THE CARNIVAL

WHOOPEE, TODAY WAS CARNIVAL DAY. NOW IF BOBBIE JO HAD BEEN ABLE, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. AS IT IS, JESSICA IS PTA PRESIDENT, AND SHE DID A TREMENDOUS JOB OF PUTTING TOGETHER THE MOST WONDERFUL SCHOOL CARNIVAL I HAVE EVER BEEN TO. I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE MONEY AT THE BAKE SALE BOOTH, BUT WHEN I ARRIVED, THERE WERE ALREADY 3 WOMEN BUSILY TAKING MONEY, BAGGING GOODIES AND WHATEVER. I SAID, "I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HERE" AND WAS TOLD, (WITH A SMILE AND A FIRM ATTITUDE) THAT THEY HAD BEEN ASSIGNED AS WELL AND HAD THINGS IN HAND. NOW, NORMALLY, I WOULD HAVE INSISTED ON STAYING AND FILLING MY COMMITMENT, BUT HECK, THE CAKE WALK WAS BECKONING ON I COULD NEVER RESIST A CAKE WALK! SO, WITH A CHEERFUL, "TELL JESSICA I TRIED" AND "SEE YA!" I GATHERED UP MY GRANDSONS AND WE ENTERED THE CAKE WALK. BETWEEN ELI, JACOB AND MYSELF, WE WON 4 CAKES! I AM ALL FOR SPENDING MORE TIME HERE, BUT THEY GOT BORED- SO OFF WE WENT. BOY, CARNIVALS ARE SO MUCH FUN! I PLAYED THE FISHING BOOTH, PLINKO, WHEEL OF FORTUNE, (WITHOUT HAVING TO BUY IT OUT) AND LOTS OF OTHER STUFF. THERE WAS A SILENT AUCTION, AND ONE ITEM IN PARTICULAR WAS A YARD FLAMINGO THAT HAD JEWELS GLUED ALL OVER IT. ONE OF THE STUDENTS HAD MADE IT, AND SO I BID 10.00-(GOT TO DO MY PART AFTER ALL). I FIGURED IF I GOT AWAY WITH ONLY TEN BUCKS I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OFF EASILY. NOW, YOU KNOW MY LUCK DOESN'T RUN THAT WAY, I RECEIVED A CALL FROM JESSICA SAYING "MOM, YOU WON THE FLAMINGO!" GREAT! I LOVE FLAMINGOS- BUT JEWELED FLAMINGOS ARE A BIT OF A STRETCH. WELL, NOT TO WORRY IT IS ONLY TEN BUCKS, RIGHT? HECK NO! JESSICA SAID I HAD BEEN OUTBID, (SHOOT) AND KNOWING HOW MUCH I LOVE FLAMINGOS, SHE BID 25.OO TO MAKE SURE I WOULD GET IT! SO, NOW I HAVE A 25.OO JEWELED FLAMINGO TO PUT-????????????? YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR MARTIN TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS! IF HE GIVES ME ANY CRAP, I AM GOING TO GLUE IT TO THE FRONT OF HIS FISHING BOAT. THAT WILL TEACH HIM! AFTER THE CARNIVAL, WE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL. WHEN I SAY WE, I MEAN AARON AND HIS WIFE SARAH AND ME. SINCE AARON IS A DOCTOR, HE PATIENTLY EXPLAINS WHAT IS GOING ON WITH BOBBIE JO. SHE IS DOING NO BETTER, AND WEAKENS EACH DAY. SHE WAS GLAD TO HAVE US, BUT SHE IS GETTING A HUGE REGIMIN OF THAT LAST CHANCE CHEMO, AND IS IN LOTS OF PAIN. (SHE IS A BIT CRABBY). SHE IS TRYING SO HARD TO FIGHT, NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON, SHE SAYS SHE IS FINE AND PUTS ON A BRAVE FRONT. (EXCEPT WHEN ONE OF THE NURSES COMES IN, THE ONE SHE DOESN'T LIKE) SHE THEN IS QUITE RUDE. I TOLD HER I HAD RAISED HER BETTER THAN THAT, AND SHE SAID, 'OBVIOUSLY NOT, I FEEL PERFECTLY FINE BEING A (B) TO HER." I HAVE HAD TO APOLOGIZE SEVERAL TIMES TO THE POOR NURSE- SHE IS JUST EFFICIENT, AND IS TO THE POINT WHEN SHE IS CARING FOR BOBBIE JO. TO PROVE THAT SHE IS GETTING BETTER, BOBBIE FORCES HERSELF TO EAT. SHE ORDERS FOOD, AND TAKES A FEW BITES, THEN PUSHES IT AWAY. IT SEEMS THAT SHE IS EATING A LOT, BUT IN TRUTH IT IS ONLY A SMALL AMOUNT. HER TUMMY IS SO SWOLLEN, HER STOMACH IS CROWDED TO THE POINT THAT SHE CANNOT HOLD ANYTHING. HER ARMS ARE BLACK AND BLUE FROM INJECTIONS, AND SHE HAS TWO PERMANENT LINES FOR GIVING MEDICATIONS AND BLOOD. HOW LONG CAN THIS GO ON? I HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH SUCH A NIGHTMARE. I AM BEGINNING TO DREAD GOING TO SEE HER AS MY HEART ACHES WHEN I SEE HER SUFFERING. I WOULD GLADLY TAKE HER PLACE, SOMETIMES I TELL MYSELF THAT HEAVENLY FATHER SHOULD TAKE A USED UP OLD NANA IN BOBBIE JO'S PLACE. SHE HAS SO MUCH LIFE AHEAD OF HER.
I MEANT TO TELL YOU, THE OTHER DAY, THE CHAPLAIN WAS IN THE ROOM. HE IS A SWEET MAN, VERY KIND AND LOVING. AFTER A NICE VISIT, HE ASKED IF HE COULD PRAY WITH US. BOBBIE JO SAID YES, AND WE ALL HELD HANDS. DURING THE SWEET PRAYER, MY MIND SUDDENLY OPENED UP AND I REALIZED THAT THERE WERE LOVING WOMEN IN THE ROOM- I OF COURSE DID NOT SEE THEM, BUT THE IMPRESSION WAS VERY STRONG. ONE IN PARTICULAR, WAS STANDING AT THE FOOT OF BOBBIE JO'S BED. THE LOVE I FELT FROM HER WAS OVERWHELMING. HER FACE WAS SERENE AND KIND. AGAIN, I DID NOT SEE HER IN THE FLESH, BUT WAS STRONGLY IMPRESSED THAT SHE WAS THERE. SHE HAD LONG DARK HAIR, AND AGAIN THE KINDEST MOST LOVING EXPRESSION. SHE WAS THERE TO COMFORT BOBBIE JO, I TRULY BELIEVE THIS. I WAS SO INVOLVED WITH THIS EXPERIENCE, THAT I DID NOT REALIZE THE PRAYER WAS OVER. I LOOKED AT MY MARTIN AND SAID, "GOSH, I THINK THERE IS A GUARDIAN ANGEL IN THIS ROOM". HE JUST SMILED AND NODDED HIS HEAD. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HEAVENLY FATHER DOES NOT ALLOW US TO TRAVEL THROUGH TRIALS ALONE, BUT THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO LOVE US WHO LEAD THE WAY. WHAT A JOY TO BE ALLOWED TO KNOW THAT BOBBIE JO HAS SOMEONE GUARDING HER. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

ANOTHER MEMORY

AS I AWOKE THIS MORNING, I REMEMBERED A STORY ABOUT BOBBIE JO THAT HAS TICKLED ME SINCE IT HAPPENED- WHEN BOBBIE JO WAS 7 SHE WAS IN A BROWNIE TROOP AND IT WAS GIRL SCOUT COOKIE DELIVERY TIME. THE TROOP HAS SOLD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF COOKIES THAT YEAR. THE DAY OF THE DELIVERY, THE SCOUT LEADER TOLD ME THAT HER SON HAD BEEN TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL, AND SHE COULD NOT PICK THE COOKIES UP. SINCE I HAD A PICKUP TRUCK, WOULD I BE WILLING TO GET THEM? OH, AND COULD I DISTRIBUTE THEM AS WELL? WELL, SINCE I WANTED TO BE THE VERY BEST BROWNIE MOMMIE POSSIBLE, I SAID "OF COURSE I WILL! " SO, DADDY AND BOBBIE JO WENT TO GET THE COOKIES. OH, MY GOODNESS, THOSE COOKIES WERE NEATLY STAKED OVER 8 FEET IN THE AIR, COMPLETLY FILLING THE BACK OF THE PICK UP TRUCK. MARTIN HAD NEATLY BOUND THIS COOKIE TOWER WITH SARAN WRAP SO THAT HE COULD TRANSPORT THEM. I MUST SAY, WHEN HE AND BOBBIE JO PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE, I ALMOST HAD TO RUN FOR THE TOILET PAPER-= YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! SO, FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS, WE STACKED COOKIES BY TYPE IN MY ENTRYWAY. NOW, THE ENTRYWAY WENT INTO THE KITCHEN, OR TO THE LIVING ROOM. LEAVING A TUNNEL FROM THE FRONT DOOR TO THE LIVING ROOM, THE MAMAS CAME IN TO GET THEIR COOKIES. IT WAS A MONUMENTAL TASK, BUT OF COURSE, I AM SOOOO ORGANIZED AND FOR A WHILE IT WAS GOING QUITE WELL. ARRIVE, GIVE ME THE LIST, GIVE THEM THE COOKIES AND CHECK OFF THE LIST. NO PROBLEM, RIGHT? A WHILE AFTER WE STARTED, BECKY WHO WAS 2 AND OTTO WHO WAS 3 SHOWED UP WITH CHOCOLATE FACES. HMMMM- NO DOUBT ABOUT WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO. SO I SAID, ARE YOU IN THE COOKIES? YES MAMA, WE HELP YOU. OKAY YOU TWO, YOU CAN HAVE THAT BOX, BUT NO MORE. "OKAY MAMA, WE HELP YOU". THE DAY WORE ON, AND SUDDENLY AS I REACHED FOR A BOX OF CHOCOLATE THIN MINTS, I POKED A HOLE IN THE TOWER WHERE THE COOKIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN. NO COOKIES, JUST AIR. CONFUSED, I WALKED THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM INTO THE KITCHEN WHERE THE BACK OF THE IMMENSE COOKIE TOWER SHOULD HAVE STILL BEEN QUITE FULL. LET ME TELL YOU READERS, THIS WAS ONE OF THE MOST ASTOUNDING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. THERE, BEFORE ME IN MY HUGE COUNTRY KITCHEN, LAY EVERY PIECE OF TUPPERWARE I OWNED, NOT TO MENTION THE HUGE ORDER DUE FOR DELIVERY THAT WEEK,( I WAS A TUPPERWARE DEALER AT THE TIME) FILLED AND SEALED WITH GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SO MANY CONTAINERS, AS I HAD TO HAVE ONE FOR EVERYTHING- I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY, PROBABLY----NEVER MIND, TOO MANY! AND THERE, WITH BEAMING FACES, STOOD OTTO AND BECKY- SO PROUD OF THIER ACCOMPLISHMENT- SAYING, "SEE MAMA, WE HELPED YOU!" AND TO PROVE IT, THEY HAD BUILT A FORT WITH THE EMPTY BOXES. POOR BOBBIE JO CAME IN ABOUT THAT TIME, AND A PRIMEVAL SCREAM SUCH AS NEVER HAD BEEN HEARD BEFORE, ERUPTED FROM HER! (WAIT A MINUTE, I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!) WELL, I ASSURED HER THAT SHE WOULD NOT BE SHAMED OUT OF THE TROOP, I WOULD BUY THE COOKIES TO REPLACE THEM. TO BE EXACT, THE COST OF COOKIE DAY WAS 268.00 FOR THE "SAVED COOKIES" AND 268.00 TO REPLACE THEM. OH DON'T FORGET THE 400.00 WORTH OF TUPPERWARE I HAD TO DELIVERTHAT WEEK AS WELL. SO, ALL WAS WELL, I WENT BROKE, BOBBIE JO GOT BRAGGING RIGHTS THAT HER DADDY DELIVERED ALL THE COOKIES IN ONE TRIP, AND THE LITTLE ONES HAD COOKIES FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. FUNNY THING, I NEVER DID GET ANGRY, I GUESS I MUST HAVE REALIZED THAT THIS WOULD BE A MEMORY THAT WOULD SUSTAIN ME THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES. AND IT IS, LOVE, NANASEE

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

YES, I FEEL LIKE I AM LIVING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE. BEFORE I POST, I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE LEFT COMMENTS. I DO FEEL SO MUCH BETTER WHEN I READ THEM, THEY UPLIFT ME. NOW, DOWN TO BUSINESS. WE WERE TOLD TO DAY THAT IF ANYONE COULD DONATE WHITE BLOOD CELLS, WE SHOULD FIND THEM IMMEDIATELY. IT SEEMS THEY DON'T STORE WHITE BLOOD CELLS AND MUST GET THEM FROM DONATIONS AS NEEDED. THE WHITE BLOOD CELLS ARE NEEDED TO FIGHT OFF INFECTION- AND SHE IS JUST UNABLE TO MANUFACTURE ANY OF HER OWN. I HAVE HAD WONDERFUL RESPONSE TO BLOOD DONATIONS, FORGIVE ME RYAN LEE, BUT I CANNOT REMEMBER THE TWO COMPANIES THAT ARE DEDICATING THEIR ANNUAL BLOOD DRIVE TO BOBBIE JO. BUT ON TOP OF THAT, WHITE BLOOD CELLS ARE A DIFFERENT DONATION ALL TOGETHER. ANYWAY, THE CALL GOES OUT, AND I KNOW THAT THE NEED WILL BE MET. TOMORROW, I GET TO WORK AT THE SCHOOL CARNIVAL. I HAVE THE HONOR OF WORKING AT THE BAKE SALE, COLLECTING MONEY. I WAS SO HAPPY TO BE ASKED TO DO THIS, I LOVE BEING A PART OF THE COMMUNITY. AND BEST OF ALL, IF THERE ARE ANY SEVEN LAYER BARS, I GET FIRST DIBS AT THEM! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO MUCH WITH ELI AND JACOB LATELY, SO IT WILL BE FUN TO BE AT THE CARNIVAL WITH THEM. JAYBIRD WILL BE THERE TOO, SO AS A NANA, I HAD BEST STOCK UP ON CHANGE FOR ALL THE BOOTHS AND RIDES. LIFE IS SO WONDERFUL, IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT I WAS A PART OF THE CARNIVALS, AND BEING ROOM MOTHER FOR MY OWN CHILDREN. ONE ESPECIALLY SWEET MEMORY THAT I HAVE IS WHEN I WAS ROOM MOTHER FOR BOBBIE JO'S FIRST GRADE CLASS. IT WAS CHRISTMAS TIME AND I HAD COLLECTED THE FUNDS TO GO AND BUY THE GOODIES FOR THE PARTY. SOMEHOW, I ENDED UP IN A DITCH TRYING TO MISS AN ONCOMING CAR. I COULD'NT GET MY CLUNKY OLD SUBURBAN OUT NO MATTER WHAT I DID. ALONG CAME A WRECKER, AND THE DRIVER SAID, "LOOK LIKE YOU GOT SOME TROUBLE MA'AM- I SAID, "YES, BUT A QUICK PULL WILL GET ME OUT, AND I HAVE ALL OF MY CHILDREN WITH ME. (THE SUBURBAN WAS LEANING TO THE RIGHT AND THE KIDS WERE FRIGHTENED A BIT. THE WRECKER DRIVER SAID, " WELL, THAT WILL BE 12.50 TO PULL YOU OUT". WELL, I ONLY HAD 14.00 WITH ME AND MOST OF THAT WAS THE CHRISTMAS PARTY FUND. I SAID, "I ONLY HAVE THE CHRISTMAS PARTY MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL WITH ME, WILL YOU TAKE A CHECK?" HE LAUGHED AND SAID, "HELL NO, I GUESS THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS CANCELLED, HUH?" UPON HEARING THAT, BOBBIE JO, (WHO WAS ABOUT 6 AT THIS TIME) CAME BURSTING OUT OF THE TRUCK SCREAMING, "YOU MEAN OLD TRUCK DRIVER! YOU AIN'T TAKING OUR PARTY MONEY. I AM TELLING SANTA CLAUSE ON YOU!" WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT MAN HAD THE FUNNIEST LOOK ON HIS FACE, TOLD BOBBIE JO, "PLEASE DON'T TELL SANTA ON ME, I WILL PULL YOUR MAMA OUT OF THE DITCH FOR FREE!" BOBBIE JO SAID, "I THINK IT IS TOO LATE, SANTA SEES EVERYTHING YOU KNOW. BUT MAYBE HE WILL OVERLOOK IT THIS ONCE AS YOU HAVE OFFERED TO MAKE IT UP". THE DRIVER LAUGHED AND SAID, "I HOPE SO, I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL YEAR FOR A SPECIAL PRESENT" AND TURNED AND PULLED US OUT OF THE DITCH. IT IS SWEET MEMORIES LIKE THAT THAT HELP ME THROUGH TIMES LIKE THIS. ANOTHER TIME, WE WERE AT A SCHOOL CARNIVAL, AND BOBBIE JO WAS IN TEARS BECAUSE SHE HAD TRIED SEVERAL TIMES TO WIN SOMETHING ON THE SPINNING WHEEL OF FORTUNE. SHE TOLD HER DADDY THAT SHE JUST HAD TO WIN SOMETHING- SHE JUST HAD TO! BEHIND HER BACK, HER DADDY BOUGHT THE WHOLE WHEEL OUT, (IT WAS A DIME FOR EACH CHANCE) AND TOLD HER TO TRY ONE MORE TIME. SHE PUT HER DIME UP THERE AND SPUN THE WHEEL. TO HER SURPRISE, SHE WON THAT TIME! SHE WAS SO HAPPY, AND WAS THE PROUD OWNER OF A 3.50 CENT KAZOO! BY THE END OF THE DAY, I WAS READY TO THROW THAT THING IN THE TOILET! ANYWAY, EACH TIME I SEE A WHELL OF FORTUNE, I REMEMBER THAT DAY. OH, READERS, SHE IS SO VERY SICK. I HAVE LEARNED THE ART OF GULPING BACK TEARS. THE CHEMO IS TAKING A TOLL ON HER. HER TUMMY HAS GROWN TO THE SIZE OF A 9 MONTH PREGNANCY. SHE IS SWOLLEN AGAIN, AS LARGE AS BEFORE. SHE CANNOT TALK, FOR THE LACK OF BREATH. AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE. I AM AFRAID THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL BRING HARD NEWS FOR US ALL. I CANNOT FEEL HER PAIN, I ONLY WANT HER TO HAVE SOME PEACE. NO MATTER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS TO HER, SHE SAYS, "I HAVE TO MAKE IT, I HAVE A SON AND HE IS EVERYTHING". SHE IS SO BRAVE AND STRONG, HER BROKEN BODY DOES NOT HOUSE A BROKEN SPIRIT. MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

STILL HANGING ON

I ARRIVED EARLY TODAY TO FIND BMARTIN AND BOBBIE JO SLEEPING PEACEFULLY IN HER ROOM. BMARTIN SPENDS EACH NIGHT WITH HER AND HE SLEEPS ON THE PULL DOWN BED IN THE ROOM. THE DAY WENT ON MUCH AS USUAL, QUIET TIME IN THE MORNING, THE DOCTORS COMING IN WITH INFORMATION- TODAY THE INFORMATION WAS THAT SHE HAD A SEVERE FUNGAL INFECTION IN HER EYE AND SINUSES (CAUSING THE AWFUL BLACKENED AREAS AND SWOLLEN EYE). THIS INFECTION IS SIMPLY ANOTHER INDICATION THAT THE CHEMO WILL BE VERY HARD ON HER. THEY AGAIN REITERATED THE DANGERS OF THE CHEMO-MAKING SURE THAT SHE REALIZED THE FACT THAT SHE MAY NOT SURVIVE IT. SHE AGAIN SAID, "GOR FOR IT AND HURRY UP!" SO, WE WAIT. AND PRAY. I LEFT THE HOSPITAL WITH MARTIN, AND AS I WAS GOING OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT, I MISSED THE CURB AND YES, YOU GUESSED IT, I FELL YET AGAIN! THIS TIME I HIT FACE DOWN AND ROLLED AROUND TRYING TO GET MY BALANCE. FORTUNATELY MARTIN WAS RIGHT THERE AS WELL AS BOBBIE JO'S FRIEND CARRIE AND TANYA MCCUTCHEON. THEY HELPED ME UP, AND I JUST STARTED CRYING. MARTIN SAID THAT I WAS JUST TIRED AND TO COME TO WORK WITH HIM. HE SAID THAT I COULD SLEEP ON THE COUCH, AND AFTER WORK, WE WOULD GO AND WAIT FOR AARON TO COME IN. ALL OF US WILL THEN GO TO THE HOSPITAL LATER TONIGHT. ALL OF THIS SEEMS SO SURREAL. I DON'T KNOW WHERE ALL OF THIS IS LEADING, I FEEL SO HELPLESS AND LIKE I AM IN A WHIRLWIND OF UNCERTAINTY. SOME ONE HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME THAT IF I HAD THE FAITH REQUIRED, I WOULD'NT WORRY OR BE ANXIOUS OR SAD. WELL, MY FAITH IS STRONG AND I AM STILL ANXIOUS AND WORRIED. SO THERE! WE SHALL SEE WHAT HAPPENS, BUT I HAVE THE RIGHT TO HURT BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER IS IN PAIN. I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED! LOVE, NANASEE

EARLY MORNING THOUGHTS

IT IS 5:00 IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE WAKEN WITH ANXIETY AND CONCERN. WHERE IS THE COCKY WOMAN THAT WAS GOING TO STRIDE THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE WITH BRAVADO? YES, I HAVE LEARNED THAT GREAT FAITH IS REQUIERED TO STAND UP TO A CHALLENGE LIKE THIS. FAITH THAT BOBBIE JO WILL WALK AWAY FROM CANCER UNSCARRED? THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT. NO, FAITH THAT I WON'T FALL APART' BLAME HEAVENLY FATHER, CURSE THE FATES AND DIVE INTO DISPAIR. FAITH THAT I WILL TRUST MY DAUGHTER TO BE THE INCREDIBLE ADULT THAT I HOPED SHE WOULD BE. MOST OF ALL, FAITH THAT HEAVENY FATHER'S WILL CAN BE ACCEPTED. IF I HAVE ONE DESIRE AT THIS TIME, IT IS THAT I BE SHOWN TO BE THE BIGGEST ASS IN THE WORLD FOR HAVING SUCH DOUBTS AND DISPAIR. THAT BOBBIE JO WILL LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY" MOM, DIDN'T YOU RAISE ME TO HAVE FAITH AND COURAGE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED? DIDN'T YOU ALWAYS TELL ME NOT TO GIVE UP? NOW, LOOK, I MADE IT, AND I TOLD YOU IT WOULD WORK OUT!" YES, THAT IS WHAT I WANT- I WOULD BEAR THE TITLE OF "DOUBTING ASS" FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH GRATITUDE. I GO NOW TO BE WITH HER, AND WILL PUT ON MY CHEERFUL MAMA FACE. I WILL NOT LOOK AT HER SWOLLEN ABDOMEN, HER BLACKENED FACE, HER BALD HEAD. I WILL NOT TELL MYSELF THAT THERE IS NO LIFE IN HER EYES. INDEED, THERE IS NOT ONLY LIFE BUT DESIRE. DESIRE THAT WE COULD BELIEVE AS SHE DOES IN THE FACT THAT SHE WILL MAKE IT. DESIRE TO CALM EVERYONE AND GIVE THEM EASE. MOST OF ALL, DESIRE FOR LIFE. YES, HAPPY MAMA WILL APPEAR, SMILING AND FLUTTERING LIKE AN IDIOT ALL OVER HER TRYING TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP. I WILL WRITE MORE TONIGHT- PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, THESE ARE JUST THE MOROSE THOUGHTS OF A MAMA FACING THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF HER LIFE. WHEN OTTO DIED, (MY 13 YEAR OLD SON) HE WAS KILLED OUTRIGHT AND I ONLY HAD THE GRIEF TO CONTEND WITH. I THOUGHT THEN, THAT I WAS SO GRATEFUL THAT I DID NOT HAVE TO WATCH HIM LINGER IN MISERY. I AM NOT SAYING THAT BOBBIE JO WILL DIE, BUT I AM HAVING TO WATCH HER LINGER IN MISERY. MAYBE IT IS JUST ME THAT IS MISERABLE. SHE CERTAINLY SEEMS TO HAVE PEACE. WHAT A GAL. LOVE, NANASEE

INCREDIBLY CORAGEOUS BOBBIE JO

TODAY, DAD AND I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL KNOWING THAT WE COULD GET DEVASTATING NEWS. WE DID. THE DOCTOR TOLD US THAT BOBBIE JO IS IN END STAGE DISEASE, AND FROM NOW ON ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN. HE TOLD HER YESTERDAY ABOUT ANOTHER TYPE OF CHEMO SHE COULD TRY, AND WARNED HER THAT IT COULD BE FATAL. SPECIFICALLY, IT WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY BE A RESPERATORY CRISIS THT WOULD REQUIRE A VENTELATOR AND CPR. HE WAS VERY PLAIN SAYING SHE COULD NOT SURVIVE SUCH MEASURES. PERHAPS THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN, BUT THE GREAT ODDS ARE THAT AN INFECTION OF SOME KIND WOULD OCCUR- A LIFE THREATENING INFECTION. THE UPSIDE OF THE CHEMO,IS THAT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE THE METHOD BY WHICH WE COULD SOMEHOW START GETTING CONTROL OF THE DISEASE. THIS IS A SMALL CHANCE, BUT A CHANCE NEVER THE LESS. THE OTHER OPTION IS TO COME HOME AND SPEND THE REST OF HER TIME WITH HER FAMILY, ESPECIALLY JARED AND MARTIN. SHE CAN NOT LIVE LONG AT ALL WITHOUT THE MEDICAL SUPPORT SHE IS RECEIVING EACH DAY, MEANING BLOOD, PLATELETS, ANTIBIOTICS AND MANY OTHER MEDICATIONS. SOOOO- WHAT TO DO? THAT IS THE QUESTION WE FACED THIS MORNING.. IT IS NO SURPRISE I AM SURE, THAT SHE SAID, "GO FOR IT!" SHE THEN LOOKED AT ME AND REMINDED ME THAT HEAVENLY FATHER WOULD DO WHAT HE WILL, AND SHE IS GOING TO GIVE HIM ALL THE HELP SHE CAN. FORGIVE ME READERS, BUT I FELT ANGRY! NO NO NO! DON'T PUT YOURSELF THROUGH TORTURE! (IF I MISSPELL SOME WORDS IT IS BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS NUMB). THE CHEMO COULD KILL YOU, ROB ME OF THE TIME I HAVE LEFT WITH YOU! BUT, OF COURSE I EXPRESSED NO SUCH THING, BUT LOOKED BACK AT HER AND TOLD HER THAT IT WAS HER DECISION, AND SHE HAD MY COMPLETE SUPPORT. I FELT DRAINED, SADDENED, DESPERATE- FRIGHTENED, ANGRY AND DISSAPOINTED. IT SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THIS. JESSICA AND DAD WERE OUT IN THE HALL AND JESSICA ASKED ME TO COME AND SPEAK TO HER. I DRAGGED MYSELF UP AND OUT THE DOOR, AND THAT IS THE LAST THING I REMEMBER. FOR SOME REASON, I PASSED OUT, SLAMMED INTO THE DOOR ON THE WAY DOWN AND CRACKED MY HEAD. ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, WHEN JESSICA WAS SPEAKING TO ME, SHE SAID MY EYES ROLLED BACK AND SHE KNEW TO REACH OUT FOR ME. BECAUSE SHE WAS SO QUICK, I DID NOT FALL AS HARD AS I COULD HAVE. I CAME AROUND, QUITE CONFUSED AND THOUGHT I HAD FALLEN ON BOBBIE JO. THE PANIC WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT THE NURSES AND STAFF, (GOSH, LOTS OF THEM), THE CHAPLAIN, A COUPLE OF ORDERLIES, THE CLEANING LADY AND MY FAMILY WERE ABLE TO REASSURE ME THAT I HAD NOT HURT ANYONE. EVENTUALLY I WAS ABLE TO GET UP AND BACK INTO THE ROOM, MY SHIRT AND HEAD WET WITH THE COLD WATER THAT MARTIN HAD SPRINKLED ON ME. I WAS SO SHAKEN- AND THEN THE HEAD NURSE SAID THAT IF I WANTED TO STAY ON THE FLOOR INSTEAD OF THE EMERGENCY ROOM, I HAD TO STAY PUT IN A WHEELCHAIR THE REST OF THE TIME I WAS THERE. THE CHAPLAIN CAME IN AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NICE TO MEET HIM, AND HE SAID I WAS TALKING TO HIM WHEN I PASSED OUT. FINALLY, I FOUND OUT THAT MY DEAR HUSBAND, WHEN SEEING ME FALL, TOLD ALL THE PANICKED PEOPLE, "AH, SHE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME. GIVE HER A FEW MINUTES AND SHE WILL COME AROUND". HE WAS QUIETLY SPONGING ME, COOL AS A CUCUMBER. I WAS ONLY OUT FOR ABOUT A MINUTE, BUT I FELT SO SILLY. OH, AS FAR A CRACKING MY HEAD, WELL, I HAD A PLASTIC HAIR CLIP HOLDING MY PONYTAIL, AND IT TOOK MOST OF THE FORCE. IT SHATTERED, BUT SAVED ME FROM SERIOUS INJURY. WHEN I GOT BACK INTO THE ROOM, MY FRIEND WHO WAS THERE SAID, "WELL IF YOU WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, NEXT TIME TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF OR SOMETHING!" SOMEONE ELSE SAID, "OR, YOU COULD BUILD A FIRE AROUND YOURSELF!" I AM GLAD TO BE SURROUNDED BY THOSE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. ALL IS WELL WITH ME- HOWEVER BOBBIE JO HAS DEVELOPED A BLOOD INFECTION AND UNTIL THAT IS RESOLVED, SHE CAN'T EVEN START THE CHEMO. WE WILL KNOW MORE TOMORROW. I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED. WITHOUT THIS BLOG, I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. TO KNOW THAT SO MANY OF YOU SHARE THEM WITH ME IS INCREDIBLY COMFORTING. THANK YOU SO MUCH- OH, AND MY SON AARON AND HIS SWEET WIFE ARE COMING IN TOMORROW NIGHT FROM EL PASO. THEY HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO PHOENIX TO LET SARAH'S DEAR MOTHER SHELLY KEEP THE CHILDREN AND THEN FLY TO HOUSTON. IT GOES TO SHOW HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BOBBIE JO AND OUR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO SO MUCH TROUBLE TO BE WITH US. I SO APPRECIATE EVERYTING. TILL TOMORROW, REMEMBER, HEAVENLY FATHER WILL DO WHAT HE WILL DO. NO DIRE PREDICTIONS WILL SWAY HIS COURSE. IF HE WANTS HER TO REMAIN, SHE WILL. IF NOT, WE MUST ACCEPT AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIS WILL. LOVE, NANASEE

PLEASE PRAY FOR BOBBIE JO

IT HAS COME TO THIS. BOBBIE JO IS VERY SICK. I HAVE NOT ELABORATED ON THE EXTENT OF HER ILLNESS, BECAUSE I WANTED TO KEEP UPBEAT AND POSITIVE. SHE IS SO STRONG, AND I AM ASHAMED THAT I AM NOT STRONGER. THIS CANCER IS A MONSTER. SHE IS NOW AT THE POINT THAT THE CHEMO TREATMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EFFECTIVE, AND SHE IS EXPERIENCING SYMPTOMS THAT INDICATE HER DISEASE IS NOT UNDER CONTROL. IT HAS BEEN 8 WEEKS SINCE SHE WAS DIAGNOSED, AND I TRULY SAW MIRACULOUS IMPROVEMENT. SUDDENLY, EVEN OVERNIGHT, SHE JUST BEGAN TO FAIL. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW DESPERATE I FEEL WATCHING MY GIRL STRUGGLE FOR HER LIFE. QUESTIONS ARISE: IS MY FAITH WEAK? AM I SELFISH TO WANT HER TO STAY HERE WITH US WHEN SHE IS SO SICK? DO I TRULY WANT HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN IF IT IS NOT MY PLAN? CAN I STAND IT IF I LOSE HER? HOW MUCH SUFFERING DOES SHE NEED TO ENDURE BEFORE I CAN SEE THAT IT IS OUT OF MY HANDS? THE QUESTIONS GO ON AND ON, ALL NIGHT CAUSING NO SLEEP. WHY DO I DOUBT? NOT THE BISHOP'S BLESSING, BUT HEAVENLY FATHER'S WILL? I THOUGHT I WAS MADE OF STURDIER STUFF THAN THIS. THE CLOSE FUTURE WILL DECIDE THE OUTCOME. I FEEL THAT I HAVE TO SPEND THAT TIME BEING STRONG AND A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALREADY BEGINNING TO GRIEVE FOR BOBBIE JO, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS STILL HERE WITH US. SINCE I AM BEING HONEST HERE, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAS GONE THROUGH. WEEKS OF WEAKNESS AND THE INABLILITY TO CARE FOR HERSELF, THE SHAME OF TOTAL DEPENDANCE ON OTHERS, THE WORRY ABOUT HER SON, THE SHOTS, TESTS, LOSS OF APPETITE, HAIR AND DIGNITY, PAIN BEYOND WHAT I CAN IMAGINE, FEAR, UNCERTAINTY AND THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF SECOND DEGREE PERIANAL BURNS DUE TO TOXINS EXPELLED FROM MEDICATION, (MEDICATOIN THAT SHE MUST CONTINUE TO TAKE, NO MATTER HOW ROUGH IT IS OR THE AMMONIA IN HER BLOOD DUE TO LIVER FAILURE WILL PERMANETLY DAMAGE HER BRAIN) MOUTH SORES, SWELLING, CRACKED SKIN, BLEEDING, NOSEBLEEDS, CRACKED LIPS,, UNENDING THIRST, NASAL FEEDINGS AND EVEN A WEEK OF ALTERED MENTALITY AND HALLUCINATIONS. NOT TO MENTION THE SEPARATION FROM HER SON. AM I SO SELFISH THAT I WANT THIS TO CONTINUE? CAN I PUT HER LIFE IN HEAVENLY FATHER'S HANDS? I PRAY THAT I CAN. I PRAY FOR UNCONDITIONAL FAITH, NOT TO KEEP HER HERE, BUT TO GIVE HER PEACE,. I HOPE THAT PEACE COMES FROM WINNING THE BATTLE WITH CANCER. I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHAT WE CONSIDER VICTORY. PLEASE PRAY FOR BOBBIE JO, BUT ESPECIALLY PRAY FOR HER MOTHER THAT WAVERS IN DETERMINATION TO BE THE KIND OF MAMA THAT CAN HOPE AND ACCEPT WHAT IS BEST FOR HER CHILD. I AM SO FRIGHTENED. LOVE, NANASEE

LETTER TO JARED

TODAY I STARTED A LETTER TO JARED-MEANING THAT BOBBIE JO DICTATED AND I WROTE. WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO GIVE HIM A LETTER ON HIS WEDDING DAY OF SOME OF BOBBIE JO'S MEMORIES OF HIM. I TOLD HER THAT THIS WAS THE HARDEST TIME IN HER LIFE, AND PERHAPS SHE SHOULD WRITE THESE THINGS DOWN FOR HIM, SO THAT WE CAN REMEMBER THE COURAGE AND INDURANCE OF THIS STRUGGLE. YOU KNOW THE YEARS DIM THE MEMORIES OF THE PAIN BUT NOT THE SWEETNESS OF LIFE AND ALL OF IT'S JOYS. AS WE TALKED OF EACH MEMORY OF JARED'S LIFE, ANOTHER ONE WOULD COME UP AND WE WOULD LAUGH. HE WILL TREASURE THIS COLLECTION, AND TELL HIS OWN CHILDREN. I AM HOME FOR MOST OF THE DAY, BMARTIN HAD TO GO TO THE DENTIST AND THEN HE CAME UP TO SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY WITH BOBBIE JO. HE WAS SO SWEET, HE CALLED AND SAID, "I AM ON MY WAY UP THERE, YOU CAN CALL MARTIN AND HAVE HIM PICK YOU UP IF YOU WANT." I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T MIND STAYING, AND HE SAID, "NO, REALLY I DON'T MIND A BIT IF YOU GO." SO I SAID, "SO, YOU WANT ME TO GO?" HE SAID, "YES, GO!" SO I SAID, " YOUR'E SURE?" HE SAID, "ADIOS!" I AM BEGINNING TO THINK HE WANTS SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HER! SO, HOME I CAME, GRACIOUSLY GIVEN A RIDE BY REBECCA GALAGHER, WHO WAS VISITING AT THE TIME, AND HAD LUNCH WITH MY MARTIN. I WAS BEGINNING TO FORGET WHO HE IS! I SAW HIM AT THE PARTY, BUT HE WAS BEHIND A HUGE KNIFE, SLICING BRISKET, AND LATER I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF HIM, CUTTING CAKE, AND EVEN LATER, I CAUGHT THE SIGHT OF HIS BACKSIDE CHASING KIDS DOWN THE HALL AND ROARING LIKE A MONSTER, THE CHILDREN SQUEALING IN DELIGHTED FRIGHT! SO, WHEN I GOT HOME TODAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, HE WAS SLEEPING AND JUMPED UP AND SAID, "GET 'EM BUSTER!" WELL HECK, THAT MADE ME FEEL RIGHT AT HOME! HE SAID, "OH SWEETIE, I HAVE TO GO TO WORK" AND I TOLD HIM IF HE EVEN MOVED TOWARD THAT TRUCK, HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO DRIVE WITH HIS FEET BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO TEAR OFF BOTH OF HIS ARMS AND BEAT HIM WITH THEM! SO HE ASKED ME WHAT I HAD IN MIND, AND I SAID, "LUNCH". "LUNCH?" HE SAID IN CONFUSION, AND I SAID "YES, LUNCH!" HE SAID, "WITH ME?" AND I SAID, "YEAH, WITH YOU, REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO HAVE FOOD TOGETHER?" SO, WE WENT TO WHATABURGER, AND FOR A FEW SHORT MOMENTS, WE CONCENTRATED ON A FISH BURGER, FRIES, A PATTY MELT, FRIES AND TWO LARGE DIET COKES, WITH EASY ICE. THEN, REALITY CAME BACK AND WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND SAID, "IT WAS NICE, SEE YOU NEXT TIME!" JUST KIDDING, BUT WE HAVE BEEN MISSING EACH OTHER IN THE SCHEDULE- ME THERE ALL DAY, HIM AT HOME WORKING ON THE HOUSE, HIM GOING TO WORK, ME COMING HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE. IT IS WORTH IT THOUGH, AND I AM GLAD WE CAN WORK TOGETHER. SO, TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANA

A WONDERFUL DAY INDEED

HELLO ALL, TODAY IS SUNDAY, USUALLY A DAY OF CHURCH AND REST, MAYBE GETTING TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY. BUT TODAY WAS REALLY SOMETHING! SISSY AND ROBBY AND THE BOYS PICKED ME UP FOR CHURCH, AND TODAY WAS SO SPECIAL THERE BECAUSE THE WHOLE WARD (CHURCH GROUP FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH OUR CHURCH) FASTED AND PRAYED FOR OUR FAMILY. I WAS SO TOUCHED, BECAUSE I ASSUMED THAT THE FAST WOULD BE FOR BOBBIE JO'S RECOVERY, BUT INDEED IT WAS THAT OUR FAMILY WOULD BE COMFORTED THROUGHOUT THIS TRIAL AS WELL AS FOR BOBBIE JO. HOW WONDERFUL TO HAVE SO MUCH LOVE IN MY LIFE. THE GOSPEL IS EVERYTHING TO ME- AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH BOBBIE JO, I KNOW THAT HEAVENLY FATHER'S WILL IS THE BEST THING FOR ALL OF US. ANYWAY, AFTER CHURCH, I WENT TO JAYBIRDS BASEBALL GAME. I FELT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO BE WITH HIM, AS USUALLY HIS MOM NEVER MISSES A GAME AND HE NEEDED HIS FAMILY THERE. DON'T YOU KNOW IT, HE SMASHED A HIT CLEAR INTO CENTER FIELD! I AM SO GLAD I WAS THERE- I AM NOT SURE HOW HE IS FEELING ABOUT HIS MOM BEING SO SICK. AFTER THE GAME, BECKY AND I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE BOBBIE JO. SHE IS HAVING SOME PAIN AGAIN AND HER LEGS ARE SWELLING. IT HURTS ME TO SEE THAT SHE IS GETTING THE SAME SYMPTOMS- I WANT HER TO GET WELL. SHE IS ON SO MANY MEDICATIONS, AND SOMETIMES SHE IS NOT HERSELF. MARTIN, (HER DAD) STAYED FOR THE NIGHT, AND HE IS TIRED. WHILE GETTING UP, HE STUMPED HIS LITTLE TOE, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE REALLY GOT IT GOOD! SO HE IS STUMPING AROUND UP THERE, AND IS STAYING TONIGHT AS WELL. HE WILL BE A TIRED DADDY TOMORROW. OWEN, MARIE, KAYLEE AND JAYBIRD CAME TO VISIT TOO. BOBBIE'S MARTIN WAS THERE, BUT HE IS ON CALL AT WORK AND CANNOT STAY ALL THE TIME. BOBBIE JO KEPT SAYING THAT SHE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE, AND WE NOTICED THE AIR MATTRESS ON HER BED WAS NOT INFLATING. THE NURSES SAID IT WOULD BE HOURS BEFORE A TECH COULD GET THERE TO LOOK AT IT, AND IN THE MEANTIME, SHE WAS MISERABLE. SHE EVEN LAY SIDEWAYS TO GET SOME RELIEF, AND PROPPED HER FEET ON THE BEDSIDE POTTY. RUSTY AND LIBBIE CAME UP, AND WHEN RUSTY SAW THAT SHE WAS SO UNHAPPY, HE STARTED FOOLING AROUND WITH THE BED TO SEE IF HE COULD FIX IT. AFTER A WHILE, HE SAID, WELL, HERE IS A NUMBER TO CALL IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH THE BED. I SAID, IT IS FOR THE TECH THAT IS COMING I GUESS. HE SAID, I CAN DIAL A NUMBER AS WELL AS THE NEXT GUY AND HE DID. SURE ENOUGH, WE GOT IN TOUCH WITH THE COMPANY'S MAINTENANCE DEPARTMENT. THEY SAID THAT THEY WOULD GET SOMEONE OUT THERE. RUSTY SAID, "WELL, TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I CAN DO IT FOR YOU". SO, SURE ENOUGH, THEY WALKED HIM THROUGH THE TECHNICAL JARGON AND GAVE HIM THE DIRECTIONS, AND HE FIXED IT! HE IS THE SMARTEST THING IN THE WORLD. I THINK DAD MARTIN WAS A BIT EMBARRASSED THAT HE DID NOT THINK TO CALL! SO WHEN I LEFT THE HOSPITAL, BOBBIE JO WAS RESTING COMFORTABLY. I AM NOW HOME, LUCKY AND BUSTER ARE HERE WITH ME AND I AM GETTING READY FOR BED. I HAVE TO BE BACK EARLY, SO GOODNIGHT MY LOVING READERS, AND I WILL WRITE TOMORROW! LOVE, NANA

WHAT A PARTY!

BOBBIE JO'S BIRTHDAY WAS SO MUCH FUN AND MUCH MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAME! LYNN HAMILTON EVEN DROVE ALL THE WAY FROM AUSTIN TO BE WITH US, (240 MILES!) AND HAD TO GO RIGHT BACK AGAIN. DAD MADE A FABULOUS BRISKET, AND CHOPPED IT UP SO THAT THERE WOULD BE ENOUGHT FOR EVERYONE, AS USUAL, THERE ALMOST WAS NOT, EVEN THE HOSPITAL STAFF JOINED US! BOBBIE JO'S ROOM WAS BURSTING WITH BEAUTIFUL BALLOONS, SO MANY OF EVERY COLOR. THERE WERE SO MANY LOVELY CARDS AND GIFTS- THE WINDOWWAS OVERFLOWING WITH THEM. BIG J AND LYDIA CAME, MY BROTHER KEN AND HIS SWEET WIFE JOEY, THE GALLAGER FAMILY, THE HAMILTONS, ALICE DAVIS, OWEN, MARIE, KAYLEE AND JAYBIRD CAME TOO. THERE WERE DARRYL AND TANYA MC CUTCHEON, AND OWENS FAMILY- SHIRLEY, HER DAUGHTER AMY AND HUSBAND JAMES, AND THEIR CHILDREN, (THEY BROUGHT A HUGE COOLER OF DRINKS FOR US) BECKY AND HER FRIENDS SANDY, LISA AND BRENDA WITH DAUGHTER CARMEN. BRENDA'S MOM CANDELARIA MADE HER FAMOUS BEANS AND RICE, (OF WHICH I AM ENJOYING RIGHT NOW!).ASHLEY, TODD, MCLAINE AND THE TWINS CAME, BRINGING THE BEST CUPCAKES, ALONG WITH OUR DEAR BISHOP AND HIS WIFE JOSIE. SISSY, ROBBY, ELI AND JACOB CAME AND RESCUED THE PARTY BY BRINGING TWO CAKES, (DAD OFRGOT AND LEFT THE ONE THAT KENNY AND JOEY MADE AT HOME) THE MOST WONDERFUL SURPRISE WAS THAT BOBBIE'S MARTIN'S FAMILY CAME TO BE WI TH US. HIS DEAR MOTHER ROSE, WITH SISTERS LINDA AND JANINE. LAURALYN OYLER AND HER SWEET DAUGHTER CAME AND BROUGHT COOKIES THAT BARELY MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF THE PARTY. ANOTHER DEAR FRIEND, DEBBIE MARKOVIC H CAME EARLIER, AND WE ENJOYED HER COMPANY. THE HOSPITAL STAFF ENJOYED THE FOOD AND EVEN SOME OF THE OTHER PATIENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES. WE HAD BRISKET SANDWICHES, CHIPS, 3 KINDS OF CUPCAKES, A STRAWBERRY CAKE, A LARGE CHOCOLATE CAKE, LARALYN'S COOKIES, RICE AND BEANS AND A WONDERFUL PASTA DISH MADE BY JESSICA. BOY THE LITTLE ONE'S WERE REALLY GOING AT IT! THEY HAVE A WONDERFUL CHILDRENS CENTER AT THE HOSPITAL, AND THE KIDS PLAYED BASKETBALL AND OTHER GAMES. THE GROWN-UPS TALKED AND LAUGHED AND VISITED, AND A FEW AT A TIME WENT TO BOBBIE JO'S ROOM AFTER SHE GOT SO TIRED TO VISIT WITH HER. AT THE START OF THE PARTY, WE WHEELED HER INTO THE ROOM AND EVERYONE APPLAUDED FOR HER. THEN, WE EACH INTRODUCED OURSELVES AND HOW WE KNEW BOBBIE JO. BY NOW, EVERYONE WAS EYEING THE BRISKET, SO WE BEGAN TO SERVE. OH, EVERYTHING WAS WONDERFUL. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE LOVE IN OUR LIVES, AND I HOPE I DID NOT FORGET ANYONE THAT WAS THERE. EVERYONE IS SO IMPORTANT TO BOBBIE JO AND HER FIGHT TO GET WELL. SHE TRULY KNOWS THAT SHE IS LOVED. TOMORROW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A FAST AT CHURCH FOR HER AND FOR OUR FAMILY. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT AND HOPE I DESERVE EVERYONE'S LOVE THAT IS SO FREELY GIVEN. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CAME AND WHO WANTED TO BE THERE. IT WAS INDEED A WONDERFUL NIGHT THAT NONE OF US WILL FORGET. LOVE, NANA

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY'S A GO!

SURE ENOUGH, WE ARE HAVING A BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE HOSPITAL. BOBBIE JO IS SO HAPPY, SHE IS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HER FRIENDS AND THOSE WHO LOVE HER. TODAY, BOTH HER CARRIE FRIENDS CAME TO SEE HER AND BROUGHT GIFTS. ALSO, OWEN, MARIE AND JARED CAME UP FOR AWHILE. BOBBIE JO WENT TO THE GIFT SHOP TO BUY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MARIE AND ENJOYED HER TIME OUT OF THE BED. SHE HAD A REALLY BIG DAY AND IS VERY TIRED, BUT HAPPY AS WELL. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE BRISKET, RICE BEANS, CHIPS LEMONADE AND CAKE FOR THE PARTY. CAN'T WAIT! OH, THE HOSPITAL STAFF HAVE DOU BLE CHECKED TO MAKE SURE WE ARE GOING TO DO IT, I THINK THEY ARE ALREADY TASTING MARTIN'S FAMOUS BRISKET. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANA

IT'S ALMOST BIRTHDAY DAY!

THE NURSES HAD SUCH A FUN IDEA, THEY FIXED IT SO THAT WE COULD DECORATE THE FAMILY ROOM ON BOBBIE JO'S FLOOR FOR HER BIRTHDAY. PAPA IS BRINGING A BRISKET AND CHOPPING IT UP FOR CHOPPED BRISKET SANDWICHES. MY BROTHER KEN IS BRINGING A STRAWBERRY CAKE, AND BECKY IS GETTING CUPCAKES FOR THE C HILDREN. WE WILL HAVE BALLOONS, STREAMERS AND LOTS OF GOODIES. IT WILL BE AT FIVE O' CLOCK ON SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21ST ON THE NINTH FLOOR OF THE PATIENTS HOSPITAL WARD, WHICH IS THE G FLOOR. EVERYONE IS INVITED TO COME BY IF THEY WANT, TO WISH BOBBIE JO A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I LOVE BIRTHDAYS, EACH ONE MEANS SO MUCBH TO ME. HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! LOVE, NANA PS, IF YOU WANT TO LET ME KNOW YOU CAN COME, JUST CALL OR EMAIL, MY PHONE NUMBER IS: 281-474-1256 AND THE EMAIL IS: mamasee1a@yahoo.com. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL OR EMAIL, JUST IF YOU WANT TO.

GOOD NEWS!(I THINK)

TODAY, MARTIN WENT TO THE HOSPITAL TO BE WITH BOBBIE JO. SHE HAD BEEN SAYING HOW MUCH SHE MISSED HER DAD, SO I TOOK A DAY OFF AND HE WENT. THE RESULTS OF THE CAT SCAN CAME BACK AND FOR SOME REASON THE SPLEEN IS HARBORING ALL THE GOOD PLATELETS THAT THEY ARE GIVING BOBBIE JO, RESULTING IN A HUGE SPLEEN AND NO ABILITY TO CLOT. THEYCALLED IN A SPLEEN EXPERT AND HE SAID THAT YES, THE SPLEEN IS LARGER, AND WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR 14 DAYS AFTER THE CHEMO TO SAY THAT THE CHEMO DID NOT WORK. SOME OF OF THE LYMPHOMA SPECIALISTS WERE CONCERNED THAT THE CHEMO MAY NOT HAVE BEEN EFFECTIVE BECAUSE THE SPLEEN HAD GOTTEN LARGER, SO, WE HAVE 4 MORE DAYS TO WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE RESULT OF THE SUPER CHEMO IS. SHE IS STILL IN DANGER, VERY CRITICAL, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE CHEMO WILL BE EFFECTIVE AND TURN THIS CANCER AROUND. ANOTHER DOCTOR WANTS TO START ANOTHER ROUND OF CHEMO RIGHT AWAY, BUT HE HAS TO GET PERMISSION FROM THE REST OF THE TEAM, (18 DOCTORS) TO DO SO, BECAUSE IT COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS FOR HER. SHE IS IN GOOD SPIRITS, AND ABLE TO GET UP A BIT BUT SHE IS VERY SHAKEY FROM THE EFFORT. I AM SO HAPPY THAT WE ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO CELEBRATE HER BIRTHDAY ON SATURDAY! SHE WANTS A STRAWBERRY CAKE AND AN EEYORE WATCH. I FOUND THE WATCH ON EBAY AND IT IS ON IT'S WAY, BUT PROBABLY WON'T ARRIVE IN TIME. I WILL WRAP UP A PICTURE OF IT TO GIVE TO HER. BY THE WAY, DID YOU KNOW THAT EEYORE IS A GIRL? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS A BOY. FOR ANYONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO EEYORE IS, SHE IS THE FRIEND OF POOH THAT IS ALWAYS FEELING SAD. THINKING ABOUT THE CARTOONS, EEYORE SOUNDS LIKE A BOY- BUT SHE HAS A PINK RIBBON ON HER TAIL, SO? WHO KNOWS? BOBBIE JO LOVES EEYORE, SO I WILL DO WHAT I CAN TO SURROUND HER WITH LOTS OF EEYORE THINGS TO ENJOY. I JUST GOT BACK FROM LUNCH WITH SOME OF THE SWEET SISTERS AT CHURCH, AND I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME. WE HAD CHINESE AND LAUGHED AND CARRIED. I HAD SUCH FUN, I FORGOT TO GO BACK FOR SECONDS! (IT WAS A BUFFET). IT IS NICE TO HAVE A DIVERSION ONCE IN AWHILE- BUT MY MIND IS NEVER FAR FROM THINKING ABOUT MY GIRL. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANA

GOING UPHILL

YES, IT SEEMS THAT WE ARE GOING UP HILL FOR NOW. THE TUMOR HAS NOT SHRUNK IN SPITE OF THE SUPER DOSE OF CHEMO SHE WENT THROUGH. THIS IS VERY DISCOURAGING. SHE IS MORE ALERT HOWEVER, AND ABLE TO GET OUT OF BED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. THIS IS BECAUSE SHE IS TAKING SOME MEDICINE TO CLEAR HER BLOOD OF THE AMMONIA THAT IS AFFECTING HER BRAIN. SHE IS HAVING A CAT SCAN TODAY TO MEASURE THE ACTUAL SIZE OF THE TUMOR AND TO CHECK FOR METASTISIS. LAST NIGHT, MARTIN, BECKY AND I WENT TO TEH OUTBACK FOR DINNER- WE MISSED VALENTINES DAY TOGETHER, SO THIS WAS OUR VALENTINES DINNER. I WAS SO MOROSE, AND FINALLY BECKY SAID SHE KNEW JUST WHAT TO DO FOR THAT. SHE ORDERED THE TRIPLE DESSERT, WHICH IS A SLICE OF CHEESECAKE, A SLICE OF PEANUT BUTTER PIE AND A SMALL THUNDER DOWN UNDER WHICH IS A BROWNIE WITH ICE CREAM ON TOP. OKAY, THAT CHEERED ME UP CONSIDERABLY. WE LOVE TO SHARE DESSERT WHEN WE GO OUT, BUT YOU COULD HAVE SHARED THIS ONE WITH THE W HOLE RESTAURANT AND STILL HAD ENOUGH. BECKY IS SO GOOD TO ME, ALWAYS THERE TO LISTEN, AND HAS REALLY LIGHTENED THE LOAD TAKING CARE OF BOBBIE JO BY SPENDING THE NIGHT, GIVING HER SHOWERS AND BRINGING THINGS THAT BOBBIE NEEDS. I DO SO APPRECIATE THAT FROM HER. AT THIS TIME, I AM REALLY SAD. I WANT TO GO ON WITH THIS TREATMENT AND GET THE HECK ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY FOR BOBBIE. SHE IS SO PATIENT, WHEN THE DOCTORS REALLY HURT HER, SHE DOES NOT CRY OUT, SHE TRIES SO HARD TO BE BRAVE. I WOULD BE SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF IF THEY WERE GRINDING INTO MY HIP BONE FOR A SAMPLE, BUT SHE JUST LAY THERE AND LET MARTIN HELP HER THROUGH IT. I GOT SICK TO MY STOMACH AND HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM, BUT SHE WAS GREAT. I WANT THIS TO BE OVER. I WANT HER TO BE HEALTHY. I WANT TO GO ON AND NOT HAVE TO FACE THIS EVERYDAY. NOW THAT I AM THROUGH GRIPING, LET ME SAY THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WONDERFUL LIFESAVING TREATMENT SHE IS RECEIVING. I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT SACRIFICE SO MUCH FOR ME. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE DONATIONS THAT HELP SO MUCH. MOST OF ALL, I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE MIRACLE THAT BOBBIE JO HAS BEEN PROMISED. LOVE, NANA

THINGS ARE NEVER EASY

WELL, IN THE INTRODUCTION, I MENTIONED THAT THERE WOULD BE UPS AND DOWNS TO BOBBIE JO'S EXPERIENCE WITH LYMPHOMA. WE SEEM TO BE FACING A DIFFICULT TIME NOW, AS SHE IS HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING PLATELETS AND IS BLEEDING AT RANDOM AREAS. FOR INSTANCE, EVEN A BLOOD TEST KEEPS SEEPING AFTER THE NEEDLE IS OUT AND IF SHE BLOWS HER NOSE, IT CAUSES A NOSEBLEED. TODAY WE HAD TESTS ALL DAY, X-RAYS, ULTRASOUND AND THE MOST AWFUL A BONE MARROW BIOPSY. IT HAS BEEN SEVEN WEEKS SINCE WE BEGAN THIS JOURNEY, AND WHEN WE STARTED, SHE WAS SO ILL THAT IF SHE HAD NOT GONE TO THE HOSPITAL, SHE WOULD HAVE DIED WITHIN 3 DAYS. SO WE HAVE HAD A DIFFICULT TIME OF IT, BUT WE HAVE HAD SEVEN WEEKS MORE THAN WE WOULD HAVE. I AM FRIGHTENED. I WANT HER TO GET WELL. IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT I AM FRIGHTENED? DOES THAT SHOW A LACK OF FAITH? OR IS IT JUST HUMAN NATURE? MARTIN TOLD ME THAT HE BET THAT DANIEL WAS PRETTY NERVOUS ABOUT THOSE HUNGRY LIONS IN THE LIONS DEN! I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD FACE THIS. BOBBIE JO LOOKED AT ME TODAY AND WHISPERED, "MOM I TOLD YOU SO" MEANING THAT SHE WOULD NOT DIE. SHE WILL NOT. I JUST HAVE TO BE STRONGER. THANKS FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES, FOR SHARING THIS JOURNEY WITH ME. LOVE, NANA

A SMALL ADDITION TO TODAY'S POST

AFTER READING THE POST AFTER I POSTED IT, I REALIZED THAT JARED DOES NOT SPEND AS MUCH TIME HERE WITH ME, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT BASEBALL PRACTICE HAS STARTED. HE GOES TO PRACTICE, AND THEN COMES HOME, AND SEVERAL NIGHTS A WEEK HE GETS PICKED UP BY MARIE AND STAYS WITH HIS DAD AND MARIE AND SISTER KAYLEE. WE ARE ALL MAKING ADJUSTMENTS IT SEEMS, AND IT IS WONDERFUL THAT EVERYONE IS DOING SO MUCH TO ALLEVIATE A STRESSFUL SITUATION. SO THANK YOU TO OWEN, MARIE AND KAYLEE FOR HELPING OUT SO VERY MUCH!

HER ROOM IS ALMOST READY FOR HER

HELLO ALL, WELL, THANKS TO MARTIN, (HER DAD) AND OTHERS, BOBBIE JO'S ROOM IS ALMOST READY FOR HER WHEN SHE GETS HOME AS A MATTER OF FACT, LOTS OF THE HOUSE IS ALMOST READY FOR US. IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT WE HAVE BEEN OUT OF OUR HOUSE FOR 5 MONTHS. I DO LOVE THE LITTLE APARTMENT, BUT I WANT MY HOUSE BACK. I MISSED CHURCH TODAY- THE ALARM CLOCK WENT OFF AND I THREW IT ACROSS THE APARTMENT. I WAS SO TIRED, AND JUST COULD'NT GET UP. I EVEN ASKED HEAVENLY FATHER LAST NIGHT IN MY PRAYERS TO MAKE SURE I GOT UP SO I COULD GO TO CHURCH. I NEED TO BE WITH THOSE WHO LOVE AND SUPPORT ME. EVERYONE IS SO KIND, AND THEY JUST GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW THEY KNOW THAT BOBBIE JO IS GOING TO MAKE IT. I REALLY HATE WHEN I DON'T GO- BUT I DID FINALLY GET UP AND HELPED MARTIN PAINT SOME BASE BOARDS TO FINISH HER ROOM. YOU KNOW, I REALLY WANT MY BORING STAID LIFE BACK! I AM NOT EVEN SURE WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE IN LIFE RIGHT NOW. I HAD IT ALL PLANNED OUT. WAKE UP, FEED JARED, PUT HIM ON THE BUS, MAKE MARTIN BREAKFAST, DO THE HOUSEWORK SNEAK IN SOME READING TIME, DO SOME CRAFTS, PLAY WITH BUSTER AND LUCKY, MAKE SURE THEIR DISHES ARE FULL, GO SHOPPING, (TO WALMART OF COURSE) MAKE LUNCH FOR MARTIN, SEND HIM OFF TO WORK, CHECK THE MAIL, WATCH FOR THE SCHOOL BUS, (OH AND MAKE SURE THE COOKIE JAR IS FULL), LISTEN FOR THE "NANA I'M HOME!", GET A KISS FROM ELI AND JACOB, A HUG FROM JARED, HAVE A SNACK, GO TO THE PARK, FIX DINNER, WAIT FOR SISSY TO GET THE BOYS, WATCH TV WITH JARED, CLEAN THE KITCHEN, GET JARED READY FOR BED, WAIT FOR MARTIN TO CALL AND SAY HE IS ON HIS WAY HOME, HAVE HIS DINNER READY, FEED HIM AND LISTEN TO HOW HIS DAY WENT, ARGUE OVER WHEN TO TURN THE TV OFF-KISS EACH OTHER GOODNIGHT, HAVE PRAYERS AND TURN OFF THE LIGHT. NOW, IT IS, WAKE UP AT 5:30 AM, GET READY TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, GO TO THE HOSPITAL, HELP BOBBIE JO AT THE HOSPITAL, COME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, GET JARED FROM JESSICA, A QUICK HELLO AND HOPEFULLY A KISS FROM JACOB AND ELI- LET JARED GO TO THE PARK, DO THE HOUSEWORK, MAKE DINNER, HAVE AN EVENING WITH JARED, GET STUFF TOGETHER FOR TOMORROW, (BOBBIE'S LAUNDRY, MY LUNCH, A SURPRISE FOR HER, A BOOK FOR ME AND A CRAFT TO DO) GET JARED TO BED, WAIT FOR MARTIN TO CALL AND SAY HE IS COMING HOME, HAVE HIS DINNER READY, TRY TO STAY UP FOR HIM, AND ACT CHEERFUL WHEN HE GETS HERE. MOST OF THE TIME, I AM EYEING MY BED WHILE HE EATS AND TALKS ABOUT HIS DAY-THANKFULLY FLOP IN THE BED, (GOSH, DID I SQUASH LUCKY AGAIN?) MOVE CAT! OH, SET THE ALARM, OH HECK, DID I TAKE MY MEDICINE? AH, I WONT WORRY ABOUT IT, NO GET UP LAZY, TAKE THE MEDS! CRAWL OUT OF BED, TAKE THE MEDS, FLOP BACK INTO BED, (BUSTER! GET OFF MY PILLOW!) AND LAY THERE A WORRY ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I GOT EVERYTHING DONE. SAY MY PRAYERS, (LOTS OF TIME I FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE AMEN) I KNOW HEAVENLY FATHER UNDERSTANDS- AND NEXT THING I KNOW, THE ALARM IS GOING OFF! I MISS MY FRIENDS, BUT I HAVE MADE LOTS OF NEW ONES. (NURSES, DOCTORS, OTHER PATIENTS, AND THEIR FAMILIES), AND HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHINE WITH THE LIGHT OF CHRIST FOR THEM. SO, SOME DAY, I WILL GO BACK TO THE NORM, BUT NO MATTER HOW I SPEND THE DAY, I AM THANKFUL THAT I AM THERE TO TAKE CARE OF BOBBIE JO INSTEAD OF TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE DIED SO YOUNG AND MISSED SO MUCH OF LIFE. NOW, I TALK TO HER ABOUT HOW MUCH THERE IS WAITING FOR HER AND HOW MUCH WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO. THAT IS WORTH EVERYTHING, NO MATTER HOW MIXED UP MY LIFE IS. I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE A HARRIED EXISTANCE. SO TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANA

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

IT IS VALENTINES DAY TODAY, AND I COULD NOT BE MORE THANKFUL. I DO HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR, BOBBIE JO IS STILL WITH US AND LIFE MAY BE BECOMING JUST A BIT MORE NORMAL. I WOKE THIS MORNING TO WISH MARTIN A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY (IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY) AND WHILE WE WERE VIGOROUSLY ENJOYING THE MOMENT, JAYBIRD CAME WALTZING INTO THE APARTMENT- WHAT A SURPRISE! WELL, NOT SO MUCH FOR HIM, HE KNOWS THE POOL TABLE IS FOR "WRESTLING". WELL, WE WERE NOT SO MUCH WRESTLING AS GEARING UP FOR A MATCH! ANYWAY, WE DECIDED THAT OUR VALENTINE CELEBRATION WOULD HAVE TO CONTINUE AT WHATABURGER- WHERE WE HAD BREAKFAST AND PLAYED GIN. (THAT IS ONE OF OUR MOST FAVORITE THINGS TO DO). THEN, BECKY TOOK ME TO JAYBIRD'S BASEBALL GAME. HE HIT TWO GREAT HITS, AND CAUGHT A FAR OUTFIELD POP UP. HE IS A GREAT PLAYER. AFTER THAT, WE WENT SHOPPING. NOW, TODAY IS ALSO THE ANNIVERSARY OF CAHD. THIS STANDS FOR "CRAZY AS HELL DAY". THIS IS SOMETHING THAT BECKY AND I DO, MEANING THAT ON ANY GIVEN MOMENT, WE PICK OUT SOMEONE THAT NEEDS CHEERING UP AND DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THEM. IT COULD BE TO PAY THE TOLL FOR SOMEONE ON THE TOLLWAY, GIVE A FLOWER TO A STRANGER, OR JUST TO SMILE. ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, WE HAVE PURCHASED A MEAL FOR SOMEONE OR GIVEN THEM BUSFARE. WHATEVER SEEMS APPROPRIATE AT THE TIME. ANYWAY, WE STARTED DOING THIS A YEAR AGO TODAY. ON VALENTINES DAY, THE RECIPIENT IS EACH OTHER. WE DO SOMETHING WONDERFUL FOR EACH OTHER. SO, TODAY WE WENT SHOPPING AND HAD LUNCH. THEN, WE ENDED THE DAY BY GOING TO THE HOSPITAL AND VISITING BOBBIE JO. SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER! STILL GOOFY, BUT STEADILY IMPROVING. I AM SO HUMBLED BY THE GOODNESS OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER. I SEE THE MIRACLE UNFOLDING EACH DAY. SHE AND I HAVE COME TO A NEW LEVEL IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. FAMILY IS SO PRECIOUS, AND LIFE IS SO FULL, THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO. I THINK THAT BOBBIE JO, MARTIN AND MY MARTIN AND I ARE MUCH DIFFERENT PEOPLE NOW. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANA

A FUNNY MOMENT

HELLO ALL, I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS MORNING, AND WALKED INTO BOBBIE'S ROOM TO FIND HER SEMI-SITTING UP. SHE LOOKED VERY LUCID, AND I SAID, "WELL HI! I SURE HAVE MISSED YOU!' SHE SAID, "I HAVE MISSED YOU TOO MAMA". WHEN I SAT DOWN NEXT TO HER, SHE CROOKED HER FINGER AT ME TO COME CLOSER. SHE SAID IN A WHISPER, "MAMA, DO YOU SEE A LADY SITTING OVER THERE?" I SAID, "YES". SHE SAID, "I THOUGHT I WAS IMAGINING HER-EVERY TIME I LOOK OVER THERE, THERE SHE IS." I TOLD BOBBIE THAT THAT WAS THE NURSE THAT WAS WATCHING OVER HER. SHE SAID, "OH, WELL SOMEONE COULD HAVE TOLD ME, I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE WAS AN ANGEL OR SOMETHING!" I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD HELPED BOBBIE JO, AND SHE SAID, WELL I DON'T KNOW. I WASN'T EVEN SURE SHE WAS REAL!" BOBBIE JO IS STILL CONFUSED, THAT WILL TAKE A WHILE TO GO AWAY. THEN, LATER, SHE WAS CRYING. WHEN I ASKED HER WHY, SHE SAID, "I WANT TO GO HOME". I TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD GO HOME WHEN SHE WAS BETTER AND THE MEDICINE WAS TAKING EFFECT. (MEANING THE CHEMO OF COURSE).THE NURSE CAME IN WITH SOME MEDICATION TO GO IN HER NG TUBE, TO HELP CLEAR THE AMMONIA FROM HER BRAIN. SHE TOLD BOBBIE THAT SHE WOULD POO QUITE A BIT, AND THAT WOULD LET US KNOW THAT THE MEDICINE WAS WORKING. NEXT THING I KNOW, I HEAR GRUNTING AND LOOK OVER TO SEE BOBBIE JO TURNING ALL RED AND GRUNTING LIKE CRAZY. I SAID, "BOBBIE! WHAT IS WRONG?!!" SHE SAID, "I AM GOING TO POO, AND THEN I AM GOING HOME!" I HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT THERE WAS LOTS OF MEDICATION THAT HAD TO WORK, NOT JUST THE ONE. SHE WAS SO DISSAPOINTED. SHE REALLY WANTS TO COME HOME. THEN, WHEN HER MARTIN CAME UP TO SEE HER, SHE SAID IN A WHISPER, "MAMA WATCH THIS". SHE TOLD MARTIN, GET MY STUFF, I POOED AND I CAN GO HOME NOW." THE LOOK ON MARTIN'S FACE WAS PURE COMEDY. I EXPLAINED THE SITUATION, AND HE SAID HE WOULD WORK WITH HER. AS I SAID, SHE IS STILL REALLY DISORIENTED. AS I WAS LEAVING, SHE SAID, "MAMA, IS THAT LADY STILL THERE?" I SAID, "YES" AND SHE SAID, OH, I THOUGHT I IMAGINED HER." THAT PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP HER MENTAL CONDITION FOR NOW, BUT WE HAVE BEEN ASSURED THAT SHE WILL GET BETTER. IT IS SO WONDERFUL TO HAVE HER SPEAKING AGAIN, EVEN IF IT IS A COMEDY OF ERRORS.. OH, AND I STOMPED ON THAT STUPID CRACK TODAY, JUST TO FEEL BETTER.. TILL TOMORROW LOVED ONES, LOVE NANA

JUST MY LUCK!

SO, I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS MORNING DRIVEN BY CHERYL TRAHAN AND ROMI TURNER. I WENT UPSTAIRS, AND A LOVELY CNA WAS TENDING TO BOBBIE JO. IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO VISIT WITH, AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT BOBBIE JO IS STILL VERY MENTALLY LETHARGIC AND UNABLE TO RECOGNIZE ME. THE NURSE CAME IN WITH ANOTHER NURSING ASSISTANT, AND WAS CHECKING BOBBIE JO OUT- WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I BEGAN TO CHOKE. NOW, THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE MONUMENTAL CHOKING SPELLS I AM FAMOUS FOR- AND OF COURSE I SAT THERE TRYING TO BREATH, COUGHING AS HARD AS I COULD AND I JUST TINKLED ALL OVER THE PLACE. THE CHAIR, THE FLOOR AND ALL THE WAY TO MY SOCKS. THE NURSE IS SAYING, GOSH YOU SURE ARE RED- THE CNA IS POUNDING ME ON THE BACK, AND THE OTHER GUY IS LOOKING AROUND FOR THE CPR CART. I AM TRYING TO TELL THEM THAT I WILL BE FINE, AND SURE ENOUGH AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES OF LIFE ENDING CHOKING, COUGHING AND TEARS STREAMING, I WAS ABLE TO STOP. NOW, I HAVE TO CALL MARTIN TO BRING DRY CLOTHES AND HE SAID HE WAS ON HIS WAY. THOUGHTFUL WIFE THAT I AM, I TOLD HIM I WOULD WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE CURB (A LENGTHY STROLL) SO THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT WITH MD ANDERSON TRAFFIC. SO, I APOLOGIZE TO THE CNA, MOP UP THE MESS, AND KISS MY BABY GOODBYE. (SHE PUCKERED UP FOR ME). SO, I SQUISH OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, (I HAD BLACK PANTS ON SO I HOPE IT WAS NOT NOTICIBLE THAT I WAS WET) AND AM WALKING TO THE OUTSIDE CURB. I WAS ADMIRING THE FLOWERS, THE WEATHER AND STUFF AROUND ME. NEXT THING I KNOW, I CATCH MY TOE ON A CRACK THAT IS STICKING UP OUT OF THE SIDEWALK AND LITERALLY GO FLYING TO LAND ON MY FACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK AND HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE. SPLAT. LOOK LIKE A RUN-OVER FROG. I AM SO STUNNED THAT I JUST LAY THERE FOR A MOMENT. NO ONE IS HELPING ME, SO I FINALLY SIT UP. NOT MUCH DAMAGE, JUST ELBOWS AND KNEES, MY BAG IS STREWN EVERYWHERE AND MY PURSE HAS LANDED IN THE BUSHES. A SECURITY GUARD FINALLY COMES UP AND ASKS ME IF I AM ALRIGHT. I SAY YES, AND TRY TO GET UP. I CAN'T GET UP, I AM TOO WEAK. HE SAYS HE WILL HELP ME AND GIVES ME HIS HAND. NOW, THIS IS A BIG GUY SO I FEEL PRETTY SECURE IN HIS HELP. WELL, SHOOT, HE ALMOST FELL ON TOP OF ME. (I AM NOT A CUPCAKE YOU KNOW). FINALLY, I GET TO MY FEET, THANK THE MAN, GATHER MY SCATTERED STUFF, AND THERE IT IS. A BIG WET BUTT SPOT ON THE SIDEWALK. (GOSH, YOU NEVER REALIZE HOW BIG YOUR BUTT REALLY IS UNTIL YOU SEE A BIG WET BUTT SPOT ON THE SIDEWALK). I JUST TURNED AWAY, AND TRIED TO COLLECT MY DIGNITY UNTIL I CAN GET TO MARTIN AND THE TRUCK. I HEAR A SOUND SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE SOMEONE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH. BY NOW I AM IN TEARS, AND WHEN MARTIN SAW ME CRYING HE SAID, "OH NO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOBBIE JO?" I TOLD HIM THE WHOLE STORY, AND HE SAID, "WELL, AT LEAST NOTHING IS WRONG WITH BOBBIE JO". THANKS BUD. I JUST CAME ON HOME, AND FOUND A LOVELY SURPRISE. MY DEAR FRIEND KIMMY, (THAT'S WHAT I CALL HER) HAS MADE A LOVELY YUMMY CHOCOLATE DESSERT AND BROUGHT IT TO MARTIN. IT REALLY MADE UP FOR THIS MORNING'S FARCE. NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE A NAP. IT WILL BE A BETTER DAY WHEN I GET UP. LOVE, NANASEE

HEAVENLY FATHER WILL NOT LET US DOWN

WE HAD A VERY DIFFICULT DAY TODAY, BOBBIE JO IS UNABLE TO TALK, SWALLOW, SPEAK OR STAND. SHE HAD THE NG TUBE PUT IN FOR FEEDING AND MEDICINE, AND SHE PULLED IT OUT. I SAT AND TOLD HER STORIES ABOUT WHEN SHE WAS BORN AND WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG. I HELD HER AND TOLD HER I LOVE HER SO MUCH. SHE HAD NO RESPONSE. TWO OF THE DEAR LADIES FROM JARED'S BASEBALL TEAM CAME UP AND BROUGHT A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR 500.00, AND I BROKE DOWN AND WEPT SEEING HOW MUCH BOBBIE JO IS LOVED. HOW KIND THEY ARE. AFTER THEY LEFT, I CONTINUED TO TALK TO BOBBIE ABOUT LITTLE SILLY THINGS, AND SHE DID NOT SEEM TO KNOW THAT I WAS EVEN THERE. ONCE, WHEN I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM, SHE LOOKED AT ME, AND HER EYES GOT WIDE. I DID A LITTLE DANCE FOR HER, YOU KNOW A SILLY MOMMY DANCE. SHE DID NOT SEEM TO KNOW THAT I HAD DONE SO. I LEFT HER, WITH TEARS IN MY EYES, WANTING SO VERY MUCH TO HAVE HER COME AROUND. WHEN I GOT HOME, JESSICA, MY DAUGHTER WAS ASKING HOW BOBBIE WAS, AND I GUESS SHE COULD HEAR THE DISCOURAGEMENT IN MY VOICE. SHE REALLY BLASTED ME AND TOLD ME TO HAVE FAITH. AFTER TALKKING TO HER, I REALIZE THAT BOBBIE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS. JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO, THE PHONE RANG AND IT WAS THE HOSPITAL. MY HEART STARTED RACING, AND I ANSWERED. THE NURSE TOLD ME THAT BOBBIE JO WANTED TO TALK TO ME. I ASKED, "HOW?" SHE CANNOT TALK. THE NURSE SAID, SHE WANTS TO TALK TO HER MAMA. SO, SURE ENOUGH, BOBBIE JO GOT ON THE PHONE, AND SAID, "MAMA, I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL A DREAM". SHE THEN BEGAN TO CRY, AND HAD TO GET OFF THE PHONE, BUT NOT BEFORE I YELLED SEVERAL TIMES, "I LOVE YOU BABY, MAMA LOVES YOU!" THE NURSE SAID SHE WOULD CALL BACK WHEN BOBBIE CALMED DOWN. I DONT KNOW HOW SHE DID IT, I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY SHE COULD NOT TALK OR ANYTHING., JUST ANOTHER MIRACLE FOR US TO CONSIDER AND BE THANKFUL FOR. I AM ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING! LOVE, NANA

STEADY AS SHE GOES!

I DID NOT GET TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TODAY, BOBBIE'S FRIEND CARRIE NIX WENT AND SPENT THE DAY WITH HER. HER MARTIN LEFT WORK EARLY TO BE WITH HER TOO, THEY STARTED THE CHEMO TODAY. HE SAID SHE DID WELL, BUT THE AMMONIA LEVELS IN HER BLOOD ARE ESCALATED AND THAT IS WHAT IS CAUSING THE LETHARGY AND CONFUSION. THE MEDICATION TO CLEAR THE BLOOD IS A LIQUID, AND BOBBIE CAN'T SEEM TO SWALLOW VERY WELL, SO THEY ARE PUTTING A TUBE DOWN HER NOSE INTO HER STOMACH. THAT WILL HELP HER SO MUCH AND ALSO ANOTHER WAY TO GIVE HER NUTRITION. TOMORROW, SHE GETS THE BIG GUNS. THE CHEMO TOMORROW WILL TAKE 22 HOURS TO COMPLETE- I AM FRIGHTENED FOR HER AS IT IS SUPPOSED TO REALLY CAUSE SIDE EFFECTS. SHE IS A FIGHTER, AND IS WILLLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SURVIVE THIS. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN THE MIDDLE OF SUCH A SITUATION, TO SEE HER STRUGGLE SO BRAVELY FOR HER LIFE. I WILL HAVE MORE NEWS TOMORROW, THANKS ALL- LOVE, NANASEE

ANOTHER CONFIRMATION

HELLO ALL MY DEAR BLOGGERS- FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS. IT IS A THRILL TO READ THEM AND TO KNOW THAT YOU ALL ARE FOLLOWING THE BLOG. MY HEART IS SO FULL OF LOVE WHEN I READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE ROOTING FOR US- I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH. NOW, AMAZING NEWS!!!!!!!!

I ARRIVED EARLY TODAY AT THE HOSPITAL AND FOUND OUR GIRL JUST LYING THERE, NOT MOVING OR ANYTHING. I COULD'NT WAKE HER UP, AND I ASKED THE NURSE IF SHE WAS OKAY. NURSE SAID YES, SHE IS JUST HAVING A HARD TIME. SO, I PUT ON MY CHEERFUL FACE AND WHEN SHE BEGAN TO STIR, I SAID" WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD! YO MAMA IS HERE!" SHE SAID, "SHUT UP". OKAY I SAY TO MYSELF, SHE IS A BIT CRANKY. "SAY, DO YOU WANT SOME YUMMY BREAKFAST?" I ASK_ SHE SAID, "SHUT UP!" OH DEAR, REALLY CRANKY. OKAY, I WILL JUST SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU LAY THERE. "MAMA, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM", SHE FINALLY SAYS. OKAY! LETS JUST HOP ON OUT OF THAT BED AND GO TO THE POTTY. NOT SO EASY, SHE CANNOT STAND UP. IT TAKES ME ABOUT 15MINUTES, BUT I GOT HER UP AND TO THE BEDSIDE TOILET. SHE GOES. I HAND HER THE TOILET PAPER, (I OF COURSE HAVE ALREADY TORN IT INTO MANAGABLE PIECES) AND SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS, "I AM NOT A BABY YOU KNOW! I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF!!!!( HMMM, SHE SAID THE SAME THING WHEN SHE WAS BEING POTTY TRAINED). ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT, SHE IS IN A REALLY BAD MOOD WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING SHE IS IN A BAD MOOD. SHE EVEN USED THE "B" WORD A COUPLE OF TIMES, BUT I AM NOT GETTING MY FEELINGS HURT, I AM THE MATURE ONE! SO, IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS FAMILY LOVE AND BONDING, THE DOCTOR COMES IN. HE REPORTS THAT ALL THE BLOOD AND PLATELETS GIVEN THROUGH THE NIGHT HAVE DONE NO GOOD AND SHE STILL CANNOT HAVE THE FLUID REMOVED FROM HER STOMACH AND LUNGS. HE IS GOING TO TAKE A CHANCE AND TRY IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE IN THE TWO WEEKS SINCE SHE HAS HAD THE FIRST ROUND OF CHEMO, THE CANCER HAS REBOUNDED WORSE THAN WHEN SHE WAS FIRST DIAGNOSED. NO WONDER SHE IS IN A SEMI COMA STATE. HE THEN TOLD ME THAT THE BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT IS NOT A CO NSIDERATION AT THIS TIME BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO GET SOME KIND OF CHEMO TO START WORKING. SHE IS IN A VERY BAD STATE, AND WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW. SO, I AM NOW JUST TERRIFIED, AND JUST FALL INTO THE WORST STATE AGAIN, DOUBTING THE LORD AND EVERYTHING. BUT GUESS WHAT?!!!! WHEN THEY WENT TO REMOVE THE FLUID IN SPITE OF THE DANGER, THERE WAS NO FLUID TO REMOVE! JUST NOT THERE ANYMORE!!! SO, THEY CAN IMMEDIATLEY START THE NEW CHEMO. WHILE I AM STILL IN A STATE OF AMAZEMENT, OUR DEAR BISHOP CAME UP TO SEE HER. HE TOOK HER HAND AND TOLD HER NOT TO GIVE INTO HER FEARS. TO GET UP AND FIGHT. HE THEN GAVE HER A PRIESTHOOD BLESSING AND TOLD HER THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE DOCTORS SAID, NO MATTER HOW GRAVE THE SITUATION, NO MATTER HOW DARK THE HOUR, THE FIRST BLESSING STANDS AND SHE WILL GET UP AND WALK OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, WELL AND WHOLE. HE SAID IF THE DOCTORS GET STUMPED, THE LORD WILL ILLIMINATE THEIR MINDS AS TO THE RIGHT PROCEDURE. HE BLESSED EACH DOCTOR WITH THE ABILITY TO HEAR AND UNDERSTAND THE INFORMATION THAT HE WOULD GIVE THEM. AND IF, IN THE END, THEY STILL CANNOT FIND A WAY, THAT HE, HEAVENLY FATHER WOULD INTERVENE TO MAKE HER BLESSING COME TO PASS. SO, DEAR READERS, LET US NOT DOUBT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH A BRICK (MORE THAN FOUR TIMES)! I GOT IT. I GOT IT. SHE WILL NOT DIE! LOVE, NANASEE

A REVELATION

AFTER HAVING SOME VERY DISCOURAGING THOUGHTS THESE LAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE RECEIVED A REVELATION THAT WILL KEEP ME ON A STRONG PATH. THESE PAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN SO HARD AS IT APPEARS THAT BOBBIE JO IS NOT IMPROVING, EVEN REGRESSING. I BEGAN TO QUESTION THE BLESSING GIVEN THAT SHE WAS TOLD THAT SHE WOULD SURVIVE. I BEGAN TO MAKE EXCUSES AS TO WHAT HEAVENLY FATHER COULD HAVE MEANT WHEN THE BLESSING SAID, "YOU WILL SURVIVE TO RAISE YOUR SON AND WATCH HIM GIVE YOU GRANDCHILDREN". I HAVE BEEN THINKING AND JUSTIFYING AND REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME, BECAUSE THE DOCTORS ARE NOT OPTIMISTIC AT ALL- AND ARE TAKING VERY EXTREME MEASURES TO KEEP HER ALIVE. WELL, TODAY, DURING SACRAMENT, I KEPT THINKING OF THE PHRASE, "FORGIVE MY UNBELIEF", AS THIS HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH MY MIND CONSTANTLY FOR SEVERAL DAYS. I LOOKED UP THE PHRASE IN THE SCRIPTURES AND GOT A WONDERFUL SUPPRISE-IN MARK, CHAPTER NINE, VERSES 23-29 IT SAYS,
JESUS SAID NTO THEM IF THOU CAN BELIEVE, ALL THINGS PRE POSSIBLE TO HIM THAT BELIEVETH.
AND STRAIGHT AWAY THE FATHER OF THE CHILD, (A CHILD WITH A TERRIBLE DISEASE) CRIED OUT SAYING "HELP THOU MINE UNBELIEF""
WHEN JESUS SAW THAT THE PEOPLE CAME RUNNING TOGETHER HE REBUKED THE FOUL SPIRIT SAYING UNTO HIM "THOU DUMB AND DEAF SPIRIT- I CHARGE THEE COME OF OF HIM AND ENTER NO MORE INTO HIM.
AND THE SPIRIT CRIED AND RENT HIM SORE AND CAME OUT OF HIM AND HE WAS AS ONE DEAD: INSOMUCH AS MANY SAID, "HE IS DEAD".
BUT JESUS TOOK HIM BY THE HAND AND LIFTED HIM UP AND HE AROSE.
AND WHEN HE WAS COME INTO THE HOUSE, HIS DISCIPLES ASKED HIM PRIVATELY "WHY COULD WE NOT CAST HIM OUT?"
AND HE SAID UNTO THEM, "THESE THINGS CAN COME OUT BY NOTHING SAVE PRAYER AND FASTING".

SO HERE IS A VERY ILL PERSON, WITH LIFE THREATENING DISEASE, AND HIS FATHER ASKED JESUS TO GIVE HIM THE POWER TO BELIEVE. HE SAID, "FORGIVE MINE UNBELIEF" JUST AS I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR SEVERAL DAYS. THE CHILD WAS PRONOUNCED AS DEAD, BUT JESUS TOOK HIM AND HEALED HIM. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HEAVENLY FATHER LED ME TO THIS PASSAGE TO PROVE TO ME THAT HE DOES INDEED KEEP HIS PROMISES- AND I WILL FAST AS WELL AS PRAY FOR BOBBIE JO'S LIFE. I DO BELIEVE SHE WILL NOT DIE.
ALSO, TODAY AT CHURCH, IN RELIEF SOCIETY, THE DEAR SISTERS GAVE ME A QUILT THAT THEY HAD ALL WORKED ON. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL CHERISH IT ALL OF MY LIFE. THIS COULD BE A VERY DARK TIME FOR ME BUT THE DISPAIR HAS LIFTED AND I FEEL SO VERY STRONG. I AM READY TO FIGHT AND WE WILL WIN. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

TODAY IS SATURDAY

YES, TODAY IS SATURDAY. WHEN I WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT, "TOMORROW IS SATURDAY, I CAN SLEEP IN A BIT, GET SOME GROCERIES, FINISH THE LAUNDRY, HAVE DEAR RUSTY, OUR LOVING PLUMBER COME OVER TO START THE MASTER BATH, YEAH, I HAVE A DAY OFF! OKAY, TODAY IS SATURDAY, BUT HERE'S WHAT HAS HAPPENED SO FAR! THE LITTLE BOYS CAME OVER TO VISIT LAST NIGHT, (I HAVE MISSED THEM, ELI AND JACOB). THEIR MAMA, SISSY, BROUGHT MCDONALDS FOR THEIR SUPPER. SHE IS SO THOUGHTFUL. JAYBIRD WAS HERE TOO, (REFERENCE THE WRESTLING EPISODE EARLIER IN ONE OF THE POSTS). SO NOW, I HAVE 3 LITTLE BOYS AND A BIG ONE (PAPA) EYEING THE FRESHLY WASHED AND MADE POOL TABLE-BED, ALL THE WHILE KEEPING A SHARP EYE OUT FOR ME. ADD IN A COUPLE OF HAPPY MEALS, WITH LOOSE LIDS ON THE SODAS, AND YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH GUESS WHAT WENT DOWN. TO BE SPECIFIC, I DECIDED TO TUCK IN A BIT EARLY. AS SOON AS MY EYES CLOSED, THE MELEE BEGAN. ALL FOUR JUMPED ON THE BED, (POOL TABLE) AND BEGAN TO DEMOLISH MY EFFORTS AT A MARTHA STEWART MOMENT. OF COURSE, THE SODAS WITH THE LOOSE LIDS WENT FLYING, AND THE DOG TRIED TO GET A CHICKEN NUGGET. I BELIEVE THERE WERE SOME FRENCH FRIES IN THE CEILING FIXTURE, AND DEFINETLY A CHEESEBURGER IN THE PATHWAY TO THE BATHROOM. (OF THIS I AM SURE AS I PICKED BREAD AND CHEESE OUT OF THE MIDDLE BETWEEN MY TOES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT). I BELIEVE I HEARD SOMEONE SAY, "OOPS" ON OCCASION, BUT BY THEN THEN ONLY THING STILL STRAIGHT WAS THE FUTON MATTRESS ON TOP OF THE POOL TABLE, AND IT OF COURSE HAD NO SHEET OR BLANKET. THAT IS WHERE THEY ALL DROPPED. FLAT ON AN UNMADE FUTON. HAD SMILES ON THEIR FACES LIKE HOGS IN A CORNFIELD. FOUND THEM LIKE THAT THIS MORNING. IT LOOKED LIKE IT HAD SNOWED IN THE NIGHT. I MEAN INSIDE! THERE WAS POPCORN EVERYWHERE. THE POOR CAT WAS IN HIDING, AND BUSTER WAS STILL LOOKING FOR THE STRAY CHICKEN NUGGET. THIS IS WHAT I WOKE TO. IN A STUNNED MENTAL STATE, I POKED MARTIN IN THE GUT TO WAKE HIM. HE SMILED A SLEEPY SMILE AND SAID, "HEY, LETS GOT TO WHATABURGER FOR BREAKFAST!" GOOD IDEA. EXCEPT I STILL HAVE THE BOYS. AND THEY STILL HAVE BOY ENERGY. ONLY NOW, THEY HAVE HUNGRY BOY ENERGY. LONG STORY SHORT, WE ORDERED PANCAKES, THEY WERE EATING, AND AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN NEXT TO US SAID "HEY, YOU BOYS WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?' WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS! NOW, THE BOYS AND THIS OLD GUY ARE TRADING JOKES, LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THEIR PANCAKES. I AM, HOWEVER PAYING ATTENTION TO THE PANCAKES THAT COST 3.00 A PLATE, THEY ARE NOW IN THE BOOTH AND ON THE TABLE. I NOTICED THAT ELI LEFT A HASH BROWN STICK AND THINKING THAT HE WAS THROUGH WITH HIS FOOD, I SNEAKED IT INTO HASH BROWN HUNGRY MOUTH. ALL OF 20 MINUTES LATER, HE SCREAMED, "WHO GOT MY HASH BROWN?!!!!!" OF COURSE, THEY ALL LOOK AT ME- I MEAN, THAT'S RIGHT, BLAME THE FAT LADY. WELL NOW, HE IS IN TEARS, HE REALLY WANTED THAT HASH BROWN, AND PAPA TELLS HIM, "HERE BOY, GO BUY SOME FRENCH FRIES, OH AND GET A BIG ONE, NANA MAY WANT SOME OF THOSE TOO!" BY NOW, IT SEEMS THAT EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT IS LOOKING AT ME THINKING, "HOW COULD SHE TAKE THE FOOD OUT OF THAT CHILD'S MOUTH?" WONDERFUL. FINALLY, AT THE END OF THE FRENCH FRIES, (I WANT SOME KETCHUP, HE GOT A BIGGER ONE, THESE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SALT, WHY DID YOU ONLY GET ONE SUPER LARGE FRENCH FRY, THERE ARE 3 OF US) I GOT THE BIG NOTION TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING. BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY. SO, IT IS SATURDAY. I THINK I HAVE A DAY OFF. TIME WILL TELL. IF I CAN, I WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL TODAY. BOBBIE JO GETS LONESOME, AND HER MARTIN NEEDS A BREAK. HE IS SO LOVING- SHE IS LUCKY TO HAVE HIM. I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. SOMEHOW, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO BALANCE EVERYTHING. LOVE, NANASEE

THE CONFUSION BEGINS!

SO, AFTER YESTERDAY, BOBBIE WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL. IT SEEMS THAT SHE HAS FLUID ON HER LUNGS AND HER STOMACH AND HER LIVER IS ACTING UP. HER PLATELETS ARE VERY LOW- AND NOW THE DOCTORS WANT TO DO A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. HERE IS THE CONFUSION- THE PLATELETS ARE LOW SO THEY CANNOT REMOVE THE FLUID USING A NEEDLE LIKE THEY WANT TO. THEY REALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE TILL THE FLUID IS REMOVED. THE LIVER IS NOT HELPING REMOVE THE FLUID, AND ACTUALLY, COULD BE CAUSING MORE FLUID RETENTION. THE BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT CANNOT BE DONE WITHOUT ANOTHER ROUND OF CHEMO. THE CHEMO CANNOT BE DONE BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH FLUID- DO YOU SEE WHERE I AM COMING FROM?!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT WILL ALL BE SORTED OUT, BUT FOR NOW, POOR BOBBIE JO IS JUST LAYING THERE WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO BE DONE. SHE HAS A LOT OF PAIN DUE TO THE HUGE SPLEEN- THAT WON'T GO DOWN TILL THE CHEMO STARTS TO WORK BETTER. I WAS VERY DISCOURAGED UNTIL MY OTHER DOCTOR EXPLAINED THAT IF THEY HAD NO HOPE THEY WOULD NOT BE PLANNING A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT. BASICALLY, THEY BOMB HER WITH CHEMO UNTIL SHE HAS NO IMMUNE SYSTEM, AND THEN GIVE HER THE NEW BONE MARROW TO START MAKING HEALTHY BLOOD CELLS AND THE ABILITY TO FIGHT THE DISEASE. IT SOUNDS VERY FRIGHTENING TO ME, BUT DR. VISUS SAYS THEY SURE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I BELIEVE THE BISHOP- SHE WILL NOT DIE. IT IS HARD TO SEE FROM THIS ANGLE, BUT HEAVENLY FATHER CAN DO ANYTHING. I PRAY FOR HIS WILL. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

SHE'S BACK IN THE HOSPITAL!

I AM SO SAD. TODAY, BOBBIE JO WENT FOR A CHECK-UP AND HER OXYGEN LEVELS WERE TOO LOW. THEY PUT HER IN A ROOM TO GIVE HER OXYGEN, AND WHEN HER LAB REPORT CAME BACK FROM THE BLOOD WORK SHE HAD DONE, IT SHOWED THAT HER LIVER IS ACTING UP AGAI N. IN ADDITION TO THAT, SHE HAS FLUID ON HER LUNGS. HER PLATET COUNT IS WAY DOWN TOO- SO, BACK IN SHE GOES. THEY WILL TRY TO FIX HER UP ENOUGH TO START CHEMO ON MONDAY. POOR THING, SHE WAS DOING SO WELL. OH, AND MY GOOFY LUCK CONTINUES, THIS MORNING WHEN I GOT UP TO PUT THE DOGS OUT, THE WHOLE YARD WAS FULL OF WATER! I THOUGHT I HAD TURNED THE SPIGOT OFF LAST NIGHT WHEN I WATERED THEM, AND INSTEAD OF OFF, I TURNED IT ON FULL BLAST. I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT MY WATER BILL WILL BE. TONIGHT, JAYBIRD AND I JOINED JESSICA AND HER BOYS FOR A FUND RAISER AT CICI'S PIZZA FOR THE SCHOOL. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE IN CICI'S BEFORE! GOOD THING WE WENT EARLY! WE HAD LOTS OF FUN AND PIZZA. IT IS THINGS LIKE THIS THAT HELP US WHEN WE HAVE SORROW IN OUR LIVES. SO MANY FRIENDS STOPPED BY TO ASK ABOUT BOBBIE JO. SHE IS TRULY LOVED. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF HEAVENLY FATHER'S BLESSINGS. TOMORROW, I WILL START THE VIGIL AGAIN, STAYING DURING THE DAY AT THE HOSPITAL AND HER MARTIN STAYING THROUGH THE NIGHT. WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT HIM? TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

WELL, I GUESS WE HAVE THEM, ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT. FIRST OF ALL, MARTIN WENT TO PUT BOBBIE'S TRAY TABLE TOGETHER, (MAKING SNIDE COMMENTS ABOUT THE QUALITY OF OVERSEAS PRODUCTS) AND SURE ENOUGH, THE WHEEL FELL OFF AFTER HE HAD FINISHED EVERYTHING. THEN, I CALLED THE TAX OFFICE TO GET BOBBIE JO TAX RECORDS FOR THE HOSPITAL, AND THEY WOULD NOT GIVE THEM TO ME WITHOUT A POWER OF ATTORNEY. I HAVE A MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY, I SAID, AND THEY SAID, "NOW, ARE WE A MEDICAL OFFICE?" I THOUGHT, "NO, BUT YOU ARE A SMARTY PANTS!" SO, WE HAD TO BUNDLE HER UP AND TAKE HER TO THE OFFICE. OF COURSE, SHE COULD NOT FIND HER SHOES, SO WE HAD TO PUT DAD'S SOCKS ON HER AND HIS HOUSESHOES. POOR THING, LOOKED LIKE A CIRCUS CLOWN. SHE WADDLED TO THE TRUCK, AND OFF WE WENT. AFTER WE GOT TO THE OFFICE, THE POOR MANAGER LOOKED LIKE A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS, HE COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT WE ACTUALLY BROUGHT HER OUT. THEN, DAD DECIDED THAT WE WOULD GET SOME LONG JOHN SILVERS FOR LUNCH, AND WE TOOK THAT HOME. DAD WENT IN TO CVS TO GET SOMETHING AND I DECIDED THAT I HAD TO SNEAK A BITE OF THE LOBSTER BITES- I ALMOST CHOKED TO DEATH AS IT GOT CAUGHT IN MY THROAT. I CHOKED SO BADLY THAT I TINKLED IN MARTIN'S TRUCK. NOW I AM SITTING IN WET PANTS, AND CANNOT BREATH, AND TO MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT, I THREW UP IN THE PARKING LOT JUST AS MARTIN WAS COMING OUT OF THE STORE. WELL OF COURSE, INSTEAD OF HELPING ME HE HAS TO SAY, "COULD'NT WAIT TILL YOU GOT HOME, HUH?" I WANTED TO CLUB HIM WITH AN EAR OF CORN! (OF COURSE I WOULD'NT, BECAUSE THE CORN IS THE BEST PART). FINALLY, WE GET HOME. THANK GOODNESS! I TAKE A SHOWER, AND FIX BOBBIE JO'S LUNCH. JUST AS I SIT DOWN TO HAVE MY LUNCH, POOR THING SPILLED HER DRINK IN HER CLEAN BED! SHE JUST STARTED SOBBING. I CLEANED HER UP AND SHE WAS ABLE TO EAT, AND NOW SHE IS TAKING A NAP. I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT THE AFTERNOON WILL BRING. FOR NOW, ALL IS CALM, SO I WILL GO AND DO SOME HAND WORK. THERE IS A BABY SHOWER, ACTUALLY TWO COMING UP SO I HAVE TO CROCHET. YEAH, IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS ALRIGHT- BUT I WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT THAN THE ALTERNATIVE! MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

A SHOPPING DAY

HELLO ALL, BOBBIE JO IS HOME AND FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK WILL STAY DURING THE DAY WITH ME AND NIGHTS WITH MARTIN. SHE IS GETTING AROUND PRETTY WELL, AND TOOK THE STORE CART TO GO SHOPPING AT WALMART. SHE ORDERED NEW GLASSES, BOUGHT SOME NEW CLOTHES AND THEN DAD TOOK US TO LUNCH. SHE WORE A MASK WHEN SHE WENT OUT, AND OF COURSE PEOPLE STARED AT HER, BUT EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS FEELING BAD ABOUT THAT, SHE DID WELL. WE BROUGBT HER HOME AND SHE IS POOPED OUT FOR SURE. OH, AND I OPENED THE BANK ACCOUNT FOR THE "BOBBIE JO MIRACLE FUND". IT HAS BEEN 5 WEEKS SINCE SHE GOT ILL, AND IT DOESNT SEEM POSSIBLE, BUT IN A WAY, IT SEEMS LIKE IT STARTED YESTERDAY. MOST OF THE AWFUL SWELLING SHE EXPERIENCED HAS GONE DOWN, AND IT IS GOOD TO SEE THE REGULAR BOBBIE JO EMERGE FROM WHAT SHE WAS. I WAS NOT SURE THAT THIS DAY WOULD COME, ESPECIALLY NOT AT FIRST WHEN SHE WAS FIRST DIAGNOSED, BUT HERE IT IS. SHE IS NOT GREAT, BUT SHE IS STILL HERE AND WITH A TINY DEGREE OF NORMALICY! WELL, MORE TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE

A FUND RAISING WEBSITE FOR BOBBIE JO

HELLO ALL, I AM SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY TYPE! OUR DEAR FRIEND AND CHURCH SISTER HAS CREATED A WEBSITE FOR BOBBIE JO TO RAISE FUNDS FOR HER CARE. OUR FRIEND'S NAME IS ASHLEY BLAKE AND SHE HAS A BUSINESS CALLED "SCRIBBLIN SISTERS" WHERE SHE MAKES THE MOST INCREDIBLE VINYL SIGNS, T-SHIRTS AND OTHER FABULOUS THINGS. SHE HAS INCLUDED BOBBIE JO ON HER WEBSITE TO SELL T-SHIRTS TO RAISE FUNDS FOR BOBBIE. THE LINK TO THIS SITE IS:

www.scribblinsisters.com/bojomi IF YOU GO TO THE SITE, LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE AND YOU WILL SEE THE LINK TO THE SITE. ASHLEY HAS SEVERAL REALLY WONDERFUL DESIGNS- AND ALL SIZES AND COLORS. HALF OF THE SALE GOES DIRECTLY TO THE BOBBIE JO MIRACLE FUND. LATER, WE WILL HAVE BRACELETS, PINS AND OTHER ITEMS. ISN'T THIS SO GREAT? I AM SO HAPPY. IT TRULY IS A MIRACLE THAT BOBBIE JO HAS COME SO FAR- AND A REAL HONOR TO EXPERIENCE A MIRA CLE AS IT HAPPENS. THE LOVE AND PRAYERS FOR BOBBIE JO HAVE UNITED SO MANY OF US AND WITHOUT THEM WE WOULD TRULY BE IN DESPAIR. I THANK YOU ALL AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING- I CANNOT STAND ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY. OH, SHE IS COMING HOME AGAIN TO DAY, ONLY TO RETRURN AGAIN IN A FEW DAYS FOR ROUND NUMBER TWO OF CHEMO. WE WILL HAVE A BIT OF A BREAK FROM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, AND MARTIN CAN GET SOME MORE WORK DONE ON THE HOUSE. TILL TOMORROW, LOVE, NANASEE
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