Still on Vacation

It was the second day in Florida. I had a sunburn. I didn't think I would burn, I only wanted to tan, but I guess it is easier to burn at the beach. It wasn't a bad sunburn, just enough to make me realize I had one each time I moved my arms, legs, feet, hands, smiled, blinked or moved in anyway. I didn't consider it a problem, I had too much to do. Karen had amassed quite a following and I hung out with her just to enjoy the view. So many young, buff bodies; tall, short, blonde, dark, red headed, blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, freckles, you know, all the good stuff. Something wonderful happened to me that week, I became noticed. Some of the less shallow boys actually talked to me and spent time with me. I discovered volleyball, frisbee, wave diving and so much more as I spent that week at the beach. There were other girls that were ordinary, friendly girls and together we formed a group with some of the other young men. I had so much fun, just being me and not worrying about trying to impress anyone. All day we talked and walked along the beach, played vollyball and romped in and out of the water. In the evenings, we sat around beach campfires, roasting marshmallows and telling stories. I hated to have to go in, as I wanted to stay all night with my friends. Karen and I shared a secret; she was not the little angel her parents thought she was. I didn't care. That was her business. As long as no one asked, I wouldn't rat her out. Besides, I had my group and she had hers. One evening, Karen and her family took me out to dinner and a walk through town. The air had cooled but the humidity was still up. My hair was sticking to my neck and my toes were sweating in my sandals as we walked in and out of the shops. I soon forgot my discomfort as I was surrounded by lovely treasures from the sea. There were so many beautiful shells, and items made of shells. In one shop, skirts and tops of tropical beauty were on display. Teeny little bikinis beamed in bright colors and beach wraps were displayed next to them. In every shop there were little alligators that had been preserved and were in various poses. Their mouths were always open to display sharp little teeth, and they had little glass eyes. Sometimes they were just alligator heads, and sometimes they were whole alligators. I wanted an alligator. I could just see the kids at the home as they admired my alligator. I would put it on the windowsill next to my bed and pretend it was a pet. But, those alligators were expensive and I knew that I would not be able to have one. I decided that one day I would have a preserved alligator, and that made me feel better. I wanted to buy souveniers for my brothers, Mindy, Mrs. Thompson and even the matron. Fortunately, There were plenty of affordable items for me to buy, and I carefully chose something for everyone on my list. Shell necklaces, shark teeth, bracelets, so many things. And, when I wasn't shopping, I was down at the beach. On the third day I got up early once again and hurried down to the water. I loved the early morning sunrise, the waves undulating in and out, the crabs scurrying everywhere and the smell of the ocean. That morning, I just sat and experienced the beach and the water. As the tide came in, the water covered me just a tiny bit deeper each time the waves rushed in. I knew that I would have to go back to the home in just a few days, and I just wanted to make memories. Then, I heard a slight splash as a young man plopped down next to me. He was cute. He had red hair, freckles and was ordinarily just right. He looked at me and grinned. He told me that he hoped I would be there and wanted to spend the day with me. I was surprised, I didn't think any of the boys had really even noticed me for myself. I did interact with other boys as they talked to the group I hung out with, but this was different. His name was Henry and he was from Ohio. He and his family were on vacation for the week just like me. They would be going home on Sunday, and I would be going back on Saturday. We talked and talked. After a while, Henry told me he was hungry and was going for a hotdog. He asked me what I wanted, but I felt shy and didn't want to eat in front of him. He brought me a hotdog and a soda anyway, telling me that he liked to see a girl eat, especially one like me who was strong and healthy. Henry told me that the girls at home were more like me and he didn't care for girls who were skinny. I didn't know how to take that, but the look on his face was one of admiration, not censure. The day wore on, and we joined out group for beach games. Henry stayed close to me. Some of the other girls openly admired him behind his back, and when we were alone begged for details. Did he kiss me? How did I meet him? Did he have a brother? Laughing, I told them that we were just friends, but inside I hoped that he would want to keep in touch with me after that magical week came to an end. That night, as the campfire burned in the dark, Henry sat next to me on a beach blanket. I was so happy, I was one of the fortunate ones who actually had a boy to claim me. He roasted a marshmallow for me and took it off the coathanger so I would not burn my fingers. Leaning in closer, he blew on the crispy, melted blob and then placed it in my mouth. Looking into my eyes, he licked the sweetness from his fingers. I stuttered, "I love marshmallows!" and he said he did too. As the other couples paired off, Henry gave me a meaningful look. I knew that he wanted to go for a walk and be alone, and I was nervous. I had never been alone with a boy before, but I didn't want to seem childish, so placing my hand in his, I stood up. While we held hands, we walked along the water's edge. The night was magical to me. The hotel lights gleamed into the night and music played from radios on the sand. The wind caressed my face and the night seemed to belong to only us. Could this be happening to me? I couldn't believe it, but indeed I truly was walking along the water with a boy that was cute and liked me. Henry did not try to kiss me. I would have died if he had, I would have had a heart attack. We just walked and talked and eventually went back to the group at the fire. It was late, and I had to go in, but Karen was still out and I knew that as long as she was there, I could be too. Finally, we had to go in. All the way back to the hotel, my heart skipped to the beat of "Henry, Henry". Karen wanted to know all the details. How did I find a boyfriend? As she asked the usual other questions, I realized that she had not paired up with anyone so far that week. I couln't understand that at all. Lots of boys were trying to get her attention and she was always surrounded by them. I gathered my courage and asked her why she hadn't chosen one of them. She told me that boys never seemed to want to get serious with her and worse, girls were jealous of her. I had my own opinion as to why that could be true, but I just sympathized with her and told her about Henry. Karen told me that she thought I was lucky to have found someone like him. In my mind, I thought she was lucky to be so beautiful. Before we got back to the hotel, Karen had slipped back into her one-piece swim suit and back into her "good girl" role for her parents. I thought it would be hard to keep up with the deception and again resolved that I would not to rat her out. Time would tell, and anyway, being at the beach was a life away from the normal. As I got ready for bed, I was already looking forward to seeing Henry the next day. As I said my prayers, I thanked Heavenly Father for getting to meet Henry. What a wonderful gift it was, to be able to be one of the "lucky girls" that had found a boyfriend. Sleep finally claimed me as I imagined all the fun the next day would bring.

The Beach

I could hardly wait for the next morning. I was kept awake by imagining the summer week on the beach that lay before me. My mind was filled with thoughts of Gidget and Moondoggie and Frankie and Annette. Yes, I could hardly wait for the morning to come.
Morning did come, and after a quick breakfast, Karen and I headed straight to the beach. Karen was the teen girl in the family that had brought me to the beach for a week's vacation. She was tall and dark, with a great figure. Her stomach was flat and her hips narrow. She was blessed with quite a chest and her full, long dark hair reached to her waist. To top it off, she had the cutest dimples, and a dusting of freckles on her nose and cheeks. She and I both had on a one-piece swim suit, and that was because her mother insisted and because that was all I had brought with me. I didn't care, I just wanted to be on the beach, in the water and boy watching. As we ran along the sand, I could hear the waves lapping and once again, the scent of the ocean assaulted my senses. Everywhere I looked, couples walked hand in hand, children played on the beach, parents sunned themselves in close proximity to thier children and even a few dogs ran in and out of the waves. Buffed young men batted volley balls while toned young women admired them. Most of the girls were wearing bikinis, some of them very brief. Other girls were dressed like me and some of them were quite chubby. For a moment, I lost my confidence as I considered that perhaps I looked like them. Looking down at my almost flat stomach and large but firm thighs I decided that I was who I was and couldn't change anything right then. I did wish that my breasts were bigger, but that was something I just wasn't graced with. I asked Karen what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to sun for awhile. She asked me if I could be trusted. I said of course I could, why did she want to know? With a grin, she reached into her beach bag and pulled out a large beach towel. She gave me the towel and told me to unfold it and hold it up in front of her. I did as she asked, and she once again reached into her beach bag. Curious, I peeked to see what she was holding, and all I could see was a couple of colorful fabric scraps. Why, that was the tiniest bikini I had ever seen! Laughing at the expression on my face, Karen snaked out of her one piece and into that bikini. She changed right there on the beach, but she was so fast, she was covered before I could even gasp. There she stood, her magnificent chest barely covered and her bottom snugly but scantily gracing what should have fit a four-year-old. Her belly button was even cute, and she was really something. Lastly, she pulled out a large t-shirt and tossed it down on the towel. She explained that in the unlikely event that her parents came down to the beach, she could quickly cover up. Lying back on the towel, she looked like a water nymph, and to give the best effect possible, she spread her long thick hair out around her. Well, now I really began to feel like a dowd. But there were unexpected benefits to having Karen exposed. Before long, some young men began to gravitate over to us. The Karen I had met on the trip down to Florida dissappeared, and a sultry, exotic and very attractive man magnet appeared. Suddenly I knew how it must have felt to be in the presence of Scarlette O'Hara at the bar-b-que. Never having been in such a situation, I was content to sit and watch her work the crowd. There were at least six boys to begin with and she introduced me to them. They gave me a perfunctory hello, but for the most part I was just a decoration in the Karen show. After a while of watching those boys preen and pose for her, I decided to walk down to the water and look for shells. Karen didn't even know I had gone. My cheerfulness returned quickly as I walked in the waves. Tiny little shells were everywhere, and I thought that maybe I could find a large seashell to take back to Mindy. I guess it didn't occur to me that there would be no large shells with all of the tourists. Many of them were looking for shells too. Finally, I just sat down on the water's edge and let the waves lap over me. I didn't know what to expect on this first time ever at the ocean's edge, but I was surprised at the different things going on all at once. There was brown seaweed floating over and under the water, and touching it, I found that it felt like weeds on the land. The sand quickly got into my swimsuit and began to itch in the most embarrassing places. The waves actually lifted me as they came up on shore, and tiny little crabs scurried out of the way as they avoided me. There were sea birds diving and screeching, dipping up and down on black tipped wings that were pointed at the end. Once in awhile, one of them would successfully snatch something from the water, while others continued to try to find their breakfast. The wind was soothing and warm, scented with the smells of the ocean, something fishy, sun tanning lotion and concession food from the vendors on the beach. Before we had left the hotel room, Karen's mother gave us some money in case we needed it. Now I knew why. I became curious as to the offerings of the vendors, and walked away from the water to the concession stands. There was the usual tourist fare, offering cold drinks, snow cones, hot dogs and french fries and corn dogs. A community ketchup bottle had drips of ketchup running from the mouth of the bottle, and some of it was drying in the warm air. There were several kinds of chips and candy bars kept in the freezer. Finally, I saw the ice cream stand that already had a line of swimmers waiting for a cold treat. The trash cans were open and when people were not near them, birds would swoop down hoping for a treasure. There were signs everywhere telling tourists not to feed the birds, and I soon realized that if the birds were enticed with food, they would poop everywhere as they tried to get to it. Looking beyond the concession stands, I saw a line of souvenier shops. These shops lined a street at the beginning of the beach and I felt a little thrill of excitement at the thought of walking through to see what they offered. Looking back at the beach, I saw that Karen was surrounded by even more boys and decided that she would not want to be disturbed. I wished Mindy was with me, she would have had so much fun in the shops. I decided to find her a little souvenier if I could. Before long, I found myself in a tourist's wonderland. There were so many different items, it would take all day to see everything. I decided to just visit the first store on the strand and see if Karen would like to go with me later to see the others. The first store was completly open to the front, with souveniers hanging to entice passerbys. There were flip-flop sandals in all colors, colorful Hawiian leis, t-shirts and beach bags. Further in the shop I saw the entire back wall covered with shelves holding seashells of all sizes. Some of them were huge, but looking at the prices, I knew that I would not be able to get one of them. Next to the seashells were displays of items made from seashells. There were tiny little glass bottles with seashells in them. Some of the bottles had tiny shark's teeth. There were seashell animal creations, starfish of all sizes and necklaces with shell pendants. I saw bracelets and rings too, and hoped I could get something like that for Mindy. Yes, there were so many things to see, but I was just hypnotized by the carved coconut shells. There before my eyes were coconut shells carved into monkeys. Really, they were very ugly, but to my young eyes, they were wonderful. Some of them had hair, some were large and some were small, but all of them were fabulous. Somehow, I would take a carved coconut monkey home with me. I didn't know it then, but there were other wonderful souveniers to see in other shops. The monkeys were great, but not as great as some of the other things that I would see in the days that followed.

The end of Summer

Well, the summer of that year was coming to an end, and I was looking forward to returning to highschool. I was going to be in the 9th grade, and was excited about returning to my friends in Hapeville. I was not as heavy as I was when I went into the home, and with all the experiences and things that had shaped me over that last year, I was more confident. One thing was to happen though, that brought a wonderful end to the summer.
Just about half way through August, the matron called me in and told me that a family wanted to take me on vacation with them. They were going to Florida for a week and wanted one of the kids from the home to go along with their family. I was going to get to spend a whole week at the beach! I had never been to the beach before, and I was so excited. Before I knew it, the weekend had come and I was on my way with a sweet family that had two teenagers, a boy and a girl. The girl was my age, and she was very nice. We drove the long trip to Florida on a hot Saturday morning, traveling south through Georgia, along a country highway. Each side of the highway was dotted with farms, with grass growing verdant and green. Some of that intense green was due to sweet potato plants that covered miles of farmland. Elsewhere fat cattle roamed slowly looking for shade, and long rows of plowed earth erupted with cotton plants. It looked like it had snowed. Fat cotton bolls fluffed out and reached for the sun in a never ending landscape that held the history of Georgia agriculture. You could almost see black slaves bending over long, heavy sacks, hand picking the cotton and filling the bags. But, that cotton was destined to be harvested by modern machinery, and hand picked cotton was thankfully relegated to the imagination. There were huge peanut fields too, with large green leaves blocking out the earth, and chubby peanuts growing underground. The father of the family pulled over to the side of the road by a peanut farm, and pulled up a peanut plant. The peanuts were growing on the roots, and that plant had about ten large peanut pods connected to it. He asked me if I had ever tasted a fresh peanut, and I said no. He pulled the shell from a peanut, and the nuts buried inside fell into his hand. There was about six nuts to each pod, and they were pink and moist, and nothing like I had ever seen. I had only had roasted peanuts, and was pleasantly surprised when I bit down into a fresh peanut. It was slightly sweet and not crunchy at all, but soft and rubbery. I really liked the taste, and asked for some more, but the father told me that if you are not used to fresh peanuts, you could get tummy trouble if you ate too many. Soon after we stopped at the peanut farm, we had a picnic for lunch and went on our way. We finally crossed the Florida state border, and there was a large cement marker welcoming everyone to Florida. The son in the family took an opportunity to play a prank on me. He told me that Florida was full of alligators and he had seen a dead alligator along the side of the road. He said there were so many alligators, and that cars and trucks ran over them all the time. I was looking from side to side, and front and back trying to find an alligator, when he poked me and told me to look. He pointed out what I was sure was a huge dead alligator, and I squealed with delight to see my first wild alligator, never mind that it was road kill. I scrambled for my camera to get a photo souvenier, and realized that everyone was chuckling. With suspicion, I asked what was so funny! The mother of the family kindly told me that there was no dead alligator on the side of the road, but only a tire tread that had come off a semi-truck. Sure enough, that is exactly what it was! We all had a good laugh, and the father assured me that if I watched out carefully, I could very well see a live alligator. The day wore on as we traveled to our destination. It was Panama City Florida. It was getting dark as we arrived, but since the hotel was right on the beach, I begged for a moment to run to the water. I had never seen the ocean before, and the mother told her children and me to go ahead and see the beach. With gratitude, I sprang from the car and ran across the sand, the water's edge being my destination. Several things will forever be in my mind about that moment in my life. First,the scent of the ocean surrounded me. It was fresh and fishy at the same time. The waves made slight roaring sounds and the creamy swells climbed over and over onto the beach. The breeze was warm and ruffled my hair. I wanted to get my feet into that water and then I realized how hard it is to run in sand. That was a surprise. The soft grains worked against my feet and made it difficult to get good traction. The more I tried to run, the more sand got in my shoes. Finally, I just took my shoes and socks off and carried them. Now, I felt the heat from the day in the sand. How warm the sand was, and how it molded to my feet. Soon, I had reached the edge of the water. It was a magic moment as the first waves gently lapped over my feet and receeded. It seemed that the water was a living thing. In spite of the heat of the evening, the water was cool and soothing. I thought how nice it would be just to sit right down and let the water flow over my whole body. I couldn't have done that because I still had my clothes on and didn't want to get them wet. While experiencing my first moment at the beach, I realized that many people were swimming even though it was getting dark. Looking around, I saw that there were no little children, but lots of teenagers and young adults. Everywhere couples were paired together, holding hands, walking along the waves or romancing on beach blankets. Squeals and laughter came from those who were splashing in the deeper water, and there were even a few campfires. Oh, I could imagine myself as one of those who were having so much fun! I could not have known the wonderful week that awaited me. I have much to tell you.

A New Move

It seemed that summer was just full of surprises. First my trip to the peach farm, then the explosion and then my risque venture into a minor attempt at exhibition. But nothing compared with the news that awaited all of us as July came to an end. One evening at dinner, the matron announced that the campus was moving. The whole campus! For some time the sponsors of the home had been building a brand new campus about 40 miles south of Atlanta and we were due to move around the first week in August. After that, all we could do was scramble around and get our things together. Within no time, it seemed that our whole world was turned upside down. It only took a few days, but with lots of organization and work, each cottage was emptied and we moved to a lovely new campus in the country. What a difference! The whole compound was located in the middle of acres and acres of farmland with cows, horses and crops surrounding the land the campus was built on. Close by, there was a small town named Palmetto, and it only had a few stores. I thought that Hapeville was small, but it was a bustling town compared to this one. The girl's campus was built in a cul de sac two miles from the boys campus. In the middle of the campus was a pool, a huge gymnasium, the main offices and several buildings that housed campus officials, including a social worker. We even had a church building right on campus! The new cottages were two storied, with sleeping rooms and the visiting room on the top floor. Really, this was the main floor, as the cottages were built on hillsides and the basement only appeared from behind the cottage. On the bottom floor was the kitchen, laundry, game room and the matron's rooms. Upstairs, or on the mail floor, were our rooms where we shared four girls to a room and a bath with the other room next to us. We had air conditioning! And color TV. It was the first time in my life I had had either air conditioning or color tv. The kitchen was a stainless steel wonder and there was a drain in the floor so that all we had to do was scrub the floor and rinse it with a hose. No more back breaking mopping, rinsing and changing the water several times. The refrigerator was huge, and held much more than the other one. We also had a large freezer, and food could be delivered once a week instead of everyday. Everything smelled new and wonderful. How I loved the game room. It had sofas lining the wall with fat cushions that we sat on when we wanted to watch tv on the floor. Instead of the vinyl floor of the old home, these cottages were carpeted. There were bright lamps that gave a welcome when you walked into a room. Everything was new and exciting, but many changes had been made. The first thing I realized was that I had left the birds back at the other campus. Since this new campus was out in the country, there were so many birds that it was hard to distinguish the ones close by. And, since we had air conditioning, I couldn't leave the window open to hear them. There would be no more walks into the lovely town of Hapeville. No more opportunity to peer into the jewlery store window display on my way to school, nor to walk through the pharmacy. No more soda fountain treats, no more time at the feed store. No, we were out in the country, with lovely acres surrounding us, but nothing that was familiar. Everything was modern and new, but nothing was comforting. It would take time. We still attended the high school in Hapeville, as there was no high school close by. We would walk the mile to the entrance of the campus and ride 40 miles into Hapeville each way. We walked that mile each way rain or shine, hot or cold. Since Mindy and I walked together, it didn't seem so long. All along the route to Hapeville each day, we counted many cows and passed farmhouses. Since we had to ride so far, we usually didn't get home until it began to be dark. It was all so different. We had only been on the new campus for two weeks and not yet started back to school, when it was time to celebrate the annual homecoming picnic. People came from all over who had been residents or workers in the years past. The home sponsored a huge picnic, with an abundance of food, and a tour of the new campus. I couldn't believe that some of those old people that visited had been kids at one time in the home. The day was a hot Sunday in August, and after attending a capacity filled airconditioned Sunday service, we all filed out to begin the picnic. Each of the older kids had been assigned as campus tour guides. We were not allowed to change from our Sunday clothes, and as hot as it was, I was pretty miserable. I wore the girdle and stockings and dress blouse and skirt. My bra pinched as well and I could feel sweat trickling down my spine as I smiled answered questions to those I had been assigned to give a tour. I was hungry as well, and looked forward to tucking into the picnic treats that loaded the tables inside the new gym. Finally I found time to get a plate of food and sit down. I was especially glad to sit at last as my back and stomach had been cramping and that just added to the difficulty that I was having. I was a real trooper at smiling in spite of feeling bad, and that day was no different. Smiling and laughing, greeting visitors and calling to friends, the afternoon wore on. Finally, I had to go to the bathroom, and giving an excuse, I slipped into one of the girls rooms at the gymnasium. The bathroom stalls were roomy and new. I remember thinking that it was really nice to have such nice bathrooms, and once in a stall, I went to work peeling off the girdle and my panties so that I could relieve myself. The reason that I so clearly remember something so mundane as a trip to the girls room is because on that day, at that time, once I was seated, I received the shock of my life. Mother nature had finally come to visit. There, right before my eyes, was the proof that I was finally a woman! Secretly, I had worried that something was terribly wrong with me because I had turned fourteen and not started my cycles. I couldn't talk to anyone, not even Mindy. I was so afraid that I was different from the other girls, and just kept it to myself. But no, at last, I was just like everyone else. I wanted to shout it to anyone who would listen, but that would not have been the thing to do, and then I realized that since I never told anyone that I had not had cycles, I could not tell them now that I did. Now would have been a good time to have a mother to turn to. I was pretty naive, and did not figure out that since I had never asked for sanitary products, the matron and Mrs. Thompson knew I had not needed them. This was getting more and more difficult. Well, I decided to just go and tell Mrs. Thompson everything and be done with it. She was so sweet, and gave me the needed supplies. I was so happy, I felt so special. I was a woman at last! A woman with female trouble from the start. I would soon find that being a woman was no fun, and in my case, just plain miserable. Along with miserable cramps, I got crabby. I cried for no reason, and got a small case of acne. What the heck? Where was the wonder of womanhood? Not with me, that's for sure. And the bad thing was, it happened each month! I think I recall that the school nurse told us in the "special meeting for girls" that we would be only slightly inconvienced each month. She lied. I was beginning to see that the future could hold some challenges! It was shortly after moving to the new campus that something else wonderful happened. I began to correspond with my father. I had written to my grandmother who is his mother and she gave me his address. He was still in prison, but I could write to him and he wrote back. We began to get to know each other again. I tried to forget my fears of him, and learn to know the man that was in my life at that time. What I didn't know was that he would soon be released. He had a new life ahead of him, and for a while, that life did not include me. It was not that he didn't want me, he just had to start over. We wrote and I looked for his letters. I wished that he was free to come and get me. Someday, I knew he would drive up to the cottage and be with me on visiting day. It seems that young, teenaged girls can have quite an imagination. These things did happen for me but not for a very long time. Meanwhile, my naturally positive spirit took over and I did my best to enjoy each day of my life. The move to the new campus brought change and new experience. Many of those experiences would prove to be such that would mold me into the person I would become.

Summer Days

For those of you who may be following my story, I have not been writing because I was so distressed over Rocky, (our german shepherd) and his getting lost. He is home now and all is fine, buy I cried myself sick while he was gone, and it really affected me. Now, back to the story.

I left you at the peach farm. I had a wonderful time there, got along so well with the family and learned so much. We swam in the creek, (in our underwear!) and I imagined that the handsome older son liked me. He was so incredible, so tall with his muscular body and golden blonde hair. I looke all I wanted behind his back, but when he talked to me, I just dissolved in fits of giggles. I was such a girl! But new feelings were blooming inside me and I didn't know how to handle them. The girls and I took long walks along country roads, and at night, we talked and giggled, and swore that when I had to go back to the home, we would write and keep in touch. I was there at the farm for two weeks and loved every moment. On the last day, the mother asked me if I would like to live with them. I answered enthusiastically that I would, but I never thought it was any more than just a question. When we got into the car to go back to the home, the girls and I cried and hugged and repeated the vow that we would keep in touch. It was a very hot day in June when I went back home and I got terribly car sick on the way. I found myself on several occasions leaning over the pavement while I retched and heaved. After a while, it was just dry heaving, but I could not seem to stop. I have always had a problem with motion sickness, and this time I was just so embarrassed because the family had been so good to me. Each time I had to get out of the car, the mother would help me by wiping my face and holding me up. I realized just how kind she was, and I thought that perhaps it would be a wonderful life to live with this family. The steamy Georgia countryside drummed by as we drove south to the home. It was so cool and refreshing in the northern part of the state, but as we continued toward Hapeville, it seemed to become more and more muggy and miserable. When we arrived at the home, the mother took my things and walked me inside the cottage. She looked around my room and admired the few things I had aquired, especially remarking on my stuffed pig that kept it's vigil on the pillow on my bed. Standing in my room, she took me in her ample arms and told me that everything would be alright. I knew I would never see her again, and I sniffed my goodbye to her. I hugged her and told her that I had really enjoyed my time with her family, and that I would miss them. Again, she embraced me and told me that Heavenly Father would provide for me. She got in the car and they drove off, while I watched until the tail light dissapeared onto the highway. I later found out that this family had offered to adopt me, but my mother would not agree. I had mixed feelings about that. I had a wonderful reunion with Mindy, she had not gone anywhere yet that summer and had been alone while I was gone. I had so much to tell her. I embellished a bit about my "relationship" with the older boy and Mindy ohhhed and ahhhed at each detail. We were so glad to be together again, and talked about our plans for the rest of the summer. One day soon after my return home, a terrible thing happened. Mindy and I were out in the yard sunning ourselves, when we heard a terrific boom and the ground shook beneath us. We jumped up in fright and ran inside to see what awful thing must have happened. It was indeed awful, but not at the home. Close by, behind the campus of the home was a nursery filled with babies and small children along with the nursery workers. A gas line had ruptured, and the building exploded with everyone inside. Within minutes, sirens were screaming to the scene and everything was in chaos. The smoke was billowing above the nearby trees and Mindy and I rushed to go and see what had happened. The trail behind the campus leading to the nursery was not very long, and it didn't take long to reach a scene that I will never forget. There before me was what was left of a large two story building, some of the walls having collapsed and the rest in flames. Firefighters were on the scene and ambulances were lining up on the street. When we were spotted by a firefighter, he told us to get on home and get out of the way. I wish I had listened to him, but I didn't and Mindy and I sneaked behind a fence that had partially collapsed. Peering over the top of what remained of the fence, I was shocked to find little bodies blackened and scattered on the ground and even body parts. There was a hand and part of a leg. I noticed little shoes too, and toys. A teddy bear was lying in a puddle and other toys were black and smoking. Parents had begun to arrive and were trying to get into the burning building for their children. One mother in particular was absolutely hysterical, screaming for her baby. There was so much screaming and it seemed that the sirens of the ambulances and the wailing of the victims seemed to blend in together. I don't know how many were killed or injured, because it didn't take long for my mind to kind of shut down from the shock. I do remember someone grabbing my shoulder and yanking me away from the fence. Once again, Mindy and I were told to go home, but my legs did not seem to want to carry me. I trembled like a leaf in a hurricane and my teeth chattered as I gasped for breath. I knew I was sobbing, and must have mirrored the terror on Mindy's face. Together we staggered away from the awful scene, crying and gagging all the way back home. What a horrible thing to have happened to those little children. It would be a long time before I could think of the incident and not become very upset. It was the talk of the home for quite some time, but I could never join in. Talking about it made it seem real all over again, and I just wanted to forget.
The summer passed on, lazy and hot. We swam in the pool, played cards and watched tv. I learned how interesting a soap opera can be. The older girls watched them every day, and I soon became interested as well. My favorite one was called "Another World". I learned to love Rachel and Russel, the main characters of the story along with Ada, Rachel's mother. I finally had something to talk about with all the girls as we compared our opinions of the cast and story of the soaps. At night, we would pop corn and visit in each other's rooms. One room in particular was Frankie's room. She was still the cottage alpha dog, and the girls migrated to her room most of the time. I ventured in one night and no one seemed to object. Soon, I was involved in the conversation and began to enjoy myself. After that, Mindy and I went often to Frankie's room to be with the older girls. It wasn't long until I understood what the interest was in Frankie's room. It was the location. Her room was situated at the far end of the cottage, away from the matron's room and facing an open field. It was the perfect place for the girls to sneak out to meet boys at night. I thought that was deliciously scandalous but of course I would never do such a thing as sneak out at night. Besides, none of the boys were interested in me. One night in particular though, changed my mind a bit. As we sat on the floor talking girl talk and gossiping, one of the girls motioned to the window and grinned. As I followed her glance, I saw a head pop up in the window. A young man had come calling, and brought several of his friends with him. We were all in our nightgowns, but even so, some of the girls went straight to the window and leaned out to talk to the boys. The nightgowns we had on were of thin lawn material and if you stood in the light you could see right through them. I could clearly see the outline of the bodies of the girls leaning out the window, and thought that they were naughty to display themselves like that. Then, I did something that surprised me and everyone else. Knowing that boys were at the window, I went and stood before the mirror, raising my arms and acting like I was stretching. Glancing in the mirror, I could see that I had gotten the attention of some of the boys, and one in particular. With a wicked grin, I made sure that I gave them a clear view of my budding womanly charms. Mindy stomped over and grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the room. With great indignity she blasted me for acting like that. I became embarrassed and told her that I didn't know what came over me. Still fussing at me, Mindy shoved me down the hall and into our darkened room, shutting the door with a slam. Continuing her harangue, she told me that if the matron had caught me, I would have really been in trouble. As though she was predicting the future, we suddenly heard the matron's strident voice and stomping feet. She slammed into Frankie's room and caught the girls with the boys outside. The paddle wailed that night. Each girl caught outside the room with the boys was paddled severly and the screams rang throughout the cottage. I was sick with anxiety. Thank God that Mindy had yanked me out of that room and back to my senses. Nothing happened to me, and I supposed it was because the matron did not catch me in the room. I vowed never again to be so stupid, certainly never to do anything beyond my character just because I wanted to belong to a group. Sometimes though, I would relive the moment that I posed for the boys and would feel a delicious naughtyness within. I guess I was growing up.