THE EFFORT TO GET MARTIN'S JOB BACK WAS VERY DIFFICULT. THE STRUGGLE KEPT US BUSY, AND EVER VIGILANT TO MAKE SURE THE KIDS DID NOT DO WITHOUT. WE LEARNED TO STAY HOME MORE, BAKE MORE, SEW MORE AND WORK TOGETHER SO THAT WE COULD KEEP OUR HUMOR UP. THE FIRST YEAR PASSED, WITH HAPPINESS, SADNESS, ANXIETY, WORRY AND JOY. HOLIDAYS AND BIRTHDAYS PASSED UNEVENTFULLY, AND WE CONTINUED TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY THAT MARTIN WOULD GO BACK TO WORK. HE HAD CONTINUED TO APPLY EVERYWHERE, BUT IT WAS SOON APPARENT THAT HE WAS OVEREDUCATED IN HIS FIELD AND NO ONE WANTED TO HIRE HIM, BECAUSE THEY FEARED HE WOULD TAKE THEIR JOB EVENTUALLY. HE WAS VERY DISCOURAGED. IT WAS JANUARY, 1992, WHEN I GOT A VERY STRONG IMPRESSION THAT MARTIN SHOULD UTILIZE THE HARD-EARNED EDUCATION THAT WE HAD STRUGGLED FOR OVER THE YEARS. HE HAD TWO DEGREES, ONE IN DIESEL ENGINES AND ONE IN AUTOMOTIVE. HE QUALIFIED TO BE AN INSTRUCTOR. I ENCOURAGED HIM TO PUT IN HIS APPLICATIONS AT THE VARIOUS COMMUNITY COLLEGES, BUT HE WAS VERY INTIMIDATED AND FELT THAT HE COULD NOT PRESENT HIMSELF VERY WELL. I TOLD HIM THAT EVERY TIME HE WORKED ON SOMEONE'S CAR, HE WOULD EXPLAIN THE WORK AS HE WENT AND HE WAS VERY GOOD AT IT. HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. I PUT THE APPLICATIONS IN FOR HIM, AND SOON, WE GOT A CALL FROM HOUSTON COMMUNITY COLLEGE TO COME IN AND FILL OUT A BUNCH OF PAPERWORK. WE WERE SO EXCITED, FINALLY A CHANCE TO HAVE REAL EMPLOYMENT AGAIN. HE FILLED OUT THE PAPERWORK AND THEY TOLD HIM HE WOULD COME TO AN INTERVIEW WHEN A POSITION CAME OPEN. THEY ANTICIPATED SOME RETIREMENTS VERY SOON. OH,WE WERE SO TICKLED! BUT ONE MONTH AND THEN TWO PASSED AND WE DID NOT HEAR FROM THEM. THE OTHER COLLEGES HAD NO OPENINGS, SO WE JUST HAD TO WAIT. FINALLY I CALLED AND ASKED IF THEY HAD FILLED THE JOB AT HOUSTON COMMUNITY. THEY TOLD ME NO, AND I SAID, "WELL, YOUR BEST CANDIDATE IS JUST WAITING TO START, CALL HIM IN!" EACH WEEK, I CALLED AGAIN, AND GOT THE SAME ANSWER. SPRING CAME AND THEN SUMMER. I KEPT CALLING. I TOOK THE JOB AT THE PARKS DEPARTMENT AND EARNED MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES. WE HAD A LOVELY SUMMER, OTTO, BECKY, AARON AND I, SPENDING EACH DAY TOGETHER, GOING ON FIELD TRIPS, MAKING CRAFTS AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS. HOW COULD I KNOW OF THE TRAGIC ENDING TO OUR TIME TOGETHER? SCHOOL STARTED, AND THE DAY CAME FOR US TO GO TO COURT AGAINST THE POST OFFICE. THEIR ATTORNEY CALLED AND ASKED US TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT. THE MOST WE COULD HOPE FOR WAS TO GET MARTIN'S JOB BACK AND THE DIFFERENCE IN MONEY EARNED OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS, WHICH WOULD BE ABOUT 20,000.00. WE TOLD THEM WE WOULD CALL THEM BACK. WITHIN MINUTES, THE PHONE RANG, AND IT WAS HOUSTON COMMUNITY COLLEGE CALLING TO OFFER MARTIN A JOB. WE HAD THE ANSWER TO OUR PRAYER AND SETTLED WITH THE POST OFFICE FOR THE MONEY AND TOLD THEM TO STUFF THE JOB. IT LOOKED LIKE THINGS WERE FINALLY GOING OUR WAY, BUT ON SEPTEMBER 18, 1992, OTTO WAS KILLED IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE. AS I MENTIONED EARLIER, A DRUNK DRIVER SLAMMED INTO THE KIDS PLAYING BASKETBALL IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE, AND OTTO PUSHED ONE OUT OF THE WAY AND TOOK THE HIT FULL ON. HE WAS DEAD ON THE SCENE, BUT THEY WAITED UNTIL THEY HAD GOT HIM TO THE HOSPITAL TO PRONOUNCE HIM. MY WORLD WAS TRULY SHATTERED. I WENT THROUGH THE FUNERAL SOMEHOW, (I DON'T REMEMBER), AND MARTIN FELL APART. AT THE FUNERAL HOME, HE CLIMBED INTO OTTO'S CASKET TWICE, CRYING THAT HIS BOY WASN'T GOING BY HIMSELF. I HAD TO PULL HIM OUT AND WE COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR SOBBING IN GRIEF. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHERE WAS MY SON? HE WAS ONLY 13- STILL MY BABY. I AM ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I PROBABLY NEGLECTED MY FAMILY, I WAS A ROBOT. I TRIED TO GO BACK TO WORK, (I HAD GOTTEN A JOB AT AT OTTO'S JR. HIGH SCHOOL), BUT I COULD NOT CONCENTRATE. THE COMMUNITY WAS SO GOOD TO US, AS WELL AS ESPECIALLY THE CHURCH, BUT I WAS TOO STRICKEN TO APPRECIATE IT. FINALLY, ONE DAY, I WALKED PAST OTTO'S HOME ROOM, AND SAW A GIRL SITTING IN HIS DESK. I ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND, RAN SCREAMING INTO A CLOSET AND REFUSED TO COME OUT. IT WAS TIME TO QUIT. SO I DID. MY DAYS WERE SPENT IN A FOG, CRYING AND EATING AND LAYING ABOUT ON THE FURNITURE. MY WEIGHT ESCALATED AT AN ALARMING RATE, BUT I DIDN'T CARE. I WANTED MY SON BACK. MY POOR CHILDREN HAD TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES MORE THAN THEY HAD EVER HAD TO, AND MARTIN AND I WERE ZOMBIES. THE HOLIDAYS CAME AND WENT AGAIN, I DON'T REALLY RECALL THAT PART OF MY LIFE. A NEW YEAR CAME, AND STILL I LANGUISHED IN SADNESS. SPRING WAS ON THE HORIZON, AND ONE DAY, A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS A DEPUTY FOR THE HARRIS COUNTY SHERRIF'S DEPARTMENT CAME TO SEE ME. HE WAS SHOCKED AT MY APPEARANCE AND MY PERSONALITY. I HAD GAINED WEIGHT TO ALMOST 450 LBS, AND CARED FOR NOTHING. HE BECAME ANGRY. "WHERE IS THE WOMAN THAT CAN FACE ANYTHING?!!" HE DEMANDED. "GET UP OFF THAT COUCH! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!" I GOT DRESSED AND WE WENT DOWNTOWN TO THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. HE TOOK ME TO PERSONEL, AND INTRODUCED ME TO A FRIEND OF HIS. "GIVE HER A JOB! HE SAID. HIS FRIEND WAS IN CHARGE OF HIRING 911 OPERATORS. I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID, "LOOK, IF I AM TOO FAT TO HIRE, TELL ME NOW SO THAT I DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME AND MINE!" HE SNAPPED BACK AT ME, "WELL, ARE YOU TOO FAT TO ANSWER THE PHONE?" WE STARED AT EACH OTHER, AND THEN, MY SENSE OF HUMOR OVERCAME ME. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND TOLD HIM NO, I GUESS I COULD ANSWER THE PHONE FOR A LIVING! NORMALLY IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO GET ON TO A JOB LIKE THAT, BUT I WAS HIRED RIGHT AWAY, AND I HAVE MY DEAR FRIEND TO THANK FOR IT. YOU WOULD THINK THAT AFTER LOSING MY SON IN SUCH A MANNER THAT I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO SO MANY TERRIFYING CALLS. BUT, THAT IS WHAT SAVED ME. GOING TO WORK EACH DAY AND HAVING SOMETHING TO BE BUSY FOR. THE FIRST YEAR, I WORKED AT NIGHT, 10PM TO 6AM. I HATED THE HOURS, BUT I LOVED THE JOB. I DIDN'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS, THEY WERE EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN WITH ME AS BIG AS I WAS. LOTS OF THE PEOPLE THERE TALKED ABOUT ME AND MADE FUN OF ME. MANY STARED AT ME, AND I CAN UNDERSTAND AS IT IS EXPECTED THAT YOU SHOULD MAINTAIN FITNESS TO WORK IN LAW ENFORCEMENT. I IGNORED THE SNIDE COMMENTS, BUT IT REALLY HURT. ONE DAY, I TOOK A CALL FROM SEABROOK, TX. I HAD TROUBLE FINDING THE LOCATION, AND IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT THERE WAS STILL SOME PLACES THAT WERE MORE ISOLATED. I WANTED SO BADLY TO MOVE, AS I HATED LIVING WHERE OTTO HAD DIED. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF HOW WE HAPPENED TO COME TO SEABROOK. LOVE, NANASEE

DO-IT-ALL DAD

I HAVE TOLD YOU OF A FEW OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED AFTER MARTIN LOST HIS JOB, BUT I HAVE NOT TOLD YOU OF HIS EFFORTS TO KEEP US AFLOAT. AS USUAL, HE NEVER STOPPED LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO FOR AN INCOME, HE HAS ALWAYS TAKEN SUCH GOOD CARE OF US. I REMEMBERED ON INCIDENT THAT HAS BECOME A STORY OF HUMOR AND REPETITION FOR YEARS PAST. ONE JANUARY MARTIN'S UNCLE ASKED MARTIN TO COME TO HIS HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY TO HELP WITH REMODELING. HE LIVED ABOUT 100 MILES AWAY, AND SO MARTIN WOULD TAKE THE WEEKENDS TO GO AND DO AS MUCH AS HE COULD. ONE VERY COLD DAY, MARTIN AND HIS UNCLE WERE REPAIRING A SECOND STORY WINDOW, WITH MARTIN ON THE TOP OF THE LADDER. THIS PLACE WAS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, BUT WAS SO LOVELY WITH THE TREES, CREEK AND THE NUMEROUS WOODLAND CREATURES THAT LIVED THERE. SUDDENLY, MARTIN HEARD HIS UNCLE TELL HIM NOT TO MOVE, HE HEARD SOMETHING RATTLING, PROBABLY A RATTLESNAKE, AND IT WAS JUST UNDER THE EDGE OF THE HOUSE AT THE BASE OF THE LADDER. SURE ENOUGH, MARTIN HEARD IT TOO, A FAINT RATTLE. THE RATTLE CONTINUED IN ONGOING SPURTS, JUST LIKE A SNAKE AND MARTIN DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET OFF THE LADDER WITHOUT BEING BITTEN IF THE SNAKE WAS READY TO STRIKE. HE EDGED SLOWLY DOWN TO THE HALF-WAY POINT OF THE LADDER, ABOUT 6 FEET UP, AND JUMPED WITH ALL HE HAD, LANDING AND ROLLING IN THE YARD A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. HE JUMPED UP AND RAN TO A SAFE DISTANCE ALL THE WHILE KEEPING AN EYE ON THE OPENING UNDER THE HOUSE. HE AND HIS UNCLE GOT A FLASHLIGHT TO PEER UNDER THE HOUSE, AND CREEPING CLOSER TRIED TO SHINE THE LIGHT ON THE SNAKE WITHOUT STARTLING IT. THEY CREPT CLOSER AND CLOSER, HEARING THE RATTLE, BUT NOT SEEING THE SNAKE. FINALLY THEY SHINED THE LIGHT DIRECTLY INTO THE HOLE, AND TO THEIR SURPRISE, SAW NOT A SNAKE BUT-----A SKINNY STARVING DOG, SO COLD HIS TEETH WERE RATTLING AND CHATTERING TOGETHER! THERE HE WAS JUST SHIVERING AND CLICKING HIS POOR OLD TEETH. MARTIN AND HIS UNCLE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND JUST SCREAMED WITH LAUGHTER- AND THEN, TOOK THE DOG AND FED HIM. WE HAD HAD A LOT OF FUN AT MARTIN'S EXPENSE TALKING ABOUT THE "DEADLY RATTLESNAKE" EXPERIENCE!
MARTIN HAD A NOSE FOR SNIFFING OUT JOBS THAT NEEDED DOING. IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT IT WAS, (AS LONG AS IT WAS LEGAL) HE WOULD DO IT. HE PUT UP FENCES, ROOFED HOUSES, FIXED CARS, PAINTED HOUSES, AND, WELL YOU NAME IT AND HE WAS GONE TO DO IT. WE HAD THE MONEY NEEDED TO RUN THE HOUSE, AND MARTIN TOOK GREAT PRIDE IN MAKING SURE THAT HE TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING. NOW, SINCE WE LIVED IN A COUNTY AREA, WE COULD BURN OUR TRASH AND BEGAN TO DO SO TO SAVE THE MONEY ON TRASH PICK-UP. ONE SPRING DAY, AFTER MOWING AND CLEANING THE YARD, MARTIN DECIDED TO BURN THE CLIPPINGS AND THE HOUSEHOLD TRASH TOGETHER. HE ADDED LIMBS FROM TREES, WOOD FROM PROJECTS, SHINGLES FROM ROOFING, AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF, MAKING A HUGE TRASH PILE FOR BURNING. AFTER NEATLY PILING EVERYTHING, HE TOOK A 5 GALLON GAS CAN AND POURED GAS ON THE PILE. BUT, HE HAD NO MATCHES, SO AFTER POURING ON THE GAS, WENT INTO THE HOUSE TO SEARCH FOR MATCHES. WHILE HE WAS GONE, AARON CAME ALONG, AND SEEING THE TRASH PILE, DECIDED TO POUR GAS ON IT SO DAD COULD BURN IT. HE DOUSED THE PILE WITH MORE GAS, AND WENT INTO THE HOUSE TO FIND DAD AND TELL HIM THE PILE WAS READY. THEY MISSED EACH OTHER AND DAD WENT OUT THE BACK WITH THE MATCHES. THINKING THAT MAYBE HE SHOULD POUR SOME MORE GAS ON THE PILE JUST TO INSURE A GOOD BURN, HE EMPTIED THE GAS CAN ON TOP OF THE PILE, AND STRUCK A MATCH, THROWING IT ONTO THE TOP OF THE PILE. WHUMMMPPPH! A HUGE FIREBALL BLEW UP IN FRONT OF HIM, KNOCKING HIM BACKWARD- ALL THE WINDOWS IN THE HOUSE RATTLED LIKE CRAZY, THE BIRDS FOR A HALF MILE AROUND TOOK TO THE SKIES, THE NEIGHBORS RAN TO THEIR DOORS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED, AND FOUND A HUGE FIRE STREAKING TO THE SKY! POOR OLD MARTIN WAS ON HIS BUTT IN THE GRASS MAKING SURE HE WASN'T ON FIRE, AND SOMEONE CALLED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. SOON WE HEARD THE SIRENS SHRIEKING DOWN THE STREET, SEEING THE HUGE COLUMN OF SMOKE OVER THE HOUSE. THE FIREMEN POURED INTO THE BACK YARD ONLY TO FIND A TRASH FIRE. MARTIN GOT A SCOLDING AND A LECTURE ON FIRE SAFETY, AND THE FIRE GOT PUT OUT. WE STAYED IN THE HOUSE, BECAUSE WE KNEW THAT DADDY WAS NOT GOING TO BE IN THE BEST OF MOODS, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT AARON HAD "HELPED" HIM! ANOTHER JOB WE DID AS A FAMILY WAS TO CLEAN OUT A HOUSE FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD SUDDENLY MOVED. THE OWNER PAID MARTIN WELL AND TOLD HIM, "JUST GET RID OF EVERYTHING". SO, SINCE THIS HOUSE TOO, WAS IN THE COUNTRY, MARTIN BUILT ANOTHER ONE OF HIS FAMOUS "BURN PILES" WITH ALL THE STUFF THAT WOULD BURN, LIKE PAPERS, AND OTHER STUFF. NOW, IN THE OFFICE OF THIS HOUSE, THERE WERE STACKS OF FILE BOXES, ALL FILLED WITH PAPER. IT LOOKED LIKE THE RECORDS OF A BUSINESS, BUT WE DIDN'T CARE, WE WERE BEING PAYED TO GET RID OF IT. SO, MARTIN BUILT THE FIRE AND WE STARTED THROWING BOXES IN IT. BOX AFTER BOX WE BURNED WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE CONTENTS, ONLY KNOWING IT HAD PAPERS INSIDE. I TOOK A SMALLER BOX, ABOUT THE SIZE OF A SHOEBOX, AND THREW IT ON THE FIRE, DIRECTLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLAZE- AND WHEN IT LANDED, THE LID CAME OFF TO REVEAL THAT THE BOX WAS FULL OF MONEY! STACKE OF BILLS, FIVES, TENS AND TWENTYS, SPILLED OUT OF THAT BOX INTO THE FLAMES. I SCREAMED AT MARTIN TO LOOK, AND HE ALMOST DOVE INTO THE FIRE TO GET THE MONEY BACK. BUT, IT WAS TOO LATE, THE MONEY WAS BURNING, AND ALL WE COULD DO WAS WATCH FORLORNLY AS WE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH CASH WAS DESTROYED. NOW, I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE TOLD THE OWNER ABOUT THE MONEY IF I HAD NOT BURNED IT ACCIDENTALLY, BUT IT DIDN'T HELP KNOWING THAT IT WAS GONE. WE SURE COULD HAVE USED IT, BUT THEN IT WASN'T OURS, AND WHO KNOWS WHY THE OWNER WAS HIDING IT LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYWAY, BOO-HOO, JUST OUR LUCK! ONE JOB MARTIN TOOK OUT IN THE COUNTRY, AND THAT EVENING HE CAME HOME WITH A HUGE WATER TROUGH, THE KIND FOR CATTLE. IT WAS ABOUT 10 FT ACROSS AND 4 FEET DEEP, AND MADE A MARVELOUS SWIMMING POOL FOR MANY YEARS! ANOTHER TIME, HE WAS HELPING A WOMAN MOVE SOME THINGS AND WAS ADMIRING HER ANTIQUE UPRIGHT PIANO. SHE TOLD HIM THAT SHE WOULD LIKE TO SELL IT, BUT IT WOULD TAKE TOO MANY MEN TO MOVE IT AS IT WAS SO HEAVY. HE ASKED HER HOW MUCH SHE WANTED FOR IT, AND SHE TOLD HIM FIFTY DOLLARS. HE TOLD HER HE COULD MOVE IT BY HIMSELF AND SHE SAID NO, HE COULDN'T, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ONE MAN TO MOVE IT. HE TOLD HER HE BET HER FIFTY DOLLARS THAT HE COULD, AND SHE TOOK HIM ON. SURE ENOUGH, HE LOADED IT BY HIMSELF AND CAME HOME WITH THAT PIANO IN THE BED OF THE PICKUP TRUCK! WE HAD LOTS OF FUN WITH THAT PIANO, AND THAT IS THE ONE I LEARNED TO PLAY ON. YES, MARTIN HAS NEVER BEEN STILL, AND ALWAYS A GO-GETTER. BECAUSE OF HIS WORK ETHIC, OUR CHILDREN HAVE ALL BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN THEIR LIVES AS WELL. I AM THANKFUL FOR HIM AND SO BLESSED TO BE HIS ETERNAL COMPANION. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

RIPTIDE

YOU HAVE HEARD OF A RIPTIDE, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE TIDE JUST PICKS YOU UP AND SLINGS YOU OUT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN WHERE HELP IS ALMOST NON-EXISTANT? A RIPTIDE HIT ME SQUARE IN THE FACE IN THE FORM OF THE US GOVERNMENT. IN THE LAST POST, I TOLD YOU THAT I HAD "STUPIDLY" APPLIED FOR FOOD STAMPS WHEN MARTIN LOST HIS JOB. THIS IS AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION, BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE CHURCH FOR HELP, THE ABUNDANT HELP THAT AWAITS THOSE WHO ARE FAITHFUL. BUT NO, I WAS TOO PROUD, AND DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW WE WERE IN SUCH DIRE STRAITS. AFTER HE HAD FOUND EMPLOYMENT AT A LOCAL MECHANICS SHOP, I HAD INFORMED THE FOODSTAMP OFFICE THAT MARTIN HAD FOUND EMPLOYMENT AND THAT I WAS NOT WORKING SO THAT THEY COULD ADJUST OUR ALLOTMENT IF THERE WOULD BE ANY AT ALL AFTER OUR INCREASED INCOME. THE CHECKS CONTINUED TO COME, SO I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT, FIGURING THAT THEY WOULD SEND THE CORRECT AMOUNT. I GOT THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE IN JANUARY (AFTER MARTIN HAD LOST HIS JOB THE PREVIOUS AUGUST). I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE FOOD STAMP OFFICE SAYING THAT I WAS BEING INVESTIGATED FOR FOOD STAMP FRAUD. I WAS NOT IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND ANYWAY, AS WE WERE CONTINUING TO BATTLE WITH THE POST OFFICE OVER MARTIN'S UNFAIR FIRING, FINDING VERY LITTLE HELP AND REALLY, LOSING MORE GROUND THAN WE WERE GAINING. I FELT DISCOURAGED ABOUT ALL OF THAT, AND THEN, THE LETTER. I WAS TOLD THAT THERE WOULD BE A HEARING AND THE DATE TO REPORT. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A TREMENDOUS FEAR OF AUTHORITY, AND NEVER, EVER GOT INTO ANY KIND OF TROUBLE IN MY LIFE. UPON READING THE LETTER, I BECAME PHYSICALLY ILL. I BEGAN TO CRY, SHAKE, BECAME NAUSEOUS, AND ALMOST COLLAPSED. WHY WERE THEY INVESTIGATING ME? I HAD BEEN HONEST, AND DECLARED EVERY PENNY. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. I CALLED THEM, AND GOT THE RUN-AROUND, TELLING ME TO JUST COME TO THE HEARING, THAT'S ALL THEY COULD SAY. I WAS TERRIFIED. I REALLY HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, AND REALLY WAS TRAUMATIZED BY THE FACT THAT I COULD BE IN SOME KIND OF TROUBLE. I HAD TO WAIT TWO WEEKS TO GO TO THE HEARING. IT WAS COLD AND DRIZZLING THAT DAY, AND I WALKED INTO THE BUILDING WITH DREAD. I WAS SHOWN INTO AN OFFICE, WHERE A LADY INFORMED ME THAT SHE WAS THE INVESTIGATING OFFICER AND PUT SOME HANDCUFFS ON HER DESK. I LOOKED AT THOSE HANDCUFFS IN TERROR. MY MOUTH WAS DRY AND MY HEART SLAMMED PAINFULLY IN MY CHEST. WHAT WAS GOING ON? FINALLY, I ASKED HER WHY THEY WERE INVESTIGATING ME. SHE SAID THEY HAD PROOF POSITIVE THAT I HAD DEFRAUDED THE GOVERNMENT. I TOLD HER I DIDN'T KNOW HOW, I HAD DECLARED EVERYTHING. I TOLD HER THAT I HAD TOLD THEM TO STOP SENDING THE FOOD STAMPS AS MARTIN WAS EMPLOYED, BUT THEY HAD CONTINUED TO COME IN THE MAIL ANYWAY. I HAD KEPT EACH CHECK AND NOT CASHED IT, BUT I HAD NOT BROUGHT THEM WITH ME. SHE STOOD UP AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS HER FIRST CASE, AND SHE WAS GOING TO BE SURE THAT I WAS HIT WITH EVERYTHING THEY HAD, BECAUSE SHE WASN'T GOING TO ALLOW ME TO LIE MY WAY OUT OF IT. I LOOKED AT HER FOR A MOMENT, SAW A GUNG-HO GREENHORN, AND REALIZED THAT SHE WANTED TO MAKE HER FIRST CASE MEMORABLE. I KNEW I HAD TO TRED CAREFULLY, BUT I CALMLY TOLD HER ONCE AGAIN THAT I HAD NOTIFIED THE GOVERNMENT OF MARTIN'S INCOME, THAT I WASN'T WORKING, BUT THAT THEY HAD CONTINUED TO SEND THE CHECKS ANYWAY. SHE SAID TO SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE, MEANWHILE I HAD BETTER GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW BECAUSE I WASN'T GETTING AWAY WITH FRAUD. SHE SAID THERE WAS NO PROOF THAT I HAD NOTIFIED THEM, SO IT WAS THEIR WORD AGAINST MINE. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT SHE WAS A REAL IDIOT AND I KNEW THAT I COULD GET NO WHERE BY TRYING TO TALK TO HER. I ASKED HER WHAT I NEEDED TO DO NEXT AND SHE SAID THAT THERE WOULD BE AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION AND I WOULD BE RECEIVING LETTERS TO THAT EFFECT. MY FOOD STAMPS WOULD BE CUT OFF IMMEDIATLEY. I TOLD HER, "FINE, AT LEAST NOW SOMEONE WILL DO WHAT I ASKED THEM TO DO THREE MONTHS AGO!" SHE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO GO BEFORE A JUDGE TO DECIDE IF I HAD COMMITTED FRAUD, AND IF I HAD I WOULD BE SENTENCED AT THAT TIME. I HAVE TO SAY, THAT IF I EVER THOUGHT THAT I HAD ANY STRENGTH IN ME, IT MANIFESTED ITSELF RIGHT THEN. I FELT THAT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT, SO TERRIFIED OF THE OUTCOME OF ALL OF THIS, BUT I WAS CALM AND QUIETLY TOLD HER THAT I HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG AND WAS GLAD TO SEE A JUDGE, BECAUSE MAYBE A JUDGE WOULD LISTEN TO ME. "DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER COME IN HERE AND TELL US THAT?" SHE ASKED, AND I JUST TURNED AND WALKED OUT. I WAS SO ILL, AND SO FRIGHTENED, AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. HOW COULD I PROVE MY INNOCENCE? AFTER ALL, IT WAS THEIR WORD AGAINST MINE, AND EVEN THOUGH I HAD NOT CASHED THE CHECKS, IT DIDN'T SEEM TO MATTER TO THEM. THE FREEZING RAIN GREETED ME WHEN I WALKED OUT TO THE CAR, AND MIXED WITH MY TEARS. I WAS SO SCARED, MORE THAN I HAD EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. I PRAYED FOR COMFORT, AND FELT THAT IT WOULD COME OUT ALRIGHT. WHEN I GOT HOME, I COLLAPSED IN MARTIN'S ARMS AND SOBBED OUT MY FEARS. HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, IT WOULD BE OKAY. I PRAYED OFF AN ON FOR A FEW DAYS, AND COULD NOT BE COMFORTED. I AM TELLING YOU THAT IT WAS THE WORST THING I HAD EVER FACED. COULD I GO TO JAIL? WAS IT POSSIBLE? I COULD NOT EVEN COMPREHEND SUCH A THING. SOON, I GOT A LETTER TELLING WHEN AND WHERE THE COURT HEARING WOULD BE, AND WHO THE JUDGE WAS. IT WAS ANOTHER 3 MONTHS BEFORE I WAS DUE IN COURT. THEN, THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME TO WRITE A LETTER TO THE JUDGE AND EXPLAIN WHAT WAS GOING ON. I DID, AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING AND HOW THE OFFICER HAD TREATED ME. I DID NOT HEAR BACK FROM ANYONE, AND HAD TO WAIT WITH DREAD, FOR THE TIME TO PASS. FINALLY, THE DAY CAME, AND MARTIN TOOK ME TO COURT. THE COURT ROOM WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO WERE RAGGED, DOWNCAST, AND IN GENERAL LOOKED LIKE THEY HAD NOTHING TO THEIR NAME. I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! NOT ME! BUT THERE I WAS. FINALLY, THEY CALLED MY NAME. I STOOD, AND WALKED UP TO THE CENTER, AND STOOD BEFORE THE JUDGE. SHE LOOKED AT ME FOR A MOMENT, REALLY LOOKED AT ME, AND ASKED ME WHY I WAS THERE. I HAD PRAYED FOR STRENGTH TO BE CLEAR AND CONCISE, BUT MOST OF ALL THAT THE SPIRIT WOULD TELL HER THAT I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. I EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO HER AND HANDED HER THE CHECKS THAT I HAD NOT CASHED. SHE ASKED WHY I HAD NOT CASHED THEM, AND I SAID, "YOUR HONOR, I AM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR EVEN HAVING THEM. I ASKED FOR THEM TO BE STOPPED AND THEY KEPT COMING. NOW LOOK WHERE IT LED ME. WHY WOULD I CASH THEM? THE MONEY IS NOT MINE". SHE ASKED IF MY CHILDREN NEEDED THE FOOD THOSE CHECKS REPRESENTED. I TRUTHFULLY TOLD HER THAT MY CHURCH WAS HELPING US, AND NO, I DID NOT NEED TO USE THE CHECKS TO FEED MY FAMILY. SHE ACTUALLY SAID, "WELL, THAT IS A FIRST!" SHE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, AND SHE WOULD RENDER A JUDGEMENT AND I WOULD BE INFORMED BY MAIL. I WAS DISMISSED. WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK. WAS I STILL IN TROUBLE? WAS IT OVER? BUT I WALKED OUT, AND PUT IT IN GOD'S HANDS. IT TOOK ANOTHER 3 WEEKS TO GET THE LETTER THAT TOLD ME THAT IT WAS APPARENT THAT I HAD NO INTENT TO DEFRAUD THE GOVERNMENT. LET ME TELL YOU, I WAS SO RELIEVED, BUT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT IS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER FORGET, THE TERROR, THE UNCERTAINTY, THE FEAR. DURING THE TIME ALL OF THIS WAS HAPPENING, I WENT TO OUR BISHOP AND TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON. HE TOLD ME THAT WE WOULD RECEIVE HELP AND HE WISHED I HAD COME TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. BELIEVE ME, SO DO I! PRIDE GOT ME INTO A HELL OF A MESS- BUT IT WAS A LESSON WELL LEARNED.
THE GENEROSITY OF OUR CHURCH WAS OVERWHELMING. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR, WE HAVE A WONDERFUL WELFARE SYSTEM, THAT PROVIDES FOOD FOR THOSE WHO NEED TO USE THEIR MONEY FOR OTHER THINGS DURING HARD TIMES. IT IS NOT JUST A DOLE, BUT A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. IF YOU CAN, THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO BE DONE TO HELP EARN YOUR WAY. IN OUR CASE, I HAD THE CHILDREN, MARTIN AND I GO TO THE WAREHOUSE AND CLEAN AND RESTOCK THE GROCERIES AS MUCH AS WE COULD. THEY WERE SO GENEROUS WITH US, AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING. WE ACTUALLY LOOKED FORWARD TO "CHURCH STOREHOUSE" DAY. THE BOYS WOULD DON THEIR WINTER COATS AND GLOVES AND GO INTO THE HUGE FREEZER AND RESTOCK THE FROZEN GOODS. MORE THAN ONCE, I SAW A HAM OR A FROZEN CHICKEN FLY PAST IN A GAME OF "FOOTBALL RESTOCKING"! THE GIRLS AND I WOULD FILL ORDERS, STOCK SHELVES OR DUST. WE LOVED WORKING WITH THE PRODUCE, IT WAS SO FRESH AND WONDERFUL. HOW BLESSED WE WERE TO HAVE SUCH HELP, AND TO BE ABLE TO HELP A LITTLE IN RETURN. HERE IN HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PEANUT BUTTER FACTORY RUN BY THE CHURCH THAT MAKES AND SENDS PEANUT BUTTER ALL OVER THE WORLD. THE CHILDREN COULD NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE PEANUT BUTTER PRODUCTION, BUT MARTIN AND I COULD AND DID. I ENJOYED BEING THE "PEANUT PICKER" MEANING THAT THE MILLIONS OF PEANUTS THAT SHUTTLED BY ON THE WAY TO THE GRINDER HAD TO BE CHECKED AND PICKED THROUGH TO BE SURE NOTHING HAD BEEN MISSED. MARTIN AND I FLIPPED SPECKS AND BITS AT EACH OTHER AND MADE A GAME OF IT. THERE WERE OTHER STATIONS, SOME TO LABLE, SOME TO FILL THE JARS, SOME TO SET THE JARS ON THE CONVEYOR BELT, LOTS OF JOBS, AND WE GOT TO DO ALL OF THEM AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. THE ONLY ONE I PASSED BY, BUT MARTIN PARTICIPATED IN WAS CLIMBING THE STAIRS WITH THE SUGAR, AND OTHER INGREDIENTS TO BE ADDED TO THE PEANUTS BEING GROUND INTO PEANUT BUTTER. (I WAS TOO LAZY TO CARRY ALL THAT STUFF UP THOSE STAIRS OVER AND OVER). BY THE WAY, THAT IS SOME GOOD PEANUT BUTTER! I FELT SUCH PRIDE KNOWING THAT I HAD BEEN ABLE TO HELP IN SOME SMALL WAY. I LEARNED THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE LET PRIDE AFFECT MY DECISION IN ASKING FOR HELP DURING THE TIME THAT MARTIN WAS OUT OF WORK. ALTHOUGH HE HAD A JOB, IT WAS NOT REALLY ENOUGH TO GET BY ON, AND WE HAD NO INSURANCE. THE GOAL WAS TO GET HIS JOB BACK THROUGH THE COURTS, BUT THAT WOULD TAKE MANY MONTHS. DURING THAT TIME, MANY TRIALS CAME OUR WAY, SOME THAT WE WOULD NEVER HAVE EVEN IMAGINED. I WILL TELL YOU OF THEM IN THE POSTS TO COME. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

SHATTERED COMFORT ZONE

YES. OUR COMFORT ZONE WAS SHATTERED. THE EVERYDAY EXPECTATIONS OF OUR LIFE BECAME SOMETHING TO BE CONSIDERED. MARTIN HAD BEEN FIRED. HERE IS WHY. AS I SAID, THE SUPERVISOR AT MARTIN'S JOB AT THE POST OFFICE WAS VERY ABUSIVE TO HIM, AND DESPITE MANY NUMEROUS REPORTS AND COMPLAINTS, CONTINUED TO HARASS MARTIN. BECAUSE OF HIS WORK ETHIC AND FEELINGS OF RESPONSIBILITY, MARTIN FELT THAT HE COULD WITHSTAND SUCH TREATMENT FOR 8 HOURS A DAY BECAUSE HE COULD THEN COME HOME AND BE WITH HIS LOVING FAMILY. ONE DAY, THE CASTLE FELL. JESSICA WAS 16 THAT YEAR, AND DRIVING. SHE FOUND HERSELF HAVING TO GO THROUGH A BAD AREA OF TOWN TO GET HOME WHEN SHE GOT A FLAT TIRE. SHE CALLED HER DAD WHO WORKED NOT FAR AWAY TO ASK HIM TO COME AND HELP HER. THE SUPERVISOR ANSWERED THE PHONE, AND WHEN JESSICA ASKED TO SPEAK TO MARTIN, WAS VERY RUDE TO HER. SHE EXPLAINED THAT SHE WAS IN A PART OF TOWN THAT FRIGHTENED HER AND REALLY NEEDED HER DAD. THE SUPERVISOR TOLD HER. "WELL, YOU BETTER CALL BACK AND HOPE HE ANSWER THE PHONE, 'CAUSE I AIN'T DOIN' ANYTHING FOR THAT DOG!' HE THEN HUNG UP ON HER. IN PANIC, SHE CALLED BACK, AND FORTUNATELY MARTIN ANSWERED. "DADDY!" SHE SAID, "WHO WAS THAT AWFUL MAN WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE?" AND THEN TOLD MARTIN WHAT THE SUPERVISOR HAD SAID. MARTIN SAYS HE CAN'T RECALL EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT, BUT WE KNOW THAT HE LOOKED AT THE SUPERVISOR, SCREAMED AT HIM AND PICKED UP A TIRE IRON. WHEN THE SUPERVISOR SAW THAT, HE BEGAN TO RUN, AND MARTIN CHASED HIM. INSTEAD OF HITTING THE SUPERVISOR, HE SLAMMED THE TIRE IRON INTO AN OIL DRUM, COLLAPSING IT. ONE OF MARTIN'S FRIENDS CAUGHT HIM AND TRIED TO CALM HIM DOWN, AND THEN MARTIN REALIZED WHAT HE WAS DOING AND WENT INTO HIS OFFICE. ANOTHER FRIEND WENT TO HELP JESSICA, AND MARTIN WAITED FOR THE POSTAL SECURITY TO COME. AFTER HEARING WHAT HAPPENED, THEY TOLD MARTIN TO GO HOME, HE WAS FIRED. WE NOW KNOW THAT THEY HAD NO AUTHORITY TO DO THAT, BUT MARTIN DID NOT KNOW AT THE TIME. HE CAME HOME UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT HE HAD LOST HIS JOB. THIS WAS SEPTEMBER, 1990.
WE IMMEDIATLY FILED AGAINST THE POST OFFICE FOR NUMEROUS GRIEVIANCES, AND SETTLED DOWN TO WAIT. FORTUNATLEY, MARTIN WAS A MEMBER OF THE UNION, AND THEY REPRESENTED HIM. WE KNEW THAT IT WOULD TAKE MANY MONTHS TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION, AND IN THE MEANTIME, WE HAD CHILDREN TO FEED AND A HOUSE TO PAY FOR. I WENT TO BED THAT NIGHT WITH A PRAYER ON MY LIPS FOR MARTIN, OUR SITUATION, MY FAMILY AND FOR COURAGE TO DO WHATEVER I HAD TO DO TO HELP HIM. IN THE NIGHT, I GOT A FEELING OF EXCITEMENT, A FEELING OF CHALLENGE, AND KNEW THAT I WOULD BE TESTED TO MY LIMIT, BUT ALSO THAT I WOULD PERSERVERE. WE HAD NO SAVINGS. I HAD JUST SPENT MOST OF WHAT WE HAD ON SCHOOL CLOTHES, AND WE HAD BEEN LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK AS WE HAD ALL OF OUR LIVES. ONLY NOW, THERE WOULD BE NO PAYCHECK. I HAD LEFT MY JOB AT THE NURSERY TO BE WITH THE CHILDREN, BECAUSE ONLY THE LAST SPRING, WE GOT A TERRIBLE FRIGHT WITH AARON. WE HAD FOUND A LUMP IN THE BACK OF HIS THROAT, THAT WAS BONEY AND HARD. AT FIRST IT SEEMED VERY OMINOUS, BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE A VERY STRANGE BONE SPUR GROWING OFF OF ONE OF HIS VERTIBRAE INTO THE BACK OF HIS THROAT. THE DOCTOR DID A BIOPSY AND TO OUR RELIEF, IT WAS NOT CANCER. THE DOCTORS FELT WE COULD LEAVE IT SINCE AARON WAS SOON TO BE A TEENAGER AND HE WOULD GROW FASTER THAN IT WOULD. THEY REMOVED HIS TONSILS AND ADNOISE (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT) TO GIVE HIM ROOM IN HIS THROAT, AND THE BONE SPUR GAVE HIM NO MORE TROUBLE. I FELT THAT WITH SUCH A SCARE I NEEDED TO BE WITH THE CHILDREN MORE, AND QUIT MY JOB AT THE NURSERY. MY JOB HAD BEEN FILLED, (BY 3 WOMEN BY THE WAY) AND I WOULD HAVE TO LOOK ELSEWHERE. I WAS HIRED AT THE CENTER FOR CHILDREN WHO WERE SEVERELY HANDICAPPED. THE CHILDREN I WORKED WITH WERE PRACTICALLY IN A VEGETATIVE STATE AND I HATED MY JOB. I COULDN'T HELP THEM, ONLY CLEAN THEM AND FEED THEM. I AM ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I HAD FOUND MY LIMITS, AND I TRULY DISLIKED WORKING THERE. I ONLY EARNED ENOUGH TO PAY FOR INSURANCE FOR THE FAMILY. MARTIN HAD BEGUN TO TAKE IN CARS AT THE HOUSE TO HELP WITH THE OTHER EXPENSES, AND I STUPIDLY WENT AND APPLIED FOR FOODSTAMPS. I IGNORED THE SPIRIT WHEN I FELT THE PROMPTINGS TO GO TO THE CHURCH FOR HELP. I WAS TOO PROUD. WITH THE FOOD STAMPS AND MY LITTLE JOB, ALONG WITH MARTIN'S EFFORTS, WE SCRAPED BY. THE DAY I GOT MY FIRST PAYCHECK, I ALSO GOT A SHOCK. THE SUPERVISOR HAD FILED CIVIL CHARGES AGAINST MARTIN AND HE HAD A WARRANT OUT FOR HIM. TO CLEAR THE WARRANT, I HAD TO USE EVERY PENNY OF MY FIRST CHECK TO PAY THE COURT CHARGES. DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEANT WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT WE WOULD BE CHALLENGED? IT WAS NOW THAT ALL THE SKILLS I LEARNED IN BAKING, CANNING, GARDENING, SEWING AND OTHER SKILLS CAME INTO PLAY. I FELL BACK ON MY ABILITIES TO STRETCH A DOLLAR BY BAKING ALL THE BREAD AND GOODIES, SEWING AND MENDING CLOTHING, GARDENING AND CANNING AND OTHER STUFF. THE CHILDREN WERE OLD ENOUGH TO HELP, AND PITCHED IN WITHOUT COMPLAINT. I TOLD THEM THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WAS TO MAKE SURE DADDY DID NOT SEE US UPSET. AND HE DIDN'T. I AM SO PROUD OF THE FAMILY FOR THAT. THE FALL BEGAN TO PASS, WITH HALLOWEEN ON THE WAY, AND WE DECORATED AS USUAL. OUR ATTITUDES WERE REALLY GOOD, AS WE HAD A COMMON GOAL, AND THAT WAS TO LIVE WITH CONFIDENCE AND JOY. THEN, ONE DAY, THINGS AGAIN TOOK A JOLT. IT WAS AFTER WORK THAT DAY, THAT I FELL ASLEEP IN MY CHAIR IN THE LIVING ROOM. THIS CHAIR WAS A WING-BACK CHAIR, AND I HAD A HABIT OF SLEEPING WITH MY LEFT ARM TUCKED UP OVER THE WING. I FELT A TICKLE ON MY ARM, AND AWOKE TO FIND A LARGE SPIDER CRAWLING ON ME! HALF-ASLEEP, I JUMPED UP, SLAPPED AT THE SPIDER, CAUGHT MY ARM JUST RIGHT AND FELL BACK INTO THE CHAIR, TWISTING MY ARM. I CAUGHT MY ARM IN AN ANGLE THAT POPPED MY SHOULDER OUT OF JOINT. MARTIN HEARD MY SCREAM OF AGONY AND CAME RUNNING. WE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL, AND THE WONDERFUL DOCTOR DISTRACTED ME AND THEN SLAMMED MY SHOULDER AND THE ARM POPPED BACK IN! (THANKS DOC!) I HAD TO KEEP MY ARM IN A SLING FOR 6 WEEKS, SO I COULD NOT LIFT THE CHILDREN AT WORK. SO, NOW I AM OUT OF A JOB TOO! THE NEXT DAY, MARTIN GOT A HUGE BLESSING, HE WAS HIRED AT A LOCAL MECHANICS SHOP FOR PRETTY GOOD MONEY, ENOUGH TO MAKE THE BILLS, EXCEPT THERE WAS NO INSURANCE. BUT THE MONEY WAS ENOUGH. I CALLED THE FOOD STAMP OFFICE AND TOLD THEM OF THE CHANGE IN OUR INCOME. AFTER, IF I WASN'T HONEST, I FELT THAT I COULD NOT RECEIVE ALL THE HELP WE NEEDED FROM HEAVENLY FATHER. THERE WAS NO CHANGE IN THE AMOUNT OF FOOD STAMPS AFTER THAT, SO I ASSUMED THAT ALL WAS WELL. THANKSGIVING CAME AND THEN CHRISTMAS. AGAIN, THE COMMUNITY SURROUNDED US AND SURPRISED US WHEN A HUGE TRUCK CAME DOWN THE STREET AND STOPPED AT OUR HOUSE. INSIDE WERE BICYCLES, CLOTHING, FOOD AND MANY OTHER ITEMS. THE LETTER SAID, "FOR A FAMILY WHO NEVER STOPS GIVING". I CRIED WITH HUMILITY AND GRATITUDE. EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALRIGHT. THEN, THE MONSTER RAISED IT'S UGLY HEAD. TOMORROW, I WILL TELL YOU OF THE NEXT TRIAL THAT ALMOST BROKE ME. LOVE, NANASEE

ON WITH THE STORY!

LETS SEE, I LEFT OFF WITH---OH, WELL, I AM NOT SURE, ACTUALLY, IN THE YEARS THAT THE CHILDREN WERE GROWING UP, IT ALL SEEMS TO BLEND TOGETHER. THERE ARE SOME INCIDENTS THAT WERE LIFE CHANGING OF COURSE, AND SET THE COURSE FOR WHERE I AM TODAY, BUT I WILL WRITE OF THEM AS THEY COME TO ME. I AWOKE THIS MORNING, STILL FEELING YUCKY, BUT ALSO VERY GRATEFULL THAT I HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL LIFE TO FEEL YUCKY IN! MY BLESSINGS ARE EXPONENTIAL, MEANING THAT THEY CONTINUE TO GROW AND GROW, AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO TELL HEAVENLY FATHER OF MY GRATITUDE. COMING FROM NOTHING TO WHERE I AM TODAY IS TRULY A MIRACLE, AND IF I EVER DOUBT IT, I CAN JUST LOOK AROUND AT THE MISERY IN THE REST OF THE WORLD TO REINFORCE THAT FACT. HAVING FIVE CHILDREN TO RAISE GIVES MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN AND GROW. I OFTEN WONDER WHERE THE TIME WENT. I REMEMBER CLEARLY THINKING AS I NURSED ONE BABY, HAD ANOTHER ON THE WAY, 3 MORE TO CARE FOR AND THE WORRY OF FINANCES IF MY LIFE WOULD EVER IMPROVE. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER BEEN UNHAPPY IN MY LIFE, BUT ONLY BRIEFLY DISTRACTED BY TRIALS. I HAVE WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, INJURIES, ILLNESS, EDUCATION, AND MANY OTHER THINGS, BUT IT HAS ALL TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST. SO, IN THE MIDST OF ALL OF THESE THINGS, MY FAMILY GREW AND PROSPERED. OUR LOVE GREW AND GOT STRONGER. MY FAITH BECAME SO MUCH A PART OF ME THAT IT IS THE REASON THAT I HAVE JOY.
AFTER THE FIRE, WE GOT OUR LIVES BACK INTO PERSPECTIVE AND WERE SO HAPPY. WE HAD A LOVELY NEW HOME, AND SHARED OUR BLESSINGS WITH CHILDREN AND FRIENDS IN THE COMMUNITY. WE HAD AN ABOVE GROUND SWIMMING POOL, AND INVITED THE NEIGHBOR CHILDREN TO COME AND SWIM. THE SUMMERS PASSED IN IDEALIC SPLENDOR, SWIMMING, EATING, SLEEPING, HAVING THE FORTH OF JULY CELEBRATION,(ALWAYS FUN EVERY YEAR WITH FRIENDS COMING OVER AND BAR-B-QUE AND FIREWORKS). WE CELEBRATED OUR ANNIVERSARIES, THE TEMPLE ANNIVERSARY ON JULY THE 2ND AND OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY ON JULY THE 3RD. MARTIN ALWAYS PLANNED OUR ANNIVERSARIES. HE IS SO FUNNY. ONE YEAR, HE BOOKED A DINNER CRUISE ON GALVESTON BAY ON A RIVER BOAT. HE BOUGHT ME A NEW OUTFIT, AND TOOK ME TO GALVESTON, WHERE WE HAD DINNER, DANCING AND SAILING FOR THE EVENING. ONE YEAR, WE WENT OUT ON THE MOTORCYCLE, ALL AROUND HOUSTON WHEREVER WE WANTED TO GO. SOMETIMES IT WAS A PICNIC AT NIGHT, (SO ROMANTIC), FISHING AND SOMETIMES JUST A SPECIAL DINNER SOMEWHERE. ALWAYS A GIFT FOR ME FROM HIM, AND ONE FROM ME FOR HIM. HE HAS ALWAYS MADE ANNIVERSARIES WONDERFUL FOR ME. WE ALWAYS CELEBRATED THE TEMPLE ANNIVERSARY AS "TEMPLE DAY" WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY. WE ALL PARTICIPATED IN THAT, GOING BOWLING, FISHING, TRIPS SOMEWHERE, BUT AS LONG AS WE WERE ALL TOGETHER. THEN, SOON CAME MY BIRTHDAY. I AM SUCH A BABY ABOUT BIRTHDAYS, AND MY FAMILY KNOWS THIS, SO THEY ALWAYS MAKE IT SPECIAL. I LOVE THEM FOR THAT. AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, CAME AUGUST, WHICH WAS OTTO'S BIRTHDAY, LOLA'S BIRTHDAY AND THE DREADED START OF SCHOOL. WE BEGAN TO PREPARE FOR THE START OF SCHOOL EARLY IN THE SUMMER BY PUTTING SCHOOL CLOTHES AND SUPPLIES ON LAY-AWAY. THAT WAY I HAD 3 MONTHS TO PAY FOR IT ALL. I WAS DETERMINED THAT MY CHILDREN WOULD HAVE ALL THEY NEEDED AND NOT FEEL DEPRIVED. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG. I HAD A LIMIT TO EACH ITEM, AND IF SAY, THE TENNIS SHOES WERE MORE THAN THE 20.00 (REASONABLE BACK THEN) THAT I HAD ALLOTTED, THEN THEY WOULD HAVE TO COME UP WITH THE REST. BUT, LAY-AWAY DAY WAS LOTS OF FUN. IT TOOK HOURS TO CHOOSE EVERYTHING FOR 5 KIDS, BUT I JUST TURNED THEM LOOSE IN THE STORE AND KEPT AN EYE ON THEM. THEY COULD PICK AND CHOOSE, AND THE LIMIT FOR EACH ONE WAS 125.00. BACK THEN, THEY COULD GET A LOT OF STUFF FOR THAT, ESPECIALLY ON THE SALE RACK. AFTER ALL OF IT WAS PUT IN LAY-AWAY, OFF WE WOULD GO TO PANCHO'S, WHICH IS THE MEXICAN BUFFET I MENTIONED EARLIER. WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE, WHAT BLESSINGS WE HAD! SO MANY HAPPY MEMORIES! SURE, PROBLEMS TOO, BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT WE CAN'T REMEMBER THE PROBLEMS, EXCEPT FOR THE MAJOR TRIALS. SO, WITH THIS CHEERFUL VEIN GOING, LET ME TELL YOU THAT THE RUMBLINGS OF DIFFICULTIES WERE WAITING IN THE WINGS.
WHEN MARTIN WORKED AT THE POST OFFICE, HE HAD A SUPERVISOR WHO HATED HIM. MARTIN IS VERY TALENTED AT WHAT HE DOES, AND FOR SOME REASON, THIS SUPERVISOR TOOK HUMBRAGE AT THE FACT THAT HE COULD NOT BEST MARTIN IN WORK. THIS SUPERVISOR WAS HORRIBLE TO MARTIN, GIVING HIM JOBS THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS JOB DESCRIPTION, LIKE BAILING WATER OUT OF THE MECHANIC'S PIT, CLEANING THE BATHROOMS, AND ALL SORTS OF DEMEANING LABOR. MARTIN COMPLAINED, KEPT RECORDS AND KEPT ON WORKING. EVERY DAY HE WOULD TELL ME HOW MUCH HE HATED GOING TO WORK. I HAD SO MUCH ON MY MIND, THAT I WAS NOT SYMPATHETIC TO HIS PAIN. THE PRESSURE AND THE ABUSE ESCALATED OVER THE YEARS. THE HIGHER-UPS DID NOTHING TO HELP MARTIN, IN SPITE OF NUMEROUS PLEAS AND REPORTS. WE NEVER COULD FIGURE OUT WHY, AND MARTIN WAS GETTING DESPERATE. WE COULD NOT DO WITHOUT THE JOB BECAUSE OF THE BENEFITS. AFTER 14 LONG YEARS OF ALL OF THIS, IT CAME TO A HEAD ONE HOT AUGUST DAY. I CAME HOME WITH ALL OF THE LAY-AWAY THAT I HAD JUST PAID FOR TO FIND MARTIN'S TRUCK IN THE DRIVE WAY. HMMM. WHY WAS HE HOME SO EARLY? I STAGGERED INTO THE FRONT DOOR, WEIGHED DOWN BY BAGS AND BOXES OF SCHOOL CLOTHES, AND WHEN I SAW MARTIN WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS, SLUMPING ON THE SOFA, DROPPED EVERYTHING WHERE I STOOD. IN ALARM, I ASKED HIM WHAT WAS WRONG. HE LOOKED AT ME WITH AN EXPRESSION THAT I HAD NEVER SEEN ON HIS FACE BEFORE. "I GOT FIRED TODAY" HE SAID. "WHAT?" I SAID, "THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU GOT FIRED TODAY!" HE JUST NODDED HIS HEAD. I WILL NEVER FORGET AS LONG AS I EXIST THE DECISION I MADE AT THAT MOMENT. I COULD FEEL EVERY PARTICLE OF STRENGTH WELLING UP IN ME THAT I EVER HAD- EACH OUNCE OF DETERMINATION TO SUCCEED, EVERY SPECK OF LOVE THAT I FELT FOR THAT MAN. I KNELT BEFORE HIM, AND WITHOUT ASKING WHY HE HAD GOTTEN FIRED SAID, "WE WILL BE FINE. DON'T WORRY. YOU HAVE ME AND THE CHILDREN. YOU ARE NOT TO WORRY. THIS WILL CHANGE OUR LIVES AND MAKE US GROW. IT IS TIME FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO KNOCK US OUT OF OUR COCCOON, AND THIS IS IT. DON'T WORRY!" HE GRABBED ME, CRUSHED ME IN HIS ARMS AND WEPT. OH, HOW MY HEART ACHED TO SEE HIM WEEP. AND, I WAS RIGHT. TOMORROW, I WILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW IT PUT US ON THE PATH TO A STRONGER AND MORE CHALLENGING LIFE. HOW IT CHANGED EVERYONE AND MADE US WHO WE ARE. LOVE, NANASEE

CAREFULLY SPOKEN WORDS

AS I WAS DOING THE LAUNDRY TODAY, I HAD TO SHOO LUCKY (MY CAT) FROM THE BED IN ORDER TO TAKE THE SHEETS OFF. I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED SOMETHING THAT HAS MADE ME LAUGH EVERYTIME I THINK OF IT. IN THE EARLY '80'S, THERE WAS A POPULAR CAT GRAPHIC, THAT WAS A BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED CAT IN RED TENNIS SHOES. THEY HAD SHEETS, LINENS, CURTAINS AND OTHER HOUSEHOLD ITEMS PRINTED WITH THIS CAT. HE WAS RATHER POPULAR. I HAD TO HAVE A SET OF THE SHEETS. ONE DAY, AS I WAS DOING THE LAUNDRY, LITTLE 3 YEAR-OLD AARON WAS "HELPING" ME. I REMEMBERED THAT I HAD NOT STRIPPED OUR BED AND TOLD HIM, "AARON, GO AND GET THE CAT SHEET OFF MAMA'S BED AND BRING IT TO ME". HE CHEERFULLY COMPLIED. NOT LONG AFTER, HE CAME BACK CARRYING A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER. I WAS CONFUSED. "AARON HONEY, WHY DO YOU HAVE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?"I ASKED. LOOKING AT ME WITH HIS HUGE BLUE EYES, HE SAID, "MAMA, THE CAT DIDN'T POO POO ON THE BED, I LOOKED AND LOOKED!" IT TOOK A SECOND, BUT THEN I UNDERSTOOD! I ALMOST WET MYSELF LAUGHING AT HIS INNOCENCE- AND MY OBVIOUS NEED TO WATCH MY LANGUAGE A BIT MORE CAREFULLY! ANOTHER TIME, I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM, AGAIN WITH LITTLE AARON. NO MATTER WHAT, EACH TIME I BAKED A CAKE, HE WOULD HOOK HIS TWO LITTLE FINGERS INTO IT AND PULL A HUNK OUT OF THE SIDE. HE WAS VERY YOUNG, AND I TRIED TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS WAS NOT NICE, BUT TO NO AVAIL. IT WAS UP TO ME TO PREVENT THE CAKE DESECRATION, SO, THE NEXT TIME I BAKED A CAKE, I PUT IT INTO TUPPERWARE AND FIRMLY CLOSED THE LID. THIS PARTICULAR CAKE WAS DESTINED FOR A LADIES MEETING AT CHURCH. BEFORE I CONTINUE, I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT AARON'S MIDDLE NAME IS ABINADI, NAMED AFTER A REVERED PROPHET THAT GAVE HIS LIFE BY FIRE FOR THE GOSPEL. TO GO ON: I TOOK THE CAKE TO CHURCH, SNUG IN IT'S TUPPERWARE CONTAINER, AND PLACED IT ON THE TABLE TO BE SERVED. SURE ENOUGH, THERE WAS A HOLE, PLUGGED OUT OF THE SIDE AS USUAL! "DOGGONE IT!" I SAID, "I BROUGHT AN ABINADI CAKE AFTER ALL!" NOT KNOWING WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO, THE SISTER NEXT TO ME SAID, "WHAT DID YOU DO? BURN IT?"
NOT ONLY MUST WE WATCH OUR WORDS BUT OUR ACTIONS AS WELL! WHEN I WAS MASSIVELY PREGNANT WITH BECKY, WE CAME HOME FROM CHURCH ONE SUNDAY AND I ASKED MARTIN IF HE COULD HELP ME GET LUNCH ON THE TABLE. HE DIGRESSED IN SOME MANNER, AND I WAS CRANKY AND OUT OF SORTS, SO I LOST MY TEMPER. I STOMPED INTO THE KITCHEN, AND OPENED THE CUPBOARD TO FIND ANYTHING EASY TO FIX. I FOUND SOME CORNED BEEF HASH. I TOOK DOWN 3 CANS, OPENED THEM AND STARTED THE FIRE UNDER THE SKILLET. ABOUT THAT TIME, THE CAT CAME IN AND WAS HUNGRY. HE MEOWED AND CARRIED ON, AND SINCE I WAS IN SUCH A BAD MOOD, I SCOOPED A SPOONFUL OF THE HASH OUT OF THE CAN, GAVE IT TO THE CAT AND PUT THE REST INTO THE SKILLET. THE WHOLE TIME I WAS MUTTERING AND GRIPING UNDER MY BREATH, AND I DIDN'T SEE JESSICA STANDING THERE. SHE WAS 7 AT THE TIME. SEEING ME FEED THE CAT SOME OF OUR DINNER, SHE QUIETLY BACKED OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND WENT IN TO WHERE HER DADDY WAS WATCHING THE TV. "OH, DADDY, YOU HAVE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME!" SHE SAID. "MAMA IS GIVING US CAT FOOD FOR DINNER!" FOR SOME REASON, I AM AT A LOSS TO REMEMBER OTHER SUCH STORIES AT THIS TIME, BUT I PROMISE AS THEY COME TO ME, I WILL WRITE THEM FOR YOU. I DO SO ENJOY THIS BLOG, AND I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT HAS HELPED ME COPE SINCE LOSING MY BOBBIE JO. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

TUMMY TROUBLE

I HAVE MISSED WRITING, AS I HAVE HAD A MISERABLE CASE OF WHAT I THINK IS FOOD POISONING. I AM ABLE TO SIT UP TODAY, AND SO I AM BACK AT THE KEYBOARD. THIS REMINDS ME OF AN INCIDENT THAT OCCURRED MANY YEARS AGO WHEN THE CHILDREN WERE SMALL. ONE EASTER SUNDAY, WE ALL WENT TO MARTIN'S AND LOLA'S HOUSE FOR EASTER DINNER. AS USUAL, THERE WAS WONDERFUL BAR-B-QUE AND LOTS OF SIDES, ICE COLD LEMONADE, YUMMY PIES, ROLLS AND EASTER CANDY. WE GATHERED AROUND THE TABLE, AND SAID GRACE. I FIXED PLATES FOR THE CHILDREN, BUT AS I DID, I NOTICED THAT THE CHICKEN DID NOT LOOK LIKE IT WAS DONE. I TOLD THEM NOT TO EAT THE CHICKEN, BUT NOT TO HURT GRAMPA'S FEELINGS. I WENT ON TO ENJOY THE DAY, NOT THINKING THAT THE CHILDREN WOULD NOT HAVE LISTENED TO ME. THE NEXT DAY, AS I WAS WAITING FOR THE NURSERY CHILDREN TO GET OFF THE BUS, I SAW AARON, BOBBIE JO AND OTTO DRAGGING INTO THE NURSERY. I ASKED THEM WHAT WAS WRONG, AND THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE TIRED. I HAD THEM LAY DOWN, AND THEY SLEPT UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO GO HOME. I BECAME SLIGHTLY ALARMED WHEN I COULD NOT AROUSE THEM, THEY WERE SO SLEEPY. I THEN REALIZED THEY HAD A FEVER. HOW STRANGE WAS THAT? COULD IT BE A FLU STARTING? I GOT THEM TO THE CAR, BUT THEY SLEPT ALL THE WAY HOME. I BEGAN TO REALLY WORRY ABOUT THEM. THEN, MARTIN CAME HOME AND HE WAS REALLY SICK. HE WAS TIRED AND HAD A FEVER AS WELL. NOW I BECAME ALARMED. I TOOK THE CHILDREN TO THE LOCAL CLINIC, AND WAS TOLD THAT THEY HAD THE FLU, AND WOULD BE OKAY. THEN, THE VOMITING AND DIARREHEA STARTED. IT WAS FORCEFUL EXPULSION! BOTH ENDS. SO, NOW I HAD THE TWO BOYS, BOBBIE JO AND MARTIN VERY ILL. THEY MOANED AND CONTINUED TO SPEW. I RAN FROM PERSON TO PERSON, CLEANING, MOPPING AND TRYING TO GET FLUIDS INTO THEM. THEN NEXT DAY, I TOOK THEM ALL TO THE DOCTOR AGAIN, AND AGAIN WAS TOLD IT WAS A STOMACH FLU. I TOOK THEM ALL HOME, PUT SEVERAL TOWELS ON TOP OF PLASTIC BAGS ON THE COUCH AND TENDED THEM AS BEST AS I COULD. I WAS BECOMING EXHAUSTED, AND WONDERED HOW LONG IT WOULD BE BEFORE JESSICA AND PEANUT WOULD BECOME ILL. FOR ME TO BECOME ILL WAS UNTHINKABLE. I MADE GALLONS OF JELLO AND GAVE THEM POPSCICLES. I CHANGED THE TOWELS, WENT THROUGH BOX AFTER BOX OF CLOTHES SOAP, SPONGED THE FAMILY DOWN AND TRIED TO KEEP ON TOP OF THINGS. THEN, WEDNSDAY MORNING, I NOTICED THAT LITTLE OTTO WAS VERY LETHARGIC. I TOOK HIS TEMPERATURE AND FOUND IT TO BE OVER 105 DEGREES. WELL, I PANICKED. I RUSHED HIM BACK TO THE CLINIC, CARRIED HIM IN AND DEMANDED HELP. NOW, IT WAS APPARENT THAT IT WAS MUCH MORE THAN THE STOMACH FLU. THINKING BACK, I WONDERERD WHY THEY WERE SICK AND NOT THE OTHER GIRLS AND ME. THEN I REMEMBERED THE CHICKEN. I ASKED THEM IF THEY HAD EATEN THE CHICKEN, AND SURE ENOUGH, ALL OF THOSE SICK HAD HAD SOME OF THE CHICKEN SO AS TO NOT HURT GRAMPA'S FEELINGS. NOW, WE KNEW IT WAS SALMONELLA THAT WAS AFFECTING THEM. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME IT SHOULD RUN IT'S COURSE, AND I SHOULD NOT WORRY TOO MUCH. I CONTINUED TO GIVE THEM LIQUIDS, JELLO AND POPSCICLES. THE BOYS AND DAD SEEMED TO IMPROVE, BUT BOBBIE JO DID NOT. ON THURSDAY, HER FEVER BEGAN TO CLIMB AND SHE WAS ACTING LIKE SHE COULD NOT STAY AWAKE AT ALL. SHE CRIED AND MOANED WITH THE PAIN SHE WAS EXPERIENCING. AGAIN, BACK TO THE CLINIC, WHERE SHE CONSTANTLY LEAKED FROM BOTH ENDS. THE DOCTOR SAID SHE LOOKED PRETTY BAD, BUT IT SHOULD IMPROVE. I SNAPPED. TIRED, HYSTERICAL AND ANGRY, I GRABBED HIM BY HIS THROAT AND TOLD HIM "LOOK, SOMEONE IS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, AND I SUGGEST THAT YOU SEND MY DAUGHTER!" I THEN THREW HIM INTO THE CORNER AND CALLED FOR A NURSE. "HE SAID TO CALL AN AMBULANCE!" I YELLED AT HER. SHE GLANCED AT THE DOCTOR, AND HE NODDED HIS HEAD. WE TRANSPORTED BOBBIE JO, AND TO MY HORROR, SHE WAS ONLY HOURS AWAY FROM DEATH DUE TO DEHYDRATION. SHE WAS PUT ON IV FLUIDS AND AN ANTIBIOTIC BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. THE SALMONELLA HAD DAMAGED THE LINING TO HER INTESTINES AND SHE COULD NOT DIGEST FOOD. WE HAD TO PUT HER ON LIQUIDS, AND WHEN SHE IMPROVED, SHE BEGAN TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE BABY FOOD. IT TOOK MONTHS BEFORE SHE COULD EAT NORMALLY AGAIN. IT WAS SO VERY CLOSE, IF I HAD NOT LOST MY TEMPER, SHE WOULD HAVE DIED. THE BOYS AND MARTIN IMPROVED ON THEIR OWN, IT TOOK SOME TIME BUT THEY WERE BACK TO NORMAL IN ABOUT 10 DAYS. SINCE THEN, I WILL NOT EVEN LOOK AT BAR-B-QUED CHICKEN. MY FOOD POISONING THIS WEEK HAS BEEN MISERABLE, BUT NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT WE WENT THROUGH THAT TIME. HEAVENLY FATHER SPARED THE LIVES OF MY LOVED ONES, AS I HAVE SINCE HEARD OF THOSE WHO DIED FROM SALMONELLA. BUT, IT TURNED OUT OKAY, AND WE HAVE HAD OTHER ADVENTURES TO WRITE ABOUT. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE