY DRESS. I TOO, HAD LITTLE WHITE SUNDAY GLOVES, BUT BY THE END OF THE DAY, I HAD CHOCOLATE SUNDAY GLOVES. MY MOTHER WOULD FUSS ABOUT HAVING TO CLEAN THEM, AND TOLD ME I COULD HAVE NO CHOCOLATE WITH MY GLOVES ON. DEAR MOM CAME TO THE RESCUE. ONE SUNDAY, AS I WAS LOOKING SADLY WITH YEARNING AT THE CANDY DISH, SHE SAID, "GO AHEAD, HAVE SOME". I TOLD HER I COULDN'T AS I WOULD GET MY GLOVES MESSED UP. SHE TOLD ME TO LIFT THE LID BECAUSE THERE WAS A SURPRISE FOR ME IN THERE. I DID, AND SAW THE DISH FULL OF BEAUTIFUL COLORS IN LITTLE ROUND SHAPES. SHE EXPLAINED THAT THESE WERE CALLED M&M'S AND THEY WOULD NOT GET MY GLOVES MESSY! (THE SLOGAN WAS, CHOCOLATE IN YOUR MOUTH, BUT NOT ON YOUR HANDS). HALLELUAH! LET ME SAY, I HAVE LOVED M&M'S EVER SINCE, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO GOOD, BUT BECAUSE THEY REMIND ME OF MOM. MOM WAS ALWAYS SO LOVELY, AND ALWAYS LOOKED HER BEST. I WAS SO PROUD OF HER, AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH. SHE ALSO BAKED AN AWSOME BANANA CAKE. OH, I LOVED THAT CAKE, AND EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS GIVEN ME THE RECIPE MANY TIMES, IT DOESN'T SEEM THE SAME AS HERS. MY MOTHER'S MOTHER WAS NAMED BEULAH CARTER. SHE IS WHO I AM. SHE WAS ALSO LOVING AND SO CARING. SHE LIVED AWAY FROM US AND WE DID NOT GET TO SEE HER OFTEN, BUT SHE WOULD COME ON THE BUS ON OCCASION AND STAY FOR AWHILE. I LIVED FOR THOSE TIMES. SHE HAD NO MONEY, BUT SHE HAD STORIES, SONGS AND TRADITION. OH, HOW I LOVED TO HEAR HER STORIES. THEY WOULD COME TO LIFE AS SHE WOULD GET HER "STORY FACE" ON. SHE WOULD TELL OF HER FARM, HER CHICKENS, HER KITCHEN, AND HER EXPERIENCES WITH FAITH. SHE WOULD TELL US OF HER LIFE AS A CHILD, AND AS A MAMA. SHE ALWAYS BROUGHT PRESENTS TO US, AND LOOKING BACK, THEY WERE NOT EXPENSIVE, BUT THEY WERE FROM HER. ON HOT SUMMER EVENINGS, SHE WOULD SIT IN THE FRONT YARD WITH US AND WE WOULD WAIT FOR THE ICE CREAM MAN TO COME BY. I AM SURE THE MOSQUITOS WERE BAD, BUT SHE WOULD SIT THERE ANYWAY, WAITING WITH US. WHEN WE FIRST HEARD THE FAINT "TINKLE TINKLE" OF THE MUSIC OF THE ICE CREAM TRUCK, SHE WOULD ALWAYS SAY, "NOW, WHERE DID I PUT THOSE NICKLES?" AND BEGAN TO SEARCH HER POCKETS. EVERY NIGHT WE FELL FOR IT, AND SHE WOULD LAUGH AND KISS US AS SHE FINALLY "FOUND" THE MONEY. SHE WAS TINY, AND I WAS BIGGER THAN SHE WAS BY THE TIME I WAS 7 YEARS OLD. IT DIDN'T MATTER, SHE WOULD PAT HER LAP AND TELL ME TO COME AND SIT ON HER. "WHERE?" I WOULD ASK. SHE WOULD TELL ME THAT SHE ALWAYS HAD ROOM FOR ME. HER FEET WERE SMALL TOO, AND I COULD WEAR HER SHOES WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG. SHE WOULD NOT MIND IF I PLAYED DRESS UP WITH THEM, BUT I COULDN'T PLAY WITH HER SUNDAY SHOES. SHE LOVED CHURCH, (SHE CAME FROM HARDSHELL BAPTIST STOCK) AND ALWAYS HUMMED CHURCH SONGS AS SHE WORKED. ONE TIME, SHE WENT TO A LADIES LUNCHEON AND A NAUGHTY TEENAGED BOY PUT RUM IN THE LADIES PUNCH. THE LADIES REALLY ENJOYED THAT PUNCH, AND WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER GOT HOME, SHE WAS SINGING AND EVEN TOLD A NAUGHTY STORY. WE WERE SO SURPRISED, AND SHE JUST LAUGHED AND LAUGHED. MY MOTHER RAISED AN EYEBROW AND ASKED HER WHAT WAS GOING ON. WHEN GRANDMA CARTER "SOBERED UP" SHE BEGAN TO WORRY THAT THEY WOULD "CHURCH"HER, OR KICK HER OUT OF THE CHURCH FOR DRINKING. OF COURSE THEY DID NOT, ESPECIALLY AS ALL THE LADIES WENT HOME IN THE SAME CONDITION. SHE WOULD SEW WITH ME, BAKE WITH ME AND TAUGHT ME TO BE KIND. I HAVE LOTS TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY GRANDMOTHERS, BUT IN ANOTHER BLOG. I HOPE THAT I AM SUCH A GRANDMA, OR RATHER A "NANA". THE FINEST TIME OF MY WHOLE LIFE IS NOW WHEN I CAN ENJOY THE LOVE OF SO MANY LITTLE ONES IN MY LIFE. HOW CAN GRIEF RUIN A LIFE SO FULL OF JOY? HEAVENLY FATHER IS ALWAYS HERE WITH ME AND MAKES SURE THAT HIS ANGELS SURROUND ME IN THE FORM OF MY LITTLE ONES THAT I LOVE. MORE TOMORROW, NANASEE

CHILDREN

YES, I HAVE CHILDREN. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THEM, AND ALTHOUGH I GAVE BIRTH TO 5 CHILDREN, ONLY 3 STILL REMAIN ON THIS EARTH. I HAVE HAD SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS AND FAMILY ASK ME HOW I CAN WITHSTAND SUCH A TRIAL AS LOSING A CHILD. I CAN ONLY SAY, THAT THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE. AT ONE POINT, AFTER BOBBIE JO DIED, I FELT THAT IT WAS TOO HARD TO KEEP GOING, AND WANTED SO MUCH TO END THE PAIN. BUT THEN, I REALIZED THAT IF IT WAS HARD TO LOSE HER, HOW MUCH WOULD I HURT MY FAMILY IF I TOOK A COWARDS WAY OUT? AND, I AM MANY THINGS, BUT I AM NO COWARD! (REMEMBER ME? MORE COURAGE THAN SENSE?) SO, I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU THAT REMEMBERING MY CHILDREN, HUSBAND, FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAS BEEN THE REASON THAT I SEEM TO BE HANDLING THINGS SO WELL. WRITING THIS BLOG HAS BEEN SO HELPFUL TO ME AND KNOWING THAT OTHERS BESIDES MYSELF ARE READING MY WORDS MAKES ME SO HAPPY. I ENJOY SHARING MY THOUGHTS WITH YOU. SO, HERE ARE SOME MORE THOUGHTS TO SHARE WITH YOU1
I HAVE BEEN TALKING QUITE A LOT ABOUT OUR LITTLE FARM ANIMALS. YES, IT WAS A LOT OF WORK, BUT VERY REWARDING. WHEN I WOULD GET DOWN, I WOULD GO AND SIT ON MY CHICKEN BUCKET IN THE CHICKEN YARD, AND THE CHICKENS WOULD SURROUND ME, MAKING LITTLE CLUCKING SOUNDS. WE HAD FAT BLACK SPOTTED CHICKENS, CHUBBY WHITE CHICKENS, LARGE RED CHICKENS AND EVEN SOME LITTLE CHICKENS THAT LAYED DIFFERENT COLORED EGGS. WE ALSO HAD SOME GEESE. GEESE ARE MEAN! NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU ARE TO THEM, THEY ARE JUST BIDING THEIR TIME UNTIL THEY CAN GET YOU. THE LAY IN WAIT FOR YOU TO TURN YOUR BACK AND THEN, GOTCHA! THE PINCH YOU WITH THEIR BEAKS AND IT REALLY HURTS! WHEN WE HAD TO GATHER THE EGGS, WE WOULD TAKE A STICK AND GENTLY HERD THE GEESE OUT OF THE CHICKEN YARD. THEY DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP THEIR EGGS NO MATTER WHAT. WELL, THEY COULD KEEP THEIR OLD EGGS, I DIDN'T WANT THEM-BUT SINCE THEY SHARED THE CHICKEN YARD, I HAD TO RUN THOSE GEESE OUT TO GATHER THE HEN'S EGGS. (AND BY THE WAY, HENS DON'T SEEM TO MIND GIVING UP THEIR EGGS). ANYWAY, ONE DAY, I WAS IN A BIT OF A HURRY, AND HAD TO GATHER THE EGGS ALONG WITH OTHER CHORES THAT WERE WAITING. USUALLY I CAREFULLY COUNTED THOSE GEESE TO MAKE SURE THAT ALL OF THEM HAD BEEN HERDED OUT, BUT ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY, I JUST SHOOED THEM OUT WITHOUT THINKING. WE HAD PEOPLE THAT WOULD BUY THE GEESE EGGS, AND SO I HAD TO GATHER THEM TOO, AND WENT OVER TO THE GEESE'S NESTS. WE HAD CUT 50 GALLON METAL BARRELS IN HALF TO MAKE ROOSTS FOR THE GEESE, AND SO I HAD TO REACH IN TO GET THE EGGS FROM EACH BARREL. MY MIND WAS ANYWHERE BUT ON THE CHORE OF GATHERING EGGS, AND I REACHED INTO ONE OF THE BARRELS, ONLY TO SUDDENLY FIND AN ANGRY GOOSE! SHE SNAKED HER LONG NECK AND GRABBED THE FAT PART OF MY ARM, TWISTING VICIOUSLY WITH HER BEAK AND SCARING THE ABSOLUTE CRAP OUT OF ME. I SCREAMED, DROPPED MY GATHERED EGGS AND JUMPED BACK, FALLING ON MY BACKSIDE. THAT GOOSE CAME FLYING AT ME AND WITHOUT THINKING, I HAULED OFF AND SLAPPED HER A GOOD ONE. IT IS A GOOD THING HER NECK DID NOT SLAP INTO A KNOT, I SLAPPED HER SO HARD. SHE WOBBLED OFF AND I FELT TERRIBLE, BUT NOT FOR LONG AS I EXAMINED MY UNDERARM TO FIND A HUGE RED SPOT AND A BRUISE ALREADY STARTING. NOW, YOU MAY WONDER WHY WE WOULD EVEN KEEP GEESE. WELL, THERE IS NOTHING BETTER FOR A WATCHDOG THAN A GOOSE. THEY REALLY GUARD THE YARD, AND WILL LET NOTHING IN. A DOG MAY EAT THE CHICKENS, SO THEY DON'T ALWAYS WORK OUT. IF SUGAR BEAR WENT TO THE CHICKEN YARD, ONE OF THE GEESE WOULD DISTRACT HER AND THE OTHER SIX WOULD GET BEHIND HER AND ATTACK HER BACKSIDE! SHE NEVER BOTHERED THE CHICKENS, SHE LEARNED QUICKLY. THERE WAS ALWAYS SOME KIND OF LITTLE DRAMA GOING ON AROUND THE FARM YARD. OUR LITTLE FARM HAD A SMALL BARN TO HOLD THE HAY AND FEED. ONE DAY, WHEN AARON WAS ONLY A LITTLE TODDLER, HE FOLLOWED DAD TO THE BARN TO SEE THE COW GET MILKED. I TOLD MARTIN TO WATCH HIM, BUT MARTIN DID NOT HEAR ME. I FOLLOWED THEM BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED BECAUSE THE COW HAD A LITTLE CALF THAT WOULD BOLT OUT OF THE BARN THE MINUTE THE DOOR WAS OPENED AND IF YOU WERE NOT EXPECTING IT WOULD KNOCK YOU DOWN. MARTIN DIDN'T REALIZE THAT AARON WAS FOLLOWING HIM AND OPENED THE DOOR- AND IMMEDIATLEY THE CALF BOLTED OUT AS USUAL. LITTLE AARON WAS RIGHT BEHIND MARTIN, AND THE CALF KNOCKED HIM DOWN AND STEPPED ON HIS HEAD! I SCREAMED AND RAN FOR AARON-WHO WAS SQUASHED IN THE MUD. THANK GOODNESS IT WAS MUDDY, BECAUSE WHEN THE CALF STEPPED ON HIM, HE JUST SQUISHED DOWN AND THE HOOF DID NOT HURT HIM. I GRABBED HIM AND WAS HYSTERICAL, BUT MARTIN WAS COOL AS USUAL AND TOOK AARON TO EXAMINE HIM. NO DAMAGE, AND HE WAS OKAY, BUT THE NEXT DAY, HE HAD A PERFECT HOOF PRINT ON HIS FOREHEAD. GO FIGURE. ONE MORE BLESSING AND WORK FOR OUR GUARDIAN ANGELS! ANOTHER TIME,4 YEAR OLD JESSICA HAD LET THE HORSES FROM THE BACK FIELD COME INTO THE YARD. SHE HAD A STICK AND WAS CHASING THEM THROUGH THE YARD, AND I TOLD HER TO QUIT BECAUSE THEY COULD KICK HER. I SHOOED THEM BACK TO THE FIELD AND WENT BACK TO WHAT I WAS DOING. JESSICA SNEAKED BEHIND MY BACK AND WENT INTO THE FIELD, AGAIN CHASING THE HORSES WITH A STICK. I WENT OUT THERE AND WENT TO TELL HER TO QUIT, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEARD A "CLOP!" AND SAW MY LITTLE GIRL FLYING END OVER END IN THE AIR. AS USUAL, I SCREAMED AND RAN TO HER. SHE HAD LANDED ON HER BACK, AND I WAS SCREAMING HER NAME OVER AND OVER AND ALSO FOR MARTIN TO COME. JESSICA JUMPED UP, GRABBED THE FRONT OF ME AND LITERALLY CLIMBED UP MY SHIRT, WRAPPING HER LEGS AROUND MY THROAT. "MAMA, MAMA, WHAT'S WRONG? WHY ARE YOU YELLING LIKE THAT? ARE ONE OF THE HORSES HURT?" SHE CRIED. ALTHOUGH ONE OF THOSE HORSES KICKED HER INTO THE AIR, SHE WAS UNHURT! NOTHING, NO BRUISES, NOTHING. SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME THOUGH, SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHY I WAS SO UPSET. AGAIN, GO FIGURE! IT IS A WONDER THAT I EVEN REMAINED SANE DURING THOSE DAYS. AARON GOT STUCK ON TOP OF THE PIG HOUSE AND COULDN'T GET DOWN, UNTIL A NEIGHBOR SAW HIM AND CAME TO GET ME. ONCE, LITTLE OTTO WAS ON TOP OF THE SWING SET, FELL, LANDED ON THE BAR ON THE END OF THE SWING SET, DID A FLIP, LANDED ON HIS BACKSIDE AND LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "TA-DA". (I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK AS I WATCHED HIS DESCENT). ONE OF THE NEIGHBORS CALLED ME ONE DAY AND TOLD ME TO LOOK OUTSIDE. SURE ENOUGH, THERE WAS AARON, A TODDLER, STANDING ON TOP OF THE NEIGHBORS PICK-UP TRUCK, NAKED AND DANCING TO BEAT THE BAND. IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE I WAS A TERRIBLE MOTHER, BUT I HOPE NOT. I TRIED TO KEEP UP WITH EVERYONE, AND MOST OF THE TIME I DID, BUT THEY WANTED TO PLAY OUTSIDE AND WE WERE IN THE COUNTRY, SO I FELT THEY WERE PRETTY SAFE. ALL IN ALL, WE WERE SO BLESSED. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

THE NURSERY LADY

I WROTE EARLIER THAT I HAD BEEN ABLE TO GET A JOB AS A NURSERY WORKER. SOON AFTER I WAS EMPLOYED, ONE OF THE DIRECTORS LEFT AND THE POSITION WAS GIVEN TO ME. THE CHILDREN DID NOT STAY LONG, ONLY A COUPLE OF HOURS IN THE MORNING AND IN THE AFTERNOON, WHEN THEIR MAMAS WERE DRIVING BUS ROUTES. THESE LITTLE ONES WERE AGES 18 MONTHS TO 4 YEARS OLD. AT ONE TIME WE HAD UP TO 32 OF THEM, AND WERE REALLY QUITE BUSY. I LOVED THAT TIME IN THE NURSERY. MY 3 LITTLE ONES WERE ABLE TO GO AND BE WITH ME AND DAD GOT THE OLDER TWO OFF TO SCHOOL WHEN HE COULD. JESSICA WAS 9 YEARS OLD NOW AND SO MUCH HELP, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT HER. I KNOW I PUT TOO MUCH ON HER, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER AND I GUESS THAT IS WHY SHE WAS THE FIRST CHILD. I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO HER FOR ALL SHE HAS DONE TO HELP ME. ANYWAY, I WOULD ARRIVE EARLY IN THE MORNING, AND GET THE CHILDREN FED. I HAD THEIR MAMAS BRING THEIR BREAKFASTS, AND WE WOULD ALL SIT DOWN TOGETHER. WE WOULD PRACTICE OUR MANNERS, EVEN THE LITTLEST BABIES, AND I WOULD TELL THEM THAT WE WOULD HAVE STORY TIME AFTER THEY WERE ALL DONE. WHEN THEY HAD PUT THEIR STUFF AWAY, WE WOULD SIT DOWN IN A CIRCLE. THEN, I WOULD LEAN IN CLOSE AND SPEAK SOFTLY. EVEN THOSE WHO WERE MAKING NOISE WOULD QUIET DOWN TO HEAR THE STORY OF THE DAY. SOMETIMES I WOULD READ A STORY, AND SOMETIMES I WOULD RECITE ONE. OFTEN, I WOULD MAKE A STORY UP OR TELL THEM SOMETHING OF MY CHILDHOOD. THEY LOVED THE STORIES SO MUCH AND IT WAS A SWEET TIME OF DAY. AFTER STORY TIME, WE WOULD HAVE SINGING. I WOULD TEACH THEM SONGS THAT MY GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT ME, OR SONGS FROM OUR PRIMARY CHILDREN'S MEETING AT CHURCH. SOME OF THE SONGS WERE GAME SONGS AND OTHERS LEARNING SONGS. SOME WOULD TEACH MANNERS, COURTESY AND OTHER ATTRIBUTES. THE LITTLE ONES WERE SO SWEET. AFTER SONG TIME, WE HAD ART. THIS ONLY LASTED A FEW MINUTES, AS WE WOULD RUN OUT OF TIME. MOST OF THE CHILDREN ASKED TO STAY LONGER, BUT I WOULD ALWAYS TELL THEM THAT I WOULD SEE THEM IN THE AFTERNOON. THERE WERE WOMEN THAT WERE THE SOLE INCOME FOR THEIR FAMILY. ONE LADY'S HUSBAND WAS HANDICAPPED AND COULD NOT WORK, OTHERS WERE DIVORCED AND SOME HAD HUSBANDS THAT WOULD NOT WORK. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO SEE WHAT SOME OF THESE FAMILIES WERE GOING THROUGH, AND I WAS DETERMINED THAT I WOULD DO WHAT I COULD TO BRING JOY TO THE CHILDREN AND THEIR MAMAS. ONE INCIDENT TAUGHT ME A GREAT LESSON IN HUMILITY. ONE OF THE MAMAS HAD LEFT HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND, AND HAD NAMED ME ON THE PROTECTIVE ORDER AS ONE WHO HAD THE RIGHT TO CARE FOR HER CHILDREN. ONE AFTERNOON, I HEARD BANGING ON THE NURSERY DOOR, (UNUSUAL, AS PEOPLE USUALLY JUST WALKED IN) AND I WENT TO OPEN IT. THERE STOOD THIS SAME ABUSIVE HUSBAND, OBVIOUSLY DRUNK, DEMANDING TO SEE HIS CHILDREN. I TOLD HIM FIRMLY THAT HE COULD NOT TAKE THEM FROM THE NURSERY AND WOULD HAVE TO GO NEXT DOOR TO THE OFFICE TO TALK TO THE TRANSPORTATION SUPERVISOR. HE AGAIN VERY HEATEDLY TOLD ME TO GIVE HIM HIS KIDS, AND I REPEATED THAT I WOULD NOT AND HE WOULD HAVE TO GO NEXT DOOR. THE NEXT THING I SAW WAS A LARGE KNIFE IN MY FACE. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO GET HIS KIDS AND I COULD NOT STOP HIM, THE WHOLE TIME WAVING THAT KNIFE AT ME. FOR SOME REASON, I WAS NOT AFRAID, I JUST GOT VERY ANGRY. I TOLD HIM THAT HIS HAVING A KNIFE WAS PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE CHILDREN WOULD NOT BE SAFE WITH HIM, AND HE HAD BETTER LEAVE BEFORE I TOOK THAT KNIFE AND SHOVED IT WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE! HE STARTED TO COME AT ME, BUT THEN A SUDDEN CHANGE CAME OVER HIM. HE PUT THE KNIFE DOWN, TOLD ME HE WAS SORRY THAT HE HAD LOST HIS HEAD, AND WOULD BE GLAD TO GO NEXT DOOR. WELL! I GUESS I SHOWED HIM! NOW, I AM SUPER NURSERY LADY! YEAH, JUST COME ON BACK IF YOU WANT TO TRY ME AGAIN, SUCKER! HE CONTINUED TO STAND THERE JUST LOOKING AT ME AND I STEPPED BACK TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON HIM. TO MY SURPRISE, I STEPPED BACK INTO A WALL OF HUMAN MUSCLE- AND TURNED TO SEE CHRIS, A BUS DRIVER STANDING THERE. NOW, CHRIS WAS HUGE, ABOUT 6' 8" AND HE PROBABLY WEIGHED CLOSE TO 400 POUNDS. HE WAS STANDING THERE WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED AND A SCOWL ON HIS FACE THAT WOULD HAVE FRIGHTENED THE DEVIL! I THREW MY ARMS AROUND HIM AND THANKED HIM PROFUSELY, AS HE HAD OBVIOUSLY JUST SAVED MY SKIN. AND HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS ME THIS KNIFE WEILDING IDIOT WAS AFRAID OF! THAT WAS A QUICK LESSON IN HUMILITY, AND THE KNOWLEGE THAT SOMETIMES HEAVENLY FATHER COMES TO THE RESCUE WHEN YOU HAVE MORE COURAGE THAN SENSE! THE MAN WAS ARRESTED, THE MAMA WAS GRATEFUL AND ALL WAS WELL. CHRIS AND I WERE FRIENDS FOR MANY YEARS, HE WAS A TRUE EXAMPLE OF CHRIST-LIKE LOVE. WE LAUGHED AT THE MEMORY OF ME TELLING OFF THAT GUY, AND THINKING THAT I WAS SO BRAVE! I LOVED DOING THE HOLIDAYS WITH THE NURSERY. FOR HALLOWEEN, WE WOULD DECORATE EARLY IN OCTOBER, AND MAKE PLANS FOR OUR HALLOWEEN PARTY. ON THE HALLOWEEN DAY, WE WOULD ALL WEAR COSTUMES AND TRICK OR TREAT IN THE OFFICE NEXT DOOR. EACH YEAR, I WOULD WEAR AN ELABORATE COSTUME. ONE YEAR I WENT AS A CLOWN THAT LOOKED LIKE MAE WEST. I HAD BALLOON HOOTERS AND EVERYTHING. OTHER YEARS I WOULD DO OTHER CHARACTERS AND THE BUS DRIVERS AND THE CHILDREN LOVED IT. FOR CHRISTMAS, MARTIN WOULD PLAY SANTA CLAUS AND I WOULD DRESS UP AS MRS. CLAUS. WE SPENT THE WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY BREAK DECORATING THE NURSERY, FROSING COOKIES, MAKING CHRISTMAS CARDS AND LITTLE HANDMADE GIFTS. IT WAS SO SPECIAL. VALENTINES DAY, EASTER AND THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL WERE TREATED LIKEWISE. I HAD FREE REIGN, AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE FUN WITH MY LITTLE ONES. NOW, BECKY, OTTO AND AARON WERE THERE EVERY DAY, AND BOBBIE JO AND JESSICA WERE THERE BEFORE AND AFTER SCHOOL ON MOST DAYS. BECKY TOLD ME LATER IN LIFE, THAT WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE, SHE THOUGHT THE NURSERY KIDS WERE HER BROTHERS AND SISTERS. I LOVED THE NURSERY, BUT I LOVED SUMMER MORE. WE HAD LITTLE MONEY, BUT WE ALWAYS HAD FUN. THERE WAS A PUBLIC POOL CLOSE BY, AND WE WOULD GO OFTEN. AFTER SWIMMING, WE WOULD GO AND GET A SNOW CONE AND SOME POPCORN. (THEY WERE REALLY CHEAP, AND WE COULD AFFORD THEM). TO THIS DAY, WHEN I EAT POPCORN I THINK OF SNOW CONES AND WHEN I EAT SNOW CONES, I GET HUNGRY FOR POPCORN. AFTER ALL OF THAT, WE WOULD GO HOME AND I WOULD GET DINNER READY. REMEMBER THAT I TOLD YOU WE HAD PURCHASED A VCR? WELL, THE SUMMER WE HAD FIRST PURCHASED IT, I DECIDED THAT THE CHILDREN WOULD SPEND TIME WATCHING "UPLIFTING" MOVIES, AND MOVIES OF CULTURE. I WANTED THEM TO EXPERIENCE OTHER CULTURES, LANDS AND CUSTOMS. ONE SUCH MOVIE, WAS TARZAN OF GREYSTOKE. IT WAS A WONDERFUL FILM ABOUT TARZAN OF COURSE, BUT THE BACKGROUND AND THE SCENES WHERE IT WAS FILMED WERE SO BEAUTIFUL. THE KIDS GRIPED AND CARPED, SAYING THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH IT, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS A FILM THAT THE KIDS WOULD BENEFIT FROM, SO I RENTED IT. I PUT IT ON, AND WENT INTO THE KITCHEN TO MAKE SOME COOKIES. IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE AARON CAME IN AND ASKED IF SOME OF HIS FRIENDS COULD COME AND WATCH THE MOVIE WITH HIM. "SURE!" I SAID-(NOW, I AM SHARING CULTURE WITH THE OTHER LITTLE HEATHENS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!) THE BOYS CAME OVER AND SETTLED IN TO WATCH, AND I WENT ON BAKING THE COOKIES. SUDDENLY I HEARD SOMETHING THAT MADE MY BLOOD FREEZE IN MY VEINS! I HEARD A LITTLE VOICE SAY, "BOY AARON, YOUR MOM IS SO COOL!" WHAT? ME COOL? I DON'T THINK SO- AND I WENT IN TO SEE WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. NOW, THIS TURNED OUT TO ME ONE OF THOSE LIFE DEFINING MOMENTS, A MOMENT THAT ASSURES YOU THAT YOU ARE A TRUE IDIOT. WHEN I LOOKED AT THE TV THAT THE LITTLE BOYS WERE HUNKERED UP TOO, I RECIEVED THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE. THE TARZAN MOVIE THAT I THOUGHT I HAD RENTED? TURNED OUT TO BE THE ONE WITH BO DEREK AND ALL OF HER NUDITY! YUP- THERE SHE WAS, ROLLING ON THE BEACH WITH PRACTICALLY NOTHING ON, AND WHAT SHE HAD ON YOU COULD SEE CLEAR THROUGH, LEAVING NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION. THERE WERE LITTLE PUDDLES OF DROOL COLLECTING AT THE FEET OF THE BOYS, AND THEY HAD A GLAZED LOOK ON THIER FACES. "ENOUGH!" I ROARED. "OUT! GO HOME! NOW! AND DON'T TELL YOUR MAMAS WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY!" "AWWWW, DO WE HAVE TOO? WE HAVENT SEEN TARZAN YET,(AND THEY ACTUALLY SNICKERED). "HOME! GO! AND AARON, YOU COME INTO THE KITCHEN!" HE ACTUALLY HAD THE NERVE TO SAY, '"AW MOM, WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME? YOU RENTED THE PORN!" HOW COULD I JUSTIFY MY MISTAKE? BY TAKING IT OUT ON THE RENTAL CLERK. YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT A STARVING BEAR WAS ADVANCING ON A PRIZE WINNING SALMON. I BLASTED THAT POOR GUY, AND HE LOOKED CONTRITE- BUT I SWEAR I COULD HEAR HIM LAUGHING WHEN I LEFT. I DID LEARN THE IMPORTANCE OF CHECKING THE FILMS FROM THEN ON, I DIDN'T WANT A REPEAT OF THE "MOVIE OF THE WEEK". AND, OF COURSE I HAD TO FEND OFF THE CALLS FROM THE ENRAGED MAMAS, AND THE DADDIES THAT WANTED TO KNOW IF I HAD TAKEN THE FILM BACK YET.
ANOTHER TIME, WE WERE AT THE POOL, AND I WAS, AS USUAL, SELF CONCIOUS ABOUT MY HEFTY SELF IN A SWIMSUIT. I HAD PERFECTED THE ART OF WEARING A TOWEL TO THE EDGE OF THE POOL, WHIPPING IT OFF AND PLUNGING IN WITHOUT MUCH OF A SHOWING OF CHUBBY. ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY, THE KIDS CAME AND TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A NEWS CREW DOING A SPECIAL ON THE PUBLIC POOL AND WANTED TO INTERVIEW SOME OF THE MOMS. THEY ASSURED THE NEWS CREW THAT I WOULD BE GLAD TO BE ON CAMERA- GREAT! I ACTUALL HAD TO HOLD MY NOSE JUST ABOVE WATER WHILE THEY WERE LOOKING FOR ME- I FELT LIKE A SEAL UNDER AN ICE SHEET, WAITING FOR THE SHARK TO LEAVE. I MUST HAVE BEEN UNDER WATER WITH A BLOW HOLE LIKE THAT FOR TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE THEY FINALLY LEFT. I COULD JUST HEAR IT, "DID YOU SEE SISTER SEE ON TV? DID YOU SEE ALL OF HER? BOY, SHE SURE HAD SOME GUTS TO DISPLAY HERSELF ON TV LIKE THAT!" NOPE, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED BEFORE I WOULD GET ON TV IN A SWIMSUIT! SUMMERS WERE SO MUCH FUN FOR US, WE LOOKED FORWARD TO THE FOURTH OF JULY EACH YEAR. OF COURSE I HAD TO HAVE A PARTY, (ANY EXCUSE TO HAVE A PARTY) AND WOULD SPEND MOST OF JUNE GETTING READY FOR IT. ONE SUMMER, I HAD JUST COME HOME FROM SHOPPING AT A SALE AT A LOCAL STORE. I FINALLY BROKE DOWN AND BOUGHT SOME GOOD BATH TOWELS AND VOWED THAT I WOULD CHOKE THE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER THAT LEFT ONE ON THE FLOOR OR USED IT TO MOP UP A MESS. AS I DROVE UP TO THE HOUSE, I NOTICED THAT THE BOYS WERE FIRING OFF SOME OF THOSE LITTLE BOTTLE ROCKETS. THE NEIGHBOR HAD A FIREWORK STAND, AND ALWAYS GAVE MY KIDS SOME FOR FREE. MARTIN WAS OUT THERE WITH THEM, SO I WASN'T TOO CONCERNED. (REMEMBER THE RAT TRAP?) I WENT INTO THE HOUSE, LEAVING THE TOWELS IN THE CAR TO TAKE THEM IN LATER. NEXT THING I HEARD WAS A COMMOTION OUTSIDE. TURNS OUT THAT ONE OF THE BOTTLE ROCKETS HAD FALLEN ON A SHED ACROSS THE STREET AND THE SHED HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE. MARTIN IS RUNNING TO GET SOME WATER AND NOTICED THE NEW TOWELS IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. HE YANKED OPEN THE DOOR AND GRABBED MY TOWELS, RAN ACROSS THE STREET, GAVE EACH BOY A TOWEL AFTER WETTING IT AND SHOUTED AT THEM TO BEAT AT THE FLAMES. NOW, LETS THINK ABOUT THIS. MY HUSBAND HAS HELPED MY LITTLE BOYS TO CATCH THE NEIGHBORS SHED ON FIRE. THEN, HE TELLS THEM TO TAKE MY NEW TOWELS AND TRY TO PUT THE FIRE OUT. CAN YOU BELIEVE, THAT I WAS ACTUALLY MORE ANGRY AT MY RUINED TOWELS THAN THE FACT THAT THE BOYS COULD HAVE BEEN HURT? GOES TO SHOW WHERE MY MIND WAS I GUESS. ANYWAY, MARTIN HAD THE GRACE TO USE ALL MY NEW TOWELS, AND ACTUALLY PUT THE FIRE OUT. EVERYONE WAS TELLING HIM HOW SMART HE WAS, AND HOW HE HAD GUTS. THE BOYS WERE BEING CONGRATULATED ON HAVING SUCH A BRAVE DADDY, AND COOL TOO, AS HE STARTED THE FIRE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THE NEIGHBOR SAID THAT BOYS WILL BE BOYS, AND NO HARM DONE, THEY WERE GOING TO TEAR DOWN THAT SHED ANYWAY, SO I GUESS EVERYTHING WORKED OUT, RIGHT? WHATEVER, I WENT BACK TO USING TOWELS THAT LOOKED LIKE THEY HAD BEEN WOVEN IN JESUS' TIME, WITH HOLES AND THREADS COMING OFF EACH TIME YOU DRIED WITH THEM. I SAY "DRIED" WITH TOUNG IN CHEEK, THOSE TOWELS WOULDN'T HAVE DRIED AN ANT OFF. BUT I LEARNED ONE THING, "YOU CAN HAVE KIDS, OR YOU CAN HAVE STUFF. YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM BOTH!" MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

THINGS I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

YOU KNOW, THERE IS SO MUCH TO TELL YOU ABOUT OUR FAMILY AND OUR LOVE STORY, AFTER ALL WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED ALMOST 37 YEARS, AND FROM NOW ON, I MAY REGRESS AND ADD STORIES THAT I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN WHEN WRITING ABOUT A CERTAIN TIME.
ONE STORY THAT I FORGOT IS ABOUT LITTLE OTTO. A DEAR FRIEND REMINDED ME TO WRITE IT, SO HERE IT IS. WHEN AARON WAS VERY SMALL, MY MOTHER CAME TO VISIT AND WE WENT TO LUNCH. IT WAS A VERY POSH RESTAURANT, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT WE STRUCK UP A CONVERSATION WITH A GENTLEMAN. THE SUBJECT TURNED TO PETS, AND HE TOLD ME THAT HIS DOG HAD GOTTEN PREGNANT ACCIDENTALLY AND HE DID NOT WANT THE PUPPIES. THEY WERE GERMAN SHEPHERD AND CHOW PUPPIES, AND BOTH THE PARENTS WERE CHAMPIONS. THE OWNERS DID NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE "MISFITS" AND THE MAN FELT JUSTIFIED IN JUST PUTTING THEM DOWN WHEN THEY WERE BORN. I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE WOULD CALL ME ON THE DAY THE PUPPIES WERE BORN, I WOULD COME AND TAKE THEM TO RAISE. A FEW WEEKS WENT BY, AND I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE PUPPIES. THEN, ONE MORNING, A CALL CAME AND THE MAN TOLD ME THE PUPPIES HAD BEEN BORN AND THEIR WERE 3 OF THEM. HE SAID THAT TWO HAD BEEN SPOKEN FOR, BUT THERE WAS ONE LEFT AND WANTED TO KNOW IF I STILL WANTED IT. I WOULD HAVE TO GO THAT DAY AND GET IT, SO I DID. THIS LITTLE PUPPY WAS THE SWEETEST THING. I HAD TO GET PUPPY MILK AND FEED HER EVERY COUPLE OF HOURS, AND SHE BEGAN TO GROW AND IMPROVE. SHE KEPT GROWING, AND GROWING AND WITHIN A FEW MONTHS, SHE WAS HUGE! SHE LOOKED LIKE A FUZZY HUGE BEAR, SO I NAMED HER SUGAR BEAR. SHE AND I WERE INSEPERABLE. SHE CONTINUED TO GROW, AND WHEN SHE WAS A YEAR OLD, SHE WEIGHED OVER 100 LBS. SHE LOVED AND PROTECTED THE CHILDREN AND SHE WAS A DEAR PART OF THE FAMILY. ONE DAY, WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF OLD, SHE GOT INTO THE CHICKENS AND ATE A COUPLE. I KNEW THAT MARTIN WOULD BE LIVID WHEN HE FOUND OUT, SO I ASKED MY FRIEND A FEW STREETS OVER IF I COULD LEAVE SUGAR BEAR WITH HER UNTIL MARTIN CALMED DOWN. SHE SAID OKAY, AND TOOK SUGAR BEAR TO HER. I HATED LEAVING HER, BUT I WAS TRYING TO FIX THINGS BEFORE MARTIN CAME HOME. HE TOOK THE CHICKEN NEWS PRETTY WELL, AND TOLD ME TO GO AND GET SUGAR BEAR. WHEN I WENT TO GET HER, SHE WAS GONE! MY FRIEND SAID SHE JUMPED THE FENCE WHEN I DROVE OFF AND SHE ASSUMED THAT SHE HAD FOLLOWED ME HOME. OH, I WAS IN SHOCK! WHERE WAS MY BABY? WE DROVE THE STREETS THAT NIGHT, AND PUT OUT SIGNS, BUT TO NO AVAIL. SUGAR BEAR WAS GONE. I CRIED AND CRIED. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT, AND NOW I HAD LOST MY SUGAR BEAR. IT TOOK SOME TIME FOR ME TO START GETTING OVER LOSING SUGAR BEAR, BUT AFTER A WHILE I WAS BETTER. I NEVER DID STOP LOOKING FOR HER, ALWAYS HOPING THAT SHE WOULD BE ON THE STREET OR THAT SOMEONE WOULD HAVE FOUND HER. I HAUNTED THE SPCA, CALLING AND CHECKING IN WITH THEM. I FINALLY HAD TO ACCEPT THAT SUGAR BEAR WAS NOT TO BE FOUND. DURING THAT TIME, LITTLE OTTO WAS BORN AND I HAD OTHER PROBLEMS TO CONTEND WITH. ONE DAY, WHEN LITTLE OTTO WAS ALMOST A YEAR OLD, A FRIEND OF MINE WAS IN THE DRIVE WAY, TALKING TO ME FROM HER CAR. SUDDENLY, THE STRANGEST THING HAPPENED, A RATTY, FILTHY STARVING DOG CAME RUNNING INTO THE DRIVEWAY AND BEGAN TO JUMP ON ME. THIS DOG WAS FRANTIC, WHINING AND CRYING AND TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION. I WASN'T EXACTLY FRIGHTENED, JUST CONFUSED AS TO WHY THE DOG SEEMED TO KNOW ME. THEN, UNBELIEVABLY, I REALLY LOOKED AT THE DOG, AND I REALIZED THAT IT WAS SUGAR BEAR! SHE HAD BEEN GONE FOR ALMOST A YEAR, AND NOW HERE SHE WAS! THE POOR THING WAS STARVED, HER RIBS SHOWING, BUT IT WAS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT SHE WAS VERY PREGNANT. I FELL TO MY KNEES AND HUGGED HER AND CRIED WITH JOY. SHE JUST LICKED ME AND CRIED TOO. MY SUGAR BEAR WAS HOME! I TOOK HER TO THE VET, AND HE SHOWED ME WHERE HER FEET WERE WORN DOWN, AND SHE HAD NO CLAWS TO SPEAK OF. HE SAID, "THIS MEANS SHE HAS BEEN TRAVELING FOR A LONG TIME. SHE IS IN VERY BAD SHAPE, AND NOW THE PUPPIES ARE GOING TO COME SOON. SHE WILL NEED A LOT OF CARE. IT IS AMAZING THAT SHE FOUND HER WAY HOME, EVEN THAT SHE SURVIVED THE TRIP". I TOOK MY BABY HOME AND CARED FOR HER AS THE VET HAD TOLD ME TOO. WITHIN A FEW WEEKS THE PUPPIES WERE BORN WITHOUT INCIDENT. SUGAR BEAR WAS SUCH A GOOD MAMA, AND THE PUPPIES THRIVED. OF COURSE I FED SUGAR BEAR EVERYTHING SHE WOULD EAT, AND SHE IMPROVED DAILY. WITH ALL THIS GOING ON, I REALIZED THAT I WAS PREGNANT WITH BECKY AND I HAD TO WEAN LITTLE OTTO. HE WAS OLD ENOUGH, BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WEANED. HE KEPT TEARING AT MY BUTTONS AND TRYING TO NURSE AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY. FINALLY, I BEGAN TO BE FIRM WITH HIM AND WHEN HE TRIED TO NURSE, I WOULD GIVE HIM A BOTTLE. HE WOULD THROW IT AND TRY TO CLIMB ON ME. ONE DAY, AS ALL THIS WAS GOING ON, I REALIZED THAT LITTLE OTTO HAD NOT BEEN DEMANDING TO NURSE AS MUCH. I WAS RELIEVED, AND THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD GO ON AND TAKE A BOTTLE FROM THEN ON. WHILE I WAS THINKING ALONG THOSE LINES, I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND SAW SOMETHING THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET. SUGAR BEAR WAS NURSING ALL HER PUPPIES, (8 OF THEM) AND ONE LITTLE BOY! YES INDEED, LITTLE OTTO WAS NURSING ALONG WITH THOSE PUPPIES AND SUGAR BEAR DIDN'T MIND A BIT! "LITTLE OTTO!!! GET UP OFF THAT DOG! " I CRIED. OH MY GOODNESS, I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES. INSTEAD OF GETTING UP OFF OF SUGAR BEAR, HE LOOKED UP AT ME AND SAID, "MMMM DOOD". I PICKED HIM UP, AND JUST HELD HIM. MY POOR LITTLE BOY, WANTED TO NURSE SO BADLY. SO I GAVE HIM A FEW MORE DAYS OF BREAST MILK AND WATCHED HIM LIKE A HAWK. SUGAR BEAR WOULD HAVE LET HIM NURSE ANYTIME HE WANTED- SHE WAS SUCH A GOOD DOG.
SOMETHING ELSE IF FORGOT TO WRITE ABOUT, WAS THE DAY THAT AARON BROUGHT AN UNEXPECTED GIFT TO ME. HE WAS ABOUT 3 YEARS OLD AT THAT TIME, AND HE CAME IN THE HOUSE CARRYING A DEAD SQUIRREL. "MAMA, LOOK WHAT I FOUND" HE SAID. "NO, NO, NO, OH, GIVE ME THAT THING! IT IS NASTY! YUCK!" I SQUEALED. I SNATCHED THE SQUIRREL FROM HIM AND HE BEGAN TO CRY. HE DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET ME, AND TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO SEE WHAT WAS INSIDE OF IT. HE WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS BUILT LIKE PEOPLE WERE AND WANTED ME TO HELP HIM FIND OUT. I EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS BUILT A LOT LIKE WE WERE. AND I DIDN'T THINK WE SHOULD CUT IT OPEN TO FIND OUT. I THREW IT AWAY, AND THE THOUGHT NAGGED AT ME THAT I WAS EITHER RAISING A DOCTOR OR A SERIAL KILLER. THANK GOODNESS HE TURNED OUT TO BE A DOCTOR! AS THE CHILDREN GREW, I FOUND THAT THEY EACH HAD UNIQUE TALENTS. BOBBIE JO LOVED TO COOK AND READ. JESSICA LOVED TO ORGANIZE AND BOSS PEOPLE AROUND. SHE HAD LOTS OF CONFIDENCE, AND IT SERVED HER WELL. LATER IN LIFE, WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER, SHE WAS AT GIRL'S CAMP AND HER GROUP HAD GONE ON A LONG OVERNIGHT HIKE INTO THE WOODS. THEY HAD WALKED ABOUT 15 MILES TO THE CAMPSITE , AND THEN REALIZED THAT THEY DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO SUSTAIN THEM, AND ONE OF THE OTHER GIRLS HAD FALLEN AND BROKEN HER FOOT. JESSICA AND HER FRIEND SUSAN DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD HIKE OUT FOR HELP, LEAVING THE OTHER GIRLS WITH THE ADULT COUNSELOR. SURE ENOUGH, THEY WALKED ALL DAY WITH NO WATER AND STRAGGLED INTO OUR CAMP LOOKING LIKE VAGABONDS. I WAS SO CONCERNED SEEING MY DAUGHTER LIKE THIS, AND WHEN SHE TOLD ME WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I WAS SO PROUD OF HER. SHE AND SUSAN FILLED UP WATER CONTAINERS, AND WE WENT WITH THEM TO RESCUE THE OTHERS. THAT'S JUST LIKE JESSICA, ALWAYS TAKING CHARGE. BECKY WAS FEARLESS AS A SMALL CHILD. ONE DAY AT CHURCH, AFTER THE SERVICE, I HEARD SOME OF THE LITTLE CUB SCOUTS SHOUTING AND RUNNING FOR THE DOOR. I WONDERED WHAT WAS WRONG, AND WENT TO THE BACK OF THE CHURCH TO FIND BECKY WAVING A SNAKE IN THE AIR. SHE HAD FOUND IT OUT BACK OF THE BUILDING AND WAS FINDING GREAT JOY IN SCARING THE BOYS! THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT THE YEARS MARTIN AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, AND I WILL TRY TO LIST THEM CHRONOLOGICALLY, BUT, IF ON OCCASION I FORGET AND OMIT SOMETHING I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ ABOUT, I WILL JUST BACK UP AND WRITE IT WHEN I DO THINK ABOUT IT. OH, TODAY, WE GOT A NEW BABY! WE GOT A FABULOUS GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPPY AND NAMED HIM ROCKY. I AM HOPING THAT ROCKY WILL HELP MARTIN AS HE GRIEVES FOR BOBBIE JO. HE MISSES HER SO MUCH, AS DO I, BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, WORKING WITH HIM ON HIS WOOD PROJECTS, FIXING THE HOUSE AND ARGUING WITH HIM. HE SAYS HE HAS A HUGE EMPTY HOLE IN HIS LIFE, AND HE HAS BEEN SO VERY SAD. I TOO, AM SAD, BUT I HAVE A DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDING OF THE PROCESS OF LIFE. I KNOW MY GIRL IS NOT GONE, SHE IS JUST NOT HERE. I BELIEVE IN LIFE ETERNAL, AND I ALSO BELIEVE THAT THIS IS ONLY A SHORT PART OF OUR EXISTANCE, THIS TIME ON EARTH. I AM SORRY THAT SHE ONLY HAD 33 YEARS, AND MY HEART IS TORN WITH SADNESS AND DISSAPOINTMENT THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE MORE TIME TOGETHER, BUT I KNOW THAT SHE LIVES. MARTIN CANNOT SEEM TO GET PAST THE FACT THAT SHE IS GONE FROM HIM, AND HIS HEART IS BROKEN ON SO MANY LEVELS. I PRAY THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WILL HELP ME TO HELP HIM---I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, THIS MAN OF MINE, THIS MAN THAT HAS GIVEN ME EVERYTHING AND NEVER COMPLAINED. THIS MAN WHO HAS WORKED TO SUPPORT ME AND THE CHILDREN FROM THE DAY I MET HIM, AND WHO LOVES ME MORE THAN I CAN COMPREHEND. I HOPE LITTLE ROCKY CAN HELP HIM, CAN BRING HIS SPIRITS UP. HE NEEDS TO LAUGH AGAIN, TO JOKE AGAIN, AND TO HAVE JOY. HE MISSES LITTLE OTTO AND BOBBIE JO AND LITTLE MATTHEW. (OUR GRANDSON WHOM WE LOST IN DECEMBER). I MISS HIS CHEER AND LAUGHTER, AND I FEAR THE MOMENTS WHEN I HEAR HIS SOBS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HE IS A MOUNTAIN, BUT I THINK THIS HAS REALLY BROUGHT HIM LOW. BOBBIE JO AND OTTO WOULD NOT WANT THEIR DADDY TO SUFFER LIKE THIS, I WISH THERE WAS A WAY TO CONVINCE HIM OF THAT. WELL, ALL WILL BE WELL, I KNOW IT, AND IN THE MEANTIME, I AM DOING ALL I CAN TO CHEER HIM UP. I MAKE SURE THERE IS ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER, FOLDED SOCKS IN HIS DRAWERS, SAUSAGE, EGGS AND GRITS FOR BREAKFAST, DINNER WHEN HE GETS HOME AND THE REMOTE TO THE TV ACCESSIBLE AT ALL TIMES! I EVEN GO SO FAR AS TO MAKE SURE THE WESTERN CHANNEL IS ON WHEN HE CLICKS ON THE REMOTE! MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I PRAY FOR HIM. AND I LOVE HIM. PRAY WITH ME, WON'T YOU? HE DESERVES ALL OF OUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE